Pony Fails

"And sho you shee, that...huh, your butt's getting huge, Sheleshtia...hurmh, whuzzIshayin'? Cut, cupboard, cunni...oh! Cutie mark. Yeah, that Cutie Mark on the Tree of Harmony, it'sh..."

Starswirl the Bearded toppled off the wooden stool he sat upon with a mighty thwump. The wooden tankard he was guzzling from rolled off under the table, spilling beer all over the floor.

"Huh. Who knew the great Starswirl the Bearded was such a lightweight?" Luna asked. "He consumed a mere...seventy-two pints of beer." She snorted. "Pitiful!"

"We should...we should maybe get him someplace more comfortable," Celestia said. Her horn lit up dimly, levitating Starswirl an inch off the floor and moving him...less than half a foot before he crashed back down, rolling onto his back and splaying his hind legs wide. "Oh my," Celestia said.

The two alicorn sisters stared at the unconscious stallion as one of his hind legs kicked and twitched periodically.

"For a pony so wrinkly, his scrotum is...quite smooth," Luna said.

"Yet so small," Celestia added. She blinked. "Wow, he really needs a bidet..."

The sisters finished off the last two barrels of ale the innkeeper had in stock, then retired to their castle, leaving Starswirl to the tender mercies of the tavern's middle-aged donkey wenches.