Pony Fails

Twilight was in the middle of writing out her schedule for the week when the door slammed open, and Pinkie Pie bounded in. "TWILIGHT! I'VE GOT A PENIS!"

Twilight fell over. "You what?!"

"I've got a penis! A really really big penis!"

Twilight edged away from Pinkie. "Uhh...congratulations? I guess? I don't know why you're telling me...or why you think you've changed genders..."

"You've gotta help me!" Pinkie cried. "This is the worst penis that ever penis in the history of penis!"

"WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT WORD?!" Twilight cried, face red.

"I CAN'T!" Pinkie shot back, tears welling in her eyes. "I penis things and they come out penis! I can't even penis my own penis! Penis Pie! Penis Pie! PENIS PIE!" She broke down in hysterical sobbing, covering her face with her hooves.

Twilight frowned. "Have you gotten into any poison joke?"

Pinkie shook her head. "I haven't even penis anywhere near the Penisfree Penis!"

"Hmm." Twilight rubbed her chin. "Discord? No...this isn't his style. Besides, he's in Trottingham..."

"Penis make it stop," Pinkie pleaded.

Rarity totted in. "Good afternoon, darlings!" she said. "Lovely day we're having, isn't it?"

"Actually, it's a really PENIS day!" Pinkie Pie said sourly.

"Oh, oh heavens...I'm...not quite sure what that means," Rarity said, covering her muzzle with a hoof.

"Somehow, Pinkie Pie's gotten stuck saying that word at random instead of other words," Twilight said.

"How am I suppenis to penis my job when I can't even penis the Cakes what to penis to the customers?" Pinkie wailed. "My penis is ruined!"

"Calm down, Pinkie Pie," Twilight said. "I'm sure I can take care of this." Her horn glowed...then unglowed. She blinked. "O-kay...maybe not."

"Bit of a problem there, darling?" Rarity asked.

"There's a pretty strong lock on this spell," Twilight said, frowning. "I can force through it, but...until I know exactly what happened to Pinkie, it might do more harm than good."

"You mean we've gotta find the penis that did this to me?" Pinkie asked. "But...but...that could be anypenis! They might not even still be in Penisville!"

"I'm sorry, Pinkie, but..."

"Alright, I suppose this has gone on long enough," Rarity said. Her horn glowed...

Pinkie blinked rapidly. "Pinkie Pie? Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Party Pony Ponyville Party Pinkie Pie."

Twilight stared at Rarity. "How...?!"

Rarity smirked, tossing her hair. "You and Rainbow Dash aren't the only ponies in Ponyville who can pull off a master prank, you know," she said smugly to Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie's jaw dropped. "YOU?!"

Twilight stared at Rarity. "Rarity? But...but how...?"

Rarity rolled her eyes. "Please, darling. I might not have been born in Canterlot, I may not have studied at Princess Celestia's school, but I am still a unicorn. Who's best friends with an alicorn princess. Who has an extensive library with many, many books about magic." Rarity buffed a hoof on her coat. "I've been boning up, as it were." She gave Pinkie Pie a half-lidded stare. "Do remember that the next time you decide to spike my tea with curry powder, won't you?" With that, she trotted out, swishing her tail.

Pinkie stared after her, eyes half-lidded. "Peeeeeeeeeenis."