The Little Seapony

After all of the decorations had been put up and Pinkie had had some time to calm down and reevaluate her situation, she decided it was time she headed on back to the cave. There was only one day left of the spell, and Pinkie really doubted that that was enough time to get anypony to fall in love with her. Even if she could somehow get another pony to fall madly in love with her in only a day, if it wasn’t Cheese, she wasn’t sure if she wanted it to happen. He was perfect! She just didn’t think anypony else could compare. With a sigh, she made her way to the mostly finished wooden stage in the middle of town. Although he had made it pretty clear that he had no interest in her, Cheese was still her friend, and Pinkie wanted to say good-bye.

Cheese stood beside the stage in his bright yellow hard hat, eyes glued to a blueprint of the stage before him. His pink tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth as he double checked the plans and compared it with the almost complete structure. For a moment, Pinkie just watched him, but steeling her courage, she forced a smile on her face and a bounce in her step as she approached him. If Cheese noticed the slightly deflated appearance of Pinkie’s hair or the lack of sincerity in her smile, he didn’t show it. In fact, once he realized she was there, he looked up from the blueprints and broke out into a large grin as if nothing had changed between them at all. Perhaps for him, it hadn’t, Pinkie thought. He wasn’t the one who had his heart broken after all. She pushed those unpleasant feelings aside. They weren’t important. It’s not like he chose to not feel that way about her. Sometimes these things happened. It wasn’t like he knew that he was ruining any chance of happiness she had by dooming her to an untimely death or anything like that. After a moment, she pushed that thought aside too.

“Are all the decorations put up already?” Cheese asked. “Wowie zowie! That was fast!” Looking around the town at all of the mostly complete preparations he said, “I don’t think there’s much else to do, but I really do appreciate all your help today. It’s really nice to have the opinion of another party pony.” He gave her a grateful smile, and then suddenly jumped up with a look of panic on his face. “I almost forgot!” he shouted. “Wait here! I’ll be back.” He zoomed away only to reappear a moment later with a small wooden box.

“I wanted to give you something,” Cheese announced as he opened the box and pulled out a rubber chicken.  He tossed it to Pinkie who sat back on her rump and caught it in her forelegs. “His name is boneless. He was the first rubber chicken I ever got and is what inspired me to be a party pony to begin with. You’ve been so supportive and helpful these last couple of days, I feel like you deserve to have him.”

Pinkie beamed. Cheesie was giving her a present? Maybe he really did care about her. Maybe there was hope after all! Her hair poofed up as she pounced the yellow stallion in a bone crushing hug.

Inside his cave, Discord was pouting. Not that he would admit it if a pony happened to rudely point it out to him. Nevertheless, it was, in fact, true. He had woken that morning feeling more well rested than he had in ages. For a moment, when he opened his eyes to find not Pinkie herself, but a stuffed version of her in his arms, he had panicked thinking that he had somehow gotten his powers back and turned her into a toy during the night. The panic quickly turned to glee at having his powers back, and then, just as quickly, turned to disappointment when he tried to turn her back and realized that, no, his powers had not been miraculously restored. Annoyed, he threw the plush on bed and looked for something to eat for breakfast. He opened up his cupboard only to find that there was not any food left save for a black banana that was too far gone for even him to eat without a troubling tummyache. Moodily, he fingered the magic-inhibiting arm cuff Celestia had strapped onto him. If it wasn’t for that stupid thing, he would be able to conjure up as much food as he could possibly want. Not only that, but Pinkie would be able to stay a landpony without having to seduce anypony. All of his problems could be solved if he only had his powers back. Couldn’t Celestia see that? Why didn’t she intervene? He knew she was watching him. At least, he hoped she was. Otherwise, all this nonsense with Pinkie was completely worthless.

With a sigh he lounged dejectedly on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. For some unfathomable reason, the cave seemed especially dull and lonely that day. He thought briefly of spying on Pinkie’s date to see how his suggestions went, but for some reason, watching Pinkie flirt and kiss with that stallion didn’t seem as appealing as it did the day before. He wasn’t jealous or anything, he staunchly told himself. He just didn’t like that Cheddar whatever pony. Pinkie could do way better than that sorry excuse for a jester! She needed someone with style and sophistication. Someone who made her sides burst with laughter, and would willingly mold the world to suit her every whim. Someone who was, well, not Cheese Sandwich. If only there was a way to save Pinkie’s life without having to have anypony fall in love with her. That would be the best thing to do. To tell the truth, the whole true love’s cure thing was so cliche and unchaotic, it gave Disord a headache just thinking about it. There had to be some way around it. A loophole or something.

“That’s it!” Discord shouted, suddenly rising. “I know exactly who I can ask for help!”  He chuckled gleefully and then ran off to the local post office.

“You want this letter sent off how fast?” the gray mailmare asked.

“Immediately!” Discord ordered. “I want it as fast as email!”

“Email?” the pegasus questioned curiously.

Discord ignored her. “No! Faster than email! I want it to get there so fast, that it is simultaneously here and there at the same time for a few seconds before disappearing in a blazing, fiery inferno!”

The mare scratched her head. “I’m not sure if that’s possible mister.”

“What do you mean it’s not possible? This is an emergency here!” Discord punctuated his outburst by slamming his fist onto the help desk. A few of the customers in line behind him, shuffled nervously. Even though they all knew he didn’t have his powers anymore, they still found the draconequus quite intimidating.

“Now calm down sir,” the mailmare said. “We may not be able to get your letter there that fast, but we can get it there and a reply back here in a couple of hours, if you would like. It’ll cost extra for the express delivery, though”

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” Discord replied, slamming down a bag full of bits that may or may not have been completely his.

A lot more than a couple of hours later as Discord waited impatiently in a nearby cafe, a rainbow haired pegasus dropped down from the sky with a letter in her mouth. “Finally!” Discord exclaimed. “What took you so long?”

The mare spat the letter onto the table. “It wasn’t my fault!” she shouted. “That stupid egghead insisted that I had to wait while she did some research before she would reply.”

Discord harrumphed at what he considered to be a poor excuse as he snatched the letter off the table and ripped it open. The mare grumbled something about ungrateful customers and no tips as she flew away, but Discord ignored her.

Dear Discord, it read.

Although I would loath to help you do anything at all after what you did to *MY LIBRARY, (oh and Flash Sentry and Spike too, I guess), your puzzle does intrigue me. I have to admit that at first I thought your letter was some sort of trick, but you do sound as if you are earnestly interested in the subject of transmogrification, and I am not one to turn away a honest scholar. You did say it was all hypothetical (although I’m not sure if I believe you), so I guess it won’t hurt to help.*

To answer your question on if I have ever heard of a seapony being turned into a landpony before, yes, I have read about it in several of my books. In fact, before the seaking cut off all ties with Equestria, it was common practice for seaponies to take landpony form for trade purposes, as I’m sure you remember. However, this transformation was almost always temporary, lasting no more than a few days at most, after which the seapony would return to the sea. Yet, this spell does not sound like the one you mentioned. The seaponies were not searching for a mate, nor did they die after their time on land was up.

I searched my books (what was left of them anyway, no thanks to you) about the subject and the only mention of any spell even remotely like this was in a book about changelings. As you know, changelings feed off of love and use it not only to fuel their magic, but also to live. Although the queen can survive for hundreds of years on only a few mere scraps of love, drones, once full grown, must find a mate to provide them with love within three days of adulthood or else they will die from starvation. The book also mentioned, that sometimes when changelings could not find a mate in time, they would kill the pony that rejected them and feed off their life force instead of their love but that was mostly hearsay. I wouldn’t -

The letter went on for several pages more, but Discord stopped there. He had read enough. Was it possible that Pinkie could be a changeling? He had been there at Celestia’s side during the changeling wars over a thousand years before. The changelings had always preyed upon ponies, but they were few in number, and as long as they didn’t kill anypony, Celestia had mostly let them be. However, their numbers had risen, and the number of ponies being reportedly kidnapped and killed by changelings had also risen until Celestia had had no choice but to chase them into the sea. The changeling Queen, Queen Chrysalis, vowed revenge, but nopony had seen or heard from them since. Discord had always thought they had all died off, but perhaps he was wrong. If Pinkie were a changeling, she was a very badly trained one. He did not remember changelings being that bad at romance, but he supposed it could still be possible. He put the letter back into its envelope and started back home. Pinkie would be back soon, and he had a lot to think about.

Pinkie arrived back at the cave only a few moments before Discord. He hastily shoved the letter under his mattress once he sighted her, but she was too busy fussing with a white box she had brought with her to notice. She placed the box on the coffee table and opened it. The sweet scent of cupcakes wafted over to the draconequus, and his stomach rumbled in complaint. He had only eaten a small dandelion sandwich at the cafe earlier, and he suddenly realized how hungry he was. “Whatcha’ got there, dear Candy?” he asked, walking over to the table.

Pinkie replied by handing him a chocolate cupcake. A picture of his face was done in frosting on the top. Surprised, he glanced at the rest of the cupcakes and noticed that half had his face on them and the other half had Pinkie’s. She must have had them specially made. That must have been very difficult to do what with her not being able to talk and all. Although he was starving, he suddenly couldn’t bring himself to eat the precious gift. “Why, thank you, Candy,” he said. “This was very kind of you.” Pinkie grinned at him in reply and a strange warmth spread from Discord’s chest until it filled his entire body. Suddenly, the question of whether or not Pinkie was a changeling didn’t seem to matter too much. All that mattered was that she was here with him, and for some reason, her being here made him very happy. That happiness was marred, however, by the fact that her happiness was probably because his seduction lessons had worked. Blast his sexiness!

“So I guess the date went well then?” he inquired hesitantly as Pinkie sat down and started eating her own cupcake. Pinkie nodded enthusiastically, downing the cupcake in one gulp, before pulling out a rubber chicken from her hair. She froze once she realized she had accidentally shown someone one of her hair’s strange abilities, but since Discord didn’t comment on it, she relaxed. In fact, Discord had noticed, but filed it under the ‘Pinkie’s probably a changeling but I no longer care’ folder that had formed in the back of his mind.

“Is that rubber chicken from that Spray Cheese pony?” he asked with a frown. Pinkie nodded again, before giving the toy a loving squeeze. Discord’s grip unknowingly tightened on his cupcake as he glared at the toy. “How wonderful,” he said between clenched teeth. Unable to watch Pinkie cuddle the infernal chicken anymore, he stood up with an extravagant yawn. “Well I guess I’m off to bed then,” he said. Pinkie held up the rest of the cupcakes with a frown.

“Oh I’m not that hungry,” Discord lied. “You can have the rest of them, Candy.” Pinkie’s eyes lit up and she proceeded to shovel the rest of the cupcakes into her mouth as fast as possible. Finished, she shut the box and then laid down on the couch, holding boneless tightly to her chest.

“And don’t even think about crawling into bed with me tonight!” Discord said as he watched her. Pinkie only nodded sleepily. “I mean it! I don’t want to be woken up in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare are something.” Pinkie snored softly in reply. She shivered slightly, and Discord glared at her. “Are you trying to catch a cold?” he spat under his breath. Grabbing a blanket from the cupboard, he gently placed it on her, sticking his tongue out at boneless as he did so. Apparently now that she had that rubber chicken, she no longer needed to sleep with him. Good, thought Discord. He would have his bed to himself again. He blew out the lanterns and put the slightly squashed cupcake he was still holding onto the nightstand, before crawling into his own bed with a sigh.

After a moment he switched from his side to his back. Then he switched to his stomach. Then finally to his other side, but it made no difference. It was all uncomfortable. Frustrated, he glared at Pinkie’s form in the darkness. This was all her fault, he thought, before grabbing the pink plush he had left on the bed from the night before and cuddling it tightly. He fell asleep feeling lonelier and more confused than he had in a long, long time.