Chapters That night, everything was going to change.
It barely mattered if Shimmer's theory was correct. All the pieces were in motion; they had been in motion since the day Sunset had come to this world, scattered into orbits by the force of her arrival, inevitably drawing themselves back to her. We couldn't stop it now, even if we wanted to. That night, when everything finally came together, would be the night when the world that I knew would end. And when the sun rose, it would dawn on a new world for all of us - a world that, even a scant twelve hours before the event, I still couldn't imagine could ever be reality.
This is the story of the last day.
Shining Armour seemed constantly surprised to be in my room. We sat on opposite ends of my bed while we talked, and every so often his eyes would drift away from me and trace along my schedule, still surrounding us on all sides. Every time he did this, I wanted to disappear beneath my sheets and hide. I'd been okay with Shining Armour returning in the abstract - in fact I'd wanted nothing more since he'd left - but it was another thing to have him actually here, in my safe space, without the distance of time or space to keep him from seeing what an absolute mess I'd made of my life.
He had changed too, in subtle ways. He was still himself, still my loving big brother, and being close to him was like being with Princess; he filled a void in me that I hadn't even known was there until he'd left. But the changes were still there. I winced internally when I saw a hooked scar crossing the back of his arm, and when his right leg didn't bend all the way when he sat down. His horse-headed cane leaned against the side of my bed, mocking me from the corner of my vision. His face was harder, sharper, and as happy as he seemed to be with me, I could tell he didn't smile as much any more. I wondered what changes he saw in me.
Surprisingly, I was the one who did most of the talking. Shining wanted to know everything , not just about me, but about Princess and Sunset and the mirror portal. I filled him in as best I could. I told him that I'd only met Princess less than a week ago, after Flash Sentry mistook me for her while I was walking Spike. Obviously, I left out the part about how I'd had sex with Flash behind her back. In fact, I left a lot of things out. It was tempting at every turn to change the subject back to him; I wanted to know everything there was to know about Manehattan and his career. But talking about him meant talking about Shimmer. That wasn't something that I thought I would ever be prepared to do.
If I could, I would have said nothing at all. I'd learned in the intervening years that things were better if I didn't speak. It would have been better if I'd let myself fade completely, erased every mark I'd made on the world since he left, and simply let him mentally turn back the clock to the day before everything changed for us both. But he kept asking, this man who barely resembled the boy I'd grown up with, and I kept talking.
For about an hour, I stitched my story and my double's together. Every detail about Flash was jettisoned. Instead I spoke at length about my study friends, hoping to make it sound like I'd been tightly knit with them for years. I was much happier retelling the stories that Princess had told me, even if I only had a few. I explained the concept of the mirror portal three times. Shining was my brother, but interdimensional theory was much newer to him than it was to me, and I hadn't yet learned Princess' knack for quickly cutting off questions I couldn't answer.
"Okay, okay, hold on." He laughed and backpedaled with his hands. "So every part of her is mirrored except your crest?"
"That's right." I looked down at my skirt. I'd started wearing my familiar stars again, even if I still had mixed feelings about it.
"How does that work? I thought you said in her world it grew on her body."
"It appeared , the moment she discovered her reason for being. Her hair didn't naturally grow that way." I chewed my lip over this. "And I think that's the reason why. Crests and cutie marks aren't physical entities. They're the marks left behind when a chronokinetic string passes through a self-aware entity that's undergone epiphianic metamorphosis, which our eyes only interpret as a purely visual phenomenon, even though-"
"Twiley?" When I kept going, he gestured to stop. "You're using big words again."
I blushed and looked away. "Sorry."
Shining got his usual goofy grin on his face again. I'd missed that smile so much. "It's okay," he said. "I'm just a little out of practice. I'd forgotten how smart you are."
"I'm not smart."
The smile flickered. "Are you kidding me?"
"I'm not!" Instantly, my voice was back into lecture mode. "I absorb and successfully retain information at an accelerated rate compared to the average for my age group. I'm no better at using any of the information I pick up than anyone else. I'm nothing special."
"Hey, all I know is anyone who talks like that could run circles around half the people in my program. Some of my professors, too." He reached across the bed and ruffled my hair. "I could have used you during exams."
When I was nine, him touching my head used to annoy me. Now, I found myself leaning into his palm. I'd come to crave human touch so much over the past weeks, after spending so long avoiding it at every opportunity. It was a good thing I'd had the practice or I might have flinched away from him. "I'm sure you did fine," I said when he pulled away, speaking quickly to try to cover my pause. "You never really needed me."
"I didn't know how much I needed you until I moved away. I nearly tanked my entrance exams without you there to pester me to study."
We laughed, him with recollection, me with embarrassment. "Your grades are okay though, right?" I said with a flash of worry.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I get by with a little help from my friends." We both smiled. "It does get hard to keep up, sometimes. With school, plus my internship, plus looking out for changelings, plus looking after Shimmer. She tries to help me study sometimes, but I end up teaching her more than she teaches me, so..."
"Oh."
Shining's voice ground to a halt. It could have been from my tone or the way I stiffened against the sheets, or maybe he just instinctively knew, but he understood that he'd crossed a line. We sat in silence for close to a minute while he tried to pull words together and I tried to keep words from spilling out. "I'm sorry," he eventually said.
"You're sorry." I lowered my gaze and kept it there. I knew that if I looked up at his face again, all I would see was Shimmer wrapping herself around him. Disgust and fury crawled over me in nauseating pinpricks; my hands balled up into clumsy fists. "How can you be with her?" I said in a quiet, level voice.
"Twiley-"
"How can you be with her? " I exploded at him.
I lurched up to my knees, and the world fell away around me. My brain sparked, and the scene changed, and I knew that he could see it too.
Shining and I faced each other on an empty plain of bedsheets. He stood tall and unafraid, the same knight in shining armour that I'd always known. But sure enough, through the cracks in his visor all I could make out was Shimmer's leer. Clouds of rage flared up around me, obscuring my vision, and I knew that in their midst Shining saw something in me he didn't recognize. His hesitation at the sight gave me a cold thrill. Gone was the mask of the human girl that I'd been wearing; for the first time, I was showing him what I really was.
I lowered my head, preparing to charge, and readied my words like a battleaxe. "She's evil ," I spat, letting the fight begin.
"She's..." What I assumed was a protest never made it past the first word. Shining raised his shield against me, but didn't draw his sword. He gulped as I thundered toward him and fumbled for a few seconds before trying again. "It depends on your point of view."
"Point of- You admit it! You know she's awful." I snorted and swung my axe toward his exposed side. "She hurts people."
"And she helps people, too," he parried. "She puts herself through Tartarus and back to save people. She's earned the right to be a little cranky."
"Cranky?" I pressed my offense. "Is that what you call it? She's a bully, she's a sadist, and she likes it. She's a manipulative bitch who doesn't care about anyone's feelings but her own. She's-"
"I know!" Unexpectedly, Shining used his shield to take the force of one of my blows head-on, then used my momentary pause to ram me several steps back. "I know Shimmer's rough around the edges. Anyone can see she has some issues. Do you really think the only reason I'm with her is because I don't know what she's like?" He slammed his shield into my chest a second time, then settled back into his defensive stance. "I've lived with her for a year now. I've seen what she's like when she thinks no one's watching. Believe me, I've caught the brunt of a lot of her moods too, and if that was all there was to her then I would have left. I know it's hard to see, but there's more to her than just a bitch."
I fought to regain my footing. "And what is it that I'm meant to be seeing?"
"She's like..." Shining inched closer. "She's like a little kid on a playground, chasing someone she likes with a snake," he explained. "She's not doing it because she's evil, just because she doesn't know any better. She doesn't like to talk about it, but she lost her parents when she was young, and she never had anyone to teach her how to be nice. If she's rude to you, sometimes it's because she means it, but just as often it's just the only way she knows to show she cares."
I snorted, unconvinced. My twisted hoof scraped angrily along the ground. "So, what?" I snarled, butting heads with him. "When she mocks me with all the kinky ways she's fucking you, I'm supposed to just smile and take it?"
This rattled him, but his footing remained solid. "I'm not saying it's not a problem," he clarified. "It's just-"
"Excuses!" I cracked my horns against the side of his head, finally knocking him off balance, and followed up with a bruising blow to his side. "The Shining Armour I remember would never be with someone like that." As he stumbled I pursued, hitting him again and again, building up momentum. "As long as you're with her, you're telling her hurting people is okay. You're telling her violence is okay. You're telling her she can do whatever she wants to anyone, with no consequences!" I howled and swung my axe over my head. "You're letting her hurt me!"
"I was trying to say I'm working on it!" He flung himself backwards, out of reach of my axe, and landed heavily on his back. He took a deep breath, swallowing the anger that had flared up on his face, and braced himself for another blow. "Look, I can see that you're angry," he understated. "And I understand where you're coming from. But you're just going to have to trust me that there's good in her. She likes to get under your skin, but she never means to hurt anyone. That's not how she is."
I stomped onto his chest. "Typical of a bully," I growled, grinding down, "if she thinks she's the one who gets to decide whether or not she's hurt anyone."
"...I know." Shining laid his head against the ground. "I'm sorry if she's done anything to you. If you want, I can have another talk with her about boundaries. All I can say is that I promise you, she's better than she used to be. She just needs time."
"That's not good enough." I stomped down again and heard something crack. "What she needs is taking down a peg. Like, for instance, if her too-good-for-her boyfriend told her that he wasn't going to put up with her any more."
There was a long silence. "Are you telling me to break up with her?"
"Are you telling me you need me to?" I stomped down one last time, but not as hard. I knew that I'd won. "She's awful. You know she's awful. She's awful to me, she's awful to you, and she's awful to herself, and someone doesn't stop her she's going to ruin your l-"
"She isn't awful to me."
I paused. He was smiling. "You can't be serious."
"Strange but true." He grinned wearily at me. "She's a little girl with a snake, Twiley. And I'm the only one who knows how to translate. We might look like we're fighting sometimes, but deep down, she just wants me to look after her. I promise, she will never do anything to hurt me."
"Shining." I saw my opportunity, roared, and swung for his throat. "You know what she did to us."
Shining's free hand shot up. With lightning speed his fingers spelled out runes into the air, and the outline of his body began to blur. "What Sunset did to us," he corrected on the last stroke. The moment that my axe connected he vanished into smoke, and I stumbled forward, suddenly on my own.
Silence fell again. I took an aggressive stance and looked around warily, searching for any sign of my brother. "They're the same freaking person," I said, trying to draw him out.
"No they're not," he answered. A spectral hand traced along my tangled mane, vanishing when I whirled to face it. Despite the lightness of the touch, I felt noticeably heavier, some of the energy drained from me. "What Sunset did to us was evil," Shining continued, sounding like he was coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. "She broke my heart and made me think I hated you - and what she did to you was even worse. But she is not the same as Shimmer. And it isn't fair of you to project your anger for her onto someone who would never pull a stunt like that."
Light touches assaulted me from all sides, but whichever way I turned, all I could ever catch was flickers of smoke at the corners of my vision. I swung blindly, hitting nothing. "They come from the same place! If Sunset hadn't come through the portal, Shimmer would have been the one-"
"But she did come through the portal. And that changed everything." A ghostly hand grabbed at my ankle, nearly yanking me off balance. "Your origins don't define who you are."
"But your destiny does," I countered, breaking free. "They both have the same crest. Doesn't that tell you anything?"
"Modern sociology believes that crests have more to do with personal philosophies over a lifetime and less to do with any specific actions," he shot back. "Shimmer's crest is about being powerful and an inspiration to others. She already has that without needing to resort to petty revenge."
"Then why did she feel the need to torment me about dating you?" I anticipated his movement and caught his wrist, only for him to vanish back into smoke. Even so, the attacks stopped. "Once a liar, always a liar," I said, backing up. "I used to be Sunset's only friend. Even if she was wearing a mask, there were some parts of her she hadn't learned to hide. I've known her in ways you never could." For some reason, a ghostly snickering echoed across the plain, which only incensed me further. "She doesn't care about helping others. She's just needy and empty. Even when she's acting vulnerable, it's only because she wants you to give something to her." The laughter rose to a loud, distant chuckle, which was as confusing as it was infuriating. "She just wants to suck you dry!" I shouted, to a throaty guffaw. "She's no better than a changeling."
The laughter stopped. With a roar of wind Shining Armour rematerialized in front of me, and before I could move his hand was around my throat. "Don't you dare call her that," he said.
I grinned triumphantly. "Give me a reason not to." I swiped out at him, and this time felt something give way beneath my blade before he was able to disappear. The wind started to carry him away, but I'd caught his scent and gave chase. "She's a parasite," I yelled, gaining on him. "She'll use you until she has you where she wants you, then she'll break you to pieces just so she can laugh at you. I won't let her hurt you like she hurt me!"
"You mean, the way a completely different person hurt you when you were fourteen?" He spun around and flung smoke into my eyes, blinding me. "After meeting both Sunset and Shimmer, do you really not believe that people can change? After all those stories, do you think that you're exactly the same person as Princess?"
I staggered to a halt. Smoke filled my mouth, my lungs, strangling me. Shapes swirled in the obscurifying cloud, presenting memories to me faster than I could log and arrange them - her identical voice, her identical crest, the way her identical skin felt against mine. Her taste in drinks and her taste in boys; her choice of lifestyle and her choice of friends; the face she showed to the world and the face she showed in the dark. Differences and similarities stacked themselves around me, caging me in with the question that had been buzzing in me ever since this messed-up adventure began. "She's..." I choked out, but could go no further.
"She's not, is she?" Shining blew more smoke into my prison, flooding me with indecision. "She comes from a different world, a different life . No matter how similar you look, there will always be differences. Can't you see that Shimmer's the same?"
I staggered under visions of faces and crests and risque shower scenes, but that one name cut through everything else. Shimmer's evil leer flared up in the clouds in front of my face, and her laughter echoed in my ears. I gritted my teeth and rose up, shouting over her. "That... it... It doesn't freaking matter!"
Violet energy pulsed through me, rising like fire up to the tip of my horns, then crashed back down as I slammed my hoof into the ground. A massive shockwave blew up around me, blasting the smoke high and far and clearing my head of all distractions. In the near distance, Shining Armour was flung out of his cloud and tumbled to the ground fully-formed. I snorted, sending a jet of purple fire from my nostrils, and then charged.
"I shouldn't have to use science to justify this to you!" I yelled, swinging mightily. My axe caught Shining's shield and knocked him fully into the air, spinning him as he tried to right himself. "You know that Shimmer is awful. All she ever does is hurt everyone she touches. You shouldn't be with a person like that!"
"And why not?" Shining rolled out of the way as my blade crashed into the place where he had been. "I never asked you to like her as a person. All you need to know is she makes me happy. Isn't that enough for you?"
"And what about what makes me happy?" I kept swinging, either clipping or barely missing him each time. He kept dodging, but he was tiring. "What if I want to see my brother more than once, ever? What if mom and dad want to see you? What about the feelings of every friend you've ever had, other than her?" Anger plumed in me, rushing up my throat. "Or are you saying you don't care how anyone else feels, so long as you get whatever you want?"
Fire burst from my throat, rushing toward him, but Shining remained calm. He got to one knee and quickly drew another rune, and a gust of sparkling snow leaped from his fingertips, canceling out my flame. "I have friends," he said, rising, "at work and school, and none of them have ever been hurt by Shimmer. Most of them have never even met her. She prefers to do her own thing. And she's not going to steal me from you," he added, moving forward. I intensified my breath, trying to break through to him, but he remained resolute. "I have lots of vacation time saved up, and no one ever said she has to come with me. I can come back to visit any time I want. I don't have a reason to stay away any more." He narrowed his eyes. "At least, I thought I didn't."
A chunk of ice flew past my defenses and hit me in the eyes. My fire faltered and I stumbled back, swiping out blindly with a fist. "She's bad for you," I blurted desperately. "I know she is."
"I don't think so. Compared to when I met her, I'm only better for being with her." He hit me with another blast of ice, staggering me back another step. "And after this week, you'll never have to see her again if you don't want to. Is that what you want?"
I clawed at my eyes, trying to regain my footing. "Yes," I stammered.
"Then what the hell is your problem with her?" Shining advanced, blasting me again and again, freezing my face into a distorted scowl. "I'm happy, you don't have to see her, and nobody's getting hurt. Why are you so convinced that I'd be better off without her? Why is your grudge more important than-"
I played my trump card. "Because you were supposed to marry Cadance!"
Light flashed across me. I spun around, fire trailing down my axe, and hit him where it counted. His shield was ripped away from his body, spinning through the air before crashing down several meters away. Shining was flung with it, just barely catching himself before he fell. I caught a flash of blood; his shield arm hung limp and unmoving. But if Shining Armour felt it, he gave no indication. He just gaped at me, numb to all but what he'd just heard. "Cadance?"
"That's right." I swung upward, easily cleaving the helmet from his head. Again, he made no move as it fell away. "Princess told me. In her world, where Sunset never interfered, you're married. She was at your wedding. And your wife is the most amazing person ever. Someone who loves everyone, who always puts others above herself, and who's spent her entire life doing nothing but making other people happy. Mi Amore Cadenza." His stare was blank, so I leaned in close and made sure that he was looking me right in the eyes while I repeated her name. "Cadance."
A hollow wind trailed along the battlefield. I stepped in front of Shining and raised my axe over my head, executioner-style. "Shimmer is nothing compared to her," I said. "She should be your real destin-"
"Okay, okay, hold on. Time out." My axe stopped inches from his face. "I'm married?"
We were back on the bed. I shifted uncertainly. "Yes," I said. "To Cada-"
"I heard you. Just..." Shining closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Wow. That's a lot to take in. Just... just give me a minute."
He leaned back against the wall. I waited patiently, starting to uncurl the painfully tight fists that my hands had balled up into. "Wow," Shining muttered quietly, still processing. "Cadance..." He repeated these two words several times over the next few minutes, in various orders and with various intonations. It was hard to pick out a pattern, but I hoped I heard a spark of realization in there.
When he seemed to be winding down, I tried speaking again. "Shining-"
"I know what you're going to say," he said, cutting me off. "And the answer's no."
"But-"
"No, Twilight." His eyes opened. "I'm with Shimmer now. That's just the way things are."
"But they don't have to be." I stared up at him, pleading. "You know what I'm saying is right. You and Cadance were meant for each other, and I know she feels it too. If you could just explain what happened, there's still time to set things r-"
"It's not happening, Twilight. Cadance and I are done."
I felt a tear welling up. "But if you could just call her-"
"I did call her. Not long after I arrived in Manehattan." He looked down at the sheets, only a faint flicker of his mouth giving away that he was swallowing his emotions. "You didn't see her, Twilight," he said darkly. "After we broke up. She was like a ghost. She spent weeks following me around, asking what she'd done wrong. She started changing her clothes, then her hair, then her face , just to impress me. And when that didn't work, she stopped looking after herself. Spreading love was her whole life, and once her confidence was gone, all the other relationships she'd helped put together started breaking apart too. All those years helping others, and suddenly she didn't have a single friend to fall back on. And one day, she just... disappeared. She left town without telling anyone, and we never saw her again."
He sighed, a sigh that shattered through me as I felt my own heart breaking. "The first thing I did when I was out of the hospital was try to find her. I wanted to tell her I hadn't been thinking with my head, and I was sorry, and I wanted her back. It took me a week and a lot of favours to track down a new number for her. But when I finally did get her on the phone, she didn't want anything to do with me. I tried to apologize, but I don't think she listened to a word I said. She just said something about the Clockwork Empire and then hung up. Twenty minutes later, that number was disconnected. That was the last I ever heard from her."
Cold shock fell over me. Just the same as it must have fallen over him, when it first happened. "But... But you can't give up that easily," I protested.
"Watch me."
"No, you can't ," I insisted. "You love her."
"...Yeah. You're right." He put a hand heavily over his heart. "I loved her." He closed his eyes. "And... deep down, I think part of me always will. I'm happy for that other me, the one who got to be with her. I'm happy for her, too. I bet they're really... happy together." He opened his eyes and fixed his gaze on me. "But I'm not that guy. And this isn't that world, Twilight, and you need to accept that. I'm with Shimmer now. And no matter what you say to me, that's not going to change."
The word no crossed soundlessly over my lips several times. My body trembled, and if I'd been standing I would have had to lean on something or risk crumbling. This couldn't be real. I was supposed to be the monster; I was the one who'd failed to set things right. Yet here was my brother, strong and incorruptible, spitting in destiny's face - and worse, he didn't even care. I swayed as the crest on his shirt blurred before my eyes. Don't cry. Don't cry. Wetness trickled down my cheek, even as I covered my face to dam it up. Cadance...
"Twilight?" The bed creaked as Shining moved toward me. I started to turn away, but his broad fingers lifted my hands away from my face. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
I didn't look at him. "No, I... It's okay. It's not your fault." I understood. The whole sequence played itself out inside of me, one great cosmic mechanism, exploding outward from the place where Sunset had entered it. Lines that had once run parallel had been flung apart; this was no one's fault, not even hers. He had been taken away from me, and Cadance from us both. The lines of destiny had been erased. He couldn't be held accountable for that.
But then... but then some of the lines had come back together.
"Why her?" I whispered.
"What?" Shining said, not hearing.
"If you couldn't be with Cadance..." Fire shot through my eyes, and I ripped my hands away from him. "Then why would you be with her ?"
I shoved him away, and suddenly my axe was in my grip again. I bellowed, an inhuman roar that echoed across the landscape, while Shining Armour darted away from me. I couldn't make out my brother in what he'd become any more; all I could see was Shimmer wearing his clothes.
My enemy quickly started to draw another rune, but I thundered after him with fire in every step. "You could have been with anyone!" I screamed, swatting down his motions with the flat of my blade. "A doctor! A lawyer! A princess! And instead you chose scum ?"
He fell and scrambled around me, trying not to get trampled. "Twilight, I'm not as much of a catch as you think I am!" he protested, diving low to pass beneath my legs. "Things have changed. She chose me, when no one else would have."
"So you think you can't do better than her?" I spun and kicked him into the air. "Did she tell you that?"
"No! I just mean..." He landed heavily and rolled onto his feet. "I was in a bad place in my life, and she helped me out of it. I'm only myself again because she inspired me to put the past behind me."
"Oh, I see how it is." I grunted triumphantly and leaped, aiming for the heart. "She picked you up when you were vulnerable, and now you're stuck with her!"
"Yes! I mean... no. No!" He dodged too late. My axe struck him in the chest, buckling his armour, and when he pulled away wet blood trickled down his front.
"I've heard that story before." As he staggered from pain I picked him up by his throat, breathing foul heat into his face. "That's exactly what Sunset did to Flash Sentry."
Shining choked, wincing away from me. "It's not... like that..." he protested.
"It is. It's exactly like that." I shook him hard. "And the best day of Flash's life was when he realized how wicked and manipulative she was. You're being used , Shining." I shook him again, delighting in how his limbs spasmed. "Do you really think Shimmer cares even a little about you?"
He glared with Shimmer's pointed eyes. "I know she does."
"How? Has she ever said it?"
This caught him. "I... She doesn't have to!" he cried. His voice was getting weaker. "That's not how she is. She shows it in other ways."
"Like what?"
He struggled again. "...Little things."
"Admit it. You're just a toy to her." My fingers tightened. "And you might not see it now, but you have no idea how much happier you'll be once you get rid of her. I know it'll hurt, but Shining, this is for your own good."
His grin flickered back onto him. "Then I guess... you haven't considered..." As his voice got softer, his arm started to move. "That I'm... manipulating... her!"
In a sudden motion, Shining swung his legs up and kicked out for my stomach. I jumped back and knocked him aside with the handle of my axe, but this had just been a ruse; my motion covered his movements as his good arm finished his third rune, blasting me in the chest with a bolt of white lightning. I dropped him as I was flung back, barely keeping my grip on my axe. I immediately lunged forward again but my movements were jerky, slowed by rapidly fading lines of paralysis. "What?" I said as my muscles cleared.
"I'm her good influence. I'm the reason she's better." Crippled as he was, Shining still found it in himself to stand strong. Lightning crackled in his fist, and the smile was back on his face. With every word, the light he held grew stronger. "She taught me anger. I taught her patience. She taught me to forget the past; I taught her to remember the future. She taught me how to assert myself, and I taught her that she can't always have what she wants. We're good for each other." He straightened up fully, bright energy winding across him like a snake. "It balances out. Every time she tries to corrupt me, I end up purifying her in return. You think she's bad now? Before me, her lifestyle was going to destroy her. I pulled her out of a dark place too. And the only way she's ever going to get better is if she has someone looking after her!"
Thunder boomed in his grasp, and I had to shield my eyes from him. Blinding light burst from the storm that Shining held as he kept talking. "You know that heartbreak only leads to more heartbreak. The only way to wash the hate out of someone is to make them your friend. So you're right! Shimmer has problems!" He raised his fist toward me, having to shout over his own power. "But I can help her!"
I braced myself, but still didn't see the beam before it struck. A maelstrom of light and sound crashed into me. I shielded myself with my axe, cutting off the worst of it, but the beam grew stronger with every passing second. My hooves started to scrape backwards over the ground, leaving deep gouges. Serpents of lightning flickered past the edges of my defense, sinking their fangs into my arms and numbing my warped flesh. I clenched my teeth and stood against it. No matter what, I didn't dare let this tactic of his penetrate me.
Because I knew where I'd heard this story before.
"Please, Twilight," Shining begged, his words cutting through the storm. "You have to understand. I'm just trying to do the right thing."
My arms weakened. More and more lightning spilled over into me, not painful but soothing, calming. My matted fur began to burn away, revealing smooth, lavender skin beneath. The fire within my nostrils began to die.
But my eyes narrowed. The stone that was my heart cracked, and instead of blood, hot, searing acid spilled out. Every bite on me began to bubble, disfiguring my skin as I expelled venom - Shimmer's venom - from every pore. With my head, I began to push back. The storm shrieked in a familiar voice as I slowly twisted my blade, took one heavy step forward, and then, with a long, disharmonious cry, cleaved my brother's attack in two.
The storm split and flashed away in all directions, thundering and wailing before finally fading away to nothing. In the long silence that followed, I took several deep, quiet breaths. The skin that had been exposed was cracked and slick with pus, my hands scoured raw from the force. But my head was intact, and fell into further shadow than ever when I raised it again. "I can't believe you," I said.
Shining stayed still, his arm still raised. Judging by his expression, he'd genuinely expected that this would be the blow that felled me. "Uh," he said.
I bared my teeth and screeched. "You mean your whole relationship is built on lies ?"
Before he could react, I was on him.
"Why can't you get it through your thick! Stupid! Head! " I screamed, pounding on his skull. "Shimmer acts like she does because she likes it! She doesn't want to be better, she doesn't deserve to be better, and she does not! Deserve! You! "
To his credit, Shining didn't crumble even as I pummeled him. "You don't believe in forgiveness?" he tried, shooting a smaller bolt of lightning into my chest, which simply bounced off.
"I believe in protecting my family!" Blood and spittle flew from his mouth as I struck him again and again. "She is not the woman you deserve! You think this is healthy? You want to spend the rest of your life with her ?"
He looked away, trying to cover up as he fought for balance. "I don't know, maybe?"
I crashed my head into his, knocking him down. "Idiot! Do you think she'd ever agree to marry you?"
"We... we haven't really talked about it!"
I wound up and kicked him somewhere I knew it would hurt. "Would you ever trust her to be the mother of your children?"
"Well..." He winced, but seemed strangely unfazed. "I mean, we both got our tubes tied more than a year ago, so that was never really an option to begin w-"
My wordless scream of outrage was all the warning he got as I swung for him. Shining twisted and my blade struck the ground between his legs, missing him by a hair. He scrambled backwards, firing ineffectually again as he picked himself up. "If it wasn't me, it would be some other guy," he said. "At least I can reign her in!"
"That's her problem, not yours!" I leaned over him, and made sure he could see the fury in my eyes when I struck him again. "What about what you need? What about trust? Kindness? A future? Not someone you can't even trust to leave alone with your sister!" Fire rolled away from my mouth, the heat blistering his face. "Why. Her?"
Shining didn't answer.
I snorted and flung him away from me, bashing him against the ground. "Is it because she gets you off?" I lashed out. "Is that it? All this time, and you still can't think with anything but your penis? Do you just not care as long as you get to fuck her?"
His stance turned defensive. "So what if she does?" he said. "We're adults! What would you know about it? Have you even had sex with anyone?"
He seemed to regret that as soon as he said it; the bolt he fired flew wide over my shoulder. In turn, I completely ignored it. "Is it because she makes you feel strong?" I struck again, hearing a satisfying crack as his rune was dispelled. "Like a brave knight, defending his fair princess? News flash! She's no princess, and you never needed her!"
This time, not so much as a peep.
"Then what?" I grabbed his head and squeezed. "She does nothing for you. She only takes and takes, and you'd be stronger and happier with anyone else. So answer me!" I crushed him, feeling blood rush and bones creak beneath my fingers. "WHY HER?"
The force of his answer made me drop him and stumble back. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"
And Shining Armour drew his sword.
A gust of rose-scented wind pushed me back. I only had a second to look at him with his pearly blade unsheathed, and for the second time in my life I saw real anger in his eyes. And then he struck. "How dare you."
I'd thought his lightning had been fast, but I never could have prepared for this. With a single strike he cleaved my axe in half, and I felt a biting coldness in my chest as I fell away. "Do you want to know why I'm with Shimmer?" he said. "Because she's there for me. She's always been there for me. She supports everything I do, and she's never told me what I can or can't do. And at the end of each day, even if we have problems, we always find a way to solve them and we always stay together! And that's somehow not enough for you?"
His attacks hit me faster than I could follow them. "I'm with Shimmer because I love her," Shining continued, cutting deeper, "and I don't need another reason." His wounds began to heal themselves, armour filling out from the inside. "She's the most amazing person I know, even with all her problems. It makes me happy when she's happy. When she's gone, I feel like something's missing. And I don't just want to spend the rest of my life with her, I know that I will be, even if it's hard. Because despite everything you've said, and despite all she's done, I know that there is nothing she could ever do that would make me stop loving her. If you'd ever been in love then you would understand that. I guess you don't."
My flame completely went out as I felt something inside me puncture. His sword flashed back and forth, slashing and piercing me, leaving a hundred biting chills all over my body. His helmet rematerialized and I caught a flash of emerald eyes before his visor fell back down. I dropped the broken handle of my axe and tried to raise the rest against him, but I felt like I was moving in slow motion. "Shining..."
"I don't know what you thought this meeting was about, but I didn't come here to get your permission." His blade shattered mine and ripped it from my grip completely. "I thought that we could be a family again. But if this is all you care about, then maybe we shouldn't meet like this any more. I don't want to have to defend myself every time I see you. After all this time, isn't it enough that we're together again?"
I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. Retorts died inside me before they could reach my limbs. Momentum carried me; with one final thrust from him, I crashed down to the ground. Shining put his foot on my bleeding chest, weighing me down. His sword found a home under my chin. "I love Shimmer," he said, crushing that into me one last time, "and I will never let anyone hurt her. Not even you."
I had nothing. I was utterly broken. All I could do was twist myself defiantly toward him, leaning into his sword, and spit red onto the blade. "So you love her more than you love me?"
Silence took us again.
Shining stared at me for a long time. Ever so slowly, expecting an attack at any second, he lifted his blade away from my throat. Carefully, he wiped it off and sheathed it. "Twilight..."
His foot left my chest. I twitched, but couldn't have moved if I'd wanted to. He lifted up his helmet and threw it aside. I braced myself for a shock of crimson hair, but it was Shining Armour who looked down on me, my brother and no one else. "Twilight, you're my little sister," he said. "Nothing can ever take that away from you."
He knelt down and lifted me up. When I didn't have the strength to stand, he helped me to my knees. I let out a weak growl, but he shushed me. "I'm sorry that there are parts of my life that I can't share with you," he said. "If I'd known how you felt about Shimmer, I would have tried to keep her away from you. I just want you to remember that this doesn't change how I feel about you. Okay?" Having to stretch, he wrapped his arms around me. "I love you, Twilight. I should have been there to protect you too. I never should have let you go."
His exposed flesh was so close to me. One simple twist of my head, one thrust of my horns, and I could tear his throat open. Just one motion, just one moment, just one word:
"Choose."
And he would fall away from me. His blood would spill lifeless onto the ground. He would be gone, never to hurt, never to love, never to speak another word to me again. And everything would go back to the way it was before.
I lay limp against him. He didn't let go, even as he struggled under my weight and my wounds oozed onto his skin. "Shining?" I eventually said.
"Yeah?"
"I pretended to be Princess and had sex with Flash behind her back."
He thought on this for a while.
"That's fucking hilarious."
He didn't let go. He just kept holding me, monster that I was. And after a while, slowly, haltingly, and then desperately, I hugged him back.
We held that position as the world that we'd created faded. The battlefield vanished and my room took its place, depositing us back on my bed. My face untwisted into one that fit perfectly into the crook of his shoulder. He enveloped me, keeping me steady as I shook. "This isn't right," I mumbled.
"I know."
"We're completely off the rails. None of this was ever supposed to happen."
"Who says we need rails?"
"The universe does."
"Maybe it doesn't. We're all strong people. We've all found our destinies, even if we got thrown a little off course." Shining nuzzled me. "And I don't believe for a second that it was just random chance that brought us back together. Not when our crests have given us these roles to play. Look, I know that you think of things like McCarthy as just concepts that people use to explain destiny strings, but... I've never been able to lose the feeling that on some level, all of this was meant to happen."
I thought over the events of the past two weeks. "No," I said, shaking my head. "I can't imagine that McCarthy ever meant for this."
A light tapping broke us apart from each other. My heart raced until I recognized Princess outside my window, hanging from a rope and knocking. "Hey," she said, waving. "Do you know there's a grappling hook stuck in your gutter?"
I hopped down from my bed and managed to disguise my shaking limbs long enough to let her in. She brushed past me, beaming when she saw my brother. "Shining! How are you..." She slowed when she caught his expression, and stopped when she turned and glimpsed mine. "Is... everything okay?" she asked.
Shining looked at me uncertainly. "Well..."
"It's fine," I said quickly. "Just a little emotional." I looped my arm around hers and tried to make it seem natural, but desperately leeched off of the soothing feel of her skin against mine. "What are you doing here? I thought you were working with Shimmer on that machine."
"Oh, well... She doesn't need me at the moment." She avoided our gazes and picked at something on her skirt. "She and Sunset are trashing Canterlot's science lab to get supplies."
"You left them alone together?"
"Applejack and Pinkie Pie are supervising. Of course, I think Applejack was more concerned with getting Shimmer to stop breaking things. She did go through an awful lot of thermometers during our tests..." She got a funny little smile on her face. "You know, I still can't believe mercury is lethal in this world. My horn alone used to be ten percent mercury. I almost killed myself in my first month here because I could still hear my mom pestering me if I didn't eat my-"
Right on cue, I heard an all-too-familiar creak from the stairs, and froze up a full second before the others did. "Twilight! Shining! I'm coming up!" my mom called.
I caught a quick grin from Princess, but it disappeared as she remembered where she was. "Eep! Bad timing. Just a sec!" she yelled, looking around in a panic. She took half a step towards the window, accidentally yanking me along with her, but hesitated when she considered the risk and logistics. We glanced at each other. Simultaneously, we went for my closet.
As my mom's footsteps drew near, Princess reached my closet and threw it open. She ran her eyes over the contents, doing a quick analysis; I was sure that some part of her was admiring the efficient layout, or silently despairing at how few clothes I actually owned. It only took her a moment to choose a spot between my skirts and the laundry hamper. The moment she went for it, though, I pulled her back and shoved her toward the bed, then jumped into the closet myself, knocking clothes aside to make room. Before the others could say anything, I shut them up with a glare and pulled the door shut. A second later, my mom burst into the room.
"I brought ice cream !" she singsonged.
Of course.
Of course she did.
Spike sprung into the room at her heels, yapping like a little kid, which (hopefully) provided enough of a distraction to let Princess recover. "Thanks, mom!" she chirped. The sound of a hug followed, then a tiny gasp. "Is that-?"
"I know! I haven't made this in a long long time. It took me ages to find all the ingredients again."
"Mom." There was a blush in Shining's voice. "You didn't have to."
"I know, I know. But some things never change." She kissed his cheek. Maybe his forehead. "And no matter how old you get, there are some things you'll always need."
I knew. I knew from the moment I heard her footsteps; I knew from the first time Shining and I raised our voices. It had been inevitable from the moment he set foot through the door.
Peanut butter ice cream.
It was dumb. It was literally just peanut butter and ice cream in a bowl, and sometimes a caramel square or whatever happened to be lying around in the kitchen. My dad had invented the tradition by accident when we were kids; whenever Shining and I started to argue, he would whip up the first three things he could find in a bowl and distract us with it. By the time we'd lost interest in the food, we'd usually forgotten what we were arguing about. Over a couple of months the method was refined to what was, embarrassingly, our one and only family recipe. He stopped when we were older and started to catch on, but our mom brought it back when Shining was in high school because we fought less and it made us laugh. It was mostly because of this that I could honestly say that my brother and I had never had a real fight. But then he'd left, and it was all my fault, and no one had ever mentioned it again.
"Oh my gosh!" Princess nearly bowled my mom over with a hug. "Mom, I love you." She paused. I knew the gears in her head were turning, and I imagined her giving Shining Armour a knowing glance. Now she knew what she'd interrupted. But she took the bowl anyway.
I slid down the wall and covered my head with my arms. Outside, Princess was getting her first real taste of home in years; inside, all I could do was listen to her coo over what I'd been deprived of for twice as long. I clenched up into a tight ball to resist the urge to kick the door. It wasn't fair.
"Sweetie, have you been enjoying your visit?" my mom asked Shining over the sound of Princess stuffing her face.
"Yeah, mom," he said, punctuated by the scuffling of what could only be Spike jumping on his lap. "I missed this place. I'll try to come back more often from now on."
"Wonderful. I trust you two are... getting along?"
"...Yeah, mom. We're fine."
"Good." She had her own gears-turning pause, and I wondered just how much of our argument she'd been able to hear. I was glad I'd spared myself the warning look she was no doubt throwing at Princess. Even without seeing it, though, I still flinched. "I'll leave you alone, then. If you need anything, I'll be right downstairs."
"Thanks. Love you, mom."
"Love you mom!" Princess parroted with her mouth full.
"I know, sweethearts. I know." I heard her footsteps creak away, but they stopped in the doorway. She turned. "Oh, and one more thing..." I could hear the smirk in her voice. "Who's in the closet?"
They both froze. "Um..." Princess said.
"Mom, it's..." Shining scratched the back of his head, probably to hide his face. "It's... my girlfriend."
"Your...!" My mom stayed there for just a second more, then squealed and shut the door, giggling like a schoolgirl as she hurried away.
I stayed where I was. Even after all the noise was gone, I didn't uncurl from my ball on the floor, and it was even longer before any light fell across me. I didn't even look up. "Twilight?" Princess whispered, crouching down in front of me.
"Go away," I mumbled.
She inhaled quietly and bit her lip. Something cold brushed against my hand, and despite myself I looked up. A bowl of peanut butter ice cream was pushed into my grip. Princess had eaten exactly half. I stared at it hungrily for a moment and then pushed it back. "I don't want it."
Next her palms took the bowl's place, and I could feel her concern through her skin. "Twilight... What were you and Shining Armour fighting about?"
I twisted away from her. "Nothing. It was stupid."
"It was about Shimmer," Shining said from behind her. "We... both kind of overreacted."
She looked back and forth between us. "But... you're fine now, right?"
"Sure. Fine." I retreated back into my ball. "You can have a turn with him. Just leave me alone."
"Huh? I don't... Please, talk to me. Why did you push me out instead of you?"
"Why do you freaking think?"
"I..." She looked back at Shining Armour helplessly. If he responded, I didn't see it. "Twilight, I don't understand. She's your mother. Why can't you just talk to her?"
"It's not that simple." I did my best to twist away in the confined space. "You don't know what she's like."
"She's my mom too!" She shouted for two words and then reined it in. "And she was just like she's always been. The only thing I've seen every time I've met her is a woman who's done nothing but love you. All she wants is for you to be happy. Why can't you see that?"
I snorted. "Yeah, you would say that. My mom likes you better."
"What? That..." She took a deep breath. "That is absurd. That whole time she thought I was you ."
"Yeah, the version of me that she can stand to be around. You smile when she's in the room, and she actually listens to you."
"What are you talking ab-"
"Don't you get it?" I finally looked up and snarled at her. "Don't you see she'd kill to have you as a daughter instead of me?"
Princess made a wide-eyed, choking noise at the back of her throat. "I..."
"I get it." Shining pulled open the other side of the closet, standing over us both. Spike was cradled obliviously in his arm. "Mom doesn't know about Sunset, does she?"
I looked away by way of confirmation. Princess puzzled this over, then gasped. "You mean all this time, she thought you... You didn't tell her?"
"Tell her what?" I growled. "You mean beg with her to stop thinking I'm a freak?" Princess flinched, so I toned it down. "I had no proof, and mom is... mom. Plus dad just goes with whatever she says. There was never a good time."
My double seethed with what was probably the closest she ever came to rage. "We're settling this. Right now." She grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me to my feet.
"No!" I slapped her hand away and curled up again. "Please. I don't want to face her right now. I don't want... anything." I looked at the ground. "I don't want to be with people."
Princess stood firm. "It's not fair to her if she doesn't know."
"Then you tell her!" I snapped, covering my head. "You go be the one who makes everything right. That's what makes us different, isn't it? That's why everyone loves you ."
Princess seethed, preparing something blistering. Then Shining Armour put his hand on her shoulder. "Wait," he said. He crouched down and put Spike on the floor between us.
The little dog yawned as he came to. He'd been on the verge of a nap, and looked around blearily as he stood. Then he paused. Even now, Spike still wasn't used to the idea of there being two Twilights, and had to spin around to get his bearings. He took us both in: tall, beautiful, perfect Princess, holding herself like I used to before everything went wrong; and hunched, teary-eyed, ragged me, glowering out at him from the shadows. But without hesitation, he turned and he walked up to me, resting his head on my leg.
"See?" Shining said. "He knows who his family is." He put his arm around Princess. "This girl's a good imitation, but deep down, we know who the real Twilight is. And even if things have to go a little differently, that's still the Twilight we want to be with." He looked to Princess. "No offense."
"None taken."
Spike looked up at me with big eyes. He prodded at my leg, whimpering when I didn't pet him like I usually did. Princess clasped her hands like her heart was melting, but all I felt was an inner twisting and clenching. Of course Spike stuck with me; he was used to me. He wasn't capable of seeing what I was really like. "Don't mock me," I growled, and kicked him away.
"Twilight!" Princess yelled as Spike yelped and darted under the bed. She surged forward and grabbed my wrists, pushing me back against the wall. "Get a hold of yourself!" she shouted.
Our faces were unbearably close together. "Don't touch me!" I shouted back, uncoiling like a spring and shoving her away.
We all froze as Princess stumbled back, almost falling until Shining Armour caught her at the last second. She stared at me blankly, her mouth partway open, while I recoiled as though I was the one who'd been struck. A single breath filled the room, from her or me or both, it didn't matter . We both knew.
"I'm sorry!" I burst out of the closet and embraced her, pushing myself hard into her body. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I mumbled into her shirt, each iteration meaning something slightly different, getting lost as I realized I was becoming weepy again. I was so pathetic.
"It's okay. We're okay." She considered me carefully. "Do you want to leave?"
I considered her in turn. "I don't know."
"Okay." She turned to Shining Armour. "To be honest, I came here because I wanted to ask if I could borrow Twilight for a while. Is that okay?"
"...Yeah, sure. If she wants to go."
"What?" I twisted and looked up at him. "Shining..."
"No, I get it." He lifted my chin up to him. "Believe me, I want to spend more time with you. But this was tough, and we both need to cool down. You go have fun with Princess. I'll talk to mom. She might be singing a different tune when you get back." He rubbed my head again. "And don't worry. I'm not going anywhere. We can spend the rest of the week working things out. But if everything goes well tonight, this might be your last chance to spend time with her."
"...Right." Princess shifted slightly at this last part. Still, she carefully straightened us both up. "If you really want to be left alone, that's okay too," she said to me.
"No!" I blurted almost before she was finished. "No, I'll... I'll go with you."
She put on a strange, strained smile. "Okay."
Without needing to discuss our escape route, we went back to the window. Princess swung it open another inch and climbed out first. As she did I looked back, just in time to catch Shining Armour hastily dragging his gaze away from her butt. When he caught my stare he crimsoned and looked down, only to immediately pipe up again. "Spike!" He rushed over to the closet and lifted Spike away from the bowl Princess had left there. Spike yipped and grinned at me cheerfully, licking peanut butter from his lips.
"Twilight?" Princess called from below.
I stilled my heart, pouring fresh concrete over its cracks. "Coming," I said quietly. Tearing my eyes away, I swung one leg out the window and started my descent, leaving my oldest friend and the man who was almost my brother behind.
If I had any inkling of how the night's events would play out, I might have remembered to say goodbye.
Princess led me to the end of the driveway, where a small blue car was parked. A quick scan of my memory matched it to one that I'd seen outside Canterlot High on the night of her party, but I couldn't guess who it belonged to. I was still in a daze, and almost walked past it until she opened the door for me. I got in and stared at my feet while she strapped herself into the driver's side. She started the car, but we didn't move. She just gripped the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. "Twilight, talk to me," she said. "Are you going to be okay?"
I folded my hands and didn't look at her. "I'll be fine," I said. "I'm just being stupid. You deserve a better last day than this."
"No. Twilight." She glanced at me and put more weight behind her words. "Are you going to be okay?"
That was harder to answer. I took my time pretending to think, going over lists of names and events in my head, doing everything I could to avoid the real question. "I think," I said, electing for the answer she wanted, "as long as I have my friends, I'll be okay."
"...Good." She sighed faintly with relief. "I know you will be. I believe in you." She put the car in drive and we slowly peeled away from the curb, rapidly accelerating.
I distracted myself by watching the pavement roll by. Growing up, I'd always assumed that Shining Armour would be the one to teach me how to drive. Once he'd left, and with my general aversion to being in public, those lessons had simply never happened. Relying on my bike for everything had seemed preferable to asking my mom for help. "How did you get your license?" I asked, hoping envy wasn't creeping into my voice.
"I didn't. Applejack taught me."
"What?" A chill burst in my gut and I finally looked at her, bug-eyed. "Are you crazy ? This is illegal! What happens if we get pulled over? What happens if you hit something? Do you have any idea what would happen to you if-"
Her face silenced me before her voice did. Her expression unfolded with the finality of a mask falling away, leaving a carefully restrained intensity in its place. "Twilight, I need you to not distract me," she ordered. She shifted up a gear and we lurched forward with a roar. "Because we are going to be going exactly the speed limit."
Ten nail-biting minutes later, the car came to a halt. I cracked an eye open and looked around in confusion, catching sight of a familiar basketball net with Flash Sentry's crest emblazoned on it. "Wait, here?" I said. "I thought we were going to check on-"
Princess was already getting out of the car. She moved with haste I'd never seen from her before, almost forgetting to even close her door as she rushed away. By the time I got outside she was rapidly ringing Flash's doorbell, a kind of mania coming unburied in her eyes as I caught up. "Princess?" I hesitantly folded my arm across myself, uncertain of whether to reach out to her. "Are you... okay?"
The door opened before I could determine if she had any intention of answering me. Flash Sentry stood there in his usual getup, his concern mirroring mine. "Twilight?" he said.
The next thing either of us knew, she was clinging to him. Her head pressed against his chest, her arms wrapped so tight around him that her whole body shook. Flash almost stumbled back, hesitantly putting his arms around her in kind. He looked at me; I gave him what I hoped was an equally confused look. "I just got your message," he said to her. "You had me worried. Is something wrong?"
"Wrong?" Her reply came out choked. "How could anything be wrong today? I'm finally going home."
One of her hands crawled up his side and to his shoulder, gripping him tightly. "All I've wanted since I came to this stupid world is to take my crown and go back to Equestria," she continued. "I just want my body back. I just want to see my friends again. And thanks to Shimmer, it's finally happening."
"Twilight..." He whispered to her, reflexively stroking her hair. "We don't even know if it's going to-"
"It is going to work. We've checked all our notes. We've filled all the requirements. All it will take is one small push to break through, and I'll leave this place behind for good. And then I'll be where I belong again." Her fingers traced around the edges of his neck, grasping at his skin. "I'll never feel sick to be in my own body again. I'll never drop something because I forget that I can't use magic. I'll never have to hide the fact that I exist or miss all the most important days of my friends' lives. And Spike won't die of old age in front of me, and I'll never have another nightmare about what's been happening without me, and I'll never have to see or even think about this stupid alternate world ever again."
Her hand formed a clumsy fist and beat weakly against his chest. "This is the happiest day of my life."
Flash held her for a moment, bowing his head in thought. He kissed her cheek and scooped her up, carrying her across the threshold. "Come on," he said, and disappeared indoors. I followed a few paces behind, closing the door behind me.
He settled in the living room, falling backwards onto a sofa and letting Princess curl up in his lap. I hadn't paid much attention to this part of the house on my first visit, and found that my eyes glazed over it even now. Everything was either a shade of white or brown and looked like it had come straight out of a showroom; the end table was bare, the sofa without a crease, the TV pointed in slightly the wrong direction. Even the carpet was suspiciously springy beneath my bare feet. Unlike Flash's messy loft upstairs, this was a room for looking at, not for living in. "My parents are working late again," Flash said, and his tone took a small step towards explaining this. "We can have the whole day here if you want it."
I crept forward awkwardly and sat against the sofa's arm. From here, I could see that Princess had her eyes tightly shut. "I don't hate you," she mumbled, refusing to take her head away from his chest.
"I know you don't."
"I love this world. I love everyone in it. I wish I could spend the rest of my life here."
"But you love your homeworld more. I get that. I've always known."
"I just..." She raised her fist and punched him again, even more weakly than before. "Why did you have to be so perfect?"
He didn't speak; he knew when not to. He just held her as a sob broke from her lips and she clutched at him with an intensity that I didn't want to recognize in myself. I shifted, wanting to look away but unable to. I wondered if either of them remembered why I was there.
But slowly, Flash looked up at me, and he gestured for me to come closer. I didn't want to; in fact, I almost fled. But Flash glanced at her, and then back to me, and I understood. "She needs you," he mouthed at me.
By the time I'd shuffled over to sit against his side, Princess was kissing him. She buried her fingers in his hair and pressed herself against his lips, his cheek, breathing softly onto him without even noticing me. I rested my head on his shoulder and watched them while they made out. She kissed him desperately, trying to bury her tears with passion, while he stayed gentle and gave way to her, holding her tightly in place. They were perfect for each other, him and her. Even in their darkest moments, they still brought out something beautiful in each other.
I'd been stupid to think that I could ever have that.
My fingers twitched. I curled them up and rested my hand against my sternum, keeping it firm and steady. If I didn't, I knew that I would reach out and touch Flash's chest. My traitorous eyes kept gluing themselves to his lips, and my cheeks burned with jealousy. I was awful for wanting him. I kept my head perfectly still, doing absolutely nothing that might distract him from devoting all of himself to Princess. Maybe it comforted her to know that I was there, but he didn't need me. He never would.
"I love you," Princess whispered to him. "I love you. I love you. I love you."
"I know," he whispered back.
"Don't let me go." She rubbed the tip of her nose against his and then crushed their foreheads together, leaking tears through tightened eyelids. "I won't leave you."
"You have to."
"I don't want to."
"You have to. And you know that I can't follow." He cut off her protest with another kiss and tenderly rubbed her back. "I always knew that one day you'd find a way to go back home," he said. "I've been preparing myself for this for a long time. I'm going to miss you. I'll never stop thinking about you. But as long as I know that you're where you belong, and that you're happy... then that can be enough."
"And what about me?" She sobbed and clung to him. "How can I be happy when you're so far away?"
"Then you can think of me, thinking of you."
She whimpered and coiled around him, planting more kisses on his cheek and neck. Her face came close to mine, close enough that her hair fell over me. I still didn't move. When our cheeks brushed she flinched back and opened her eyes, probably only just noticing that I was there. She stared at me, and I stared back blankly, feeling nothing. There was a kind of desperation in her eyes, something longing and pleading, but whatever she was trying to communicate with her gaze, I couldn't or wouldn't understand it. All I wanted was to remove myself from the situation as much as possible.
"Flash?" she whispered.
"Yeah?"
"In a few hours, this body won't exist any more."
In slow, jerky movements, Princess pushed herself off of him and stood up. She crossed the room at the same pace and, in a deliberate, exaggerated motion, drew the curtains closed. Still facing away, she started toying with the buttons on her shirt. "What happens to me doesn't matter any more," she said. "If there's anything you've wanted to do to me... to this body..."
She slid her shirt off, letting it fall to the floor. Her skirt followed. Her underwear was black and lacy, completely different from the plain stuff that I wore. Flash barely moved; I guessed that this was just as surreal to him as it was to me. "Twilight..." he said.
"Anything you want," Princess interrupted. "I'm yours." She turned around and tried to sway her hips seductively as she walked back. It still looked better than it would have if I'd done it - she actually had hips to sway - but combined with her face there was something awkward and off-putting about it. It might have been funny under different circumstances. "I've... been doing some research," she said. Her shaking voice hinted as to what this might have entailed. "I'll do anything you want. Any fantasy, any position, anything you want me to say..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "...butt stuff..."
She dropped to her knees in front of him and started pawing at his pants. This display was definitely working for Flash; I could feel him getting flushed all the way through his shirt. But as Princess fumbled for his zipper, he pushed me off of him and grabbed her by the wrists. "You don't have to do this," he said.
"Please." She looked up at him with the same look she'd given me. "Let me give you what you want."
"I don't want this . I won't let your last memory of this world to be of something that hurt you."
"You don't hurt me." She shielded her face from him by pressing it against his thigh. "You never hurt me."
"Twilight, stop it." He stood up, pulling her into his arms. "All I want," he said gently, "is whatever makes you happy."
"What makes me happy is giving you what you want."
"Twilight, no." He crushed her against his chest. "This is your day. Not mine. Tell me what you really want."
She was silent for a little while, thinking while she held him. Then she spoke, as if from a great distance. "I want to pretend that this could have worked. That this wasn't a mistake. I want to look back on these past two years and not hate them. And I want to remember you as someone... someone I could have been happy with. Someone who would have been happy to be with me." She put a finger to his lips as he tried to protest again and looked up at him with big, watery eyes. "For one day, forget that I'm a pony. Forget that I'm your princess. One last time, just once, I want you to make love to me..." Then something sharp and burning came unsheathed in her voice. "The same way you made love to her ."
She didn't look at me. But Flash did. Several long seconds passed and he turned his head, just enough that I could catch a glimpse of his eye, and shot me a look of such pure contempt that I withered back against the cushions. Not that he let me distract him. As I curled up into a tight, nauseous ball, wishing I could disappear but unable to look away, he grasped her tight and bent her back into the most intense kiss of her life.
Nothing else seemed to matter. I could actually see her mind go blank as she gave in to the kiss, her limbs going limp one after the other. He tore her bra off of her and roughly groped her. This wasn't how he'd been with me. "Is this what you want?" he growled into her ear.
"Yes..." she sighed happily.
Flash bent her over his arm and yanked her panties aside. He ran his fingers over her butt and thigh, still slowly and erotically, but charged with a pornographic urgency that was all new to him. I started to get flushed just watching. Every touch from him created a phantasmal tingle across me, and without thinking I squeezed my legs even tighter to cut off the heat growing between them. Princess was loving it, already swinging her hips to try to catch a touch where it mattered, and I felt sick as I thought about how much I wanted to be where she was.
Princess moaned as Flash finally made contact. She closed her eyes and let one of my stupid grins cover her face. Even though I couldn't properly see, I could still feel somehow every press of Flash's perfect fingers, rubbing her from behind and teasingly slipping inside her. She moaned appreciatively, but Flash's face was set. He sighed, a small sound as faint and alarming as the first creak of a collapsing tower; or, even more momentous, a sign that Flash of all people was finally starting to lose his patience.
The stimulation got to be too much for her. Breaking away, Princess dropped to her knees and started tugging at Flash's jeans. He helped her, exposing his erection to the air. My lips half-consciously parted at the sight. She didn't dive onto him right away like I would have, but instead started with his leg, slowly kissing her way up his thigh. When she finally reached his penis she extended her tongue and ran her lips all the way up one side, sucked the tip for just a moment, and then traveled down again to start on his other leg. I admired her restraint, but also knew that this was about more than pleasure for her. Inside her head, she was committing every inch of skin to memory.
Flash stood stiffly, obviously feeling torn. "You don't have to-" he started to say again.
"I want to." She kissed one of his testicles and breathed in deeply, taking him in. His shaft stretched a little longer as she measured it with her face, then began to caress it with her tongue. "These body parts," she mumbled in between sloppy licks. "They're the cause of... so many problems... but they feel... and taste... so good..."
Then she paused. Ever so slightly, with her tongue pressed against Flash's penis the whole time, she turned her head and looked at me. What little flushed motion I'd started up instantly froze. With a teasing smile on her face, she raised an arm and beckoned me closer with one finger.
I didn't want to move. I even tried to resist, clenching my legs as they rolled forward off the sofa. But I couldn't stop. Princess needed my body more than I did; it was totally under her control. She kept smiling as I came to her on my knees, then drew me up close to her and kissed my cheek. With a look of understanding, she held Flash's penis and pointed it toward me.
I felt a cold stabbing in my heart. So this was why she'd brought me here. Not for me, or even for comfort, but just so she could use me as a sex toy in her final fling with Flash. She'd just assumed that letting her and Flash use me for their pleasure would be more important to me than finally talking to my only brother again. But then - my thoughts darkened further - why wouldn't she? Sex was the only thing we'd ever been able to bond over. She was the one who had all the friendship, and magic, and the ability to make the world a better place. All I could do was make people scared and angry - even my family and so-called friends. The only advantage I had was a more cooperative body. As far as she was concerned, having sex was the only thing I was good for... for anyone.
Not that I hesitated. I took his penis in my mouth and started sucking like the slut I was.
Everything else was flung away to the back of my mind. In seconds, this blow job was my world. It wasn't the sensations that overwhelmed me, but more the intense closeness of it, the accepting of this precious part inside my head. I'd fantasized about this object of my lust for so long, and having it in such incredible proximity - being able to scan it from a nose's length away, tasting it with my tongue, feeling minuscule droplets of creamy warmth flow into me as I sucked him deeper and deeper - was erotic in a way that even intercourse wasn't. I grabbed Flash's butt and pulled myself onto him as much as I could without gagging, straining and yearning for the inches that stayed outside of me.
Flash moaned, and another drip of pre-ejaculate coated the inside of my cheek. I moaned back and lost myself in him even more. My lips curled and tightened, systematically searching for the optimal position to give pleasure, while my tongue swirled even faster. I started to slide my head back and forth along his shaft; wasn't that what girls were supposed to do? I wasn't sure, but when Flash made another noise I kept it up, determined to get this right for him. I was a good girl. I was a real girl. I had to be.
Princess came into my view again, sliding under my arm and kissing Flash's testicles where I couldn't reach. I subtly tried to nudge her aside. She got the hint but stayed cuddled next to me, starting to unbutton my shirt. As soon as it was halfway undone she reached inside to play with my breasts through my bra. I couldn't protest, not with a penis in my mouth, so instead decided to ignore it. She's just doing it for Flash, I decided, paying no mind to my stiffening nipples. She just wants... to put on... a show...
The heat was too much. I pulled Flash's jeans all the way to the floor and awkwardly tried to get them all the way off of him, never stopping my sucking for even a second. When he didn't respond, I let my gaze trail up. Flash was looking down, but not at me. His hand reached out behind me to cup some part of Princess, and from the contented little gasps she was making in my ear, she was more than enjoying his touch. I pulled myself off of Flash's penis and hung my head, stifling a cry that I didn't even want to identify. Don't let them see this, I ordered, setting my face. Don't ruin this for her.
This came just in time. The moment that I fixed a vacant grin onto my face, four hands grabbed me, lifting me and pulling my shirt the rest of the way off. A button pinged off against the wall and my skin was exposed. And then, without warning, Flash was on me. Suddenly his hand was on my butt and the other in my hair, raising me against him while he dropped to his knees, and his beautiful lips were on my neck, kissing me so gently I thought I would melt. More nimble hands unclasped my bra, and as soon as that was off his face slid lower, sucking on my breasts like only he could. Liquid warmth filled me as he crushed me down to the soft carpet, pressing into me.
I reached for him and missed, instead grabbing a handful of Princess as she bent over us. She put a fabric barrier between us by pulling Flash's shirt off, stripping him completely. The material fell over my face, and for a few moments I just lay there, greedily breathing in Flash's scent. When I finally took it off of me, Flash was beside me on his back. Princess lay on top of him, her bra hanging off one arm and her right breast in his mouth, smiling dreamily while both his hands stroked up and down her spine. All I could do was gape at them, losing myself again in feeling myself in her place.
Heaving, Princess rolled them both over, placing herself under him. His mouth roamed over her as she slid down him, now rough again, sinking his fingers into her soft arms. Princess fumbled down below, twisting her legs, and then teasingly raised her hand in front of his eyes with her panties hanging from one finger. A moment of understanding passed between them like lightning. Subtly, their breathing changed. Princess spread her legs, and Flash grasped her even tighter. Their lips met. A ripple passed through them both, starting at their heads and ending just before their legs, and at the moment of connection, when Flash slid decisively inside her, I felt something deep within me shatter.
I floated in red, unable to move, watching the proceedings as if it was on a screen. Flash and Princess humped madly at each other, each completely absorbed in the other's body. There wasn't any tenderness or what I wanted to call love in there; they rutted like lust-crazed animals. When they weren't sucking each other's faces they made borderline-inhuman noises, low, frenzied grunts from Flash, high-pitched whinnies from Princess. I barely recognized the boy I loved or the girl I should have been in either of them. These were just... bodies.
My finger slipped under the waist of my skirt. Without thinking about it, I shimmied out of the remains of my clothes, leaving me naked on the floor. I started rubbing between my legs, blandly getting myself more aroused. After all, wasn't I just a body too? Wasn't this all I was for?
Princess let out a particularly erotic yowl, which somehow caused everything to snap back. Flash blinked, and his breath caught in his throat. He leaped off of her, almost falling over backwards. "Whoa," he sputtered out, rapidly turning pale. "Whoa. I'm sorry. I got caught up in the moment, I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry-"
"Don't stop," Princess moaned, still grinding at the air.
Flash paused. Some colour started to rapidly return to him. "In a minute," he promised. He started to rise. "Just let me-"
In an instant Princess was up and clinging to him. "Stay," she moaned.
"I promise, I'm not going anywhere." He kissed her reassuringly. "I'm just going to get a cond-"
"Don't." She grasped him tighter. "I want to feel the real you."
He didn't seem to know how to respond to this. "I can't," he tried. "Twi, we agreed."
"It doesn't matter. Nothing's going to happen. Statistics are on our side. And even if they weren't, by tomorrow those organs will have shut down completely for another month." She clutched at her stomach, then returned her hand and face to his chest. "Forget about the future. We don't have one. For now, all I want is for you to let me feel you."
Flash stayed where he was. Slowly, he put his hands on her again, then gulped. "You're... you're really that certain, huh?" he said, a tremor in his voice.
"Yes."
"You're... really going to be gone."
As I watched, the muscles of his mouth performed a complex gymnastics routine across his face, compressing a hundred different emotions through a span of time too cruelly short to fully register. He crushed Princess against him, breathing her in like he thought she might turn to smoke at any second. "I'm going to miss you," he said.
"I'm sorry."
"I know I say I try to live each day like you might never come back, because that's the truth, but I..." His voice cracked. "I never could. Not even for you. I don't want to let you go."
I felt an emptiness in me. I'd known Princess for only a couple of weeks; moreover, I'd gotten used to the idea of the people close to me abruptly vanishing. My internal preparation for her departure had felt no more complex than snipping a few lines of code. Watching Flash hurt, watching this become real to him, filled that void with another well of guilt. Was this how I was supposed to be reacting? Wasn't I supposed to be feeling something for the loss of this other side of me? Or, deep down, did I really just want her gone?
I curled up on the floor while the loving couple caressed each other, this time more tenderly. Flash covered his face as a sob escaped from it. "Don't cry," Princess whispered.
"I'm not crying."
"It's okay if you are. But don't." She leaned up and kissed the wetness from his cheeks. "There'll be time to cry tomorrow. But I'm not gone yet. This is a happy time."
"I'm not ready. Why couldn't we have had a month's warning? Or even a week? It's not fair. Why did she have to drop this on us so quickly? Who does this Shimmer think she is?"
"It's not her fault, Flash. It's no one's fault. It's just the way things are."
"Well it shouldn't be." He rested his head on hers. "I won't know what to do with myself when you're gone."
"You'll always have our music. And I'll always be thinking of you. I promise. And besides..." She stretched out her arm toward me. "Only one of my bodies is going to disappear."
I blinked back to myself and scrambled for a better pose, one without my hand draped awkwardly between my legs. Not that it made a difference, since Flash didn't even look at me. He just stayed perfectly still, holding Princess close to him. "Okay," he finally said.
"Okay?"
"Okay. I get it." He looked down at her and, even with the wetness in his eyes, managed to smile. "Let's celebrate this body."
He stroked her face and dipped to kiss her again. Princess stopped him. She stretched out further and grabbed my hand, pulling me up to rest against his side. "All of my body," she corrected him.
Flash looked at me. His expression flickered, but my heart melted as his eyes softened and he smiled at me. "Okay. All of it," he said, wrapping his arm around me.
Together, we slid back to the floor. Flash kissed Princess, then me, then her, then me, juggling us beneath him. He slid down our bodies, planting kisses all the way. Princess hugged me, burying her face in my hair. My eyes were fixed on Flash. His strong arms grew more confident with every second. I held in a gasp as he rubbed his fingers down my back, actually feeling him instead of automatically blocking him out, reveling in the moment.
Princess giggled, a smile already back on her face. She held my head a little closer to her chest than I was altogether comfortable with and pushed Flash even lower, unashamedly groping his muscles. I cautiously did the same. Flash just kept descending, crawling backwards across the carpet. When he reached our waists he hesitated, running his hands over both of us, before gently pushing me aside and spreading Princess' legs. Tauntingly, his face disappeared behind her crotch.
Princess gasped and held me tighter. She straightened out and arched her back, moaning happily as Flash ate her out, leaving me wanting. Flash's hand found its way to my butt and pulled me closer, trapping me against her. Her bust jiggled just below my chin; her coarse leg kicked out and nestled between my smooth ones. All I could do was lie there, as close to the act as it was possible to get, feeling her heartbeat get faster after every lick and her thigh unwittingly rubbing me whenever she moved. I closed my eyes and pretended it was Flash's side I was pathetically clinging to.
But there was no escaping it. With another thrust and a screech, Princess arched again, dragging me down until my cheek was stopped by the curve of her chest. My lips brushed the top of her breast, sending a tingle through me as I somehow knew exactly how that would feel on my body, prompting me to kiss her more. She was so soft and smooth, like a doughy little cushion, that I couldn't believe that she had ever once looked like me. My tongue was halfway out of my mouth before I suddenly realized what I was doing and recoiled. In that moment, I caught Flash looking at me.
It was just a glance, but it was enough to freeze in place. When I didn't move, he lowered his gaze and vanished again behind Princess' pubic hair. I cursed myself, flooded with the desire to impress him, to earn some part in the affection he had for her. I looked down again and gulped. Her pert breast trembled slightly below me. Princess whimpered and rubbed at me, as though begging. My instinct was to shrink away, but that wasn't fair; she'd never shown any discomfort about touching me. Taking a deep breath, I leaned down and took her nipple into my mouth.
A strange warmth filled me right away. Princess moaned appreciatively, grabbing my head and pulling me onto her further, forcing more of her breast into my mouth. I just closed my eyes and sucked, almost on automatic. There was something primal about the act, yet almost masturbatory in the sensation; even though I knew that I should have been reassuring myself that I was Not Into This, all I could think about was how good this felt, and how good I knew I was making Princess feel. I flicked my tongue over her, feeling every lick like it was on myself, letting my mind descend into a golden suckling haze.
Suddenly her hands pulled me away and the next thing I knew I was kissing her, tongue and all, being bent back as she raised herself up. Caught up in the motion, I couldn't resist. The physical feedback echoed between us, drawing us closer and closer until I was the one who started grappling at her, needing more of this incredible sensation inside me. But this only lasted a few seconds before she broke away and then did the same to Flash, leaving me with my head spinning. I steadied myself on my knees and once again tried and failed to rationalize what had just happened, only knowing that my thoughts didn't matter as long as it made Princess happy. If she wanted it, I had no choice but to go for it.
I looked back when I heard whispering. Princess had her hands cupped over Flash's ear, grinning at me mischievously. The way Flash's eyes roamed over me, it wasn't hard to guess what she'd asked. "Are you sure?" he said, perhaps out of habit, because he'd already started moving before she gave him an encouraging push.
I spread my legs as Flash practically pounced on me, pushing me to the ground. Any fears I'd had about this meeting burned away or became unimportant. I hungrily grabbed at his chest and arms, kissing his neck while he kissed mine, taking in as much of his body as possible. His smell, his touch, the feel of his bare skin pressed against mine from end to end, all turned me on so much that anything else in the world had no meaning. In seconds I was wet enough for him to enter, but he still kept teasing me, grinding on me and touching me so much that I could hardly bear it. I humped at him back, but couldn't quite lift myself enough to get him to slip inside me. "Please," I gasped when the pressure became too much.
"Please what?" Flash said with a smile. I wondered if this was what Princess had asked him to do.
I stared into his eyes with a forced innocent smile and pure, perverted longing. "Please h-have sex with me," I begged.
Behind him, Princess happily clasped her hands, which suggested that this had been the right answer. This stopped mattering when Flash lifted up his muscular hips, letting me grab him, line him up, and pull him into me.
I opened my mouth and let my head loll as he completely filled me up. Nothing could compare to sex with Flash; his penis stretched and rubbed me in just the right ways, as though he'd been made specifically for me. He knew just what pace to set, just how long to make each thrust, just how to hold me as he started powerfully riding me. Sheer pleasure turned my lower half to yielding jelly underneath him. I smiled dreamily and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer.
Synchronous waves and ripples traveled along our bodies, settling into a rhythm that pleased us both. I let loose and shrieked like a harpy with every push, emptying my mind more and more to pull him further inside me. The carpet grew rough on my back as he nailed me to the floor. I could feel Flash's hot breath on my face, and Princess was running her hands and lips up my trembling leg, which I was in no position to analyze. Their own sounds of pleasure pushed mine further. I tried my best to clench around Flash's penis, sucking him in and massaging him inside me, determined to give him as much joy as possible. "Use me," I moaned to him between gasps.
He didn't stop, but he did slow down. "What?" he breathed back.
"Use this body. Let it make you feel good." I clung tightly to him, rubbing him with every part of me. All I wanted was for this feeling to never end, and that meant making sure he felt the same. "I want your cum in me," I whispered to him. "I want to be your toy. Fuck me Flash, fuck me so good... " I licked his cheek wildly, determined to be even more of an animal, even more his slave than even Princess. I was such a good girlfriend.
Flash was silent. He slid his hand between our chests, and at first I happily cupped my breast into his palm, but then he pushed me roughly away from him. My head hit the carpet hard, and all three of us stopped moving. Suddenly the only pounding was from my heartbeat, and Flash was looking down at me like I was the one from another world. "Flash?" Princess said from the vicinity of my thigh.
"Enough of this." He pulled out of me and straightened up, then yanked Princess away from me as well, pulling her into his arms. "This isn't about her," he said to her. "I'm here for you . Don't make me forget that."
"But-" Her protest was cut off by a kiss. Right away her eyes were closed and I could feel her turning to butter in his arms, melting away. I just lay there, my legs still spread, slowly collapsing in on myself. My lust-crazed breathing returned to normal, then even less than that. I sank back and waited for the floor to swallow me. I'd gotten my wish, at least; used and discarded, just like a toy.
Some form of self-preservation took over. I twisted around and crawled across the carpet, back onto the sofa. I made a pillow from discarded clothes and lay there, finally letting myself turn and watch. Princess was in her favorite position on her hands and knees, having the kind of sex I should have been having if I wasn't so stupid . Her and her perfect body were elegantly posed, mouth open in bliss as Flash took her from behind. Her rippling butt smacked back against him in perfect compliment to each of his thrusts. Their love was focused, contained, concentrated in on each other in perfect harmony. That was the one thing that I could never have.
I kept mindlessly watching, mesmerized. Princess rode him with her hips, forcing him back while she pleasured herself on him. For some reason, she was the one I couldn't take my eyes off of. She tossed her hair and grinned, her eyes still closed, her face utterly beautiful in the dim light. My hand worked back down between my legs and started to rub. I dreamed up every touch, every kiss, and tried to press that feeling back into myself. Occasionally my gaze flicked up to Flash, just to remind me that yes, he was the hot one, and he was the one I was masturbating to. But for the most part, my eyes stayed fixed on her.
And then all of a sudden, her eyes were on me.
For a moment we just stared - me rubbing, her getting pounded from behind, just mutually watching. Then she started to move. She dragged one arm along the carpet, then one leg, and lurched forward, dragging Flash along behind her as he tried to keep up his rhythm. Like this she crawled toward me, unbearably slowly, pulling her lover behind her.
Like we were in a trance, neither of us broke eye contact, but the look in her eyes changed as she got closer. She got lower to the ground as she approached, like she was almost bowing, and strained her neck to look up at me. She reached up and tentatively touched my leg, begging with her eyes, leaving me frozen. I didn't know what she wanted from me. Flash had no use for me; what more was there to it?
Things crystallized when she kissed me on my knee. She trailed her lips over my skin and tugged, sliding my leg off the sofa and pulling my lower half towards her at an angle. I stayed frozen, unable or unwilling to comprehend what was happening. She kissed her way up the inside of my thigh, pulling her curvy body further and further over me, then moved my lingering hand aside, and all of a sudden her lips were pressed against my-
Oh.
My.
God.
I grasped the sofa tightly and gasped, which quickly turned into something high-pitched and unintelligible. Princess held onto my hips and pulled more, burying her face into my crotch. She ran her tongue in rapid circles over my vulva and then slipped inside to lap at me like an animal. Every thrust from Flash passed through her and into me, vibrating me as she licked and sucked my most tender parts. My legs and hips uncontrollably twitched against her, and all my upper half could do was hold on. I craned my neck back hard into the cushions and cried out. This could not be happening.
Flash's technique had been steadily improving with each encounter, but Princess was something else. She knew exactly where to rub me, exactly how deep to go, the exact twisting motion of her tongue inside me that I liked the best. I managed to crack an eye open and look down at her only to find her still staring back, and my brain lurched as it again tried to process that it was another girl that was doing this to me. But it wasn't another girl, it was the same girl, and that just confused me more. I wanted to tell her to stop, but the conflicting thoughts left me paralyzed. All I could think about was how this was gross , and how it was wrong , and how it felt so unbelievably, amazingly good...
Another powerful smack against her rump bumped Princess up another half-inch, leaving her tongue making wet swirls over my clit. I moaned uncontrollably, grinding into her face. Her hands started to snake their way up my sides. Unable to stop myself, I grabbed them and pulled them up to my breasts, letting her tease and pinch my nipples as she worked. Somehow, the assault only intensified. Flash leaned in and grabbed Princess' breasts as well, thrusting into her in shorter, more rapid pumps, which increased the pace of her tongue in turn as she pleasured us from both ends.
Suddenly, her face slid away from my crotch. Princess' grip on me tightened and she pulled herself onto the sofa, dragging her body over me. Her eyes held that same desperate, pleading look. Her bare breasts sent tingles over me as her nipples dragged against my stomach, and then suddenly they were pressed against my own, squished together down a perverse horizontal mirror.
She stared at me for just a second and then shoved her tongue into my mouth. I kissed her back on automatic, still not fully comprehending why this was happening, just letting my body do the work. Flash found a comfortable spot with one leg on the cushions and started riding her again, rocking the whole sofa. Princess moaned into my mouth, filling me with her pleasure. All I could do was moan back.
Princess wrapped her arms around me, squeezing one hand under me to grab my butt. I grabbed hers in turn, feeling my fingers sink into the softness there. Envy flared in me and I pressed myself into her, wanting her body to be mine. Our downstairs parts were so close, almost touching, to the extent that when I lifted myself up to her I could feel the friction of Flash sliding inside her and catch brushes of his testicles against me. We pulled hard against each other, straining to rub together, lost in each other and the bodies that we shared.
After one particularly rough slam, Flash slid all the way out of Princess, and when he readjusted he thrust himself into me instead. I cried out in surprise and pleasure, never breaking lip contact with Princess. I lay in squirming bliss for a few strokes, wondering if it had been intentional or an accident, until he pulled out and moved back into her. Then, a few seconds later, he switched back to me again. We kept up grinding against each other as he made love to us both, switching at seemingly random intervals.
In her, in me, in her, in me; it ceased to make any difference. We were so close that both of us could feel what the other was feeling. We writhed against each other and him, making out the whole while, only breaking apart for air and to fill the house with our wild cries. Flash's loud, pleasured groans were almost inaudible within our own, perfectly timed with the thuds of the sofa slamming into the wall. I couldn't see his face, but he caressed us both, grabbing and fondling different parts of us every time he moved. He stretched all the way across us and used my shoulder as a handhold, expertly massaging me as he screwed my fragile body. But his rejection still stung in me, like he was still pushing me away. Was it me that he was having sex with, or Princess?
Princess pressed down heavily on me, pinning me to the cushions. She was constantly in motion, bucking her hips back even when there was nothing inside of her. When she wasn't kissing my mouth her lips were on my face, my neck, anywhere that she could reach. There was a passion in her that I'd never seen anywhere else, like she was trying to do something more than just physical. Despite all our similarities, she was still an enigma to me. Was it Flash that she was having sex with, or me?
I simply lay back and allowed this to happen. I was nothing; I had no right to dictate how these two should have sex, or even to understand. All I let myself feel was satisfaction that I still had a purpose to them. I wallowed in the pleasure of their combined efforts on me. Flash's penis filled my aching need whether it was in me or her, and I reached out to him as much as I could, brushing my fingertips against his arms and legs. But Princess was the one I could see, the one who I kissed, who my body rubbed erotically against. Of course, this wasn't about her for me. I was straight. She was straight. She had to be. But somehow we just kept pulling on each other, straining and twisting until our legs crossed and our clits rubbed and an electric tingle sparked through us like nothing else in all the world. It just didn't make sense. Was it Flash that I was having sex with? Or...
With a final yell, Flash slammed into us and held himself there. Princess and I screamed into each other and held tight, grinding furiously, while he ejaculated into us. Pulse after pulse, we dug our fingers into each other and rode out the explosion inside the three of us, hearts hammering in unison. An echo filled the house that seemed to take a very long time to disappear. It was only when our legs straightened and Flash pulled out that I was able to put any specifics together. Princess was the one he'd finished in; thanks to our gymnastics, he hadn't even been able to switch back to me again. I lay still, trying and failing to catch my breath, as little drips of him leaked out of her and splashed delicately onto me.
Twenty minutes later, our muscles finally gave out. The three of us rolled onto the floor and lay there, sweaty and spent. Flash lay on his back, with Princess and I mirrored on either side, our heads and hands nestled on his chest. My legs and back were sore and patterns from the sofa and carpet were imprinted on all three of us, but I still felt full and physically content. I rested calmly and murmured as though half-asleep, and felt Princess doing the same.
It hadn't been what I'd expected, but it was one heck of a farewell.
Identical fingers grazed my own. I opened my eyes and saw Princess looking back at me. She held my hand and smiled at me, partly hidden behind her hair. Then she pushed herself up and turned away from us. "You okay?" Flash asked, starting to lift himself after her.
She put her palm on his chest, keeping him from rising. "I'm fine," she said. "I'm just stretching."
Flash pushed himself up onto his arms. I had to tighten my grip to stay clinging to him, but he didn't seem to notice. "Can I get you anything?" he said.
"No thank you. Actually..." She leaned in and lightly kissed him. "This was nice. But just for a little while, I'd like to be alone." She smiled reassuringly. "I promise I'm okay. I just need to clear my head. You two just stay and relax."
Flash nodded. Princess turned, and Flash and I both admired the sway of her hips as she walked to the stairs. Then he sat up, shrugged me off of him like I wasn't there, and started to stand. Like lightning Princess was back in front of us, forcefully pushing him back down. "Stay ," she insisted. "Stay with her."
She grabbed my hand and placed it back on his chest. I shrank down and looked up at him, fearful of how he would be looking back, but as before he ignored me completely. He just kept staring at Princess, his features slowly hardening. Her smile drained away in equal measure. "Please," she begged. "I want you to."
He shoved me off of him and stood sharply. "Well I don't," he spat. Then he pushed past her and stormed toward the stairs.
Princess floundered, trying to reach out for both him and me, but eventually broke and raced after him to his room. I sat up slowly and wrapped my arms around my knees. Something awful crept into me. I tried to curl up further to block it out, to bask in recent memories of Flash's touch just a little longer, but that just made it worse. I couldn't stop myself from thinking back, running my pedantic little mind over every thought that had passed through my petty little head, and by several points came to one inescapable conclusion.
I told him to... I wanted to...
Suddenly I felt sick and cold, lying there naked on the floor of a strange house. I covered my mouth to keep from retching and rolled onto my front. The wetness between my legs felt like it was eating into me, smearing further every time I shifted, reminding me of what I'd done. This was my last chance to set things right with Princess. She'd trusted me to be here for her. But, like always, all I'd thought about was how I could steal her boyfriend for myself. And because of that, I'd ruined everything. Again.
Stupid. Useless. Slut.
In the silence of the house I could hear everything that happened above me. Voices floated down from upstairs, echoing off doors and around corners. On automatic, I quieted and listened, crawling over to the stairs for best acoustics.
"Flash..."
"I don't want to hear it."
"Flash, when I'm gone, I want you to be with her."
A closet door slammed. "And I'm telling you no!"
"Please, just listen." She raised her voice slightly as he started to get dressed. "She's a gift. This way, you won't have to lose me. The two of you can keep going like nothing's happened."
"Like nothing's- Are you even listening to yourself? Do you seriously think this doesn't change anything?"
"I didn't say that. I know things are going to change. But that doesn't mean it has to change us . I'll still be here for you, and I'll still love you. It'll just be a different me."
"And what about me? Am I supposed to switch gears just like that? Do... do you think I think so little of you that I could pick up any girl and have exactly what we have with her?"
"She's not just any girl. She's me."
"No she-"
"Yes she is . Look into her eyes. Listen to the way she talks. Feel how she holds you. Haven't you seen the way she looks at you? She loves you, Flash. She loves you in just the same way that I do. Isn't that enough?"
"No, it's not. And also, no, she doesn't . You and her are nothing alike, and it's starting to feel like you're the only one who can't see it. I don't want her in my life, and if you weren't already leaving I'd be trying to cut her out of yours, too."
"What?" Now Princess was starting to raise her voice too. "How can you say that?"
"Are you only just getting this? Ever since you met her, everyone's been trying to tell you that she's bad for you. You're obsessed with her. All week you've been complaining about things she has that you don't, and now you're even trying to pawn me off on her because, what, she deserves me more?"
"No, Flash, no. You deserve her . She's the human me. She doesn't have the problems I have. She-"
"For the last time, she is not better than you !" A dull thud vibrated through the house. "She is a complete wreck. She's neurotic, she's manic-depressive, all she ever thinks about is sex-"
"That is not true."
"Isn't it? I've had sex with her more times than I've ever even talked to her, and she seems perfectly happy about that. Do you really think she could handle a real relationship?"
I clutched at my own stomach in agony.
"That's not fair. She's been doing that because I asked her to."
"It doesn't matter. The point is being with her makes you feel bad about yourself, and you just can't be with a person like that, even if you want to. And have you already forgotten what happened to Sunset? What about when she attacked Shimmer like an animal? She is not in control of herself. She's a bad influence."
"She's not bad, she's hurt . She needs help . She lost her family, just like I did, and-"
"No. Not just like you. You lost everything, and I know that still hasn't healed, but you stuck by your friends and you never hurt anyone. I don't think she even has any friends."
"Then you can be her friend! Don't you see? She's just like I was, before I found my Element. You can still find good in her. You can fall in love with me all over again. If you just give her a chance-"
"Twilight." The pause hung light, like the whistle of a mortar. "She raped me."
That was it.
That was the word.
As I cracked and started to cry, I heard Princess' voice tremble with a fraction of what was coming out of me. "That's not what happened."
"Yes it is . I thought that she was someone she wasn't and she took advantage of that. She took advantage of me , Twilight. You know what that makes her. I know you went through all your law books just to check."
Her voice warbled. "It w-wasn't like that. She was just confused, and-"
"I don't care! Not all of us have your inhuman forgiveness, Twilight. She. Did. Something. Wrong. She hurt me."
"But if you'd just listen-"
"I don't want to listen! Why do I have to be the one who listens?"
"She just wanted to feel loved!"
There was a loud bang, and something crashed to the floor. "Stop making this about her! " Flash shouted.
"She didn't mean it!" Princess wailed back.
They went quiet. "Yeah," Flash said. "She didn't. And Sunset didn't mean to break the mirror portal, right? And Adagio didn't mean to get herself banished, and Pinkie Pie didn't mean to kill Winona, and you... and you don't mean to tell me that my feelings don't matter to you, but you do , and I'm the one who has to deal with it. Every time. And I want to just let you sweep it all under the rug so that you can be happy and not worry about it, but every single time, the rug is me . And I... I don't want her to just be someone who'll walk all over me as well."
Nothing happened for close to a minute. If there was any noise from upstairs, I couldn't make it out over my own stuffed-up breathing. When Princess' voice finally did float down to me, it was muffled and cracked, like she was speaking through both tears and the fabric of a shirt. "You matter to me," she said.
"I know," Flash said back.
Then nothing again, for even longer. I dripped onto the carpet, feeling every moment stretch out longer than the last.
"I just didn't want you to be alone," she said.
"Just because I won't be with you doesn't mean I'll be alone," he said.
"I know. I mean... You were right. This isn't fair. We should have had more time. And I... I didn't want to hurt you." She adjusted in whatever position they were in. "My life was destroyed when the ponies I loved were suddenly ripped away from me. I didn't want to do the same to you. I just thought... even if it was a lie... maybe she could fill that void. I'm sorry. I never meant to say that you weren't special to me."
"And you're special, too. I don't want you to leave thinking anyone could replace you. No one ever could."
"Thank you." More silence, and the harshness of breathing. "Flash?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you just promise me one thing?"
"What's that?"
"Don't give up on her."
They moved apart. I tried to guess at their expressions. "I know she's in a bad place," Princess continued. "But she's still me . I know there's still good in her. All she needs is a friend to show her the way. Y-you don't have to love her," she quickly added in response to something I couldn't see. "You don't even have to forgive her. But if you could just support her, even if you have to fake it, then maybe someday, you can help her be the person she's meant to be. Someone who really is better than me."
"You're asking a lot."
"I know. But... we forgave Sunset."
"No. Not all of us. Just you."
"...Flash, please. This is the only thing I'll ask. She's important to me. You just have to trust me." She gulped. "And... and maybe, in a few years, you might start to recognize more of me in her. She can be someone who's kind, and loving, and gives everything for her friends. You'll start to see how beautiful she is. And even if she can never replace me exactly, maybe one day you'll find that she's someone who you... who you can..."
"Twilight."
"Yes?"
"There's another Flash Sentry in your world, right? Are you planning on hooking up with him as soon as you get back?"
A knife twisted through us both. Princess stuttered, went quiet, and then stuttered again. I could feel his stare, but the air was completely gone from her lungs. This was as good a response as any; no matter what she said, there was no right answer to this. "I'm going out," Flash said.
"Flash, I never..."
"I'll pick you up in time for dinner. I stocked up on bath oils for you. Relax and get some rest." His footsteps landed heavily, and a door swung shut.
The sounds solidified as Flash came downstairs, wearing a fresh shirt and jeans. His fists were clenched, his face set hard. He walked right past me, still hunched over naked at the foot of the stairs and sniffling to myself. Flash grabbed his jacket from a hook, slid on his shoes, put his hand on the door, and stopped. He stayed that way for several seconds and then exhaled deeply. "This isn't your fault," he said.
Peeking at him from behind my bangs, I saw him turn halfway toward me, staring at the floor. I shifted, just enough to indicate that I'd heard.
"This... this ," he emphatically clarified, "would always have happened. If it wasn't you, she would have found something else to obsess over. There's nothing she hates more than a friendship problem she can't solve. I love her, and she's brilliant, but when she's upset, she... doesn't always think things through. She tries to make everyone happy and has to spend the rest of her life cleaning up her own mess." He waited. "But I guess you already know that."
I let my head drop. Flash sighed a second time. He turned and took a quick walk through the living room, then returned and put my clothes in a pile next to me. "Pinkie Pie's organizing a farewell party at Canterlot High for tonight," he said. "It won't be as big as last time. Around now, she'll be looking for people to help her set up. If you have a few minutes, I know she'd be happy to see you there."
I didn't move. A dozen different answers pinballed around inside me, but I kept my head down, unwilling to let him see my face. "Or you could stay here," Flash said, straightening up. "Someone should probably watch Twilight. And McCarthy knows she loves you."
In lieu of any responsible human being to manage my emotions, it was my analytical side that answered. "I think... I'll stay here for a little while," I croaked quietly, compromising. "Just a half hour or so. Then I'll come to the party. I think I know how to walk from here." This would allow me time to freshen up, and provide a time frame in which I wouldn't have to spend too long interacting with anyone. This was my preferred type of calculation.
"Okay." I braced myself for Flash to touch my arm, or brush my hair aside, or even lean down again and hug me goodbye. But he just turned around and walked to the door. He touched it again, paused like before, then opened it and got halfway out before he stopped. He stood there, sunlight streaming down on him. "Sunset wouldn't have broken the portal if Twilight hadn't provoked her," he said. "And everyone who was there knows it." Then he left, slamming the door behind him.
I stayed still for a while longer. After an arbitrarily long wait, I stretched out my aching limbs and picked up my clothes. All of them were crushed and wrinkled, even slightly damp in places, damning evidence of the day's activities. I went without them and walked upstairs in the nude.
Princess was sitting on Flash's bed, curled up against the wall in almost the same position that I'd been in downstairs. I stood awkwardly, wondering what she would do if the situation were reversed. Without a word, I crawled up next to her and sat beside her. She curled up even tighter into herself. I looked at my knees. Slowly, I put my arm around her shoulders.
And suddenly she was on me, this strange, alien creature, clinging to me tight and bawling against my neck. I sat stiff as a board and held her against me, feeling nothing but the perfection of her skin. From across the room, the poster of her and her dazzling rock band smiled down at us both.
The sun beat down on the four of us on the lawn outside of Canterlot high. The air smelled like tin and sulfur. Applejack's arms glistened deliciously as she dragged an overflowing trash bag to the curb, awkwardly straining to avoid stabbing herself on the steel spars that jutted out of it. Behind me, Sunset and Pinkie Pie sipped from plastic cups of lemonade and leaned against each other. I wiped my own forehead, swung Mark Antony over my shoulder, and took a step back to admire our creation.
It had been a long day. As soon as I'd made my plan clear to her, Princess and I broke into one of Canterlot High's science labs and, under her supervision, I basically trashed the place. I upended vials covered in warning labels into sparkling, toxic masses that slowly burned away as the night dragged on, while she scrawled variations of my design around the room with a piece of chalk in both hands. The science I knew and the science I didn't started blurring together. I had to admit, this girl was a genius. It was probably a huge relief for her to be able to talk to someone who knew as much about such an obscure subject as she did. I kind of felt the same way.
We stayed up talking about magical theory and running tests until she finally passed out from a combination of exhaustion and chemical fumes. There was a big smile on her face when I carried her outside and dumped her in the parking lot. After that, I barely had enough time to swipe some food from the cafeteria and take a nap before the sun rose and the real work began.
Princess saved me a lot of time by doing the coordinating, at least until she passed out again and two of her friends drove her home. While Pinkie Pie was put in charge of getting permission (or, failing that, later it would be her job to apologize), Applejack and I took a field trip to the dump. With her brother's help we loaded as much junk as we could into her truck, hightailed it back to the statue, and got to work.
This, half a day later, was the result.
Around the shattered surface of the old mirror portal, an asymmetrical frame had sprung up: car parts, bike frames, ancient computers, all crushed and tied together by cables into a surprisingly solid arch. Rusted spars jutted out from it in every direction like skeletal wings. Black oil trickled down through the whole thing, already shriveling the grass below. Two crooked antennae stood to either side with a third resting on top, each hooked up to a plastic tub of car batteries that even Pinkie Pie wouldn't go near. A small metal boiler of unspeakably toxic chemicals lurked menacingly by the corner. The whole thing looked like it could kill a person a dozen different ways, and we hadn't even attempted to turn it on yet. It was perfect .
Whether it would actually work as I intended was another matter.
Applejack returned to my side, folding her arms and glaring. After our lunch break she'd rolled up her shirt, exposing her midriff, and her strong arms and legs had been my eye candy for the day. Her skirt was way too short for the work she was doing - I doubted her family could afford to order anything bigger with her crest on it - and she never seemed to catch on when I sent her up ladders ahead of me. She would have been the perfect little assistant if it weren't for the attitude. "We done here?" she snapped.
Ungrateful bitch. I sighed and stretched wide, watching her gaze out of the corner of my eye as I bared some skin for her. Sadly, her eyes seemed fixed entirely on my head. "Are you really that eager to get rid of me?" I asked.
She made a spitting motion, but was too polite to follow through. "If you think I'm letting you out of my sight for even one minute after the stunts you've pulled..."
"Whatever." I stretched the other way and looked back over my shoulder. "Hey. Detachable shower head girl," I called.
"Yes, Shimmer?" Pinkie Pie answered instantly. Sunset turned bright red.
"All we've got left is some heavy lifting. You and Sunny can fuck off. Go catch the last ten minutes of class or something."
The girl sprang even more to life. "Oh, thank you! I've got so many supplies to move into the gym and numbers to ring and favours to call and sweets to buy..." While still babbling, she grabbed Sunset's arm in one hand, lifted half a pitcher of lemonade with the other, and scampered toward the school at a speed that left a trail of dust behind her. "...and streamers to hang and balloons to fill and invitations to write SHIMMER YOU'RE INVITED and playlists to compose and volunteers-"
I tuned her out, turning back to Applejack. "Another party in the fucking gym?" I queried.
She let her own gaze narrow. "Shimmer, don't you think you could maybe stand to watch your mouth a little? There's kids about."
"So?" I turned up my nose, carelessly dropping Mark Antony onto the grass. "Since when do you care about the rules? Your principal seems to let you do whatever the fuck you want."
"Celestia and Luna trust us. And we earned that trust, by not doing whatever the... flip we want."
"Oh, sure. The queen stops watching once she knows it's a good little drone who just follows orders. Gotcha." I threw another look back at the entrance. "I'm out here nearly getting her new favourites killed, and she can't even get off her ass long enough to come and visit."
"Oh, we didn't mention you." Applejack grew a smirk that seemed calculated to make my blood boil. "All we told her is Sunset Shimmer and Twilight had some magic business in front of the school, and she left it to us. Figgered if she knew you were the brains behind this doohickey and not Twilight, she wouldn't let us near you with a whole joustin' set of ten-foot poles."
I clenched the hand that was furthest from her into a fist. "So she remembers me, then?" I said calmly.
She snorted. "Hardly. She never mentions you. But she did once tell us all the new you is a big improvement."
I exhaled smoothly, naturally, masking my breathing. I remembered a joke Shining told me last week and my smile twitched further into place. My hand slowly unclenched. "Yeah, that bitch always hated me," I laughed. "Now are we gonna finish this or what?"
I started to walk forward. Applejack grabbed my arm and held tight. I slowly turned, locking eyes with her. The smirk was gone, but the eyes were the same. "Do we have a problem?" I said.
"If it were up to me," she growled, "I wouldn't let any of us near that thing with a ten-foot pole either."
I checked her out in my peripheral vision and tried to calculate if I could drag her along the ground behind me. I settled for ripping my arm out of her grip instead. "Then it's a good thing you're a good little drone who can't think for herself, isn't it?" I answered.
"I don't take orders from them who make their livin' telling lies."
"You follow Twilight just fine."
She didn't go for it. "I won't say nothing in front of Pinkie and Sunset. Let 'em have their fun. Twilight deserves some hope for once. But you -" She jabbed a finger into my chest. "-I don't trust further'n I can throw you. And if that hope turns out to be built on a lie..."
"And you have some reason to think I'm lying, do you?"
"What I don't have is any reason to think you're tellin' the truth." She set her stance, crossing her arms. "I grew up with another one of you hanging over my head. She was wicked to my brother, she was wicked to me, and she would'a been wicked to my sister if Twilight hadn't stepped in. I know exactly what people like you can do for no other reason than to make yourself feel powerful. And you've given us every sign that you're just as bad as the old Sunset and then some."
"Excuse me?" I matched her, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not the one insulting the person trying to help her to her face."
Again, she kept going like I hadn't spoken. "So what I want to know is where you get the gall to come in and say that you know something about the portals that Twilight doesn't. She spent more than a year trying to get it to work, longer than Star Swirl himself. She's read all the writings, crunched all the numbers, and she's one of two people in the entire world who've ever even seen one. And now you come in, smug as you like, and without even asking you say you know exactly what she's been doing wrong? And we're supposed to believe that?"
I looked her up and down. Her chest rippled with mounting fury, her arms tensed to strike. "Wow," I said. "It really burns you up that someone could be better than her, doesn't it?"
I started to circle her, swinging my hips to brush against her on every other step. "Seems to me that if I really wanted to hurt you, all I'd have to do is be exactly right," I mocked. "The portal opens, Twilight finally goes home, and you and her get to spend the rest of your lives knowing that it only happened because I was better than all of you. That's what you want, right? I sure hope it is." I tutted. "Because if it isn't, and me being wrong is more important to you than your friend getting off this world, I guess that means that makes me a better friend to her than you."
I didn't get far. As I completed my first circuit she roughly grabbed my shirt, pulling me close. "Shimmer, I ain't playing around," she barked. "You don't know squat about portals. No one in this universe does. Tell me what this machine is really for."
I looked down my nose at her. "This shirt cost two hundred dollars. If you put a wrinkle in it, I'm doing worse to yours."
As expected, she twisted harder. "Tell me what it does!"
I sighed in mock exasperation. "It uses heated base elements and crystals to transform an electric charge into an electro-kinesthetic field which should, if our calculations are correct, match the resonance of the unicorn magic found at Princess Twilight's point of origin." I noted Applejack's dubious look. "What? The reason you're in this mess is because of the one person from Twilight's universe who was so into portals that she threw herself into one. Now you're surprised that her human mirror had the same hobby?"
Slowly, she shook her head. "No. That ain't it," she said. "You're leaving something out. Twilight must have told you we've already made half a dozen doorways that did the same thing and they couldn't even make a spark."
"Have you?" My eyebrow twitched. "Did they look anything like this?"
She reluctantly glanced at the black monster we'd made. "Well, no."
"Then maybe you should just accept that what we're doing here is way above what your pretty little head can comprehend, and you can be a good girl and get back to work." I smiled, reached out, and patted her cheek.
Applejack took a second to absorb this, then bared her teeth and yanked me even closer. "Now let's get one thing straight," she snarled.
I glanced down at her hand, which was white from clenching. "Wow, you must really want me to rip your shirt off," I said.
She finally seemed to notice what she was doing and let go, backing off. "I ain't some dumb country gal that you can pull the wool over. I ain't budging until you start giving me some answers. And if I even get an inkling that you've got a mind to put Twilight or any of my friends in danger-"
"Remind me," I said, checking my nails, "Twilight Sparkle herself approved this plan, didn't she?"
She hesitated. "Twilight... ain't been right in the head lately," she said. "And you ain't answered a single one of my questions."
"She approved, didn't she?"
"And what's your dang hurry? Why does this all have to be done by tonight?"
"Didn't she?"
"And why do you care about any of this? Why is it so gosh-darn important to you-"
"Didn't she? "
Applejack wound to a halt. "Yes," she grudgingly admitted. "She did."
"Then that..." I stretched, smiling cheerfully, then grabbed the brim of her hat and yanked it down over her face. "Is all you need to know." I spun, flicking her with my hair, and started to walk away. "Now let's get this thing up there before one of your dumb classmates mistakes it for a keg, okay?"
I was halfway to the gate when she shouted after me. "Shimmer, just give me something !"
I stopped. My patience was running dry, and so was hers; she was as much a brick wall as I was. "If you don't help me, it could be dangerous for me to try to finish on my own," I said, letting some testiness creep into my voice.
"If you don't give me some reason to trust you, I might just have to let that happen. Or maybe you'd like me to run and tell Celestia you're tryin' to blow us all to kingdom come?"
I hesitated. I was almost certain that she was bluffing. Almost. "Well?" she said.
Applejack was solidly built. I'd been undressing her in my mind all day; I knew exactly how her muscles worked. People like her were a rarity in the city. She was a farm girl, strong and fast and so used to both that she didn't know how to hold back. If I turned now, I would have to aim for the throat. She would see it coming; I gave myself 50% odds of connecting. Would that be enough? I would have to stay close, overwhelm her before she could cry out, not giving her the chance to back up and put her legs to use. Keeping her focus up high would be the only way to get her off-balance, knock her to the ground, and as she reflexively tried to catch herself I'd have one clear shot straight at her pretty face...
I looked around. School wasn't quite out yet; if anyone was watching us, they were nowhere in sight. Very slowly, making absolutely certain that she could see what I was doing, I relaxed one of my shoulders.
"Ever heard of Middlemore?"
"Middlemore?" She sounded uncertain. "As in Chronicles of Middlemore? The book series?"
I looked back at her. "You know about it?"
"I've seen Sunset readin' em a few times."
"Do you know the story?"
"No."
In a delicate motion, I turned again to face her and lowered myself down to the grass. Applejack watched me suspiciously for a moment, then approached and knelt in front of me. I twirled my fingers along the ground, not looking at her, and idly plucked a dandelion. "You probably already guessed, but I was kind of a wild child," I told her. "You know the kind. Loud, obnoxious, always has to have her way. I thought I was the queen of the whole universe. Then, when I was eight, all of a sudden I mellowed out. I finally got my head together and started spending most of my time reading. And a big part of the cause of that was Middlemore.
"It was a dumb story. For kids, you know?" I smirked at Applejack, confirming that she was staring at me with rapt attention. "It was a gift from one of the women from my mom's book club. It's about this little girl who's got deformities or some shit; she can't walk right and her lungs don't work and her head's generally fucked up. But other than that, she's got parents who love her and a good grades and a nice house in the countryside. The perfect life, you know? Then one day, a tornado swoops in out of nowhere and takes all that away, too. House, gone. Parents, gone. And she doesn't even have any friends to wonder where she is. So she crawls down into what's left of the basement, thinking she's gonna die there, when this doorway opens up in the cupboard under the stairs. A magic doorway that only opens up once in a blue moon, and only to the person who needs it the most. The door to Middlemore.
"Through there, the girl goes into this crazy, messed-up world where everything is backwards. Being weak makes her strong, being scared makes her brave, and being ugly makes her beautiful. Everything that held her back in her world turns into something that makes her powerful in the other one. So she gathers a bunch of travelers who came through portals like her and spends three books on a quest to find the wind witch who stole her parents, and then another three just saving the world in general." I ground the dandelion between my fingers. "I guess you could say I got a little obsessed. I used to ditch school to go hunting through the local woods on my own, searching for my own portal to the other side. Glad to say I grew out of that pretty quickly.
"Fast forward like six years, to just after I transferred to Canterlot High. I got dragged into the office after getting into a fight with some asshole who was hitting on me, and we got put in different rooms. He ended up with Luna; you know, the 'vice-nightmare'-"
"No one calls her that any more," Applejack interrupted.
"Whatever. And I end up with Celestia. She starts talking at me, going into the whole 'your grades are acceptable but your attitude is not' thing that I'd heard a million times before, and then all of a sudden she notices the Middlemore badge that I'd had on my bag since I was ten. She asks me what I thought about the books. I tell her I used to like them when I was a kid. I even told her about when I used to go hunting for portals. I thought it would make her laugh, or something. Instead she just gave me this really nasty look, like I'd failed some kind of test, and she sent me out.
"It wasn't 'til I got home that I put two and two together. Turns out she was the weird tall woman who'd given me the books in the first place. So I did some research, and apparently she fucking wrote them, based on some of the more obscure essays by Star Swirl the Bearded - who she actually fucking met before he died. Can you believe that?" I gave Applejack another look. She nodded hesitantly. "Bitch is older than she looks. Anyway, that was where it all started for me. I started reading Star Swirl's theorems and a bunch of other rare books. It was interesting, but I felt like Star Swirl had abandoned mirror portals too early. Even if they didn't work, there was a lot to be explored in the concept. The other me must have thought the same thing, because six months later my ticket out of here arrived and I never looked back.
"Skip ahead another three years. I'm between schools, traveling the world, and one day I come home and find that I don't have parents any more." I avoided looking directly at her, but I watched Applejack's arm stiffen, judging the effect of my words by the subtle shifting of her posture. "It was a house fire. Arson. Would have killed me too, if I hadn't snuck out that night. I remember standing on the ashes, watching the last of the walls fall down, and I had this crazy idea that... I'd gotten what I wanted. That if I just went down to the basement, there'd be a portal of my own down there, waiting to bring me to a place where I could take back everything that had been stolen from me."
I shook my head. "I knew better, though. I read the books a third time and I figured it out. The point of the stories was that no one who found a portal really needed it. All they needed was to look at things from a different point of view, and they'd see that the things that made them weak had nothing to do with what made them strong. Which is stupid as fuck, obviously, but hey, it's for kids." I chuckled. "It stuck with me, though. And when I started university the next year, when I saw that one of the early courses was an introduction to Star Swirl's unfinished works, I snapped that up right away."
We both sat still through a prolonged silence. I wrapped my fingers around another dandelion, but didn't pluck it. "So that's the story," I said. "That's how I know about portals."
She watched me for a moment longer. "Is that story true?" she said.
"Hey, come on." I gave her a toothy grin. "Would I have told it to you if it wasn't?"
We stood up at the same time. "I'm... sorry about your folks," Applejack said.
"Whatever." I shrugged. "I'm just saying, I know how it feels to need to get away from it all. And even if that wasn't my destiny in the end, there's no reason I can't use that to fix someone else's." I reached out my hand to her. "Now come on. Are we gonna finish this and send your friend home, or what?"
She hesitated just one more second and then grasped my hand, hard. "Alright," she said. "Partner."
As I turned away, I smirked.
We made a wide berth around the spines of the gate and gathered at the boiler. It came up to about waist height, dented and rusted but still stable, and was close to a third full of what amounted to rocks and liquid metal. I hopped up to a pair of broad beams sticking out of the frame at around the same height and balanced there, bouncing a few times to listen for creaks. "Feels like it'll hold," I said, jumping down. "That's where the mercury furnace is gonna go. It's gonna take both of us to lift it and you know how important it is that it doesn't spill, so I need you with me on this, okay?"
"I'm with you," she answered. We both crouched down, grasped the base of the boiler, and lifted, straining hard. My muscles burned; my skin felt slimy just from proximity. Applejack grunted, no doubt feeling the same. In a set of undignified heaves, we wrenched the container into the air and slid it into place. The portal creaked once, then settled. "Whoa!" Applejack yelled as we pulled our hands away, springing back to hold it steady as the boiler started to tip. "This thing ain't level."
"Didn't think it would be." I took a step back and examined it. "We were gonna have to bolt this into place anyway. You got it?"
"Yeah, I got it."
"Are you sure? Because if this thing tips-"
"I got it!" Applejack adjusted her grip, pressing her shoulder against the grimy surface. "Just be quick, alright?"
"Don't worry. Hold on." I ran back around her, back to where we'd left our tools, and started digging through them.
A minute passed. "Shimmer?" Applejack called.
I just smiled. I finished loading her supplies into my bag, slung it over my shoulder, and picked up Mark Antony as I started to walk.
"Shimmer?" Applejack yelled again. She tried to peer around the boiler, only to have to throw herself against it again as it started to slide. I just kept walking. Summer grass turned into pavement.
The penny dropped. Applejack started to scream my name a third time, but she was drowned out as the school bell rang and I slipped through the doors, vanishing into the crowd of students rushing the other way.
When I dreamed, I dreamed of metal.
I curled up in a small space, letting sleep shroud me like a flimsy cocoon. Shadows rippled over me, then through me, cast from every direction at once. All around me, gears turned, clacking as one to the rhythms of my heart and breath. Inhuman footsteps circled my prone form. They were searching for a way in; always, always searching for a way in. I didn't let them bother me. This was what played out inside my head whenever I slept alone.
The world shifted, while I stayed still. Something in the distance howled. Shrieking metal pierced my ears, the triplet screeches of copper, iron and stainless steel scraping over stone. The liquid that I bathed in turned foul, sprinkled with glass shrapnel that came to rest over my shoulders and spittle from the heavy, wet breathing overhead. I couldn't breathe, but still I breathed, in and out, in and out. A metal hand wrapped itself over my mouth, around my arm, between my legs, metal hands all over me - the smell of burning, of forges, of seared meat - breathing in and out, in and out - a lullaby sang along with me, coming from inside my head - tiny mouths kissing me - the sound of glass breaking, wires breaking, bones breaking - in out, in out - a light that burned into my face, hands bound - and then, nearby, the opening of a heavy door, drawing me back to reality.
My eyes opened silently.
The lights flickered on, illuminating the bathroom stall that I was waiting in. I held my breath, shuddering to work the life back into my limbs, and listened for the noises of the intruder. Was this the janitor, coming back for another sweep...? No; the footsteps were softer, more hesitant as she locked the door behind her. I checked my phone; it was ten to six. My grin curled hungrily. She was right on schedule.
I dropped my phone into my bag on the floor, then dropped myself to the freshly-washed floor to peer out under the stall, staying in the shadows. Sunset took some more tentative steps into the room, listening to make sure she was really alone. She'd gotten changed since working on the portal, dressed up in a fiery little skirt and the shirt and jacket combo that had been my favorite in high school. A purse that obviously didn't belong to her was slung over her shoulder, and she started fumbling with it as she hurried over to the sink.
When water began to run, I made my move. Not trusting the stall door, I lowered myself all the way and slithered underneath it, keeping low even as I rose. Sunset had her head bowed, her fists clenched against the counter. For a second I thought she was crying, but then she took a deep breath and looked up at the mirror. She was so completely lost in her own eyes that she didn't even notice the second, grinning reflection waiting just behind her.
I leaned in close. "Hey, lover."
Her shriek didn't even last a second. As soon as her mouth was open, my hand was covering it, and my arm pinned hers to her side. The simple act of touching her sent a predatory rush through me that I struggled to contain. "Shh, shh," I whispered, pressing tight against her. "I'm not gonna hurt you."
She spat into my palm and wrenched herself out of my grip. As she tried to run I tripped her, caught her waist as she fell, then spun around and threw her against the wall. The back of her head hit the brickwork with a faint crack. Before she could even droop I leaped onto her and pinned her in place, matching her limb for limb. I rubbed noses in her, breathing in her scent and heat, feeling both of our pulses quicken. "Aw, don't go," I continued in exactly the same tone. "We already have so much to catch up on."
Sunset twisted her face away from mine. She squirmed and sweated in my grip, barely able to control her own breathing. "A-Applejack's waiting for me right outside," she stammered out between big, gulpy breaths. "If she catches you, she's going to k-k-"
"No, sweetie, no," I cut her off, stroking her hair. "Applejack's downstairs at the party, isn't she? You made sure to come up here all by yourself. You wanna know how I know that?" She didn't answer, but her face turned white, which was good enough for me. "This is the second floor girls bathroom, across from the art room. It's used maybe twice a year. Just far enough from the gym that if anyone comes looking for you, you're not going to be where they think you are, but not so far away that people are going to come looking if you take your time. It's exactly where I would go if I wanted to be alone. And you, oh, you needed to be alone, didn't you? After all, you've been a very helpful girl today. Working out in the sun, putting up tables, getting all sweaty. It sure would be a shame if all that had to be ruined, just because someone caught you..." I roughly grabbed her head. "Fixing your makeup!"
Leaning over her, I licked my thumb and swiped it across her cheek. Sunset flinched as ugly, dark splotches smeared into view. "That's what I thought," I said, tracing a ring around her blackened eye. "Tonight's special, isn't it? You can't risk anyone seeing you with even one hair out of place. Can you even imagine what Twilight might do if she ever found out what you've been doing to herself?" I smothered a tiny cry from Sunset with my cheek, letting her wail against my skin. "What would be worse? If she leaves, knowing you're still a little whore for punishment, and you force her to spend the rest of her life thinking she abandoned you? Or if she stays to fix you, her ticket home expires, and Equestria has to burn all over again because you were too selfish to let her go?"
More squeaks of agony moistened my cheek, telling me that she knew all of this already. I nuzzled her and drew back, making sure that she could see my smile. "You're so thoughtful," I told her. "You won't let anything come between Twilight and her chance to finally be happy again. You really are the best friend anyone could ever ask for. And that's how I know..." I kissed her playfully, letting my lips brush hers between words. "...that nothing... and no one... is going to interrupt us... for a long, long time."
I drifted down to lick at her neck, peeling back my lips to let my teeth graze her skin. The fight went out of Sunset's limbs. From this position I actually felt smaller than her, but she shrank under my touch like I was several times her size. It hadn't even been a day but I'd already come to miss this, the subtle asymmetry of our touch, the warm taste of myself that drove me wild. "What do you want with me?" she whimpered, her pulse fluttering in time with the flicking of my tongue.
"Mmm." I rested my head over her chest, looking up at her. "You should know that. Why don't you tell me what you think I want with you?"
She braced herself. "You want to hurt me."
"Oh, Sunny." I laughed, wrapping her up in a hug. "You're the one who wants to hurt you. If I had my way, no one would ever lay a finger on you again. But if you were that easy to deal with, you wouldn't be me, would you?"
Her body stiffened against mine, pushing me away even as her arms were forced back. Still, something shifted in her stance. "What are you talking about?"
"Come on. Sunset, look at me." When she didn't comply, I put my hand on her cheek and guided her head into place, tugging on her eyelid to make her stare at me. "That's better. Now, when you look at my face, what's the first word that comes to mind?"
Her eyes bored into mine. "Evil," she whispered.
"Be serious." I grabbed her ear and twisted; not enough to hurt her, but enough to let her know that I could. "You think I'm hot, don't you?"
I saw her eyes rapidly move over me and watched her debate with herself, juggling spite and morals and strategic answers before landing on the precise mental image of what I would do to her if she answered with anything less than complete honesty. "Yes."
"That's better." I let my hand slip down to the back of her neck. "Tell me what you like about me."
"I don't..." She immediately twisted her head away from me and shut her eyes. "Shimmer, don't make me do this."
"I said tell me."
"Your..." She steadied herself with a breath. "Your confidence. You're not afraid of anything. You do whatever you want and don't worry about the consequences. I wish I had that. I hate that," she quickly added, flinching away. "It's the worst thing about you. I wish you were more like me."
"You love it." I smirked. "What else?"
"The way you move. The way you talk when no one else is around. Your... your body," she admitted.
I purred. "You like my body?"
"I like it. Touching you... it feels amazing. It... it feels like..." I inched my hand inside of her shirt, making her shiver. "Magic."
That would have been a dumb compliment from anyone else, but I had a hunch that Sunset meant exactly what she was saying. I snaked further under her clothes, playing with the strap of her bra and sending excited ripples across her stomach. "You like when I do this to you?" I whispered, and moved in for another kiss.
Her lips were tender, her taste divine; I could get used to doing this forever. She writhed as I gently made out with her, at once trying to push me away and trying to get me to rub her more, a complete slave to what I was doing to her. Her tongue met mine without resistance, and when I finally pulled away her head followed me, mouth parted and unconsciously reaching out for more. "I hate that you make me feel this way," she answered when she had her breath back.
"You shouldn't." I cut off her argument with another light kiss, then moved back down to her neck. "Now," I continued in between licks at the red bite mark just below her collar line, "tell me what you like about yourself."
"What?" She shivered again as I kept working her over. "I don't like anyth-"
"Liar." I pinched her hip. "My body's your body. And you love my body. Feel me." I grabbed both her hands, bringing one to my face and slapping the other over my ass. "Feel what you do to me," I said, sucking at her fingers. "Your hair. Your mouth. The way you walk. There's no part of you that isn't perfect. How can you live in this skin and not love yourself?"
Sunset stayed stiff, still unable to look me in the eye. "That's... different," she said.
"No it isn't." I dragged her fingers from my mouth and pressed them against my chest. "Feel this? Feel how good that is? That's you . That's how amazing you are."
Her fingers twitched, and in response I thrust myself at her, feeling how perfectly my boob fit into her palm. But just as she started to crack, she snatched her hands back and clutched them to the sides of her head. "No. You're not me," she mumbled. "I hate you. I don't want this. I don't want to feel any of this."
"You don't want to feel good about yourself?" I backed off, which got her to finally look straight at me in surprise. I put on a stern face and stared back. "Come on, Sunny. I'm you. I've always been you, and there's nothing I could ever do that would make me stop being you. You might as well be talking straight into a mirror right now. So when you look at me, what's the real reason all you see is something bad?"
All she did was tremble like a little kid. I clicked my tongue in irritation and was prepared to grab her again when she held her arm out defensively. "I can't feel good about myself," she mumbled.
I raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
"I just can't. It only causes devastation." She turned away from me again. "The reason I came to this world in the first place was because I thought I deserved the power of a princess. I ruined Twilight's life just to make sure that she could never be better than me. And after what I did to the mirror portal..." She shuddered. "Everything bad that's ever happened to me has been because of my pride. I can't let my friends get hurt by me again. I won't. Not even for you."
I considered her quietly for a short while, then gestured her closer. "Come here," I said. She slouched against the wall. "I said come here," I ordered more sharply. "I promise, I'm not gonna hurt you."
Sunset gulped. On shaky legs, she took a step forward. I immediately snatched her into my arms again and twisted her arm above her head, making her cry out. With a low growl, I yanked down her sleeve. "Was it your pride that did this ?" I yelled, running my thumb over her scars.
She turned her gaze away yet again, burying her face in my neck. I lowered her arm and held her. "You are hurting your friends," I whispered to her. "Every time you cut yourself, you were cutting one of them. It doesn't matter if you didn't want them to feel it. They did. For every night of sleep you lost, you gave them twice as many. And there's nothing you can ever do to change that. You're a killer!" I hissed as she started to shake. "These girls are like fucking dominoes and you know it. Try to save them some trouble by taking yourself out and they're gonna start running after you, one by one. You kill yourself, you kill all of them. But Sunny, it doesn't have to be that way, and you know this shit runs both ways. Tell me what they like about you."
Her voice broke. "They sh-shouldn't like me. Everything would be better if they-"
"Shut the fuck up!" I punched her in the stomach, forcing her to clutch at me or keel over. "It's too fucking late for that. Tell me some goddamn nice things about yourself or you're never leaving this room again." I glowered into her face. "I know you know what they are. Those girls have given you speeches every time this happens. Spill them."
Sunset lay against me, gathering her breath. "Twilight likes me because I'm the only one she has from back home," she started to recite robotically. "I'm the only one in this world who understands her. That's why she doesn't want to lose me. Applejack likes me because I help her on the farm and never complain, even when the work's hard. Rarity likes me because of the colour of my hair."
I tightened my grip on her arm. "Nicer," I warned.
She flinched and tried again. "Rainbow dash li- loves me because I'm a rival to her. We compete but we never hate each other, and we help each other to get stronger. Pinkie Pie loves me because I can make her laugh and I never abandon her, even when she screws up, because I know how it feels to be alone. Fluttershy loves me because I can be gentle and I can be tough and I always know which I need to be. I helped her get the respect of others and I'm the only one she trusts with absolutely everything. I never let... anything... hurt her..." She choked on her words and hugged me, using me for support as she re-opened a familiar wound.
"Good. Good." I patted her. "Now. Tell me what I like about you."
She answered through clenched teeth. "You hate me. Compared to you, I'm a failure."
"You are so fucking stupid." I pushed her gently back and smiled into her tear-streaked eyes. "Want me to help?" She sniffed and nodded. "Then I'll start with what you like about me. You know I love your body." I craned my neck and took another sniff of her, grinning as her scent flushed heat through me. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. You're even a part of my dreams now. I don't ever want to stop touching you. You're so soft ." I ran my hand along her arm again, this time teasing and squeezing, feeling her up. "Look at you. I've got the muscles, but you're like a cuddly toy. You weren't made to fight. You were made to be held. To be loved ," I added as I put both hands on her ass. "That's the most perfect body anyone could ever have."
She shivered, unresisting, as I moved over her. "And don't tell me I'm the confident one," I went on. "Your friends tell me you're quite the little adventurer. Fighting off monsters just about every week, isn't that right? And all while finishing school, paying rent, and keeping you and Twilight hidden from the rest of the world, without any fortune or any training. You're one tough bitch to keep that up at all. I've been all over the world, and do you know how few people I've been able to say that to and mean it?"
"It's not like that," she protested quietly. "We don't fight like you do. And I never do anything on my own. I'm nothing without my friends."
"I didn't see any friends when you stood up to me in your room. Believe whatever you want about where it comes from, but I know bravery when I see it." I smirked at her. "For better or for worse, you always stand up for your friends."
"I thought you hated that."
"It's not for me. But you don't have to want something for yourself to be jealous of it. And when I hear the way your friends talk about you... I admit, I get a little jealous." I sighed, nuzzling her. "Look, I know I'm a bitch, okay? I can't help it. I've spent my whole life fighting monsters who take advantage of people exactly like you. Friends are that last people who I can afford to trust. But here's you, going to parties at night and sleeping with your window open. Don't you understand how amazing that is?"
She blinked at me. Evidently she didn't. "Look, I hate what you're doing with your life, but I don't hate you for being different. How could I? Look at you." I traced my hand over her cheek, gently touching her features. "No one's ever broken this nose. Or this arm. You've never had glass in your stomach or the skin stripped off your hands or some old guy fucking your face while he cries about his daughter. You've got your own scars, but you barely have any of mine. You're my chance to try again."
Her eyes were starting to widen. "Sunny, you're a sickeningly good person. You're everything I could never be, and I'm the same to you. We complete each other. And now that I have that, I don't want anything to take that goodness away. I want to show you the world and see it through your eyes. I want to save Manehattan, your way and mine, together. I don't want there to ever be a minute when I'm not touching you." I laughed, setting my face a little more like hers. "Because Sunset, you're the most beautiful person in the world. And I'm not letting you say goodbye to Twilight Sparkle until you believe that as much as I do."
I waited a few moments while that sank in. All Sunset could do was stare at me, her mouth slightly agape, quivering in my arms. I coiled my leg around her side and crushed out chests together, feeling her heart hammering against mine. "Now I'm going to ask you again," I whispered. "Now that we're here, and alone, with the door locked and no one coming to look for us... what do you think it is that I want to do with you?"
Mentally, I lit a fuse. Ten seconds. Nine. Eight.
Sunset's lips formed a word, then stopped. Seven. Six.
I let out a slow, subtle breath, filling her head with more of my scent. Five. Four. Three.
That was as far as I got.
Sunset answered me with an explosive kiss, releasing all of her inhibitions in one burst. She grappled at me, forcing her hands under my shirt, needing more of my my skin against hers. I returned the favor, grasping the back of her neck tightly and teasing the waist of her tight skirt. She panted into my mouth, practically sobbing as she lapped at me. Maybe for the first time, she was loving the feel of her human body, even if it was only by proxy of loving mine.
Finally feeling at ease, I relaxed a little and let Sunset take control. Within seconds she'd backed me up against the sinks, both her arms inside my shirt, kissing me harder than ever. I stealthily unhooked my bra and let her slide her fingers underneath it. A tiny moan escaped me as she cupped my boobs, intensifying our connection as well as feeling just plain good . I spread my legs and let her bump me onto the counter, grasping at her hips to pull her close. She squeezed against me, groping me as we made out, doing to me exactly what I'd been dreaming of doing to her.
Under her direction, my shirt came off. I stripped topless and leaned back, finding purchase against the cold mirror as Sunset moved down my body. With her hands and mouth she worshiped her own breasts, sending sugary thrills through me that I knew that she could feel as well. She even dropped one hand back and started to feel herself up through her shirt, creating a tingle that I in turn pulled her mouth over to massage. Her hair formed a visual inferno in front of me, but I leaned back and rested my head on the girl on the other side of the glass, grinning at being pressed against myself on both sides.
When Sunset trailed her fingers down further and reached my jeans she finally hesitated, which was my cue to step back in. "My turn," I growled at her, pushing her away. I leaped from the counter and tackled her into an embrace, using the momentum to carry us across the room and shove her into a divider between stalls. I resumed kissing her, aggressively tearing at her shirt and jacket. To my surprise, she twisted away from me again. "Not my clothes," she begged.
I stopped and gave her a predatory glare. "Excuse me?"
"These are the clothes I had when I arrived in this world," she said, keeping her gaze apologetically low. "They're all I have left of Equestria. Please, don't ruin them."
"...Fine." I let her go and took a small step back. "But you'd better not keep me waiting."
Sunset gulped. Still, she obediently slid off her jacket, pushing open the stall beside her to hang it on the hook inside. Her shirt followed, neatly folded and placed over the door. My eyes trailed expectantly downward. When she squeezed out of her skirt she again turned away from me, giving me a delicious show with every wiggle back and forth. The moment that her plump butt was fully in view I was on her again, paralyzing her with my teeth on her neck and the faintest press on her cotton panties. "You won't steal all the fun from me, will you?" I purred to her. Trembling, she shook her head.
Enjoying myself a little too much, I used a party trick that Suri Polomare had taught me and undid her bra with my teeth. The rubbing on her panties increased, compelling me to grind against her as both our legs started to buckle. She whimpered, giving in as I completely took control. "This is what you like, isn't it?" I whispered. "Forget about what you can do for me. I know this body better than you ever will. Let me take it for a real ride."
Her bra hit the floor. With a few more shakes, her skirt dropped low enough for her to step out of it. I pushed her against the stall divider, still teasing her through her panties. My bare front pressed against her bare back, reddening us both with the heat from each other's skin. I twisted her arm behind her back, then her other, letting her feel the familiar sensation of being completely at my mercy. Then, before she could see it coming, I reached back and slipped my surprise out of my back pocket in a practiced flick. Maybe she heard the faint clink of a chain or recognized the motion, but by then it was too late. With a duet of decisive clicks, Shining's handcuffs snapped around her wrists.
Sunset gasped, uselessly thrashing her arms. I held her tight. "Oh, come on," I laughed. "You can't say you didn't see this coming." I spun her around and pushed her against the divider again, cutting off her protests with a kiss. She immediately gave in, grinding against me as our nipples rubbed. Once I was satisfied that she'd stopped struggling, I steadied myself and gracefully dropped to my knees. My fingers played at the edges of her panties while my lips kissed her through them, turning her breathing into more intense panting. I started to pull her panties down and then stopped, kissing her again. With every half-inch I teased her further, enjoying every moment of the slide down her deliciously smooth legs. By the time I finally made contact with the prize waiting for me beneath the wrapping, she was practically dripping into my mouth.
Hunger overwhelmed me. I ripped her panties to the floor and lashed my tongue over her pussy, spreading her wide to eat her deep. Right away my mind was filled with bliss, and I knew that hers was doing the same. I ate her out in just the way I would want done to me, determined to match the ponygirl at least in skill; I sucked and licked at her with wild abandon, getting lost in the taste and joy of being this close to her. This delicious, nectary treat, better even than dick, flooded my mind and body until I wondered how I'd lived without her clit dancing on my tongue. As her legs shook I had to hold on to her ass to keep her still, burying me even deeper in perfection.
As I increased my pace Sunset's strained cries finally erupted into a lusty moan, which brought me back to my senses. I licked her once more for the taste and then pulled away, smirking up at her pale, pleading face. "Now that won't do," I said, tormentingly tracing a finger along her thigh. I stood up, carefully pulling at the fabric looped through two holes in my pocket. As if by magic I produced what seemed an impossibly long ribbon of tough black silk from my jeans, unwinding it from where it had coiled tight around my leg. Before Sunset could fully take this in, I grasped it by the middle and forced the rope between her teeth, wrapping it once around her head. "That's better," I said. "We don't want anyone hearing you, and believe me..." I leaned in close. "I have every intention of making you scream."
Sunset squeaked and nodded obediently. I used the silk rope to pull her away from the wall, then used both ends to wrap around her arms, her chest, her back. I made a dance of it as I looped around her, wrapping her up like a spider, immobilizing her more with every twist. Finally I dropped her to her knees, pulled off her boots and made a pair of final loops around her ankles, then bent her back to weave the threads back up between her arms and knot them around her neck. She squirmed, but only succeeded in wriggling her hips and thrusting out her chest. "Don't even try to get out of that," I cautioned, yanking on her hair to keep her still. "Even I can't get free when Shining Armour ties me up. But that's only when I've been a very, very bad girl." I knelt down and leaned over her, brushing her face. "Have you been a bad girl, Sunny?"
She couldn't give much of an answer, tied up the way she was, but she worked up enough mobility to faintly nod. I sighed in mock frustration. "Come on, Sunny. Do I really have to explain this again?" I traced my fingers along her neck. "You're the good girl." My fingers tightened. "And I'm the bad girl."
Even though I was on the giving end of what came next, time still slowed down for me, like in a dream. In a motion so practiced that it barely registered, my free hand flicked down to my boot. On the upswing my knee collided with Sunset's stomach, knocking the air out of her in a gasp, which came out as a strangled wheeze as my grip tightened. She only had a moment to register my silver knife being raised above her; no time to scream, to think, to act, even if she could. In a single, decisive strike, I plunged the knife down into Sunset's mouth.
There was no sound. There could be no sound. Sunset lay frozen under me, her breathing and mine completely stopped. Once a tiny, terrified whimper finally penetrated the moment, I exhaled and carefully let go. The blade jutted out of Sunset's mouth, suspended by the black silk that I'd driven it into. About three quarters of it extended down inside of her; from where I'd measured it on myself, the tip would be just tickling the back of her throat. "Ah, ah, ah," I cautioned as she started to struggle again. I flitted back into view, my lusty smirk transforming into a more sinister grin. "You've seen how easily this cuts through skin. Do you think a piece of silk will protect you any better?"
Realization blossomed in a pale flower across her face. Her eyes, now the only part of her that she dared to move, crossed to focus on the silver handle sprouting out of her. "That's right," I said. "One tiny movement, and this could be the last deep-throating you ever give. Do you know how little it takes for a person to choke to death on their own blood? I've seen it happen. Just one tiny scratch, and then hour after hour of coughing, then choking, then a slow, agonizing fade as your lungs clog up with your own fluids." I stroked her hair, producing another restrained squeak of terror. "You're the light of my life, Sunny. I would so, so hate for that to have to happen to you."
I straightened up and turned away, crossing quickly to the sink. The purse was where we'd left it, but first I splashed water on my face, rinsing Sunset's juices from my lips. A quick rummage through found me what I'd wanted. "You know, I could have made this a lot easier," I said as I started to brush my hair. "I could have just cracked your head against the wall as soon as you walked in. But this was a lot more fun, don't you think? I know you were enjoying yourself. Besides, I really do want to get to know you. After all, we're going to be spending a lot of time together in the near future. Just think about all the games we can play when we're completely on our own."
Applying makeup was a snap. Unlike Sunset, I didn't have any injuries to hide. After that I stepped to the side and stripped, positioning myself to make sure Sunset could see me sensuously wiggling out of my jeans. Her gaze didn't really change until I picked up her skirt in their place. "You know this stuff has been out of style for like three years, right?" I said, slipping it on. "Oh well. I'm sure you know what Twilight likes." I caught her look and feigned surprise back at her. "Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't think this night was all about you, did you?"
Finally, and as promised, Sunset found it within herself to scream.
I gathered up the rest of her clothes took my time dressing myself in them, even painfully squeezing into Sunset's old and definitely missized bra. Once I was done, I returned to the mirror and performed a few finishing touches, tweaking my hair so more fell on the other side of my head. As a final test, I widened my eyes and smiled like it was my fifth birthday. Perfect.
As I slid the purse over my shoulder, I turned back and gave Sunset another look. She was struggling not to breathe, desperately blinking away tears that dripped down the sides of her face. "Aw, don't cry," I said, drawing near to her one last time. "You'll still get to say your goodbye. It'll just be coming out of a different mouth. If you're lucky, I might even get you that kiss you've always wanted." Her hands tensed into futile fists, but she could do nothing else. "Besides, tonight you learned a lesson about yourself. No matter how bad things look or how bad you feel, you always, always trust yourself to do the right thing. Isn't that worth holding onto?" I lovingly kissed her cheek. "You're so pure. Never change, Sunny. Never change."
With a spring in my step, I skipped to the door. Sunset weakly cried out again as I unlocked it, the reality of this only slowly sinking in. I just blew her another kiss. "Sleep tight," I called. Then I opened the door and slipped out, flicking off the light as I went, leaving my precious fake bound, naked, and alone in the dark.
The halls of Canterlot High were quiet. Music was playing somewhere, but it was distant and echoing, like it was from another world. I took one breath to purify myself, draining out my giddiness, my hunger, even all my plans for the rest of the night. Barely thinking, I gripped the purse as if it were a weapon. When I exhaled, it was natural, calm, and utterly single-minded. I smiled like a child and had no difficulty doing so. A tiny giggle bubbled in me, but I effortlessly swallowed it. Like the world's most finely-crafted puppet, my body turned without a thought from me and started the ancient, familiar route toward the stairs. All I had to do was keep this up...
"Sunset Shimmer?"
My stride broke. I looked up.
And the whole world fell away around me.
Party Like it's the End of the World
I'd forgotten how it felt to be in front of her.
Celestia hadn't aged a day. She had the serene face of a woman who'd spent her entire life in her thirties, too assured of her looks to allow time to change her; not exactly beautiful, but with a radiance that could never be called plain. She was effortlessly imposing, but her stance was gentle, unchallenging. In my head I'd scaled her down as I'd grown taller, cutting her away piece by piece until I could finally look her in the eyes... but no, she was still fucking enormous, towering over me in the narrow hallway like I was fourteen all over again. She even looked less tired than when I'd seen her last, no bags under her eyes and not a hair out of place. She was gorgeous. Inspiring. Perfect.
And she was smiling at me.
This bitch. This goddamn fucking bitch who'd looked down on me, who'd turned her back on me. This cunt who'd replaced me with whiny little brats who would never measure up to her. This stupid old woman who was the queen of pretending nothing was wrong, who I hated myself for ever looking up to. And here she was. Just smiling. Like nothing had ever happened.
"I thought I might find you here." She approached me with casual grace, leaned down and still wasn't at eye level with me. Her clothes were less formal than any I'd ever seen her in, offset by a broad bag which, like mine, didn't match the rest of her. "I'd hoped that I might speak to you in private," she said, hushing her voice. "Is that alright?"
I couldn't answer. I shouldn't have needed to answer. But before I could begin to find the words to snarl back at her, faintly, automatically, I nodded.
Her smile wavered. I quickly recalibrated myself for a walk to the office, but Celestia just settled her feet and glanced behind her. There was no one there, and I knew that she already knew that, but I understood the motion. This conversation wasn't going to happen with a desk between us. "I've just finished a talk with Twilight," she started.
Hearing that name through her lips made my whole body tense. "Is she all right?" I blurted - a response I'd learned to automate.
"Better than alright." That smile, that gentle glance away, twisted me up even further. "Not that she'll admit it. She's telling anyone who'll listen how much she's going to miss us all when she's gone. But when she thinks no one's looking, she can hardly contain herself. She couldn't be happier to be going home."
"I'm glad for her," I shot back, rapid-fire. My voice shook.
"No, Sunset. That's what I wanted to talk to you about." She loomed over me even further. "I confess that I still don't know all the details. But I want to make sure that I understand. From what Twilight's told me, if this new theory is correct... if this portal does open... then it can only ever be opened once. And once it closes, it can never be used again."
I paused. "M-maybe." I avoided her gaze by looking at the ground, and took a second to settle myself. I was in Sunset's clothes. Nothing I said now really mattered. "There's no way to know for sure. All we know is that the portal should reopen, but anything after that is a mystery. A-at least, that's what Twilight told me," I quickly added. She wanted to steal the credit for this? Fuck her. She could have it. "Maybe someday, if everything goes right, we could create the conditions to open the portal a second time. Or maybe Twilight could create a new one from her side. But until we have more data, and with what we know about how the process works, it would be... safest to assume... that this will only work once."
"I see." When I glanced up, I caught her averting her gaze from me as well. "I've done my best to speak to all of your friends about Twilight's departure," she said. "They've told me a lot of stories. About how much she means to them, and how much they'll miss her, and how they'll cope after she's gone. You have a truly amazing set of friends." I shrugged this off, letting it roll over me. "But no matter who I asked, there's one thing that they didn't say. Sunset..." With a shock that I felt through my whole body, Celestia reached out and lifted my chin, making me look into her eyes. "They didn't say anything about you going with her."
Celestia was touching me. Her flawless alabaster skin was grazing mine, her thumb and perfectly manicured nail resting just below my lip. I yearned to bite at her, fighting back twin furies: How dare she touch me, like she owned me; how dare Sunset allow herself to be touched. And yet, even as a scream churned in my stomach, all went calm.
I released a breath, slowly, slowly. The storm inside me died along with it, and a calm, cold burning took its place. My spine straightened, then curved back into place, invisibly, precisely. I let weakness fall across my skin, even as my body felt like steel. And even though my lips curled down with just the right amount of quiver, on the inside I was drawing them back into a harsh, knowing grin. Because my disguise was working. It was fucking working . And that meant that now, after all these years...
It was finally my chance to hurt this bitch.
"I'm..." I trembled and I let my voice catch, as if the words were difficult to say. "I'm leaving," I told her. "But I'm not going with Twilight."
"Oh?" Somehow, I couldn't gauge her level of surprise. "Then where?"
Inwardly, and even a little outwardly, I bared my teeth and prepared to spit venom. "That's-"
"I know, I know." Suddenly she drew back, smiling sadly to herself. "That's none of my business."
I paused. That was not how that was supposed to go.
"Will it be... soon?" she asked. "Is this farewell party for you as well?"
I just stared. I had no instincts telling me what to do in this situation. "I... I haven't told my friends about my decision yet," I answered, deciding to play Sunset a little longer. "They think I'm still making up my mind. But it'll be soon. Within the next few days. Maybe even earlier. As soon as I can."
"I see." She glanced back again, almost hesitantly - when did Celestia ever hesitate? "Is it safe for you to travel? After what happened this weekend..."
"That's why I need to go," I cut her off. "This town isn't safe for me any more."
"I see."
We stood there, she and I, each gathering our thoughts. I swallowed silently and listened hard, clutching a verbal knife behind my back. It gave me a cold pleasure knowing that the real Sunset was bound and crying just one room away; it would almost be worth raising my voice just to rub this conversation in, trusting that her strangled cries wouldn't penetrate the walls. I looked Celestia up and down, tallying my disguise over and over, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
"Is there anything I could have done," she said quietly, "that would have made you feel safe here?"
"No," I answered firmly before I'd even had time to contemplate it. "This was never about you."
"Is that the truth, Sunset?"
"Yes."
"Because if there's anyone who's been hurting you-"
"Would you lay off?" I struck. "You're not my goddamned mother!"
Just for a moment, Celestia flinched, and I saw that my words had struck home. But out of her clouded face, a tight-lipped smile shone forth. "That's right," she said, as though to herself. "I'm not."
She took a step to the side, keeping her gaze low, letting her fingers trace along the wall of lockers. "This should be a happy day," she said. "I think the same thing every year. My job... my purpose," she clarified, brushing the sun-shaped brooch on her lapel, "is to help my students make their way in this world. That means teaching myself how to let go. If I've done my job right, the path in front of them will be so bright that they won't ever stop to look back. No matter how much I wish to hold their hands the whole way, the earlier I can allow them to walk on their own, the bigger and better things they will go on to. It's how things have always been, and I wouldn't have it any other way." Then she looked to me. "But you, Sunset..."
I kept my distance as she moved closer. "You have tried to leave my side before," she said. "For all my lessons, you have tried to throw your life away time and time again, only letting miracles pull you back. I've watched you get hurt so many different ways. And for the longest time, all I have done is watch. I kept my distance and let your life play out, no matter how much it hurt. You don't know how many sleepless nights..." She caught a crack in her composure and covered her mouth with her hand, sinking against the lockers. When she spoke again, her tone finally held the tiredness that I remembered from her. "I always wanted to believe as much as you did that you were ready to face the world. Should I have held you back, Sunset?" she asked. "Knowing what you know now, would you have been happier if I had forced you to stay by my side until I felt you were ready?"
Even though I knew it wasn't me that she was asking, I still felt myself flush with fury at the suggestion. "I don't need your approval," I snapped.
"...That's right. You realized that faster than any student I've ever had." Just like that, the smile was back, the downward grin of recollection. "For years, I thought... well. In secret, I entertained the notion that you had failed to listen to me. After all that you tried to do, I told myself that it all could have been prevented if you had just been a better student. And perhaps, to an extent, that's the truth." She sighed. "But that's an easy judgment for me to make. And seeing how you've grown, and how much you've learned from the world outside this school, maybe it's time to finally admit that... I failed to teach you."
Something snapped. "Teach me?" I burst out. "When did you ever try to teach me?"
I breathed in, almost steadying myself over the subtle, painful shock on her face. "All you ever did was tell me not to do things," I went on. "You'd just nag, nag, nag me about my attitude, then ignore me when I did anything that mattered. You stonewalled every request I made without explanation. The only advice you had for me was to tell me that I needed to make friends - and when I did, you told me I was doing it wrong ." I narrowed my eyes. "And sure, I figured it out eventually. I got over myself. I stopped being so much of a monster. But it took me sticking my neck out and getting hurt, something you wouldn't even let me do. As long as I was here, you just dangled those lessons over my head, calling me a problem child when I didn't understand, never even lifting a finger to point me in the right direction. And all along, all I had to do was ask literally anyone else." In out, in out; I wasn't even listening to my breathing any more. "Was that your plan?" I asked, looking down. "To make me hate you?"
I couldn't look at her. From the waist down I saw her straighten up and take a step toward me. I didn't move away, but my fists reflexively clenched. "The whole reason I came here was because I wanted you to be my teacher," I said. "I would have listened to you, if you'd just given me that."
"You fucking hag," died on my lips. Sunset had the same anger in her. I'd seen it. But she wouldn't have said that.
Dead quiet. Celestia was close to me and over me, her aura enveloping me, like standing under direct sunlight. The beams grew stronger as she looked down on me. "I suppose that I deserve some of that," she said.
We shared another moment of silent contemplation. "I had another student, once," she started. "One not so very different from you."
"I don't care," I interrupted. "It's too late to start telling me stories now. You can't change what you did, and I don't want to hear your excuses."
"Then let me talk about you." Her voice turned hard. "You know as well as I what was in your heart when we first met. I did all that I could to temper that pain in you, or at least redirect it. Even after ignoring my guidance, you have still done terrible things, Sunset - things which I see you still blame me for. So do not presume to lecture me about making excuses." I flinched back the slightest inch. "I've seen what lies down the path you sought. If I had given in to your desires and taught you what you wished, you would have killed yourself and many others in a gamble for revenge."
I snorted. "And you thought that would stop me? Well, look how that turned ou-"
"Silence." Unbidden, my jaw snapped shut. "Yes, time has proven that life alone was a teacher enough. But there is so much about the world that you do not yet understand, and I wish that I could have shown it to you. Ancient secrets, forbidden texts, riddles that no student who came after you could have hoped to solve. But as your teacher, you would never respect me. If I was to earn your trust, and you mine, I had to be something more to you. Your guide. Your mentor. Your..." She sighed, and spoke quietly. "Your friend."
"Save it," I spat. "I've read your books. I know exactly what you wanted to be to me. You never had any intention of teaching anyone. You just liked hiding in your office, pretending to be someone you could never be. Until you roped me into your sick little fantasy. And y-you know what?" I gulped. "You were a shitty mom."
Celestia stiffened. Automatically, my legs tensed. My lips closed and locked with grim finality. She clutched at her bag tightly, just like I was clutching at mine. Then, in a motion that felt like the horizon itself was shifting, she lowered herself onto one knee. Her chin and mouth came into my field of view, harshly set. "Sunset," she said.
I said nothing.
"Sunset," she repeated. "Will you look at me?"
Her hand came toward my face. I flinched, but she touched me gently, brushing my hair away from my eyes. Her long fingers trailed around my head, tracing along my ear as her palm cupped my cheek. And that was the moment when I realized: Celestia smelled old . Not the dust-and-peaches scent that grandmothers can fill a room with, but something cracked and porous, like stone so weathered that any inscription has long since been stripped away. Her wrist was canyoned with wrinkles, so well-disguised that they'd been invisible until they were inches away. But there was still a warmth that resonated though her, as soft and undying as the sun. And unable to stop myself, I did what the harshest blows had failed to draw from me and yielded to her touch, raising my head to stare her face-to-face.
There were tears in her eyes. Actual, honest-to-god tears. But the rest of her was as radiant and beautiful as ever, and she still had that same, unreadable tight-lipped smile as always. "Before you go," she said, "there's something that I wanted to give you."
Retreating just a little, she reached down and unclasped her bag. What she took out...
It looked cheap. I knew it wasn't. It straddled the line between boring and overdesigned, probably having seemed like a better idea on paper. It looked flimsy, but from the way Celestia held it, it was surprisingly heavy. A six-pointed star dominated it, strangely familiar. It didn't look anything like the designs I'd seen before, but I recognized it right away.
"After that night," Celestia said fondly, "we ordered another made, to complete the set. It's sat unused in my office this whole time. I thought about bringing it back in another eight years, once all of this has passed into legend. But it was wrong of me to cling to the past. And wherever it is that your journey is taking you, they will need a princess there, too."
Princess . Not just the crown, but what it represented. Not just the best in the school, but a leader, the one who points the way forward, the one who everyone should aspire to be. Sure, maybe it was just a pointless popularity contest, some misguided way to make the pretty girls think that people loved them for something other than their looks. That hadn't mattered. I'd wanted this so badly when I'd first arrived.
I became conscious of my hands shaking. I let them. That was what Sunset would be doing now, letting herself get excited like a child.
Then Celestia moved again. She raised the crown she held, and I bowed my head again and felt the hard press of metal, like copper jaws clamping on my skull, and a tug as my hair was crushed down by the weight. And when she moved away, the pressure stayed. I blinked, shaking, scarcely daring to move. It fit perfectly.
"Consider this your real graduation," she said, taking my hand. "No, your path is not the one I would have chosen for you, but that does not mean that you were wrong to take it. And this time, I will not let my misgivings stand in your way. You may not want or need my approval, but I want you to know that you have it, every step of the way. I believe in you. I trust you. And whatever you choose to do in the future, I know that it will allow you to become the guiding star you've always wished to be."
Too little, too late, I thought. But the words were faint, at the back of my mind. "Th-thank you," I instead mumbled on automatic, letting my copy's voice come out of my mouth.
"Sunset." She embraced me, her enormous body completely overwhelming mine, submerging me completely in her aura of sun and stone. "I'm so proud of you."
She was warm. So deeply, penetratingly warm, and her grip was like iron. My gut tightened in disgust; my teeth ached to bite her. But Sunset made me hug her back. Sunset, not me. I leaned into her in just the way my fake would, sick at how easy it was to emulate her, clinging to the woman who ruined my life like I never wanted to let her go. The weight of the crown drove my head against her chest, filling my mind with softness, sinking me into her. Her adoration was painful in its intensity. I drowned in it, all while tightly coiled against it, knowing that she would never say these things to me if she knew the truth.
She was the one who let me go first, having to grasp my shoulders to pry me away from her. "This isn't goodbye," she said to me. "I'll still be watching, even if it's only from far away. And even if the home you choose leads you into a dark place, I don't want you to ever be afraid to revisit the place where you started. Okay?"
"Okay," Sunset said though me, desperately nodding my head. "I'll be back. I promise."
"I'm glad." With one last squeeze of my shoulder, she let me go and stood up, leaving a void in her wake. "Farewell, Sunset. My most treasured student."
She backed up a step, giving me a strange half-smile, then turned and walked away. I twisted and sniffed angrily, wiping one of Sunset's tears out of my calm eyes. When I looked back, she was gone.
It was a minute before I could convince my legs to move. Once I could walk I drifted downstairs like a ghost, feeling sensation only slowly return to me. The weight of the crown still lay heavy on me, dragging me back to earth. Once I was certain that I was out of earshot and the sounds of the party grew near, I allowed my face to contort out of its mask and into a familiar scowl. My arms clenched and twitched, my back tense. I couldn't shake a certain giddiness that I couldn't place the source of, as well as a thin sheen of nausea. I should have come back here years ago if my fake had been managing her life so poorly as to deserve a condescending conversation like that . The next time we were alone, I was going to make her suffer for forcing me to go through that.
I shoved the crown into a random locker in the school's unused hallway. Maybe it would get discovered next year, maybe it wouldn't. It made no difference to me. Automatically, my eyes flicked over the locker number as I slammed it shut, committing it to memory. I clenched my eyes shut and whirled away. I didn't care. It was just a stupid trinket and I wasn't coming back for it.
The party, when I arrived, was about as advertised. Tables and decorations filled the gym in a familiar sparkly style, but fewer people hovered around them, just a couple dozen in the wide space. The lights were dimmed as if for dancing, but Pinkie Pie was still helping a girl in goggles set up a sound booth near the wall, and another bunch of guests strolled in right after I did. Plenty of time before the party started kicking into gear. I saw the vice-nightmare lurking near the stage and quickly averted my eyes, trying to look natural. I couldn't let distractions ruin this for me now.
My first task was to find the person wearing the dress that matched my purse. This wasn't hard, since Rarity was waiting for me near the doors. I approached her and handed it back, keeping my head down. "Thanks," I muttered.
"Don't mention it." She gave me a quick, knowing smile, confirming to me that what Sunset had asked to borrow hadn't been makeup at all. Coco Pommel peeked out from behind her shoulder, getting what she thought was her first good look at my copy. The now unhidden fear and curiosity in her eyes was a good look for her, and if the circumstances had been different then I might have stuck around to play with her awhile. Sadly, I just wasn't in the mood.
Another quick scan of the room located two sources of purple. I took one step towards the furthest one, then looked down, reevaluated myself, and made a beeline for the other. Twilight and Shining Armour were standing near the drinks table, slightly away from everyone else. He had his arm around her and she was still clinging to him like it was the first moment they'd reunited, leeching as much of his touch as she could. If I hadn't known better, I could have mistaken them for lovers. "It just seems like an odd choice," he was saying as I crept up on them. "Why not Crystal Prep? Sure, it's a commute, but they've got the best academic standards in the whole region."
"They were my first choice," Twilight answered. "But in the end, I just... couldn't. Even the thought of seeing her once a year at the Games was too much."
I silently interrupted by slipping around Shining Armour's other side and resting my face on his chest. My fingers rapidly tapped out a code across his back, ending with a quick, subtle squeeze of his muscles. He understood instantly and put his arm around me. I nestled into him, exhaling some of Celestia's perfume onto him. His solid frame scrubbed her warmth from my mind. The fact that I could do this, that I could use this powerful man in any way that I chose, excited and soothed me just as much as the act itself. An dancing fire started to flare up in its usual place, a more familiar hunger and energy, driving out the light. It was only when I felt like myself again that I finally opened my eyes.
Twilight was giving me an acidic glare, which she slowly and haltingly dialed back to a warning look. I got the message: Sunset might have paid for her transgressions against her, but her brother was still off-limits. I let him go and faked apologetic meekness at her. "Sorry," I mumbled at her. "I... I just really needed that right now." Then, before she could respond, I slipped back under my Shining's arm, planted a quick, invisible kiss on his shoulder, and put a table between myself and them.
"Shining," I heard as I strolled away. "What. The hell ?"
"It's not like that," Shining protested. "She's got a complex about being touched, and Shimmer and I thought-"
"By you ? After what she did? Was that what your 'meeting' with her was about?"
"Twiley, listen..."
As an argument erupted behind me, I homed in on my real target of the evening. Princess and Flash Sentry were sitting a few rows up on the bleachers, similarly isolated from everyone else. They were being more discreet in their conversation, but judging by their expressions, it was going a lot better than the one across the room. "I love you," Twilight unmistakably said, wrapping her boyfriend's hand in her own.
His response wasn't the same, but something I couldn't make out. Still, they smiled, lost in each other's eyes, and kissed each other tenderly. Too sickeningly sweet for my tastes. I planted myself at the bottom of the bleachers and coughed, drawing their attention to me. "Sunset!" Princess gasped. "Flash, could you... could you give us a minute?"
"Sure," he said. With a last squeeze of her hand, he stood up and loped away along the bench, disappearing down into the growing crowd below. I clambered up and took his place, getting as close as I dared to the ponygirl of my dreams. I folded my hands in front of me, curling over like Sunset did in her presence, refusing to look her in the eye.
"Sunset..." Princess started to launch into something prepared, then stopped and looked me up and down. "Are you okay?" she asked, something much more genuine coming into her voice. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
Fuck Celestia. Why couldn't she let just one thing be simple? "I kind of did," I improvised, working it into my pitch. "I ran into Shimmer again."
Princess gasped. "Oh no. Did she hurt you?"
"...She would say no." I clenched my hands. "She pushed me, she threatened me, she... she told me exactly what she thought of me, and exactly what she wanted to do to me. And none of it was good. Then she just vanished, like all she wanted to do was remind me that she was still there."
"I'm sorry." She looked genuinely remorseful. "She can't have made it far. Applejack's still patrolling the exits. If the rest of us join her, and we spread out before she expects it, we might be able to..."
She trailed off, looking at me. "There's no point," I finished the thought for her. "She knows this school as well as we do. She made sure that I knew it. I don't think we'll be able to find her unless she wants to be found. Besides..." I looked up at her, forcing a weak smile. "I don't want this night to be about her."
Princess analyzed me for a moment, wearing a thoughtful look that she made absolutely no effort to hide. Then she smiled herself and rested her hand over mine. "You're right," she said. "I don't either."
Thinking she was being so fucking clever, Princess massaged my fingers with her own, unable to stop herself from glancing down to look for blemishes. Naturally, I was one step ahead of her. While I'd been waiting I'd trimmed my nails in the bathroom to match Sunset's, and I'd been secretly painting and moisturizing my skin all day. My hands were as soft and clean as a virgin's bedsheets. Once my identity had been examined to her satisfaction, she leaned back into a more comfortable posture and looked me in the eyes. "Have you made up your mind yet?" she asked.
There was a very limited number of things she could have been asking about. "Not yet," I answered. "And that's why I wanted to talk to you. Because... because I'm scared of what will happen when I do."
Princess tightened her grip. "She won't hurt you."
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do. We've protected you before. We can do it again. She can't take you," she insisted. "She has no power over you. No matter what she says, she can't make you do anything you don't want to."
"I know. I mean... I think that I know. But..." I looked at my hands. "Does what I want even matter any more?"
I finally allowed myself to look at her. She was moving her lips in faux incomprehension, sorting through her own algorithm of comforting phrases. "Just hear me out," I said. "Shimmer believes that the only reason I'm still here is because you've emotionally bullied me into needing you. It's like half the reason she wants to take me away from here. If I tell her that I want to stay here, she'll flip. She'll say I don't know what's good for me and she'll force me to come with her. Even if she can't do it, she'll put up a fight before she leaves. If that happens, someone could get hurt because of her. Because of me."
"Stopping her isn't your responsibility," Princess said.
"I know. Just listen." I gulped, and proceeded more slowly. "If... and I'm not saying I do... if what I want is to leave this town and go to Manehattan with her... what do you think the others will say to me?"
That got her. Princess subtly clenched her teeth, trying to quickly brew up some of her usual bullshit. "They'll respect your decision," she said. "They'll have to."
"Will they?" I pressed. "You've seen how Shimmer and Applejack act around each other. She broke Fluttershy's heart, and even Rainbow Dash is scared of her. They hate her, just as much as they used to hate me. Maybe enough to try to hurt her if she tries to take me away. And without you around to hold them back..."
"It won't be that way," Princess insisted, but she went a little pale. "We've learned so much since then. We won't make the same mistakes that we made with you."
"I want to believe that. And I'm not trying to be mean. I know they only feel that way because they care about me. It's just..." I sighed. "I keep playing it out, in my head. If I say that I want to stay, Shimmer will say I've been brainwashed by you and she'll fight to take me away. If I say that I want to go, one of you will say that I've been brainwashed by her and you'll fight to keep me here. No matter what I do, that's the fight that's going to settle it. And... if it's what I want, and with everyone supporting me, I know that we'd be able to force Shimmer to leave without hurting anyone. But I can't think of any way that I'd be brave enough to say no to my friends."
The ponygirl mulled this over. "Are you saying... you want to go?" she asked.
"I don't know." I looked down again. "Maybe it would be good for me. Shimmer thinks so. And that means there's a part of me that thinks so too. And... being with her... I don't even know how to describe it." I took my hand away from hers and intertwined it with my own. "It's like... being complete. When I'm close to her, it feels like all the parts of me that I thought I'd lost are back inside me. And even though a lot of those parts are bad, I keep feeling like I need them, like I'm not myself when they're gone. And... if I could just recapture what she has... then maybe I could finally like myself again." I tensed my hands up and wrenched them back apart. "I hate her and I want her and I hate that I can't stop thinking about having her all to myself," I said. "Does that make me... bad?"
From the way Princess flushed, I knew my words were hitting home. "Well... You wouldn't be the first person who uprooted their life and moved across the world for love," she said.
"Ugh." A very real shudder of disgust wormed through me. "Please don't call it that."
"Sorry."
"It's okay." My hands tentatively reached each other again and folded up on my lap. "It's not like it would be forever." I paused, as though thinking about it, and faked a tremble. "I probably won't. Just thinking about what she might do to me..."
"Then don't." Relief echoed in her, and she managed to smile again. "If you're scared of her, then don't go. It's that simple. Just because she makes you feel good doesn't mean she's right for you. I know it's hard, but keeping you safe is more important than your relationship. You don't have to force yourself to stay with someone who frightens you. There's always another way."
"It's easy to say that." I braced myself. "But that's almost exactly the same as what she said about you."
This was my moment. I sat smugly, sunning myself in her flustered heat, tasting pain. "Twilight?" I said hollowly, sapping the strength from my voice. "If you tell me not to go, then I won't."
Princess bit her lip, choosing her answer carefully. "You know what I want to tell you," she stated.
I did know. What I was less certain of was how much of this conversation Princess and Sunset had had already, so I let her take the lead. "Twilight, I can't ," I prompted. "And you know why."
"But things have changed," she insisted. "You've changed. You're not the same pony who broke the portal, and I promise you, the ponies back home will see that. They have no reason to be afraid of you. They'll welcome you back like a long-lost sister. And if they won't... I'll make them."
I snorted bitterly. "You really think it'll be that easy? You don't know anything about what's been going on without us. How do you know Celestia hasn't turned me into the new Nightmare Moon after I stole you away?"
"She wouldn't. Celestia loved you. She still does. I know that she'd give anything to see you again."
"Yeah, if she's even still alive."
"Sunset..." Her warmth left me. When I looked, Princess had recoiled from me, her hand over her heart. She fought to control her breath and tensed her fingers one by one, a calming technique that I recognized from long ago. "Don't say things like that," she whispered.
I might have overdone it. "I'm sorry," I said.
"It's okay." She settled back into place, but kept a slight distance. "I'm... I'm scared," she said. "You're right. We don't know what's coming. It's been two years. Two years without Harmony. Anything could have happened since then. And I want to believe that the world I'll be going back to is the same one I remember, but... I don't know. I just don't know. I've had so many nightmares about opening the portal to find that everything I know has been destroyed, and in a few hours, all of them might come true. I'm excited and frightened and... and whatever comes next, I don't want to have to face it alone."
She turned to face me fully, swinging her leg over the bench, and grasped my hands again. "And that's why I'm asking," she said. "Not telling. Asking. As your friend, as your mentor, and as... as someone who wants to spend the rest of her life with you, no matter what that means. Sunset Shimmer..." She shook, smiling at me with tearful eyes. "Please come home."
She meant every word. I took a moment to be genuinely touched on Sunset's behalf, giving her the pause for thought that she deserved. Then I shook my head. "Twilight," I said. "Do you really think I've told you everything about me?"
She hesitated. Across the gym, Pinkie Pie whooped and some upbeat pop music started to play. "What do you mean?" Princess asked.
"Come on, Twilight. I kept what I did to the other you hidden from you for years. Do you really think I was a better person before that?" I looked away, digging through memories. "I've hurt so many people before I came to this world. North Star. Headmaster Nexus. Lemon Hearts. Dawn Dream."
"Who is Dawn Dream?"
"Exactly." Silently, I sighed with relief. That had been a risk, but I had to be sure. "Maybe someday, I'll be brave enough to see all those ponies again. But it's not going to be today. After this weekend, I know more than ever that I'm not ready to face my past again. Not in that world. Not all at once. Not without anywhere to hide."
"But they won't-"
"It's not about them, Twilight. Don't you get it?" I whirled on her. "I hate myself. I hate being reminded that I ever was that person. And if you take me back there, I will die."
"No you won't." Desperation rang in her. "I'll keep you safe. I'll be with you every minute of the day. You won't ever have to be afraid again."
As deliciously tantalizing as that prospect was, I stuck to my own script. Maybe in another lifetime. "You'll have better things to do than weigh yourself down babysitting me. Equestria needs you more than I do."
"It won't be Equestria without you."
"Okay, stop. Just stop." I folded my legs and faced her as well. "Listen. Without you, I wouldn't have made it this far. Not even close. You gave me everything, even though I didn't deserve any of it, and I've learned so much from you. And that's how I know that friendship means more than just hiding in someone else's shadow. If I'm ever going to have the life you want for me, there are things that I need to do for myself." I shifted closer. "Twilight, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. But you're not enough. And I don't want you to spend the rest of your life thinking that you ever had to be."
The music faded. In the hush that followed, Pinkie Pie stood up and asked the crowd if they were ready to party. A wordless cheer erupted around us, making a response impossible even if Princess had one. She just stared, her lip quivering, her heart breaking. I touched her arm and gently tugged her, pulling her close. "I'm going to miss you," I said, trusting that my intent would carry even if the words didn't. "Twilight... there's something I always wanted to..."
And suddenly she was on me, this strange, beautiful, alien girl, clinging to me like no one else ever had. Her face got close to mine and I hushed my breath, closed my eyes - but no, she only kissed my cheek, then nestled hers against it. "I know," she whispered to me. "I wish I'd known years ago. I'm going to miss you more than anyone."
I melted happily in her arms. She was soft, smelling of heat and lavender and perfumed oils, the kind of pampered body that I ached to sink my teeth into. I returned the hug and met no resistance, even when I squeezed her tight enough that it cut our breaths short. "I wish you didn't have to go," I whispered back, entirely truthful.
"I'm sorry." A pulse-pounding dance beat started to play, which might have ruined the moment if I was the other me, but perfectly complimented the thrill I was feeling just then. Either way, it got a faint chuckle out of Princess. "I'll talk to the others," she said. "I can't make promises. Things might get stressful. But whatever choice you make, you won't have to decide on it because you feel like you have to."
I nodded slowly. "And Shimmer?"
"I can't speak for her. But let me ask you something. And I need you to tell me the truth." She took a deep breath. "Do you think that Shimmer is a good person?"
I took a breath as well. This kind of question hadn't been completely unexpected. "I think she thinks she is," I answered.
"I know. But is she?"
Again, well within what I'd prepared myself for. I gave myself a pause long enough to pass for careful thought, fighting back the urge to slip a finger under her skirt. "I think she can be, if she wants to be," I said.
"No. You're not listening." Princess peeled away from me and looked me in the eye. "Yes or no, Sunset. Is Shimmer a good person?"
And I didn't answer.
The answer was yes, obviously. Gaining her trust was the whole point of this exercise. But the way she was looking at me, the grim intent on her face, made me hesitate. I thought about Sunset's fear in the bathroom, her wails of pain in the bedroom, the bitterness and indignity in the rare moments when she found the strength to defy me. There was no chance that she would give me the clear sell that Princess was asking for, and both of us knew it. But calling myself irredeemable to their philosophy was out of the question. If I was going to tell her I was a decent human being, it wasn't going to be with confidence. But what good to me was an answer like that?
Almost too late, I understood. She wasn't asking about me. She was asking about Sunset's past self, the Shimmer that she saw in her nightmares, the immature would-be-conqueror who they naively thought corresponded to me. That version of her was probably the closest Princess could comprehend to evil, but even she had had the potential to become a friend. Was that the answer the ponygirl was looking for? But there was the catch; if Sunset could find it within herself to admit that she had become a good person, she wouldn't have any need for me. Of course, Princess would know that that would be a lie, since Sunset would never call herself good and mean it. Or maybe she had more faith in her friend than that. Yes, no, all the intonations that would imply something in between, I could spin any of them to be the truth depending on how I chose to interpret the question. But what was the answer that would get me what I wanted?
"I..." My voice cracked, which turned out to be the inspiration I needed. Of course, the answer had been staring me in the face the whole time. "I don't know."
"I do." With a disappointing rush of coldness, Princess slid away from me and pulled her leg back over the bench, facing the growing dance floor. "Do you know how I know?" she asked. I shook my head. "Because in a few hours, I'm going to be trusting her with the most important thing in my entire life." She put her head in her hands. "Shimmer has no idea the kind of power she has over me. This machine she's made... it's so simple and awful that I never could have thought of it. Even if we fail, she's going to take everything from me. My life, my destiny, and even the fate of an entire world is in her hands."
Despite everything, she smiled. "And that's how I know that she's good," she said. "Because everything that matters is going to depend on one person's ability to keep her promises and tell the truth. And that's why she has to be. She just has to. Because if she's not, it will spell disaster for all of us, and for everything she cares about."
We waited side by side, taking in the music. "There's somewhere you should be," she said. "I know this isn't your kind of party."
I stood. "Y-yeah," I said. For some reason my voice shook. "Will I see you again, before you go?"
"You know it." She grabbed my wrist as I turned to go. "Just one thing," she said. "I'm going to come back some day. I'll find a way. And when I do, I want there to be a Sunset Shimmer waiting for me. And I want her to be happy. And I want her to be safe." She looked up at me. "Can you promise me that?"
I nodded quickly. "Okay. I promise."
"Pinkie Promise?"
Crap. "Come on, Twilight," I bluffed. "You know the first one lasted a lifetime."
"I guess it did." She let go. "Stay safe."
I walked away. While I'd been distracted, the quiet gathering had turned into a proper party. Shadows made the hasty decorations seem grander, the food appeared to have somehow multiplied, and what the dancers lacked in numbers they made up for in passion. I wondered how many of them knew what they were really celebrating. It really was the best farewell a girl could ask for.
"Oh, and Shimmer?" Princess yelled.
I stopped. People were looking. Noncommittally, as if I hadn't properly heard her, I looked back. "What?" I said.
"Sunset has one scar that you don't," she said. A smug grin soured her innocent face. "Just for future reference. She tore her earlobe while trying to give herself a piercing eight months back. It never completely healed." She stood up. "Now if you don't mind, I'd like to try that conversation a second time. With the real Sunset, please."
Icy fury started to uncoil inside me, clawing up my throat and across my shoulders. I just grinned, flashing Princess as many teeth as I could. "Thanks," I barked. With the most controlled, natural motions, I turned and strode away.
People were staring. But they weren't. I didn't care. The music was too loud. I clenched my fingers, just for a second. They wouldn't unclench. Pinkie Pie bounded up to me; I caught her mid-bounce and shoved her to the ground, stepping over her without breaking my stride. Someone shouted. It didn't matter. None of these idiots mattered. I was a ghost in the fucking night.
Unchallenged, I went outside.
The hallway was eerily quiet after the noise in the gym. I steadied myself against the wall of lockers, held my breath, settled and settled and resettled my stance. It doesn't matter , I told myself, booming inside my head as more of an order than a thought. I got what I wanted. I'm right. Princess knows I'm right. She'll do as she's told. There was still Sunset to deal with, of course. Sunset won't breathe one fucking word. I'll make sure she doesn't. I started to calm - not that I needed to, since I was perfectly calm already. The icy serpent in my throat started to fade away. This hasn't changed one thing. Princess saw reason. She won't go back on our deal. Everything is going to be just fine.
One last thought came, unbidden. Celestia touched my-
The echoes from the gym vanished completely as my scream overwhelmed them. Energy exploded out along my body, and I whirled and struck blindly - a locker door caved under my fist. I struggled to breathe, aching like fury was turning me inside-out. I struck again, again as my knuckles bloodied, feeling someone's possessions being crushed by the twisting door, until the stupid locker refused to budge any further. And then I flew.
Familiar halls became shafts that I plummeted down. I ascended stairs without touching them, tearing at my clothes as I went. When the bathroom door opened Sunset's jacket entered it before I did, slamming hard into the wall. The light came on and I took one step and fell hard, losing my balance as I tried to wrench my feet straight out of her boots. On the ground I writhed like an animal until they came loose, desperate to get these clinging parts of her off of me. I barely acknowledged Sunset still bound and gagged as the door slammed behind me, just kept clawing madly at her clothes. Her shirt stretched painfully as I yanked it over my head. Her stupid tiny bra was suffocating me; why hadn't that fucking idiot had it sized properly? This was all her- fucking- all of it- all her-
I ripped free and groaned in primal relief, my skin free to breathe. A quick motion brought me back to my knees, another to my feet. Last to go was the skirt; I crumpled it and hurled it into the sink. Free of her, I twisted on a tap and grabbed a handful of bitter water. Leaden liquid splashed my eyes. Without thinking I scrubbed with bare hands, digging my nails into my skin, shaking out my hair. I kept moving as the water turned scalding, flinging handfuls across my neck and cheeks, burning everywhere Celestia had touched me. And when I reached my ear, I finally came to a halt.
I turned. My arms would not stop trembling. I couldn't silence my lungs, no matter how much I ordered them. But Sunset... Sunset was completely still. Still bound in place staring straight up, her makeup forming tidy riverbanks leading from her eyes, arranged in black silk and the knife I'd kept a fraction of an inch too short. The little bitch didn't dare make a sound as I approached her. Her redness filled my vision.
"We could have died," I growled.
Still nothing.
"If I had been talking to a changeling, and they knew a secret about you that I didn't, then they could have used that to take everything from us," I said. No two words came out at the same pitch. "I trusted you. I trusted you to get one fucking thing right. The one thing that even a fuck-up like you could have accomplished for me. But no. Instead, you're completely fucking useless."
Quick as a snake, I crouched and roughly twisted her ear, making her gasp in pain. Sure enough, there it was: one tiny crease right where Celestia's thumb had landed, a little upside-down heart carved into her body. My body. Something she had no right to hide from me.
But apparently, even Celestia knew.
Rage moved my hand for me, grasping the knife's handle and yanking it free in one swoop. I snarled, forcing Sunset's head back even further, relishing the secure feeling of finally having a weapon in my grip again. Her mouth just gaped helplessly open. "You traitorous little whore," I spat.
Sunset blinked up at me with sticky eyes. She strained one last time against her bonds, trying to close her mouth. "Shimmer," she whimpered.
I couldn't stop. I slashed the blade across her throat.
And then, quiet. Quiet and the fast-flowing stream of water behind me.
Then she started screaming, thrashing and wailing and choking on her own spit like a newborn baby. I laughed and pushed her over, laying her out on her side. "Keep it down," I said over her strangled cries. "You're gonna make yourself sick."
I patiently waited while Sunset's screams slowly died down. She lay pale and twitching, gulping pathetically through the silk in her mouth while her brain sorted itself out. I watched her eyes flick all over the place, getting slower and slower as she pieced it together. There was no wetness beneath her. Her heart wasn't stopping. Nothing on me, nothing on the floor. And nothing on her throat - just a faint, lingering pressure.
"It's blunt , dumbass." I waved the knife in front of her face and bopped her with it for good measure. "You are such an idiot. I'm not gonna risk killing you over a dumb prank."
I stretched and ambled over to my discarded boots, sliding the dull knife into its sheath in one of them. "This is the real one," I continued, drawing my prized possession out of the other. "When one of the things you're known for is carrying one of these, it helps to have a fake hidden somewhere. People are a lot less cautious around you when they think they've got you unarmed." I walked back and waved the real thing in front of her. "Sound familiar?"
She didn't even try to answer. I sighed. "Sunset, listen." I slid the knife underneath the rope of silk around her neck, letting her feel how effortlessly it cut through, setting her free. "If we're going to save Manehattan, we have to be able to trust each other. That means no secrets. Ever. I know everything about you, and you know everything about me. We keep each other safe, we do everything the other can't, and at the end of the day, we've always got someone who understands us to go home to." I ripped the silk from her mouth and smiled. "Deal?"
Still, she just lay there. "How can I ever trust you?" she croaked. "You hurt me."
"Oh, Sunny. You're me. The bravest, softest, most beautiful person in the world." When she still wouldn't sit up, I lay down beside her and cradled her against my chest. "You're perfect, Sunny. Good and beautiful and perfect. How can you think that I would ever try to hurt you?"
Author's Note
...everyone just pretend this showed up two months ago, okay?
The party ended for me a lot earlier than everyone else.
I'd almost convinced myself at first that it wasn't going to be that bad. It was a lot more subdued than the one on Princess' birthday, with a proper chaperon this time, and no pressure to be the center of attention. As soon as Shining Armour had appeared, my plan became to attach myself to him and not let go until the crowd dispersed. But just twenty minutes in he caught sight of something across the gym and excused himself, leaving me hovering alone on the edge of the crowd.
For a few minutes I just shifted uncomfortably. The dress I was wearing had been made to fit Princess, and would have flattered her figure a lot more than it did mine. Princess herself drifted around the room like a swan among geese, sunning herself in the adoration of everyone around her. Four of her friends mingled expertly, and no matter which way I looked, Pinkie Pie seemed to be trying to run everything at once. And the more I watched, the more they all started to blur together. Everyone here looked exactly the same, excited and sad and happy and completely in love with the star of the show. There was no one here who didn't have some history with her, who didn't owe their life to her in one way or another.
And then there was me.
A song ended. Another one began. I fumbled for a snack on the table beside me, just for the pretense of having some kind of role, but found that my stomach was so tightly wound that even a single celery stick made it seize up in protest. There seemed to be nothing to do but teeter on the edge of everything else, watching the rest of the world spin through an elaborate social dance that I would only screw up if I made an attempt to step into it. Vice-Principal Luna sternly overlooked everything from near the stage; I considered joining her there, but decided against it. We'd never been close, and from the stories I'd heard about her and her "condition" as Celestia had called it, I didn't think that I wanted to be. In this crowd of love and support, I was on my own.
Then, just as I thought I'd found a position that I could maintain for the next two hours while staying invisible, the inevitable happened. Those inescapable words that I'd been hearing over and over all night. "Twilight Sparkle! Twilight! Hey, Twilight!"
I looked up and tried to shrink, but it was too late. A pair of girls were rushing straight for me, and, just as I'd expected, I had absolutely no idea who they were. The grey one grabbed my hands with a huge smile plastered on her face, completely oblivious to my warning squeak. "Twilight," she gushed. "I just wanted to tell you..."
That was as far as she got before her friend yanked her back and started whispering rapidly in her ear. Even among the noise, my brain couldn't help but follow her lips and pick up the words 'fake ' and 'boyfriend '. Instantly, the grey girl's face fell. "Oh," she said. "That girl." Then the two of them turned away with their noses in the air and stalked back across the floor, vanishing into the crowd.
Suddenly, my exclusion from the dance started to take on a different air. People were... looking at me. Sideways glances, sneers from across the gym, prolonged stares that disappeared when I saw them. I bit my lip to stay down panic. How had the news gotten out? A careless word from Pinkie Pie? Sunset and Shimmer trying to ruin my life once again? Or did Princess simply not care who knew, now that she no longer had to deal with the consequences?
The atmosphere got more and more sour as I fidgeted through each successive song, drawing more attention to myself. My presence seemed to dominate the room, tainting the party worse than if I'd spiked the punch with poison. Every eye could see my ill-fitting dress, my flushed skin. My warm, gulpy breaths drowned out the music. I caught sight of Flash Sentry and almost fell over trying to hide behind myself. I cringed and clenched my legs, still feeling phantasmal drips of him clinging to me even after scrubbing myself raw. It felt like the whole room could smell him, and could smell how my stupid slut parts got moist just thinking about him. Everything about me was evidence of what I'd done. Everyone knew. Everyone knew I was a freak.
But I wasn't a little girl any more. Those days of being taunted were long gone. And I knew exactly what I had to do to make everything better again.
Willing my legs into motion, I took small, teetering steps around the edge of the table. I walked with purpose, keeping my back straight, making sure everything looked perfectly natural, until I was on the far side. Then, with one last scan of the room to make sure nobody was looking, I ducked down and darted under the tablecloth.
It wasn't any quieter under the table. It was barely even any darker. I could see people's shoes filling the place that I'd left, dangerously close to kicking me. I folded myself up among the metal spars and rested my head on my knees. I didn't cry. It wouldn't have accomplished anything.
I wasn't here. I wasn't here. I wasn't anywhere.
It was better this way.
The party went well. There was a lot of dancing. People made toasts. Princess gave a speech. So did Spike, whose voice unnerved me. Pinkie Pie managed to round up a thirty-person game of Pin the Tie on the Postman; it defied logic that that game somehow never went out of style.
I was agonizingly conscious through the whole thing. My attempts to disappear into a sleep-like trance of self-loathing failed; so did my efforts to recite my textbooks from memory. I was forced to endure every second of listening to the world have fun while I stared a hole in the floor between my feet. It was, I figured, a fitting punishment.
Ironically, this hyper-awareness of my surroundings ended up becoming like a trance in itself, as when I heard things start to wrap up around me I found that I couldn't move. The panic was there, the drive to escape before I was discovered was there, but somehow my body... felt right. Like a warm bed on a lazy summer morning, the legs of the table caged me in, leaving me uncontrollably clinging to immobility for as long as possible before I had to face the world again. Even when Pinkie Pie obliviously bounced past and cleared the table with unnatural speed, I stayed curled up in the place where I belonged, ignoring every order I gave myself to run.
Some of the gym's lights had been turned off, but I was still fully exposed on the floor, with only shadows covering me. Luckily, no one was looking in my direction. At the far end of the room a long line had formed out the door, with Princess waiting at the head. Everyone heading out had a chance to give her a last goodbye. Judging by the rate the line was moving, her departure meant a lot to a lot of people. I watched them resentfully out of the corner of my eye, not daring to turn my head.
Suddenly, the metal bars behind me bumped hard into my back. A moment later, a face poked into my peripheral vision, then withdrew with a faint gasp. "O-oh! I'm sorry," the intruder squeaked.
Both of us quietly eyed each other, waiting awkwardly as we tried to figure out the etiquette for this situation. "Is... is it okay if you move?" the girl hazarded. "You don't have to, b-but I'd like to move this table."
And once again, I was causing an inconvenience to people just by existing. Great. I sighed and rolled forward, feeling my muscles crying out after uncurling from McCarthy-knows-how-many hours coiled up. I crawled out and faced the wall, then sighed again, this time in relief, when my emergence didn't cause a stir.
The girl kept watching me. "Would you like to help me?" she asked nervously.
I turned to her. She was short and slightly mousy, with a colourful flower perched delicately in her hair, and even though she looked about my age her face wasn't ringing any bells for me. Maybe Princess had more friends outside Canterlot? "Sure," I croaked, then swallowed hard and tried again. "Sure."
Together, we folded up the table and started to carry it over to the storage area. Pinkie Pie waved cheerily at us from the sound booth, which I pretended I didn't see. The strange girl kept averting her gaze, which slowed us down. "Don't you have anything to say to Twilight?" I said, almost grunting it out.
"Oh... not really," she responded, shrugging. "We've never spoken to each other. I don't really understand what's going on tonight. I'm just... here." She finally gathered the courage to look me in the eyes. "Um... you're Twilight too, right? I mean, this world's Twilight? I'm sorry, this is all new to me."
I looked down at my hands. "Yeah."
"Oh." She paused. "So, um... why were you hiding? Isn't this your party too?"
The monster inside me growled. "We're like mirror images," I said, keeping it simple. "She's the good Twilight. I'm the bad Twilight. Everyone hates me."
"...Oh." She took a moment to take this in. "You don't seem very bad to me."
I sighed. "I know."
We reached the storage room and laid our cargo next to a stack of tables. It was tempting to just continue in silence, but curiosity wouldn't permit me to leave a thread untied. "So what are you doing here?" I asked as the girl turned to go. "I thought this was invitation-only. I mean, with Princess Twilight being such a secret."
"My friend Rarity brought me." She stopped and clasped her hands, smiling at some hidden recollection. "It... it feels so good to call her that. I know I've only known her for a couple of days, but she's already shown me so much, and..."
Her face fell, along with her gaze. She tapped her toe against the floor and twisted it back and forth nervously. "I..." She stopped and glanced at me, checking to see if I was going to stop her. I just slouched silently. "I used to think I had a lot of friends," she said. "I had Suri and Shimmer and Mr. Fault and Overcoat and Hearts and Shining Armour and Underwire and... and even Card Counter. He would always smack my butt and laugh, and then everyone else laughed, and I felt like I had to laugh too... I thought that's what being friends was. Now that I know the truth... how can I go back?"
I shifted angrily, letting her words roll over me, refusing to absorb them. "Why are you telling me this?" I snapped.
The girl flinched. She hunched slightly and looked up at me, like she was afraid I was going to lash out at her. "I... I don't know," she said. She turned her gaze back to the floor. "I... don't have anyone to talk to," she admitted. "Rarity's been so wonderful to me. She's put everything on hold just to look after me. If I go back on her now and tell her how I really feel, then..."
Her voice became pleading. "Twilight... do you think friendship can really fix anything?" She went back to twisting her foot, squirming as she forced the words out. "Rarity seems so sure that it can. She told me you... Twilight helped her. She keeps saying as long as I'm with people who care about me, everything's going to be okay. And I want to believe her. I really, really want to. But..." She took a deep breath. "My old friends, back in Manehattan... they made me feel so... used. So small. Like I was just a toy to them. And if I ever tried to fight back, they'd just remind me that... I needed them, and I'd be nothing without them. I spent so long believing them, and the way Rarity talks... it's like I'm supposed to already be okay. If I'm not... are we even friends? And what if she just makes me feel used all over again? Am I... am I ever going to stop being afraid of that?"
She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. I bit my lip. She really has no idea who she's asking, does she? part of me snarked to myself. I tried to glare, but couldn't even muster the energy to do that. Irritation just bubbled under my surface, the dull grouchiness of an animal unduly disturbed mixed with the indignant panic of being being asked to solve a problem I hadn't studied for.
Still, though. She looked so sad.
Friendship... I mused over the word. A lot of feelings were attached to it. Anger. Resentment. Pain. Patches of relief and joy, just enough to fuel an even larger bitterness. A pit in my stomach that wouldn't close. I thought of my study group and the party they'd thrown for me. I thought of my months at Sunset's side and the certainty that we'd be together forever. I thought of Rarity. No answers there. I thought of Princess and all her love, all her hurt, and her absolute faith that friendship was the bond that could fix anything. Her destiny. My destiny.
"I think..." I said. The girl looked at me. "I think... when it comes to friendship... I think..."
I faltered. She was staring at me wide-eyed, and I knew I couldn't lie to her. "I don't know." I sighed, and we both deflated. "I'm sorry," I told her. "But I can't help you. I just don't know all that much about friendship."
My heart broke as the girl seemed to collapse in on herself. "What am I supposed to do?" she asked.
"Just... just talk to Rarity," I said, giving up. "She knows about this stuff. She'll have an answer. And I mean really talk to her. Tell her exactly what you just told me. If she really wants to help you, she'll understand. And if she won't let you tell her how you feel, then she's no better than any of your old friends."
She nodded faintly. "I'm scared," she whispered.
Part of me wondered if I was supposed to put a hand on her shoulder. I just shrugged. "That's life."
A shadow passed by and suddenly Applejack loomed in the doorway, sighing in relief when she saw me. "Twilight! There y'are. Shimmer's lookin' for you. Coco," she added with a nod to the shorter girl.
My stomach coiled. "What does she want with me?" I asked.
"Don't know. But I thought it'd be best if someone else found you 'fore she did." She reached out a hand toward me. "C'mon. It's almost time."
Hesitantly, I accepted the proffered hand. Applejack wrapped her arm protectively around mine and led me out of the storage room, into the encroaching darkness of the gym. The line leading up to Princess had shortened to only a few people, with some of her closest friends forming a semicircle around her. Pinkie Pie skipped past us with the rest of the tables, somehow carrying four under each arm. I stopped to stare, but Applejack pulled me on ahead. "Don't question it," the farmgirl said. She must have noticed my slouch deepen, because a moment later she slowed down and gave me a comforting grin. "Ready, sugarcube?" she said.
Was I ready? How could I even begin to answer that? Behind us, I could hear Coco talking. "Is, um, is there anything else I can help you with, Ms. Pie?"
"You caaaaaaaaaaaan... givemeabighugrightnow! " Pinkie Pie yelled, leaping and smothering the poor girl.
Despite myself, the corner of my mouth twitched up. Coco was in good hands. They all were. This whole group - this whole school obviously cared about and looked after each other. They would be fine. With or without Princess, friendship would prevail. And I took some comfort in knowing that come what may, nothing I did would ever be able to tear those friendships apart.
"Yeah," I said quietly. "I'm ready."
It was time.
Author's Note
The next chapter's been sitting at 90% done for many months. So, to ease back into it, I thought I'd chop off the first part into its own chapter. It looks better this way, anyhow.
The sun was setting as we approached the Portal.
I had to capitalize it. Shimmer's creation was more than just the sum of its parts; the twisted, black-spined frame seemed to have grown of its own accord while no one was watching, and I couldn't escape the feeling that when I watched it, some part of it was leering back. There was an electric hum in the air, and a nauseating scent of oil and toxic metal, made more evident by the circle of dying grass that was rapidly spreading around it. Even the air itself seemed to darken as our small group approached it. Despite an unnatural heat, I shivered. If there was ever anything I'd encountered that felt like it could tear a hole in the fabric of time and space, it was this.
Princess led the way, tightly holding a large travel bag and Flash's hand. A small, purple dog stuck close by her heels. Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy followed close behind, with Rarity a few steps back, Coco clinging to her arm nervously. With everyone else having been sent away, I wondered if the girl didn't have anywhere else go to. Applejack and I brought up the rear, with her arm still locked around mine. I couldn't tell if it was meant to be comforting or restraining.
Shimmer was already waiting. She was leaning against a table she'd set up nearby, idly flicking through her phone, which she pocketed as we drew near. I thought I recognized some of the tools and sensors behind her, but they'd been so mangled by whatever she'd done to them that I couldn't guess at their purposes now. Sunset sat glumly against the table's leg, and Shining Armour stood behind it. I noted, with a cold flash of disgust, that since he'd left the party his shirt had somehow come untucked. "Oh good, you found her," Shimmer said loudly, smirking in my direction. "We were starting to think she'd chickened out. Another few minutes and we were gonna phone her mommy."
I put up a weak glare. We spread out along the edge of the circle of dead grass, with Coco and I, the outsiders, a step back. Princess walked forward and put her bag down in front, taking a deep breath. "Is everything ready?" she asked.
"Just about." Suddenly Shimmer darted forward, and the next thing I knew she was shoving a tissue in my face. "Spit in this," she instructed.
In a panic, I tried to squirm back. "What?" I gasped.
"Spit. We need some fluid from you, and if you won't spit then blood's the next easiest." She let go of me, and as if by magic she was suddenly twirling her knife, dangerously close to my arm. "Your choice."
I gulped. With everyone watching I tried to call some moisture into my dry mouth, and after a humiliating thirty seconds managed a pathetic dribble into the sheet. Shimmer soaked this up then whipped back over to Princess, who spat in the tissue as well, then took it and smacked it against the Portal's stone surface. It immediately started to blacken. "That should do it," she muttered, chewing thoughtfully on a finger. "How's everything else?"
Shimmer's phone came out again. She held it up, displaying lines of flashing, scrolling numbers. "Atmosphere's at 90%. The crystals are marinaded, the oil's prepped, and I've thrown out all the breached batteries. It's as good as it's ever going to get."
"Okay." She took another deep breath, slightly ragged. It didn't escape any of us that she was trembling. "How... how long do we have?"
"The minor conditions will start to deteriorate in about forty minutes. We can repair those if we have to, but the longer we wait, the harder this is going to get. Also, just saying, it would be a real bitch to have to set all this up again."
Pinkie Pie gasped. "Ooh! Swear jar! Swear jar!"
"Just put it on my tab," Shimmer snapped at her.
"What conditions?" Rainbow Dash asked Princess. "What's she talking about?"
"It's over your pretty little head," Shimmer sneered in her direction instantly.
"Enough of that," Applejack barked. She took half a step forward, her fists clenched. "We've waited long enough. I'd say you owe us some gosh-darn answers."
"Everyone, please!" Princess held up her hands. "I promise, Shimmer and I will explain everything in a few minutes. This is just the technical stuff. For now, please, we need to focus."
The two of them spent the next several minutes hunched over Shimmer's phone, poking the screen and whispering back and forth. Flash looked over their shoulders and tried to follow, while Shining Armour helped, making adjustments to the devices nearby as they directed him. The rest of us drifted a short distance away, watching tensely. "Alright, this is our last chance to talk this over," Applejack hissed. "Do we really trust Shimmer?"
There was an uneasy silence. "We should at least listen to what she has to say," Fluttershy offered up, but even she didn't sound certain.
"We shouldn't trust her," Sunset sighed. We all looked at her. She'd approached us slowly and was standing a few steps away, her head down in a posture uncomfortably similar to mine. "We should never have trusted her," she continued, keeping her voice low. "We shouldn't have let her into our lives. But it's too late now. She's got us by the throat, and we have to trust her. And all we can do is pray as hard as we can that she's right."
The hush fell again, until a small, nasal voice spoke up in our midst. "Well, my vote is that we get this over with as quickly as possible," Spike said, with two paws clamped over his snout. This got a small chuckle from the group and a sad smile from me. I was glad I hadn't brought my Spike; I pitied his poor canine nose.
I stared at the ground for another minute, tuning out of the world around me, until I felt the mass of Shining Armour move up beside me. "Hey Twiley," he said.
"Hi." I didn't look at him.
"Sorry I had to bail on you at the party. Something came up with Shimmer, and, well..."
"Yeah," I snapped. "I think I know exactly what 'came up' with Shimmer."
"Twiley, it wasn't like that." He reached out to me. "She needed m-"
"Save it." I swatted his hand away, grunting acidly at him. "It's fine. Okay? Fine. Tonight's about her. Not about me. I don't even care."
I showed no outward signs of it, but inwardly smirked as Shining looked around, no doubt receiving glares. "Hey," he said, trying to save face. "Tomorrow, we can..."
He paused. I waited tensely for several seconds before I heard what he heard: the sound of engines, getting closer. "Are we... expecting someone?" Spike asked.
Shimmer looked up distractedly and tossed her phone to Princess. "Nope," she answered. She leaped onto the table and squinted around the statue, frowning. "The fuck...?"
The rest of us leaned around the Portal, staring. I paled. A van hurtled by into the school parking lot, only to be overtaken by a bright pink motorcycle, which jumped the curb and came tearing across the grass toward us. The rider flipped up her visor and yelled over the sound of her motor. "Twiliiiiiiiight! "
At almost the last second, she turned sharply and skidded to a halt, throwing up a rain of dirt that scattered over us. I threw up my arms to shield myself, keeping them raised as the dust settled. Oh, McCarthy, I swore internally, frantically scanning for somewhere to hide. Twinkleshine... why now?
Princess cautiously approached as she dismounted, stretching out her hand. "Um, hello...?"
Twinkleshine just brushed past her and made a beeline through the middle of the group, straight to me. I caught a smile behind her helmet and suddenly she'd wrapped me up in a big bear hug, lifting me off the ground. "My bones were getting so twitchy for you," she whispered to me in a relieved voice. Then she turned around and started carrying me back the way she'd come, calling out in her usual chipper tone. "I found her!"
I looked over my shoulder, struggling to breathe in her grip. Colgate, Lyra and Bon Bon had piled out of the van and were sprinting toward us, all calling my name. Behind them, Lemon Hearts had tripped over her heels and sprawled on her face. "Twilight?" Applejack said, raising an eyebrow at me as I was carried past.
I squirmed. "Um..."
Colgate reached us first, barely winded. "Twilight..." She yanked me out of Twinkleshine's grip and made me face her, holding my shoulders as if she wanted to strangle me. "What the heck , Twilight?"
I turned bright red. Everyone was staring at me. "C-Colagate?" I stammered. "What are you guys doing here?"
"What are we-" She clenched her teeth as the others caught up. "Do you have any idea how worried we've been? You just ran out yesterday, no explanation, no crest, still high off that muffin for all we knew, along with some, some clone who popped up out of nowhere, and you didn't think we'd have any questions?"
"We were going to ask you about it today," Bon Bon added between gasps for breath. Behind her, Lyra was almost bent double, hands on her knees. "But then you didn't come to class today. And at lunch, 'Shine started aching so badly she almost cried."
"It's true. I cried," Twinkleshine said proudly.
Colgate counted on her fingers. "We called your phone. Duh, you left it in my room. We called your house. You weren't there. We searched all our houses. You weren't there. We drove all the way to the hospital... do you know how scared we were?" Tears of rage glittered in her eyes, stabbing through me. "We spent all day crawling around town looking for any sign of you. And then just by luck, Lyra found a group of girls coming home from a party, and they told us you were planning on leaving to another dimension ! Forever! "
"I told ya they meant it literally," Lyra choked out with a grin.
"And you weren't even planning on saying goodbye?" Lemon Hearts asked.
The dead weight that had been sinking in my stomach with every word came to a surprised halt. "Girls, wait," I said.
"Do we not matter to you?" Colgate continued, striking another internal blow. "Were you just going to leave us wondering forever what happened to you? What pushed you to this?"
"I-"
"We've always been here for you, Twilight," Bon Bon added, the hurt in her voice twisting my insides even more. "After everything you've done for us, we would always have been willing to listen. Why couldn't you just talk to us?"
"But-"
Lyra sprang up. "You knew something as cool as interdimensional portals existed and you didn't tell me?" she said. "Is there a dimension where my fanfics are canon!? "
Desperately, I pointed with both hands at Princess. She waved awkwardly. "Her!" I gasped out quickly. "She's leaving through the portal. Not me. Her."
There was a moment of collective wheel-spinning as the group took this in. Then Colgate stepped back and put a hand on her forehead. "Ohhhhh. Okay. That makes a lot more sense."
"This makes sense?" Lemon Hearts whispered to her.
"No, but maybe if I keep saying that it'll stop me from flipping out."
"Ahem." I looked up at Shimmer, who was glaring down at us with a look of profound irritation. "Care to explain, Twilight?" she snapped.
I took a careful position between the two sides and gestured back at my study group. "Um. Everyone? This is my..." I took a breath and tried again. "These are my friends."
"This Twilight has friends?" Rainbow Dash blurted. Fluttershy punched her, but did it so lightly that she didn't notice.
"Hey, watch your mouth!" Twinkleshine pulled off her helmet and threw an arm around me, rubbing me with her cheek. "Twilight's the best study buddy a birdbrain like me could ask for!"
Pinkie Pie gasped. "Ohmygosh. Twinkle?"
Twinkleshine looked at her and straightened up so quickly she nearly knocked me over. "Ohmygosh. Pinkie!"
The two of them bounded towards each other and clasped hands, then started chattering to each other at a rapid-fire pace. "You two... know each other?" Princess asked over the unintelligible excitement.
"Pinkie was my first ever party planner!" Twinkleshine squawked giddily.
"And Twinkle was my first ever party supplier!" Pinkie Pie yelled in kind.
"And she taught me everything I know! " they said together.
The rest of the group stepped forward. Colgate and Applejack shook hands. Lyra and Rainbow Dash nodded sharply, checking each other out. Lemon Hearts and Rarity waved cheerily to each other; Bon Bon and Fluttershy, shyly. Princess and I stood off to the side, letting it happen. Flash and Shining joined us. "I... guess I misjudged you," Flash admitted.
"Still think you didn't follow your destiny?" Princess teased, nudging me.
"My little sis," Shining added, ruffling my hair.
I looked down. "They were right," I muttered.
"About what?" Princess asked.
"I don't deserve them. I've been a bad friend."
"Hey, don't say that." She put her arm around mine. "They chased you all the way to a hole in the universe. They wouldn't have done that for someone they thought was a bad friend."
"But I didn't even tell them... anything."
Princess shrugged. "Sometimes friends keep secrets. Sometimes friends make mistakes. But then we talk about it, and we understand. They'll understand. They obviously care about you a lot. Whatever you've done to earn their friendship, it always matters more than the things you haven't done."
...What I've done?
All I'd done was help them study. Nothing special. Just that. I hadn't even been doing it for them; studying in a group was known to help with comprehension and performance across the board. My motivations for hanging out with them had been entirely selfish. Sure, I'd helped them with their work when they needed it, but it wasn't like that was personal. I hadn't been trying to win their favour or anything. I was just trying to improve the cohesiveness of the group. That was the point of studying together.
What else? I'd sat passively and listened to them talk. I'd attended birthday parties, when I couldn't reasonably say no. I'd defended Lyra during the Vinegar Incident. Simple, idle, meaningless things, things anyone would have done if they'd been in my shoes. But just by doing what was expected of me, I'd tricked these girls into thinking that I was their friend. And now, because I was too stupid to see what I'd done, I'd hurt them. I'd hurt all of them.
Stupid.
"Are you okay?" Princess whispered to me.
I faked a smile. "I'm okay."
"Yeah, that's great," Shimmer said loudly, suddenly looming over us. "Now how about you pull yourself together and get these assholes out of here?"
All mirth stopped. "What?" Colgate asked, turning.
"You heard me." Shimmer addressed them all. "This thing is dangerous. As in 'real possibility that it could explode' dangerous. There's a reason we sent almost everyone else away. Obviously these dumbasses wouldn't leave their leader's side if you paid them, but what's going on tonight has nothing to do with any of you."
Colgate snorted. "You clearly don't understand what being friends is if you think that's true," she said.
"If this matters to Twilight, then it matters to us!" Twinkleshine said. She folded her arms, and Pinkie Pie followed suit.
"No... girls, no." I stepped forward. "She's right. This doesn't have anything to do with you. Please, please don't put yourselves in danger because of me."
"And miss seeing what that thing looks like when it's turned on?" Lyra shook her head wildly. "Heck no!"
"Whatever this is, it's obviously important to you," Bon Bon said. "And even if we can't help, we want to be with you while you see it through."
There was a pause. Colgate nudged Lemon Hearts, who was busy gaping at Flash. She jolted, startled. "Huh? Oh, right, friends, staying, Colgate pinch me he's so HOT. "
I opened my mouth. "Fine!" Shimmer interrupted me before I could speak, shoving me to the side. "Fine. Just... just don't get too close and don't make sudden movements." She groaned and stomped back to her table, muttering to herself.
I put on a smile. I still didn't fully understand, but... it felt like what Princess would do. "E-everyone?" I said, gesturing. "This is Princess Twilight of Equestria. Tonight we're trying to send her home."
"Yeah, yeah, backstory later!" Shimmer belted out, poking at her phone. "Our window is closing here, so if we could get on with this?"
We briefly reformed our original semicircle, a little more lopsided than before. Princess and Shimmer stood in the middle, in front of the Portal's mouth. "Okay," Princess started. "Some of you are completely new to this, so I'll start from the beginning." Shimmer rolled her eyes at this, but she continued. "When thinking of parallel universes, it's easiest to understand them as giant destiny strings. A universe 'grows' upward through time like a never-ending blade of grass, with all the destiny strings of the people inside it supporting it like the filaments of a rope." I saw several people nodding; the reality was much more complicated, but the "field of grass" model was still how destiny mechanics were taught in most textbooks.
"That's as far as our Star Swirl got," Shimmer continued, taking over. "He imagined the multiverse as a field of mega-strings, growing around and through each other but not able to actually interact. He never figured out how to cross between them, but he did write a paper describing a method that could work if the rules of our universe were a little different, which we guessed is what Equestria's Star Swirl used. Basically, he used magic to punch a hole in reality and then shotgunned energy into the void until he hit something. If he could consistently hit the same spot with the same frequency, it meant the local destiny strings were running exactly parallel, which meant that he could safely form a portal between them." This got some blank looks, so she sighed and clarified. "Imagine trying to build a bridge between two blades of grass growing in different directions. It would work, but not for very long."
"My first attempts at building a portal followed that design," Princess said. "But I quickly realized it wouldn't work. Unlike Equestrian magic, human magic is incredibly personal and almost always invisible - it can't be projected and manipulated like ours can. So even if I'd been able to open a portal, which I couldn't, and even if I'd been able to send energy through, which I couldn't, there's no guarantee that I'd hit the right universe. I'd just end up even further from home, with even less of an idea how to get back.
"My next idea was to use my Element. It's a source of unlimited Equestrian magic, with the same harmonic frequency of my home dimension. I thought that if I could approximately manipulate the local frequencies to match Equestria... I was so sure that it was going to work." She shook her head sadly. "That was the closest I ever got. I managed to reactivate part of the portal and make a hole between realities. But without a complete mirror portal to guide me, all I could do was stare out into the void between worlds. And that was when I realized the truth." Her shoulders slumped. Across the circle, I saw Sunset wince sympathetically. "After the portal was broken, our worlds became unbalanced. This universe has two more destiny strings in it now, and mine has two fewer. Without the mirror to tether them together, they grew further and further apart. We're not parallel any more. Even if I spent the rest of my life tearing random holes in space, there's no way that I could ever find Equestria again." She shivered in recollection, letting a wave of it pass over her. "At least... that's what I thought."
She looked at the ground. We waited for more, but Princess had come to a stop, biting her lip. Lyra waved at her impatiently. "So that's where this mega-portal comes in, right?" she asked.
Shimmer savoured the moment, then looked back at Princess. "Care to enlighten them, your Highness?" she said.
Princess nodded hesitantly. "W-well," she started, "what we've done is combined several of our old theories into a single, cohesive entity. We started with the heated base elements that I'd been using in my old design, which Shimmer expanded to include-"
"Fuck's sake." Shimmer threw up her hands, laughing. "It does nothing. Okay? It does fucking nothing."
There was a pause, the length of a gasp. "What!?" Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash yelled at the same time. "Jinx," Pinkie Pie added, giggling.
"That's not entirely true!" Princess added quickly. "Every little bit adds up."
"Yeah, whatever." Shimmer flung out her arm, gesturing to the great black Portal. "You see this frame? Bullshit. If we've run the numbers right, it'll make it maybe a tenth of a percent more likely to make a portal form. And that's if the numbers are right, which I can guarantee they're not. The boiler? That's half a percent, at most. And the spit? I just made that up. We're only getting one shot at this, so we're throwing everything we've got at the wall, just in case something tips us over the edge. That's it."
Applejack swelled up. "So you're telling me-"
Flash put a hand on her arm, steadying her. She backed down, grumbling to herself. "So what's the big secret?" Flash sighed.
"That's an apt word," Rarity added. "If all of... this isn't your means of getting home, then what is? And why have you been keeping us all in the dark about it?"
Princess fidgeted. "Everyone," she started, "I... I'm sorry that we've been keeping this from you. Shimmer and I agreed..." They shared a look. "...No. It was my idea. And I'm sorry. I wish I could have told you sooner, but I need you to understand..."
She trailed off again. Shimmer smirked. "The problem was that she was trying to follow in Star Swirl's footsteps, creating a portal from scratch," she said. "But she never needed to. She's had a direct line back to her homeworld right in front of her this whole time." She looked at Princess, who was standing statue-still. "Well, go on," Shimmer said. "Show them."
Princess moved, but only slowly. She knelt down and unzipped her travel bag, reaching into a hidden pocket inside it. With careful reverence, she lifted out the Element of Magic.
Right away, Pinkie Pie's hand was in the air. "Buuuuut, didn't you just say...?"
"I wasn't using it right," Princess said. Her words had a cold weight to them. "In this world, the Element of Magic is powered by the emotions of its wielder and those around her. But it only exists at all because of its connection to the physical Elements, the five Elements of Harmony that govern Equestria, without which the Element of Magic can't exist. That link still exists, even between dimensions. If I can just call on that bond and apply it to the broken portal, we should be able to re-establish a connection."
"An unstable connection," Shimmer corrected. "The whole 'growing in different directions' thing I mentioned. And without a way of sustaining it on this end, it'll probably collapse the moment a body enters it. One-way trip."
"Wait, a body?" Spike asked, sounding panicked. "What about me?"
"A body can be anything," Shimmer said dismissively. "Just go in while you're touching. The portal's not gonna care."
"That... sounds fantastic," said Flash cautiously. "So what's the problem?"
"Wait, did that dog just talk?" said Bon Bon. Lyra shushed her.
Princess swallowed hard. "Before, I was using the Element to power the portal," she said. "But Shimmer's plan is different. It's going to become the portal - or at least, this side of it. That means that, even in the best-case scenario, I won't be able to take it with me. But it's much more likely that... when we do this... the Element is going to be destroyed."
There were several noises of shock. "Twilight, you can't," Flash gasped.
"Twilight, you can't !" Sunset cried, much more frantically.
Nearby, Lemon Hearts put up her hand. "I... don't understand why that would be bad," she said.
Flash stepped into the circle. "The Element isn't just a source of magic," he explained. "It's a part of who Twilight is. It's an extension of her crest. It's her destiny ." He looked at her pleadingly. "You can't destroy that. Not even for this."
"It's the only way," Princess said quietly.
"It's more than that," Sunset added. "It's the most important magic in Equestria. It's the only thing that stands between them and destruction. You c-can't just go back without it. If you get back and they need your help, then-"
"It's the only way," Princess repeated.
Sunset didn't relent. "What about Discord? Nightmare Moon? Or something even worse, something we don't even know about yet? Equestria needs it, more than it needs you. If you go back without it, you'll only-"
"It's the only way! " Princess shouted. She clenched her eyes shut, making trembling fists. "I don't want this. I'm terrified. But it's the only option I have. Either I go back and leave the Element behind, or I keep it and stay here forever. There's no other choice."
"Twilight..." Flash took a deep breath. "I won't let you do this."
For the first time since I'd known her, Princess glared . "Flash," she said coldly, "if you really care about me, you won't try to stop me."
We collectively took this in. "I... I agree," Fluttershy piped up. We looked at her. "Twilight knows the risks better than anyone," she said. "If this is what it takes for her to go home... then we should respect that."
A few others nodded. "Yeah," Rainbow Dash said. "We trust you, Twilight."
Applejack sighed. "Well, that's that, then. Pretty big risk you're taking."
"I know," Princess said. "You can't understand how much I know that."
Sunset crossed her arms. "I don't agree," she said. "But... I understand." She sighed. "How do we do this?"
"Oh, that's the best part." Shimmer picked up her sledgehammer and twirled it, grinning nastily. "Hey, hands up everyone who can say they've destroyed an all-powerful artifact before."
Princess winced. "Overkill much?" Colgate muttered.
"But first," Princess said, "it needs to be activated."
Before she could say anything else, Pinkie Pie was already swinging around her in a physics-defying hug. "Twilight-you're-my-best-friend-and-I-love-you!" she screamed happily.
"Pinkie, wait-" The protest came too late. In seconds, Princess was buried inside of a smiling, impromptu group hug. "Girls... wait!" She pulled her arms free one by one. "I told you, that's part of the problem. The Element doesn't..." She eyed the girl resting her head on her shoulder. "Do I know you?"
"Does it matter?" Lyra asked.
"Lyra!"
Bon Bon yanked Lyra out of the group, disentangling the girl-cluster. Shimmer rolled her eyes impatiently, but Princess laughed, some colour returning to her. "As I was saying," she went on, "in this dimension, the Element has modified itself to run on essentially human magic, drawing power from its wielder directly. But there's one other condition that causes all the Elements to link together." She raised it up. "A spark."
A second passed, and sounds of dawning realization passed over the group. Some of Princess' friends stepped back. I glanced around, trying to piece together what this meant, only to catch Rainbow Dash staring at me. "You don't mean..." she said.
With the subtlety of butterflies, the gathering parted. Suddenly, I was standing alone. Suddenly, Princess was smiling at me. "Or," she said, "should I say... a sparkle."
I was sharply aware of the amount of empty air around me. My throat was dry. I couldn't breathe. "M-me?" I choked out, far too loud.
"That's right." Princess took a step forward. "It's your destiny."
I took an equal and opposite step back. "No," I blurted out. "I can't be. You're wrong."
"You are." Again she advanced, and again the crown in her hands repulsed me; my own crest, carved so perfectly on its tip, forced waves of nausea through me with its approach. "It was my destiny to awaken and unite the Elements of Harmony," she insisted. "And that means it's your destiny too. You can awaken it, just like I did. I know you can. You're the only person in this whole universe who we know for certain the crown will respond to."
"I can't." I tried to keep backing up, but couldn't; with that phrase she'd tethered me. I knew that if I took one more step away, it could only be to turn and flee. "That's not my destiny any more," I pleaded, shrinking away as she brought the hateful crown closer. "I'm not like you. I don't know anything about friendship."
"Neither did I," she countered. "But that doesn't matter. All it takes is one moment. One spark. That's all anyone needs to change everything."
She was right in front of me now, holding her Element up to me. I could feel it pulsing, like a second heart, every beat inflicting another wave of agitation on me. "Twilight," she said, more quietly, "you're the only way I can get home. Won't you try?"
She asked as if I had a choice. I was already reaching out, already accepting my fate. "I can't," I protested one last time, even as my fingers wrapped around the metal.
"You can." And then she withdrew, leaving the cold weight of the crown in my hands.
I tried to breathe. The unnatural heat of the Portal sucked at me, but I felt cold. Cold and alone, in a way that I hadn't understood was possible until now. The star I held pulsed yet again, cutting into me. I couldn't bear to look at it. Hesitantly, I drew my eyes away from the ground. Everyone was watching me. Princess was at the front, her hands clasped, her smile confident. Flash and Shining stood at her back, the boys I'd loved and lost. My study group was on her right, beaming encouragement; her best friends on her left, only slightly less so. Sunset peered at me from behind her bangs, grinning shyly, and even Shimmer - Shimmer , of all people - held no malice in her smirk. She did, however, make a meaningful glance down at her wrist. "That's the spirit," she said, with only a bare trace of sarcasm. "Now why don't you make with the friendship..." She grabbed Sunset and shoved her toward me, almost sending her double sprawling. "...and we can finally finish this." Her voice hardened. "Don't keep us waiting."
Sunset and I stared at each other. My hands shook, and she turned pale, looking just as scared as I felt. Everyone was watching us - watching me - watching and waiting, waiting for me to fix everything, waiting as time ran out. Seconds burrowed into my skin as I stood and shivered and sweated, using up all of my mental faculties just to keep standing straight. Panic threatened to burst out of me at any moment. I had no idea what they wanted , let alone what to do, and time was passing, and I was ruining everything, and-
Okay.
Okay.
Deep breaths, Twilight. You'll figure this out.
I put a hand to my chest and swung it out as I exhaled, like I'd seen Colgate once do. It wasn't much, but it made me feel a little better.
A spark.
Reluctantly, I forced myself to examine the crown I was holding. Cold, hard, delicate. I couldn't feel it through my fingers, yet some part of me still insisted that it was pulsing; piercing me, filling me, scanning me. Its star-shaped tip lazily reflected light up at me, terrifyingly familiar and yet, at the same time, hauntingly alien.
Was I supposed to put it on? Unleash everything I'd been holding in and use its power to show them all the scarred, vengeful monster that I truly was? It chilled me, but there was something undeniably tempting about the thought. To abandon all pretense and lay myself bare, show all the people depending on me the truth of who I really was. Liar. Poisoner. Rapist. A dangerous monster, fit only to be hunted down and killed, leaving everyone else's lives better without me. It seemed antithetical to friendship, sure, but wasn't this how fairy tales were supposed to end? With the slaying of a monster?
But no. If I was understanding this right, my job here was to recreate the original spark that had brought the Element to life. To reset it to factory conditions, in a way. That meant that, as tempting as it was, I couldn't steal the magic that the original Twilight had imbued into the crown. I had to discover it for myself.
The magic... of friendship. Right.
I returned my gaze to Sunset.
She'd stood statue-still while I'd gathered my thoughts, her hands frozen mid-wring. Her mouth jittered, trying to smile and utterly failing. I was sure that we looked similar; there was a certain nauseating poetry to it. I tried my best to pity her. I tried. Honest, I tried.
I'd loved her. I'd done enough reflecting that I could admit that. We'd played together, learned together, grown together. I'd experienced friendship with her, true friendship, and in return, she'd broken me. She could apologize all she wanted, she could beg and plead and shower me with attention, but she couldn't take back what she'd done. Just forcing myself to look at her was sending hot flashes of pain and rage through me; what personal revelation was I supposed to have that would lead to us ever being friends again?
And it wasn't that I didn't understand. Intellectually, I understood . It didn't take a princess to know that, from a purely objective standpoint, being friends was superior to not being friends. We could emotionally support each other, work through our issues together. Revisit old times. Learn to trust again. With just one action, one tiny moment of acceptance from me, things could go right back to the way they were before.
I ran my tongue over dry lips. "Sun..." I said, inaudible, and got no further.
But if I did this, I asked myself, wouldn't I just be going down the same path that Princess did? It had already taken me everything I had simply to not attack her; I certainly wasn't going to forgive her. Any offer of friendship I made now would and could only be a lie. And then what? Years of swallowing my hatred, pretending everything was okay until I finally learned to stomach her? I wasn't sure that I could last that long, and even if I did, I'd already seen that it would forever taint any real friendship we somehow managed to wring from the experience.
But then, wasn't that the lesson? That no price is too high for friendship? And what could be a greater act of friendship than enduring years of agony for the sake of another person? After all that had happened, did I really deserve anything else?
I willed my feet to move. One step, two steps, but no further. Any closer and Sunset and I could have reached out and brushed fingertips. I tried to meet her gaze. She was-
-standing over me at the end of the corridor, leaning down as I tried to burrow into the corner, my arm thrown protectively over my head. "Look at me when I'm talking to you," she said with a laugh, pushing me back so my tear-streaked face was in full view.
All I could do was shiver. Sunset's friends clustered around her, blocking us in, with the shortest acting as a lookout. Sunset's face was inches from mine, her smirk filling my world. "My boyfriend tells me you've been staring at him," she said, loud enough that the whole hallway could hear. I squeaked and paled before I could stop myself; I knew that she couldn't have known, but she didn't have to, not when my stupid expressions told her everything. "Get real," she laughed, shoving me back again. "Everyone knows what you're into, you freak. Why don't you just disappear and stop creeping out the rest of us?"
Her friends cackled, and Sunset smashed her hand into my shoulder, bruising the back of my arm against the edge of a locker. "And if I ever catch you looking at my property again," she hissed, "maybe I'll run and tell Celestia all about how my 'best friend ever' put her own brother in the hospital when she couldn't screw him." Then she whirled away, leaving her followers to shower me with the confetti of my astrology notes as I sat and wept.
-standing with her head down, looking pale and exhausted, trembling as I drew near. She was so thin that her beloved jacket from years gone by still fit her perfectly, unchanged, but in my mind's eye I could see outlined ribs and mottled scars. "Sunset," I said.
She looked up at me. Something glinted in her eyes. "Twilight," she whispered.
The pulsing of the Element filled me, faster, harder. I can do this. So much promise, so much power. I turned it around in my hands. It's easy. Princess did it. Easy. A deep, sick feeling squirmed up through my stomach. They're only words. I can say them. I could save her. I could change her. I could change everything.
"Say it!" someone screeched. Was it someone around me? Did it come from inside my head?
"I..." I swallowed hard. My head was swimming. "I..."
Shimmer smirked.
My eyes shut tight. My brain shut down. The sickening air spread down my limbs and for one glorious moment I felt absolutely nothing at all.
I inhaled. My resolve tightened. Self-sacrifice was one thing... but like hell was I going through with this if it gave that jerk the slightest satisfaction. If Shimmer approved, then it couldn't be real friendship. It just couldn't be. There had to be another way.
I opened my eyes. Turning pointedly away from Sunset, I looked to my study group.
Friends. I'd called them that, and it hadn't been a conscious lie. By Princess' logic, I was already past where I needed to be. I had friends. Lyra, Twinkleshine, Bon Bon, Lemon Hearts, Colgate; they were all watching me with pride in their eyes. In a strange way, they'd come to the edge of the world for me. And why? Because... because I was their friend. And for them, that was enough.
What was I supposed to be feeling when I thought of that? Grateful? Overwhelmed? I hadn't asked them to come for me. They were risking their lives just by standing close, and for... for what? Just for the chance that it would make me feel better? All I felt right now was scared, guilty, queasy at the thought that I was responsible for anything that might happen to them. My feelings obviously weren't worth the risk. I obviously wasn't worth it. Why was I the only one who was able to see that?
My mind stopped short - some inner equivalent of a scratched disk.
I wondered silently if, if our situations had been reversed, I would go to the edge of the world for one of them. I barely hesitated. Of course I would. A numbers game had nothing to do with it; they were worth it. Yes, between them they could be petty, they could be liars, stubborn troublemakers, messy, gross, rude, gay, and honestly, a couple of them were kind of dumb. But they still deserved my help - just for being present, just for being human . That was Ethics 101 right there: Show kindness to others, no matter what. No matter what.
So why, I forced myself to ask, was it so different when they showed that same kindness to me?
Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
The thought was poison. The thought was pain. But I closed my eyes and forced myself to turn away. One step forward, two steps forward, push everything else out. When I opened my eyes, Princess was in front of me.
I looked at her- I looked at me .
This strange, outcast girl who'd wandered into everyone's lives and changed everything. So badly hurt. So alone. So jealous of everyone around her. She thought so little of herself - even though she was so kind and beautiful and incredible that it made my heart hurt. When she looked at herself, all she could see was flaws. If she could only see herself the way I saw her-
If I could only see myself-
She gasped as my arms snapped around her, pulling her tight to my chest. "We're the same," I whispered. "The same. And I'm... I'm ready to accept that." Unbidden, tears came. "I don't want to be. But I am. That's how friendship works, right?"
"Twilight..." she began. I put a finger to her lips.
"I know I have friends. That's what you wanted me to see. But there was someone else I needed to settle things with first. Someone we both needed to meet." I put my forehead against hers. "Thank you for being a mirror for me. Without you, I never could have met... myself."
She nodded. Now or never. In a swift motion I placed the crown onto my head, leaned in, and whispered to myself something that I knew I needed to hear:
"You deserve to be loved."
Then everything went white.
Light. So much light. Someone was shouting.
I could feel them. All of them. Individual points of light, streaming in every direction, piercing into me. Awe, fear, but above all love, pouring into me from every angle - so alien and intense that it was practically agony. I writhed in it, building up shields only to feel them wither away under the pressure. Someone was shouting.
I opened my eyes. I was floating off the ground. Light surrounded me, almost blinding me - I could feel it floating down through my hair and my arms. Beams of light radiated off of my crown, spinning and slowly focusing. Someone was shouting.
I felt... strong. I lifted an arm experimentally. A chunk of ground came with it. It felt... good. The auras around me flickered and changed. Someone was shouting.
Someone was shouting. Oh. Right.
"Wake the fuck up!" Shimmer screamed at me. One of the beams of light intersected the Portal, which began to glow. "Now! Give it to me now!"
I plucked the crown from my head and clumsily tossed it. The moment it left my fingers the light died and I plummeted back to earth, landing in Twinkleshine's waiting arms. The solid beams of light persisted as Shimmer caught the crown, more and more of them focusing on the brightening Portal. In a flurry of motion she positioned herself, tossed the crown into the air, caught her sledgehammer as Pinkie Pie threw it to her.
And then, as the beams focused and the crown began to glow, Shimmer smashed it into the Portal with all her might.
For one terrible, heart-stopping moment, nothing happened.
Then reality twisted. There was a sickening crack and the world tore open, a painfully blinding lack of light filling the Portal. I covered my eyes and shrieked, feeling something unnatural burning into my retinas. All around, cries of pain and surprise rose up, and then the Portal itself shrieked, a noise like breaking metal echoing up to the sky...
And then, nothing. Nothing but a soft blue glow.
One by one, we uncovered our eyes and looked. The interior of the Portal glowed an opaque blue, softly swirling within the spiked metal confines. There was no sign of the Element of Magic. Princess stared at it, slack-jawed. From the look in her eyes, I guessed that this was exactly what she’d been hoping for.
Shimmer recovered first, picking up her phone and scrolling through it. “Alright,” she announced. “We have a connection. No way to tell what’s on the other side. It’s... shit.” She tapped a few times. “It’s decaying much faster than we anticipated. You wanna say your goodbyes, you only have about a minute to do it.”
Princess stepped forward like she was being pulled. From the desire on her face as she stared into the swirling blue, I half-thought that she was about to charge straight through it, but she hesitated on the brink and turned back. Spike rushed up to her ankles and stood there jumping from paw to paw, glancing at the Portal anxiously. “Everyone...” Princess began, biting her lip.
“Forty seconds,” Shimmer hissed.
Princess gulped. “Everyone,” she began again. “I want to say thank you-”
“We know, Twi,” Applejack interrupted. She tossed Princess her duffel bag. “Now don’t miss your ride.” The rest quickly nodded.
Princess nodded in kind. “Everyone? I’ll miss you. Flash? I love you. Twilight?” She fixed her gaze on mine. “You’ll be okay. I promise.”
She picked up Spike. “Goodbye, Twilight!” Lyra yelled from the back.
“Goodbye!”
“Goodbye, Twilight!”
“Goodbye!”
“Goodbye!”
“BYE TWILIGHT!!!” Pinkie Pie shrieked, jumping and waving.
With a last glance back, Princess stepped forward. She passed soundlessly into the glowing blue light.
“Bye-bye...” Shimmer said, a smirk on her face.
Lightning crackled across the Portal. Princess’ shadow within it swirled and faded, then vanished within the storm.
“...sucker.”
The light went out. Princess was gone.
Night’s darkness fell. There was a long, slow whirring as the Portal powered down. Then came silence as all eyes slowly turned to Shimmer.
“What?” Rainbow Dash said. A dozen threats lay buried in the one word.
Shimmer ignored her, tapping away at her phone. “You can stop staring,” she said. “I kept my side of the deal. Twilight’s in Equestria now. I mean, probably.”
“What do you mean, probably?” Applejack asked, stomping forward.
“I mean she definitely went somewhere . Probably some version of Equestria. How should I know? But we’ve got no way to test it, and honestly, I really don’t give aaa...” Her eyes widened. “Everyone get back, now!”
Terror lurched in my stomach and I finally found my feet again. The dozen of us turned and scattered in all directions, punctuated by a couple of screams - but I halted when I couldn’t feel Shining Armour’s heavy, lopsided footsteps running with us. Turning back, I saw him and Shimmer standing expectantly before the Portal, arms raised. There was a final spark of light as the twisted machine powered down for good, and something sparkling fell into Shimmer’s waiting hand.
It was the Element of Magic.
Something gripped me. I hadn’t been the first to stop, but seeing that crown - my crown - in that traitor’s hands made me the first to go stomping back. “You said it would be destroyed.”
“Yeah, I said that, didn’t I?” She acknowledged me only idly, examining the crown as though for the first time. “Weird stuff, this Equestrian magic. Doesn’t always turn out like you’d expect.”
I folded my arms. “Give it to me,” I demanded. Where was this bravery coming from all of a sudden? “It doesn’t belong to you.”
“Yeah, about that. Funny story.” Her eyes met mine. A chill went through me. “You didn’t really think I did all this for free, did you?”
Realization struck me cold. Some of the others, coming up behind me, weren’t as quick on the uptake. “What are you talking about?” Flash said.
Shimmer snapped her fingers. “Shining, dearest?”
Shining Armour grimaced. Still, even he couldn’t keep from a slightly theatrical flourish as he drew and unfolded a long page from his pocket. “Classic contract, doubly signed by both parties,” he said as though at knifepoint, avoiding everyone’s eyes. “In the event that the Element of Magic survives the process of forming the Portal to Equestria, it becomes the property of this world’s-”
“Let me see that,” Colgate and Applejack demanded at the same time, stomping forward. They both snatched the page and read it over. “Seems legit,” Colgate said.
“Can’t be,” Applejack argued. “Twilight would never-”
“Your Twilight did exactly what she needed to,” Shimmer purred smugly. She slowly cast her gaze around the semicircle, her smirk boring into each of us in turn. “I made an offer. This was my price. A way home in exchange for the Element of Magic. Poor Princess Twilight was so desperate to get away from you all that she didn’t think twice. Contract or no, that’s the decision your precious leader made. You’re just going to have to live with it.”
I fixed my brother with a hard gaze. You knew? I asked with my eyes. He only stared at the ground.
“Oh yeah?” Pinkie Pie puffed up, folding her arms. “You think you can get away with this? There’s fourteen of us and two of you!”
My heart ached as Shining Armour was included in that proclamation - but then, he was standing ashamedly by Shimmer’s side. “Twilight was wrong,” Flash Sentry spoke up abruptly. I could hear in his voice how much it hurt to say it, but he tightened his fists and continued. “That crown wasn’t hers to give away. It belongs to the Twilight of this universe now.”
Both groups looked to me. Without thinking, I stepped forward. “He’s right,” I said, surprising even myself. Some inner calmness, some certainty, still lingered after removing the crown. The heartbeats of everyone assembled still beat in me, all their hopes, all their thoughts focused on my own. I was the only Twilight Sparkle in this world now. It was time I acted like one. Marching one step further, I extended my hand. “Give the Element to me,” I demanded. “It doesn’t belong to you.”
Shimmer strode up to me, looking me up and down. “What are you gonna do?” she said softly, donning the crown. “Fight me for it?”
A shockwave of golden light knocked us all back. I flailed my arms, struggling to stay standing, and squinted ahead. It was like staring into the sun. Shimmer floated in a ball of fire, her flesh warping, her hair ablaze. Voices were screaming - my friends? Her? Me? She rose into the air and the Portal broke apart behind her, flying up to surround her like a metal cocoon. Just for a moment, the light went out...
In a blaze of light, Shimmer broke free. She slowly drifted down to the ground, arms spread, head raised. Her skin was scaled with shining gold. Her hair was a miasma of white. Wings of metal and glass unfurled behind her, flapping delicately as she touched down. When she opened her eyes she saw the world through slits, and her next words were spoken through curled fangs. “Ahh. I could get used to this.”
Under any other circumstances, I would have called her strangely beautiful.
Sunset recovered first, but all she did was drop to her knees. “Shimmer,” she said in a small voice. “Look at yourself.”
“Oh, I am.” Shimmer did a slow twirl, looking down at herself. “This feels like something I’ve been holding in for far too long. Shining, your thoughts?” Shining Armour stayed quiet. He only dropped to one knee beside the statue, keeping his gaze low.
From the back of the crowd, Lyra spoke up. “She looks like a changeling.”
Shimmer twitched. She shook the ground with a stomp and strode forward, turning the blackened grass to cinders where she walked. Bon Bon pushed herself defensively in front of Lyra while the latter protested. “What? She does!”
“She’s right,” Sunset said. “Shimmer, you’re-”
Shimmer whirled on her, heat and smoke wafting off her wings so intensely that I had to take another step back. “I don’t give a fuck what I look like,” she growled. “Or what I am. There are things in this world much, much worse than me, and I aim to put a stop to them. And there’s nothing you can say or do that’s going to hold me back.”
“Go on, then,” Applejack said. She stepped in and the circle tightened. “You’re so confident, get us out of your way.”
With a smirk, Shimmer rose up. A fireball blazed in her hand, then winked out. “I’m not stupid,” she cackled. “The last person who tried to abuse this thing turned into that .” She gestured at Sunset. “No way am I taking that risk. Only good quests for me from now on. And I already know that you freaks won’t try to fight me unless I hit first. It’s not your way. Which puts us at an impasse, don’t you think?” She settled down onto the ground. “Here’s what’s going to happen. Shining, Sunny and I are going to leave now. We’re going to take the Element with us. And there’s no morally defensible action you can take to stop us.” She stretched and folded her wings and, with infuriating calmness, started to pack her things into a bag.
Someone tugged at my sleeve. “Twilight?” Bon Bon whispered to me. “I know we said we’d stand with you, but... I don’t think we can fight some sort of fire goddess. I don’t think we should get involved.”
I could feel my grasp of the situations slipping away from me. “You can’t leave,” I blurted out. “Shining’s staying for another week. You can’t just take him.”
“Y-yeah,” Shining Armour said, finding his voice. He gulped, watching Shimmer with a look that could have been fear or awe. “I thought we agreed...”
“Sorry, sweetie. But we’ve got a train to catch. Maybe next year.” Without looking, Shimmer put out a hand and gestured with two fingers. “Come on, Sunny. Time to say goodbye to your shitty friends.”
Sunset stayed where she was, kneeling on the ground and shaking. Pinkie Pie bounded up and wrapped her arms around her defensively; Flash Sentry put a hand on her shoulder. “Sunset’s not going anywhere,” he said. “And if you try to take her, we’ll-”
He stopped. Sunset shook her head rapidly. She whispered something to Pinkie Pie, who confusedly let her go, then spoke to Flash in a small voice that I could barely hear. “Please, just do what she says. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me.”
“Sunset.” He kept his hold on her as she stood up. “I’m not letting you-”
She swatted his hand away and stepped forward. “I go with you, and everyone walks away without fighting?” she asked.
“That’s the plan,” Shimmer answered. She slid her hammer through a loop in her bag and threw it over her shoulder, shifting to let it slide down between her wings.
“Hey!” Rainbow Dash advanced. “If you think we’re just going to let you walk away from here with-”
“Ah-ah. No fighting.” A wall of yellow flame erupted in front of her, cutting us off from Sunset. It spread to completely encircle us. “The Element is mine by contract. Sunset is mine by her own free will,” Shimmer counted off. “And I don’t need this crown to crush all of you beneath my feet. You are going to let me walk away from here. There’s nothing more to discuss. Shining, Sunny, let’s go.”
She turned and began to walk away. A lash of fire stretched out from her hand and materialized into a chain around Sunset’s wrist; Sunset was dragged away without looking back. Only Shining hesitated. “Goodbye, Twilight,” he said, not quite looking at me through the flames. “I’ll see you in a few months. I hope.”
“Shining,” I responded. Was it acknowledgement, a threat, a plea? I couldn’t tell. “Shining!”
But he walked away.
We all stood numbly within the circle. Rainbow Dash charged the wall, only to flinch back from the heat. “This isn’t happening,” Pinkie Pie whimpered. She put her hands over her eyes and started to count down from one hundred, slowly.
I whirled on Applejack. “So that’s it?” I said, disbelieving. “After all she did, we’re just going to let her walk away?”
“I don’t like it either.” Applejack’s fists were clenched, her jaw twitching. “But she’s got us pinned and she knows it. Nothin’ we can do but hope Sunset breaks free.”
“But you’re supposed to be the protectors of this place!” I spat at her. “Isn’t there anything you can do?”
“Before now...” She looked to the place where the Portal had been. “We had Twilight.”
I glared in the direction of Shimmer’s retreating back. Despite the intensity of the golden light, all I could see was red. “You do have a Twilight,” I growled. Before I knew what I was doing, I charged at the wall of fire.
Heat seared me. I could feel Shimmer’s eyes on me, her laughter echoing in my ears. But I emerged on the other side in a plume of smoke and kept running. “SHIMMER!” I yelled at the retreating trio, racing forward.
Maybe the Element’s powers couldn’t hurt me, the true bearer. Maybe it did hurt and I failed to notice. Or maybe I just knew that I’d survived being burned by Sunset before.
Shimmer had already stopped. She turned slowly, drawing Shining and Sunset behind her. She was wearing that same smile - that same fucking smile - as she sized me up, hands on her hips, her light scarring the night air. Something wordlessly profane bubbled out of me, and...
The next thing I knew, she’d caught my fist inches from her face, her clawed hand wrapped around my own... and squeezing. Tears sprung to my eyes as she twisted my wrist, forcing me down onto one knee. “Bold,” she said, arrogantly calm. “Stupid, but bold. I underestimated you, little Twilight.”
She knelt down to match me. “You really love him, don’t you?” she said quietly. “Maybe even more than I do.”
“Fuck you,” I hissed back, unafraid. “You won’t get away with this.”
“Maybe not.” Sunset chewed her lip, considering me. “I like you, Twilight,” she said, smirking as I glared at her. “And I don’t want us to part ways as enemies. So I’ll tell you what. Of all the things I’ve taken from you tonight, I’ll give one back. I’ll even let you choose. Will it be Sunset...” She folded one wing, revealing Sunset shivering on her left. “...your brother...” She folded the other wing, revealing Shining watching me with concern. “...or your crown?”
My brother or the crown? There was a part of me that knew it was no choice at all. The Element of Magic was what protected Canterlot High. It was the symbol of the power of friendship - it was the power of friendship. My awakened destiny, my crest. Shimmer couldn’t be allowed to have it. There was no telling what terrible things she could do with its power.
But at the same time... I could have a brother again. I could bring him home where he belonged and save him from this awful, evil woman who was controlling his life. There was still so much unsaid between us, so many years of missed opportunities to make up for, and I knew that if I let him go now, there was a good chance that I would never see him again. My brother, or the Element? Which one would I be able to live with if I let it go?
Sunset whimpered. I briefly turned my glare to her. She had no say in this.
“Interesting choice,” Shimmer mumbled.
Wait, what? Words caught in my throat. No, that wasn’t-
Shimmer yanked on the chain, dragging Sunset close, then dispelled it in a burst of fire. “It’s just as well,” she said, no longer looking at me or my panicked expression. “She would only have slowed us down. Still, the fun we could have had...” She leaned in and kissed her double’s cheek. “Ah, well. A deal’s a deal. ‘Til next time, Sunny.” Then she grabbed Sunset by the throat and hurled her at me.
We tumbled together across the grass, suddenly in each other’s arms. There were tears in her eyes when we rolled to a stop, and she clung to my shoulders tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered deliriously, burying her face in my neck. “Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you...”
I shoved her away and stood. Shimmer was gone.
Running footsteps broke into my consciousness. People surrounded me. Someone hugged me. Someone else was thanking me. It all barely registered. I just kept staring at the circle of char where Shimmer had been, hearing her laughter echoing on the night air.
The lights were off when Colgate pulled up to my house. “Y’know,” she said, breaking the silence that had enveloped us, “you don’t have to go home right away if you don’t want.”
It had been a long ride home. We’d broken up into smaller groups and gone our separate ways, Princess’ friends disappearing like they’d rehearsed it and Twinkleshine and Pinkie Pie rocketing off somewhere together. When everyone else was gone, Colgate offered to drive me home almost as an afterthought.
At first, the others had peppered me with questions - who was Princess, what was up with Shimmer, so is magic real or what - but my silence eventually infected all of them. My mind was stuck on those few crucial seconds, that stupid mistake I’d made. I hated Sunset for making noise. I hated myself for looking. I hated Shimmer for showing me a glimpse of another world - a world in which I was loved, where my brother was back, where I was a princess - and then ripping it out from under my feet. Now I had no crown. No brother. Just an old enemy, out there somewhere haunting me. Right back to where I’d started.
I was so wrapped up in reflection that I didn’t realize we’d stopped for a while, let alone register Colgate’s offer. “You’ve been through a lot today,” she went on. “And I know explaining everything to us from square one probably isn’t what you want right now. But if you need some time to process, to think things over... you don’t have to spend that time alone.”
I mulled on this, staring at my own front door. “Thanks,” I said quietly. What would Princess say at a time like this? I shook the thought off. “But there’s something I need to do on my own, first.”
“Okay. Promise we’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Promise,” I said, and meant it. I climbed out of the van and watched as it drove away.
The front of the house was dark as I walked in, but a light was on in the kitchen. My mother stood up as I walked in, putting down her coffee and looking me over with tired, worried eyes. “Twilight?”
Wordlessly, I walked over and embraced her. She hugged me back, as tightly as if she was worried I might run at any second. She wasn’t entirely wrong. Some part of me still recoiled at her touch, drawing back and hissing inside my mind. But externally, all I could feel was warmth and relief and...
And love. I hadn’t let myself see that until now.
We had a long way to go still, her and I. But if she was willing to give me a second chance... it was only fair that I did the same to her.
We were still in the midst of our silent embrace when something slammed against the front door. I jumped back and crouched slightly, open fear on my face. “What was that?” my mom asked.
I gulped. “I’ll... I’ll get it, I said.” She stood back while I walked back down the hall and opened the door. No one was there. Nothing but a crumpled box sitting on the porch, a small note attached.
Warily, I knelt down and read the note:
To: The Princess of Canterlot High
You need this more than I do.
Lots of love,
The Princess of Manehattan
Uncertain, not daring to hope, I opened the box. Inside was a crown. Cheap- and flimsy-looking. Gold and glittering. Decorated with a six-pointed star.
I picked it up. With shaking hands, I put it on.
And for the first time in a long time, I finally felt like myself.
---Three Months Later ---
“Twilight?” Flash Sentry said.
We were at Princess’ apartment - which was technically my apartment now, since it was my name on the lease. I’d been spending a lot of time there lately, either with friends or in solitude. It had become a sort of second home to me, a practice run for when I moved out. That day was closer now than ever before. Come the end of the month I’d be heading out to Everfree University, which, people wouldn’t stop reminding me, was way out in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t mind. Maybe I’d grown to accept my current situation, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t jump at another chance to start again. Maybe this time, a chance to make new friends.
I’d been spending a lot more time with my study group over the past three months. As school ended our weekly study sessions expanded into group outings and movie nights at my new place. Of the five of them, only Twinkleshine was planning to stay local; Lyra and Bon Bon were off to school in the city, Colgate was coming with me to Everfree, and Lemon Hearts was going backpacking across the country to “find herself.” We’d promised to keep in touch, but there was an overarching sense that things would never be the same. That didn’t get me as down as it did the others. I was tired of things being the same.
Princess’ old friends I’d seen less of, but ran into occasionally at parties co-hosted by Twinkleshine and Pinkie Pie. Without Princess Twilight around, I gathered that things had gotten quiet at Canterlot High. They were slow to move on, but were doing so in their own ways. Running into Sunset at these gathering was inevitable; I’d gathered early on that there was something she wanted to say to me, but I’d done a fine job of avoiding her. After years of learning to steer clear of her, I wasn’t stopping anytime soon - and I still hadn’t forgiven her for what happened at Shimmer’s grand exit.
As for Shimmer herself - along with Shining Armour - no one had heard anything. I tuned into the news occasionally for any stories of changelings, magic or redheads coming out of Manehattan, but this had waned when weeks of worry produced no results. Whatever Shimmer was up to over there, she was keeping it under wraps. It was only occasional letters from my brother that let me know he was even still alive, and even these monthly offerings were perfunctory, sections of them blatantly erased and rewritten much more briefly. Evidence of Shimmer keeping her thumb on him, I suspected.
Life at home was... tolerable. Shining’s absence from the table bothered me as much as ever. My relationship with my parents varied day by day; sometimes my mother and I would screech at each other, only to swan together the next day as though nothing had happened. We were trying to patch things up, at least, and she was willing to bear the brunt of a lot of my finally-excavated emotions. Even in the worst of times, I appreciated her for that.
And that just left...
“Twilight?” Flash said again, this time with more of a delicious moan in his voice. “I think we should take this to the bedroom.”
“Mmm.” I nodded faintly to let him know I’d heard, slowly rolled myself around on the sofa, and then, with great reluctance, took my mouth off of his penis.
Flash and I were, well, complicated. We’d spent the first month after Princess left avoiding each other, until finally we simultaneously cracked and had sex in the basement at a party. And then again, at his house the next day. And then an entire weekend in bed when we came to my place to talk it over. After that, we finally agreed: no sex. There was too much history between us for us to ever work as a couple. Too much anger, too much regret. We were both pining over someone that we missed very much, and however much Princess may have wanted it, it wasn’t right to fill her void in so physical a way. There was no sense getting so attached to each other, not when we’d be parting ways come September anyway.
And yet, week by week, we always found ourselves back at my apartment, watching a movie that we never finished, slowly devolving into... this.
Flash picked me up, stepped clean out of his pants, and carried him to the bedroom. I clung to him and kissed his neck - not his lips, friends didn’t kiss each other on the lips - and had to be pried off of him when he put me down. While he lay on his back on the bed I shimmied out of my skirt and underwear and then strategically positioned myself above him, my butt over his face, and got back to the all-important task of sucking on his penis.
We’d grown good at this, him and I, to the point that we were almost too efficient. We both moved without needing to direct each other, him licking me from below while his hands roamed over me, hitting just the spot every time; I dutifully licked and sucked, one hand wrapped around the base of his shaft, the other cradling his hanging testicles. We locked ourselves together like this, heads between each other’s legs, measuring our success with faint moans and twitches as we sucked on each other’s most intimate parts.
This didn’t count as sex. We weren’t dating . This was just... friends helping each other out.
After a blissful minute, I removed one hand from its testicle-fondling duty. Taking a moment away from the blow job to cover two fingers in spit, I trailed my hand down my body and, right before Flash’s eyes, started to massage my anus. I wiggled back and forth, rubbing the meager lubricant in, then slowly slipped my middle finger inside.
Truth be told, I still wasn’t entirely sure about the wisdom of this. Although I’d read glowing reviews of it online, the benefits of anal stimulation didn’t seem to outweigh the difficulty and health risks. Still, if there was one person I could count on to be clean and methodical, it was myself, and... even if we’d agreed on no sex, there was at least one thing more Flash and I hadn’t agreed to abstain from. Before we parted ways, before everything ended, I would give that thing to him.
The tightness, the pressure - it was foreign, alien, and not entirely pleasant. But the way it made my muscles tense up brought everything Flash was doing into sharp relief, eliciting a squeal from me as I continued to dutifully suck. I thrummed my finger in and out of myself, flushing as I felt Flash watching me do it, and-
Together, like a house collapsing. The feeling of my oral attention, combined with watching me fingering my butt for his benefit; I felt his muscles tense up and my mouth begin to fill. The feeling of his oral attention, combined with the pressure in my butt and his hands on my back, the psychological thrill of this beautiful boy erupting in my mouth, I-
My eyes rolled back, and I-
came.
“This is the last time,” Flash said, as always.
“Mm-hm,” I replied. We sat on the side of the bed, naked from the waist down, while I brushed my hair.
“We can’t keep doing this. It isn’t healthy. It isn’t right.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, knowing that we’d be back again next week. Knowing that I would be riding him anally before the month was out. Knowing that even the distance of university might not be enough to keep us apart.
So I still had it in me to be heartless after all.
Once my top half was presentable to my satisfaction I stood. “Want some water?” I asked.
“I’m good.”
I walked back to the kitchen on still slightly wobbly legs. As I went, I passed a letter on the counter and paused. Shining’s latest letter. Normally I opened these as soon as I got them, but this time I’d hesitated. Unlike each letter previous, which had come in a plain white envelope, this one was marked by a lipsticked kiss that could only have come from Shimmer.
To heck with it. I’d just gotten off; I was never going to get any braver. I opened it.
After washing my hands. And getting a glass of water. Hydration is important.
Despite my preparation, my hands shook as I opened the letter. I sat down and steadied myself as I started to read. It was, as usual, depressingly to the point:
Hi Twiley.
Things have gotten wild since my last letter. The changeling princess Shimmer and I were tracking finally made her move. I can’t name names, but she turned out to be someone high on the food chain in the manufacturing business. Maybe you caught her disappearance on the news, if it hasn’t been covered up. We’re so close to Chrysalis now, I can feel it.
Shimmer is the same as ever. Maybe more energetic than usual. We took a celebratory trip out of town this week, just her and me. We saw the Crimson Wake together and for the first time in a while we had a chance to relax. She’s a completely different person when she’s not on edge; I hope you have a chance to see that side of her someday.
Twiley, don’t freak out, but when this is all over, I’m seriously thinking about asking her to
I slapped the page down on the table, white-knuckled. Flash eyed me as I stormed back into my room and started picking up my clothes. “You okay?” he asked.
“I’m getting some air,” I answered between clenched teeth, dressing myself.
“Anything I can do?” he asked, but I was already out the door.
The evening air diffused some of my anger, but I had an unlimited supply. Just thinking about Shimmer burned me up inside, in much the same way thinking of Sunset used to. Her cruel laughter echoed endlessly in my ears.
Maybe it was a code. She was clearly reading Shining’s mail. Maybe this was his way of saying that he was breaking up with her. Maybe he’d finally had enough and this was his only way of telling me, by suggesting something that we both knew could never really happen. Or maybe, just maybe, by this time next year I would have a new evil sister-in-law. I clenched my fists and kept walking.
Maybe it was destiny that in my angered state, my feet led me back to where it all began.
The grass in front of Canterlot High had never fully recovered from what Shimmer had done. The places where she’d walked in her fiery form had been re-seeded and were beginning to bloom with new life, but the poisoned ground near where the Portal had been would probably remain barren until the end of time. As I rounded the statue I was at once startled yet unsurprised to see Sunset curled up against the cracked stone, her head in her arms. “Hey,” I said, almost on automatic.
Her head snapped up and she flinched. “Hey,” she said softly.
We froze there for a moment. I broke the stalemate by sitting down beside her. “Did you hear?” she asked, a tremor in her voice.
I took a stab. “Shining and Shimmer?”
She nodded miserably. “Shimmer texted me. It’s all my fault...” Her head sunk back down into her arms. “If I hadn’t... they’d never be together. Shining Armour would be with Cadance and Shimmer would be alone. Because of me, he’s... I never meant for this.”
“Of course not,” I said coldly. “You only meant to ruin my life.”
She winced. “But... well, look on the bright side?” she offered. “At a wedding, Shimmer would have to be nice to people in public. She’d have to meet your family. There’d be no better time for Shining to see that she’s... well...”
“Sunset?”
“Yes?”
“Shut up.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes. I seethed. “Twilight?” Sunset eventually asked.
“What?”
“Are we... You and I, are we... okay?”
There was no sense in lying. We’d be gone from each other’s lives soon anyway. “I hate you,” I answered without hesitation.
She winced. I sighed. “But yeah,” I added. “We’re okay.”
Sunset nodded. Hesitantly, no doubt terrified that I would push her away, she closed her eyes and snuggled up against my side. All I did was sigh again and put an arm around her.
Maybe this wasn’t the outcome we’d hoped for. Maybe we’d all made too many mistakes for there to ever be a good outcome. Yet here I was, sitting side by side with my worst enemy, grieving those mistakes together. Maybe friendship couldn’t fix everything. But it helped. And there and then, having someone by my side, even Sunset Shimmer, made it possible to believe Princess Twilight’s promise that despite everything we’d been through, everything was going to be okay.
For one terrible, heart-stopping moment, nothing happened.
Then reality twisted. There was a sickening crack and the world tore open, a painfully blinding lack of light filling the Portal. I covered my eyes and shrieked, feeling something unnatural burning into my retinas. All around, cries of pain and surprise rose up, and then the Portal itself shrieked, a noise like breaking metal echoing up to the sky...
And then, nothing. Nothing but a soft blue glow.
One by one, we uncovered our eyes and looked. The interior of the Portal glowed an opaque blue, softly swirling within the spiked metal confines. There was no sign of the Element of Magic. Princess stared at it, slack-jawed. From the look in her eyes, I guessed that this was exactly what she’d been hoping for.
Shimmer recovered first, picking up her phone and scrolling through it. “Alright,” she announced. “We have a connection. No way to tell what’s on the other side. It’s... shit.” She tapped a few times. “Alright. It's decaying quickly, but not too quickly. You have maybe ten minutes to say your goodbyes.”
Princess stepped forward like she was being pulled. From the desire on her face as she stared into the swirling blue, I half-thought that she was about to charge straight through it, but she hesitated on the brink and turned back. Spike rushed up to her ankles and stood there jumping from paw to paw, glancing at the Portal anxiously. “Everyone...” Princess began, biting her lip. "I want to say thank you. Even though I'm from another world, you've all been the best friends I could have ever asked for. You've all loved and supported me made me feel at home here. You're wonderful people... better than I deserve. And that's why..."
Amidst a few quiet awww s, Princess paused. Time fluttered and froze as I realized she was looking at me. "Ready, Twilight?" she asked.
I blinked. "For what?"
Princess smiled. Applejack tossed her her duffel bag and she stepped forward and put it in my arms. "To go."
Realization built in the pit of my stomach and then crackled through me. My eyes widened. "You want me to...!?"
"We talked it over," Princess went on, stepping to the side and looping her arm through Flash's. "Equestria needs a Twilight Sparkle. No one ever said it had to be me."
I stood still, gaping like a goldfish while she and her friends nodded. "It really works out for the best," she continued. "You'll be a Princess, Twilight. No more loneliness. No more demons from your past haunting you. You'll be one of the most important ponies in the whole world. And you'll be loved."
"But-" A thousand objections flared up in me, my brain still reeling. "But you wanted to go back more than anything ."
"More than anything, I want the ponies I love to be safe," she answered back. "It won't be the same as being there myself. But as long as you're there to watch over them in my place... that can be enough."
"But I'm not you," I countered. "I still don't know anything about friendship, or... or magic! I can't possibly-"
"You activated the crown, Twilight," Flash spoke up. His voice choked up mine. "I didn't think you could do it. But you did. You're ready, whether you believe it or not. You can keep Equestria safe."
I stared at him gormlessly. Around him, people were nodding, smiling encouragingly. As a last refuge, I looked to my study gr- to my friends. They were huddled in a small circle, whispering in what sounded like confusion. Seeing my gaze, Colgate cleared her throat and stepped forward slightly. "We... we'll miss you if you go, Twilight," she said in a small voice. "It feels like we just got to know the real you, and... there's so much more we wanted to do together. But we know what this offer means to you. If you decide that you're truly unhappy with your current life, and you genuinely feel that you'd be better off somewhere else... We understand, and we'll support you."
"Better choose quickly," Shimmer added with a sneer. "Clock's ticking."
I felt a flash of anger, and a pang of guilt. Princess wouldn't leave her friends behind, surely. How worthy could I possibly be if I was willing to selfishly abandon mine?
Wait. I wasn't actually considering this, was I?
For the second time that night, everyone was staring at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and shrugged off their gazes, more easily this time, and thought. Was I truly unhappy with my life? Everything was just starting to change. My once restrictive schedule no longer had any hold on me. Sunset, the reason for it in the first place, was no longer any threat. I had friends who cared about me and would support me every step of the way. My brother was back in my life again...
...and dating Shimmer. Hm.
I weighed this on one side of the scale, then turned to the other. Leaving for a new world wouldn't be easy. I would have to relearn everything I knew. I would suffer from body dysmorphia for maybe my whole life. The responsibility of a world would fall upon my shoulders, a responsibility that I wasn't sure I was ready for.
But I would have friends. Princess Twilight's friends, sure, but mine as well, ready and waiting for my return. And a brother who'd never broken up with Cadance, who would be there for me every minute of the day. And a mother who loved me unconditionally, with no perverted misunderstandings hanging over us. And a mentor who could take me under her wing all over again. And no Sunset. And no Shimmer. And suddenly, it didn't feel like I had much of a choice at all.
Before I consciously realized, I was nodding. "Okay. I'll go."
Princess' face lit up. "But on the condition," I said, "that you protect my life the same way I'm protecting yours. Make my teachers proud. Give my mom a daughter she can love. Keep my brother safe. Feed Spike. And make room for my friends in your life. They all need you now."
"Agreed," she said, then let go of Flash and hugged me tight. "I'll miss you," she whispered to me. "Stay safe, Twilight."
The next minute was a blur - I was rapidly passed from person to person, each of whom hugged me, or patted my shoulder, or whispered something in my ear. Twinkleshine picked me up and spun me around, nearly knocking several people over. And finally I found myself in front of the Portal, the crackling and swirling blue light, with a sinking feeling in my stomach.
Of course, it was possible that Shimmer was wrong, or lying, and the portal wouldn't work. Or I could die. Or a million tiny things could go wrong and I could land in a different world altogether. Or, again, die. How much did I really trust Shimmer? Was it too late to change my mind?
Spike broke away from Princess' ankle and nosed up to mine. "Don't forget me," he yelled over the increasing volume of the Portal, pawing at my leg. I shouldered the duffel bag and picked him up, cradling his familiar yet unfamiliar weight in my arms as I faced the blue glow down.
"Goodbye, Twilight!" someone yelled behind me. Others joined in. I glanced back, once, to see Princess and Flash holding hands and waving. I waved back as best I could, then took a hesitant step forward. Then another. I winced as I experimentally touched the electric blue swirl with my foot, expecting to feel cold stone on the other side - but nothing was there. I tried to put my foot down, only to hit nothing and-
fall.
As I tumbled forward into the Portal, everything faded away into screams and roars. Lightning crackled across me, through me. All I could see was blue. My body twisted and broke, and I screamed as I was spaghettified, curling and elongating through impossible dimensions down an unseen corridor. Something exploded behind my eyes as my head split apart, and then-
Then, something crunched underfoot. Then silence.
I was on all fours, breathing heavily, my eyes shut tightly. Spike was no longer in my arms, and the weight of the duffel bag had shifted to my back. I tried to stand, but my body didn't seem to want to move properly. My head felt heavy.
"I'm me again!" a voice yelled nearby, prompting me to finally open my eyes. I was in... a room? A room with purple walls and golden trim, with a pearly door at the far end. Next to me, some sort of squat, tubby lizardlike thing that didn't immediately register as Spike was flexing and kissing its own biceps. As I looked around, my hair fell over my head and neck in an unfamiliar way, making me shiver. Behind me was the remains of a fancy, decorative mirror that looked like it had been shattered from the inside. Glass littered the floor, crunching under my foot as I-
Under my hoof . My pony hoof.
My heart leaped into my throat. I whirled around, trying to stand up and almost falling over, realizing over and over that I was a quadruped now but instantly forgetting as my muscles rebelled. At long last I found myself face-to-face with what was left of the mirror, and even shattered as it was, it gave me a hint of what I looked like. I was short - it didn't feel as though my mass had changed, only been rearranged. My long arms and legs were gone, replaced with four stumpy legs capped with hooves. My clothes had vanished, replaced by a pelt of fluffy purple hairs that felt perfectly natural on my skin. My crest was printed on my flank, melding perfectly with the hairs there. I had a round belly and a long mane that fell over my eyes and a muzzle and a horn.
I was... I was adorable. If I'd been six years old, I would have shrieked in delight and tried to cuddle the thing that stood before me in the mirror. Now, I only stared in dumb shock.
My awe was broken by the sound of footsteps - hoofsteps? - coming closer. As I awkwardly shuffled around again, the door flew open and an armoured unicorn burst in, his horn glowing with light. "Who goes th-" he began, then sputtered to a halt and stopped dead in his tracks. "Princess Twilight!" he burst out, hurriedly bowing. "You're back!"
Something about that voice was familiar. Unmistakably familiar. And combined with the colour of his coat... "Flash?" I hazarded, the name coming out as a croak through an unfamiliar throat.
His head perked up. "You know my name?" he asked.
The fear and reverence in his eyes threw me for a loop. Part of my brain screamed to cover myself up in front of him, while another insisted that it was perfectly normal to be naked. "Yes," I said, growing more confident with each word. I thought back to what Princess had told me about the Mirror Portal. "Is... is my brother here?"
"Yes. I'll awaken him immediately." He started to move, then hesitated. "If... if that is your wish, Princess?"
"I'm not a princess," I told him. "I'm just Twilight." He looked at me in confusion and my heart melted. Inner six-year-old aside, this version of Flash actually was kind of cute. "And yes. He'll want to see me, and I've got a long story to tell." He started to take off, but my voice found me again. "And... I'd appreciate it if you could be there, too."
"M-me, Princess?"
"Yes, you." I smiled kindly. "Don't worry. I'll explain everything."
He nodded desperately and then shot out of the room like a firecracker. "Hey, I see what's going on here," Spike said smugly.
I blushed. "Sh-shut up," I said. Then I took one step and fell face-first into a pile of broken glass.
--- Three months later ---
I half-stood in a train car, leaning out the window and swishing my tail as I watched the countryside go by.
Despite all that had happened, my life was surprisingly calm now. The first few weeks had been a flurry of activity, of course - being whisked to tearful reunion after tearful reunion, telling a tastefully edited version of my story over and over again. Most ponies had been understanding of the decision Princess and I had made, and those who weren't generally admitted that they simply would never understand. Chief among these was Princess Celestia, who admitted to me in private that there must be something uniquely human about her decision to stay in my world. I had my suspicions, but said nothing.
I wasn't entirely clear on how Equestria had survived in Princess Twilight's absence. Princess Celestia had summed it up in a long speech about the "power of Harmony" and the "Magic of Friendship" and after a while it all began to blur together. I'd resolved to get to the bottom of it once I was caught up on elementary magic. In the meantime, it sufficed that friendship had found a way.
Swish, swish went my tail. The cabin door opened and I could hear hoofsteps clip-clopping toward me.
As for myself, no princess was I. I was Ambassador Twilight, representative of my people in a strange new world. The eventual plan was that I would shuttle around Equestria, giving talks about humanity and revealing the more positive aspects of our sciences and culture to help the ponies here with their own lives. I wouldn't be alone in that regard; the books and gadgets that Princess Twilight had sent with me would be an enormous help. I tried to imagine Equestria once we'd reverse-engineered the cell phone and laughed at the concept.
For now, however, I was seeing the sights, getting acclimatized to the world before choosing a new home. Ponyville, Canterlot, the Crystal Empire, Manehattan; all places that sounded familiar but were anything but. It was an unending holiday, a reward just for existing, one that I wasn't entirely sure I deserved. Presently I was being shuttled back to the Crystal Empire for another visit to my brother. From another world he may have been, but I did all I could to spend as much time as possible in his company.
The hootsteps came to a halt behind me, and I cooed eagerly as a tongue drew itself over my hindquarters. Flash Sentry had been named my honour guard for the duration of my travels, and it was an open secret that he was something more as well. I sighed happily as he mounted me, lifting my tail aside in preparation for his entrance.
It was funny, really. The sudden switch from a menstrual to an estrus cycle had really thrown me for a loop. By the second week of my arrival Flash and I were semi-officially dating, yet we'd done nothing more than cuddle and nuzzle noses, and progressing further hadn't even crossed my mind. Then my unseasonal heat had hit. By the end of the first day I'd blown him four times, and by the end of the second I'd spent so long being mounted that I was sore both inside and out. When Princess Cadance checked up on us on the third day and caught me sucking him dry, she took me aside and gave me a very awkward and informative talk about pony sexuality. After that she gave me some herbs to take the edge off and something called a 'scent-sponge' to keep nearby stallions from getting excited.
Neither of which I'd elected to use on this particular journey.
As usual, Flash liked to tease me before we got into the act, nuzzling at my mane and ears as he wrapped his forelegs around me. His girthy erection slapped against my stomach, sending an excited shiver through me. "I can smell you all the way across the train," he whispered to me, his lips tickling against my skin. "You turn me on so much."
"You do the same to me," I whispered back. I teetered on my hooves, leaning my head back to rub against his and grinding my rump into his pelvis. He groaned and flexed eagerly, then drew back and thrust deep, deep into me.
My cry of pleasure echoed across the countryside. Flash's breathing turned ragged, his eyes rolling back as he rutted me with an animalistic frenzy. I melted and struggled to remain standing, bracing against the windowsill. Yes, it felt weird, and kind of wrong, having sex with a pony like this. Nothing was the right shape or in the right place, nothing felt right. But in that moment, it didn't matter. My body was so incredibly turned on, I knew with instinctual certainty that a huge, thrusting horsecock was the only thing that would satisfy it.
Our tryst was brief; Flash came with a moan that had my heart skipping, pumping what felt like cups of semen deep inside me. I leaned back and perfected the moment by drawing him into a deep kiss, wrestling tongues with him. I didn't mind that I hadn't finished - not too much, anyway. I wasn't even certain that I could in this body. But we had hours of train ride left to go, and I knew from experience that this was just going to be the first pounding of many.
Nights were calmer in Equestria.
I lay in bed beside Flash, my hindquarters pleasantly sore but still twitching. We'd had two quickies before bed, but part of me wondered if I should wake Flash up for a third. Maybe I should have taken those herbs after all.
I rolled over and sighed. Maybe, when my heat ended and the hormones died down, I'd chastise myself for what a slut I was being. Maybe then the sickness would finally sink in, the disgusted realization of what I'd done, the hatred of my new body. Maybe I'd bypassed it entirely. Or maybe it was only a matter of time before I would be just like Princess. For the moment, all I felt was tired and horny.
Flash snored gently. Idly, I wondered if Princess and her Flash were sleeping in the same bed too.
That shut my nethers up for a bit.
Groaning, I rolled over and out of bed. The crystal palace was too large, its walls disquietingly sheer. I took a walk over to the balcony instead, looking out at the new world. After three months, I still couldn't confidently name the landmarks nearby, nor the cities I saw in the distance. I looked up, but even the stars had changed, the miasma in the sky entirely the wrong shade of dark blue.
Was this what Princess felt whenever she looked up at the sky?
Thoughts turned to my friends. To Shining. Did they miss me? Did they think of me? How many people had noticed the swap? Did it matter? Were Sunset and Shimmer up to their old tricks in my absence? I thought of Flash. Was he truly better off without me? Was the world a better place, now that I was no longer in it?
A noise startled me. "Thinking about home again?" the pony Flash asked, coming up beside me.
Of course he knew. He always knew. "Flash..." I said. I gulped. I'd asked it before, but the question still hung over me. "Do you think I made the right decision? Coming here in Princess Twilight's place?"
He chewed his lip, not immediately answering. I looked back to the malformed stars another time. "Equestria never needed Twilight," I said. "She thought she had some great destiny for me to fill. But she was never the key to anything. Just part of a whole that moved on without her. I'm nothing more than a science project here. She never mattered."
"She mattered," Flash said with unusual force. He quieted. "And you matter too. You're going to change the world, Twilight. It can just be hard to see sometimes."
I didn't argue. "I miss them," I said, surprising myself with the words. "I gave them all up, and it feels like it was for nothing."
"It wasn't for nothing. Princess Twilight is safe. Just by being here, you've brought happiness to so many ponies." He nuzzled me. "It was a lonely world without you in it. I can't imagine a future where you didn't arrive."
We looked out at the stars together. "If you could go back," he asked quietly, "would you?"
"Don't ask me that." I shook my head. "I can't go back. It's wrong to think about it."
"Okay." He paused. "Would you, though?"
I turned my gaze to the ground. To the world that loved me, purely and unconditionally. "I don't know," I said.
"Then let's focus on the present. What's past is past. You're going to do great things. You've brought peace to everyone who missed you." He raised my face toward his. "And I love you."
Despite myself, I smiled. "I love you too," I lied.
Together, we retired to bed. For another quickie, and to await the new day to come.
