Pony Fails

In her short but eventful life, Fluttershy had seen many strange, exciting, and wonderous things.

The thing she was staring at, in the heart of Ponyville, was definitely strange.

"Hey Fluttershy! What's WHOA."

Rainbow Dash joined Fluttershy in staring at the puckered brown-and-black hole which hung in midair at about eye level. "What...what the hay is that?"

The hole made a hissing, wet rasping noise. A foul stench emanated from it.

Fluttershy covered her muzzle. "Ugh!"

Rainbow waved her hoof in front of her face. "NASTY!" She stared at the floating hole. "Okay, now I know what that is. But...it can't be...right?" She started flying all around it, her hoof over her nose. After a minute, she landed, peering curiously at it. "Okay, this is too weird."

Within ten minutes, a crowd had gathered. Rainbow had flown off to get Twilight Sparkle, who stared at the farting anomaly with a mixture of curiosity and disgust. "So Twi, what's up with this thing?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight shook her head. "Well...I know what it appears to be...and smells like...but it just isn't possible..."

The hole widened, depositing a sizeable mass of evil-smelling manure right at their hooves.

Fluttershy screamed and bolted for home.

"Holy CRAP!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

"Yep," Rainbow Dash announced, "it's a butthole."

A short time later, Princess Celestia had arrived, summoned by Twilight. "What can I do for you, my little ponies?"

Twilight pointed at the hovering butthole, her hoof trembling. "Have...have you ever seen anything like that before?"

Celestia blinked. "Oh my. What's that doing here?"

The hovering anus dropped another squirt of manure atop an increasingly large pile.

"That. It's doing that," Rainbow said.

"Celestia? What's going on here?" Twilight asked.

Celestia sighed. "This, my faithful student, is the Anus of Equestria."

"...the WHAT now?"

"You heard me. The Anus of Equestria."

Twilight frowned. "Okay, so...what?"

Celestia backed away from the Anus, which was slowly leaking putrid gasses. "For reasons too complicated, silly, and disgusting to explain, Equestria has its very own sentient anus." She frowned. "I don't understand what it's doing here in Ponyville, though. Usually the Anus of Equestria is in Hoofston."

Pinkie Pie suddenly fell over laughing like a hyena. "That...makes...total...SENSE!"

Celestia blinked at her. "Err..."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Don't mind her, Princess. Pinkie Pie sees Hoofston as her mortal enemy."

"...her mortal enemy is an entire city?"

"Just...don't ask." Twilight sighed. "Okay, so...what do we do about this?"

Celestia shrugged. "Beats me. I've spent the last several hundred years ignoring this thing." She took wing. "I'm sorry, Twilight Sparkle, but the Anus is upon you!"

Rainbow Dash laughed. "I told you that's how that saying goes!"

Twilight blew upward on her bangs. "Greeeeeeeat." She sighed. "There's gotta be some way to get rid of this thing..."

"Hey! Hey! Maybe you should...PROBE it!" Rainbow cried before dissolving into helpless, explosive laughter.

Twilight seized Rainbow Dash in her magic, shoved her head-first into the Anus of Equestria, then flew off in a huff.