Pony Fails

"There's another one over here!" Sunset Shimmer called out, pumping her shotgun.

"I saw five more hiding in the bushes," Rainbow Dash yelled back as she reloaded her pistol. "They had their dicks out like the perverts they are, too."

"UGH!" Sunset grunted in disgust.

A completely nondescript man darted out from behind a tree, making a run for the portal to Equestria. Sunset aimed and fired off a shell; the man's torso was reduced to a fine red mist as he fell to the ground with a scream. Off to her right, she heard five rapid pops of Rainbow's gun, followed by a chorus of high-pitched, bloodcurdling screams.

"Guess you bozos won't be gettin' ANY pussy now!" Rainbow yelled.

The portal rippled, spitting out Twilight Sparkle, who looked around at the carnage and grimaced. "Oh Celestia," she moaned. "This is horrible..."

"Yeah, and letting these jokers get to Equestria is any better?" Sunset replied as she reloaded.

A completely nondescript man, naked from the waist down, jumped out from behind the portal statue and tackled Twilight to the ground. She shrieked and kicked out from under him, then planted a booted foot on his back, leaned down, and violently snapped his neck. Chest heaving as she panted for breath, she let out a warrior's scream of rage. "THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" she yelled. "Where are they even all coming from?!"

Pinkie Pie rolled out of a bush, naked and sticky. "I...got...two more," she puffed and wheezed.

"OH MY GOD, PINKIE!" Sunset cried. "What happened to you?"

Pinkie shrugged as she stood up. "Eh. It's easier to kill 'em if they're distracted," she said. "Besides, even these weird nondescript perverts who all have the same name at least deserve to die happy."

A bus pulled up to the front of the school, and two dozen more nondescript men got off. The girls looked at each other and sighed.

"Here we go again," Sunset muttered.

Then a jeep driven by the Dazzlings roared up the street behind the bus. The terrifying staccato roar of a minigun split the air asunder, and the crowd of identical men were chewed apart by a hail of bullets.

"THERE'S MORE COMING!" Adagio yelled. "The whole city's overrun! Nothing with a pussy is safe!"

* * * * *

Sunset Shimmer's war journal, day 43. It's been tough, but somehow, we've managed to hold Canterlot High School and the portal to Equestria against the Anons...