Fallout: Equestria - Dirty Deeds

"What are you laughin' at?"

Sandy sat alone on the empty town’s only general store. It was called ‘Under Wares’ and something about the name amused him so. He gazed over the horizon.

He and his companions had made their way to a small abandoned town at the base of Forb Mountain.

The town had clearly been ran by miners before the war. It was tiny, with roughly nine or ten houses that were spread apart between the other buildings. Several piles of shovels and pickaxes laid about the town.

Mining carts also littered the area in random places, perhaps filled with gems at one point, but only a fine sparkling dust remained in a few now. The town had been picked over for any goods, and without any sort of maintenance, a lot of the buildings were crumbling and sinking inward. The roads of the town had little to no actual pony skeletons on it, and inside the buildings had even less.

There was a general store on the edge of town. The sign was only hanging by one side. An entire corner of the building had fallen into itself. Inside the store there were almost brand new pickaxes and mining hats. Everything was covered in a dust. A set of leaning stairs led up to the roof.

A bar called ‘Jumpin’ Smokey’s Bar and Grill’’, at least according to the sign, that may or may not have been written over before, was near the general store. It looked like it was in better condition, but the inside had been gutted. Not a drop of hard apple cider to be found. The tables were broken and empty, broken bottles covered the floor.

A city hall and courthouse centered the little town with a fountain that still held a nice heaping puddle of irradiated water in it. There was a noose near the Courthouse. It could make one question just how old and abandoned the town was, or quite possibly, who had last used the town. It was hard to tell if the noose was new or old.

Gunsmoke had opted against going head to head with the target's current captors. Sandy had agreed.

The three mares currently holding Sortilege were tough and determined. Even with the talon mercenaries Gunsmoke had hired, they most likely wouldn't succeed in taking their prize.

So instead of taking the group head on, they had decided to lay a trap. The trio of hunters would exhaust themselves fending off the other hunters after the mare.

Then, when they finally made their way to the base of the mountain, Sandy and company would strike.

In all honesty...it wasn't the best plan.

There was no way to ensure that the three mares could keep the target alive all the way to the mountain, but there didn't seem to be a whole lot of other options.

So Sandy waited.

It'd be several days before they arrived. Sandy had become quite accustomed to waiting. He was nearly two hundred years old and had spent plenty of his long life sitting around doing nothing. He could wait a few more days. It'd be well worth it. There was one thing however that Sandy had never gotten used to. Something he didn't think he'd ever get used to.

The wasteland itself.

He sat atop a building at the edge of the town, staring across the expanse. The sun never shone in the wastes. When the bombs fell, the pegasi had closed off the sky forever. The sun died with the rest of the world.

Sandy missed it. He had enjoyed the light. Maybe, when this whole ordeal was finished, he could see the sun one last time.

Sandy turned his attention away from the horizon and to his constant companion.

Rock sat below, doing some maintenance on her weapon. For two hundred years, she had accompanied him across the wastes. When everything else died, she remained by his side. The one ray of light in his life that refused to go out.

If it hadn't been for her, he would have curled up in a ball and died ages ago.

Or gone feral.

He loved her with every fiber of his being. Watching over her now, he remembered back to when they had first met.

Back when Equestria was a better place.

Back to the time when the sun still shined...

~O.o~

At the start of the war, the Equestrian government had been reformed into the ministries. Sandy had not hesitated in joining up with the Ministry of Morale. Back then, he never thought he had it in him to take another life. Rather than become a soldier he decided to help with the war effort in the one place he knew he could. The Ministry of Morale was dedicated to bringing joy back to the inhabitants of Equestria. Sandy's special talent happened to be just that.

Bringing joy.

He was Equestria's premiere party planner.

Only one pony could even come close to throwing a party even near as exciting as his. That pony happened to be running the Ministry of Morale.

For as long as he could remember, Sandy had idolized Pinkie Pie.

He had even briefly met her once as a child. It had been a pivotal moment in his life. She had helped him discover who he was and what he was meant to do. He had been inspired by her. Her exuberance, her joyous attitude. He'd never met somepony like her before and didn't think he ever would again. She had helped him go from a shy, lonely child, to Equestria's most sought after entertainer.

Today, as he walked up the steps of the ministry building, he felt a rush of excitement.

Today was the day he'd be meeting with her again. He was slightly nervous. That ruffle of nervous feeling swirled with the excitement in his body. What was that called again? Butterflies in your tummy? He chuckled at the thought of actual butterflies moving around in his stomach..

He walked up the steps of the office building in Canterlot. The lobby receptionist informed him that Pinkie Pie was running a little late, so he would have to wait in the reception area until she arrived.

Over in the reception area, presumably waiting for Pinkie as well, sat one of the prettiest mares Sandy had ever laid eyes on.

She sat alone in the corner, studying something in her hoof. The grey mare was completely oblivious to everything going on around her.

Now, Sandy had come a long way since his childhood days of crippling shyness. He thrived in crowds.

One on one however, he still faltered.

He saw this as a perfect opportunity to practice his romancing.

The mare was simply captivating. He couldn't take her eyes off of her. Her mane and tail were lavender in color, and straight. Much different than his crazy brown curls. She wore a frock style dress that covered up her cutie mark, but that didn’t matter. He really couldn’t focus much on a cutie mark right now anyway.

As he approached he began to sweat. The nerves in his stomach really did begin to feel like butterflies were flapping around in there! He couldn't think of anything to say. Anything resembling intelligence escaped his mind.

'This should be easy.' He thought to himself, 'All I have to do is say hello and tell her my name. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.'

He opened his mouth to speak…

...and nothing came out.

'Just tell her your name!' He mentally screamed at himself. 'Wait a minute...what is my name? Oh sweet Celestia above I've forgotten my own name!'

The mare had yet to notice him. She was still busy studying whatever it was she had in her hoof. Sandy stood next to her, holding his breath, trying to think of something, anything to say. He was about ready to just give up when the mare finally broke the silence.

"Rock." She said.

She had spoken but still had yet to look up from her hoof. Was she talking to him? Perhaps her name was Rock? He waited for a moment, expecting she might say something else. It seemed she wasn't even fully aware of his presence. She had just been talking to herself.

After a few moments of silence he decided to finally say something. "Umm...hi."

She finally looked up from whatever she had been studying in her hoof. The turning of her head seemed slow. He couldn’t tell if it was because time was slowing down, or if she was carefully planning every move she made.

She looked at him.

He looked at her.

Long eye lashes and sea green eyes met with his emerald irises.

Now that Sandy could view her face fully he could appreciate just how pretty she actually was. She was more than pretty. She was beautiful.

She held up her hoof.

"This is a rock." She said while displaying the object in her hoof.

She held one of the most odd looking rocks he had ever laid eyes on. It was light blue and speckled with pink polka dots.

"Yes, it is." Sandy replied.

He was still having trouble initiating conversation.

"What kind of rock is it?"

"I don't know." The mare answered. "Comes from the zebra lands. Not very common in Equestria."

"Oh...well, that's interesting..." He silently screamed to himself again 'Introduce yourself Sandy. Say your name!' "My name is…”

She cut him off mid sentence. "I know who you are."

"You do?"

She nodded. "Pinkie Pie told me about you. We're going to be working together."

"Pinkie Pie mentioned me?" Upon hearing that, he lit up inside. Pinkie Pie knew who he was! This was turning into the best day ever! Now he just needed to get things rolling with this mare and he'd be two for two. After the excitement died down slightly he turned his attention back to the mare.

"So what's your name then?"

"Rock."

"Well nice to meet you, Rock."

The mare turned to him with a slightly confused expression.

"My name isn't Rock."

"But you just said..."

She held up her hoof again. "This is a rock."

Sandy replied with an equally confused expression.

They heeded each other for a moment. Sandy was beginning to realize this mare was slightly strange.

Something in her eyes...

Something maybe even a little… crazy.

That was okay.

He had always considered himself a little crazy too.

The mare turned her attention back to her rock. She didn't seem very interested in conversation. She focused all of her energy into studying the strange looking rock in her hoof. Sandy was determined, however. He would get somewhere with her. He wouldn't let this one slip by. He had to at least learn her name.

"So..." he began. "Not Rock..." She didn't look up from the odd stone. "What is your name then?"

She began her sentence without looking up from her hoof.

"My name is..."

She was cut off by the lobby receptionist’s brisk but friendly announcement, "The ministry mare will see you now."

‘Damn it. So close.' Sandy thought to himself.

His disappointment was soon replaced with excitement however. He was finally going to meet Pinkie Pie.

The receptionist led them over to far side of the lobby.

For the first time since his childhood, he saw her.

Pinkie Pie.

The mare who'd changed his life. Directly next to her stood another, equally famous (perhaps more so) and important mare: Twilight Sparkle.

Personal protege of Princess Celestia herself and head of the Ministry of Arcane Science.

Once again, anxiety crept it's way into Sandy's gut. He was great with crowds but talking to ponies face to face…

He faltered.

Despite his popularity as an entertainer, he had very few friends. He found himself wondering what it was that Pinkie Pie had planned for him anyway.

When he first joined the ministry, they had set him to work right away on utilizing his talents to their fullest. He threw the wildest parties of his life all across Equestria for months on end. He'd lived up to the name of the Ministry perfectly.

Then one day he received a letter for reassignment. He'd be working with a small group of ponies on some sort of secret project, combining the efforts of both the Ministries of Morale and Arcane Science. He'd protested at first but they told him they could really use his help. That this was the perfect job for him.

Who was he to argue?

The Ministries never lied.

He walked over to the Ministry mares, side by side with the pretty mare from before.

Upon seeing the two of them, Pinkie Pie's expression lit up. The smile she already wore stretched to impossible lengths. She rushed over to them and threw her arms around the mare who'd been studying the rock.

Apparently she was really excited to see her. She began to speak, so fast Sandy could barely comprehend. He was able to pick up on a couple key words, however. Hearing them, the identity of the pretty mare was revealed...and his jaw dropped halfway to the ground.

"Y-you're Pinkie Pie's..." He began only to be interrupted by the pink mare herself.

"Sandy! So glad you came! We could really use your help on this one."

Sandy let out a nervous chuckle. "Uhh..no problem."

Things were happening much too quickly for his mind to keep up. He still wasn’t quite over his previous revelation.

'Get it together Sandy.' he thought to himself. 'this isn't you!'

Sandy stood up straighter, adjusted the red tie he was wearing and cleared his throat.

"What I meant to say..." he began.

"Is that I've never been more excited him my life!" He shouted practically at the top of his lungs, trying to channel every bit of the party pony he was out.

The only one not off put by his sudden outburst was Pinkie Pie.

Instead she got even more excited than she had already been.

"Really?!"

"Really really! I'm not exactly sure what it is we'll be working on, but I know that whatever it is, it's gonna be great help to Equestria!"

"You really think so?" Pinkie asked.

Sandy changed his expression from excited, to deadly serious.

"Oh I don't think so..."

The others regarded him for a moment, with skeptical looks. Then as quickly as his expression changed, it whipped right back into the biggest, most excited, smile he could muster.

"I know so!"

"Well that makes two of us." The other ministry mare, Twilight Sparkle, interjected. "This project's crucial for our ministries, Pinkie. It'd be a huge step towards accomplishing the goals of both."

"What exactly are we working on?" The mare with the rock inquired.

Throughout the entire ordeal, she hadn't smiled or really shown anything resembling emotion at all.

Twilight smiled.

"Magic."

Sandy and Rock, both confused, raised an eyebrow at each other.

Twilight and Pinkie turned in unison and led the two other ponies down the hall, Pinkie more bouncing than trotting.

Neither Sandy nor Rock had any idea what was in store for them.

Nothing in Equestria could have prepared them for it, either…

~O.o~

Sortilege entered the hut of Smokin' Grass.

Throughout Sortilege's entire life, she had been surrounded by one color: grey.

It's not that the color grey bothered her much. She had kind of liked grey (but back in those days she had pretty much liked everything.)

When she first left her stable, the one respite she had from her terrible situation was all the new colors she had been introduced to. Most ponies fresh out of a stable would find the wasteland fairly ugly, but Sortilege had genuinely enjoyed the new plethora of colors before her. As much as could given her current circumstances, anyway.

Entering the home of Smokin' Grass, Sortilege's jaw dropped in awe.

The wasteland had nothing on this home! Smokin' Grass' home was covered from wall to wall in beautiful decorations, adorned with colors Sortilege hadn't been aware even existed!

Strange, tribal zebra masks lined the walls.

The furniture in the room was exotic and twisted into all sorts of weird shapes.

Sitting on one table was a lamp that particularly caught Sortilege's attention. It was bullet shaped and contained inside it some kind of liquid that seemingly defied gravity as bits and pieces of it floated up towards the top, then descended back downwards.

It was kinda freaky.

It was kinda trippy.

It was really cool.

Grass made a wide sweeping motion with his hoof. "Welcome...to casa de Grass! Make yourself at home, Sorts."

"It's really pretty." Sortilege remarked.

"Not as pretty as you." Grass answered slyly.

Sortilege blushed, but at that exact moment Scar inserted herself between the two Unicorns.

"Nope! I call dibs on Grass, Sorts! I already missed an opportunity to get laid once because of you!"

Sortilege blushed even more. She had been flattered before, but now her face was red for entirely different reasons.

"Woah! Easy there Scar. There's enough of me to go around." Grass said. "And how did she keep a pretty little thing like yourself from getting any?"

Scar's red coat turned even redder. She smiled briefly before jutting out her lower lip putting on a fake (and really adorable) pout.

"She shot me down, Grass. Flat out rejected me."

Grass gasped in mock shock. "Is this true, Sortilege? You turned down this amazing and beautiful young mare?"

Sortilege was at a loss for words. She began sputtering incoherently. "But...I ...she...I didn't...I mean...but..."

"How could you, Sorts?"

"Yeah!" Sugar had now joined the conversation. "How could you, Sorts?" She repeated. Sugar didn't actually care about the situation but she wasn't one to miss out on an opportunity to harass another pony.

"It's not like that!" Sortilege exclaimed. "She's great! Really! And very pretty. I'm just..."

Smokin' Grass and Scarlet both chuckled.

"We're just teasin' you, Sorts. Don't get too worked up now."

"I mean it though!" Sortilege continued. “I do like Scar! I do! It's just...I'm not gay."

All of the humor from Smokin' Grass's face disappeared and was replaced by something resembling bewilderment.

"Not gay? What do you mean you're not gay?"

Sortilege returned the bewildered look.

"I don't understand what's so confusing about that statement."

"Everypony's a little gay."

The delightful conversation was interrupted by a squealing Sugar, who had begun hopping up and down on the couch located in the center of the room.

"I fucking love this couch!"

"Well by all means make yourself at home Sugar." Grass chuckled.

"Seriously, Sortilege, come sit on this couch!" Sugar began. "It's the most comfortable couch in existence!"

Sortilege made her way over to the couch and took a seat next to the overly ecstatic filly.

True to Sugar's claims, it was the softest, most comfortable piece of furniture she had ever placed her rear end on, and it was certainly much needed after having spent the previous night sleeping in the dirt.

"Oh wow."

"I know right? I love this couch!"

At that moment, Skitz made her way over to the couch.

Now, it may have been one of the most comfortable couches in existence, but it was only really built for two.

That didn't stop Skitz.

The massive mare squeezed herself onto the couch with the other two, crushing Sugar in the process. The filly went from ecstatic to irritated rather quickly as she sat uncomfortably between the two older mares.

"Well hi Skitz!" She exclaimed with as much frustrated sarcasm as she could muster.

Skitz looked down at the filly and smiled, seemingly oblivious to the filly's frustration.

"Hello." She said.

Scar and Grass were laughing at the situation before Scar remembered something important.

"Oh hey Grass! I told Sortilege I had something for her when we got here."

“Oh?" Grass gave her a knowing smile. "Is it what I think it is?"

"You betcha."

"I'll be right back then."

With that Smokin' Grass made his way into the next room.

Sugar, still squished between Skitz and Sortilege, rolled her eyes.

"Really, Scar?"

"Yes really." Scar replied. "Don't be a little killjoy."

After a small amount of struggling, the young Unicorn was finally able to free herself from her sandwiched position.

"Ugh. You're the worst. It's so fucking nasty. I'll never understand the appeal."

"Deal with it, Sugar. What would be the point of coming to Smokin' Grass's place and not living up to his namesake?"

"Yeah, whatever..."

Sortilege was now genuinely curious. She turned to Skitz. "What are they talking about?" She asked.

Skitz smiled in response.

"Oh you'll see. It's gonna be fun."

At that moment, Smokin' grass returned. He now was wearing a saddle bag and levitated a small box with his magic.

"Okay, first thing’s first." He began. "Before we begin the festivities, I have some gifts for y'all."

That caught the attention of all three mares. Grass laid the saddle bag out. Opening the bag, he brought out a single, large pink pistol and levitated it over to Sugar.

"There you go Sugar. To replace the one you lost."

Sugar looked at the pistol with absolute glee.

"Get Money! Oh thank you, Grass!" She levitated out the other pistol she carried with her at all times. "Fuck Bitches has been so lonely since she lost her sister."

"Those are the stupidest names for any weapon ever Sugar." Scar said.

"Wait...what?" Sortilege asked.

"She named her pistols." Scar answered.

"Yeah!" Sugar exclaimed.

She turned the pistols so Sortilege could see the words engraved in fancy gold lettering on the sides.

"This is 'Fuck Bitches' and this is her sister 'Get Money.' I lost 'Get Money' on a job a while back. Now they're reunited and I have a matching set again!"

Sure enough, those exact words, written in surprisingly neat calligraphy were engraved on either gun.

Sortilege stared at the filly with a completely dumbfounded expression. Sugar never ceased to surprise her.

Sugar shrugged.

"It's like, my life's motto." she said with a proud look.

"Okay then..."

Smokin' grass proceeded to bring out the item from the bag.

It was another gun. To Sortilege it looked kind of like a revolver.

Only bigger.

Much bigger.

Massive in fact.

The bullets for that weapon must have at least been the size of her hoof. Grass levitated the weapon over to Skitz.

"Holy shit!" Sugar exclaimed. "Is that a fucking grenade launcher??"

"Sure is." Grass smiled. "Acquired this bad boy a while back. Figured if there was one pony in the wastes who could make the most use of it, it'd be Skitz."

Skitz stared at the weapon. She took it from Grass' magic and began to look it over.

"Oh wow. Thanks Grass." She proceeded to pull the weapon apart and examine it's individual parts.

"Skitz what the fuck are you doing?!" Sugar yelled.

"Relax, Sugar." Scar cut her off. "Skitz knows what she's doing. She can handle a gun better than most mares can handle their babies.”

Skitz continued examining the weapon.

"Oh wow! I can fit this with custom rounds!"

"Sure can." Grass answered. "Knew you'd like it."

"Yeah..."

Skitz expertly put the pieces of the gun back into place.

"I'm gonna have a lotta fun with this bad boy..."

For a brief moment Skitz' expression changed. The smile she wore was no longer absent minded or goofy. Instead it was...dark. Almost deranged. For a moment Skitz looked like the most evil pony in Equestria. Then as quickly as the look appeared, it was gone and was immediately replaced with her usual silly grin.

"Thanks again, Grass."

"You're welcome."

"What about me?" Scar asked. "Got anything for me, Grass?"

"Oh I got something for you Scar." He smiled coily at the crimson pegasus. "But it's gonna have to wait 'til later. There are children present."

He finished his sentence with a wink.

The area around Scar's cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red and she returned his wink and smile.

Meanwhile, Sugar was busy making gagging noises.

"You two are disgusting!"

Grass laughed.

"You'll learn someday, Sugar. You're still young. Now as far as payment goes, this is all free of charge. Along with as much ammo as I can supply. I love you girls. You always make my day."

Sugar smiled, and it was perhaps one of the first genuinely kind and appreciative smiles Sortilege had ever seen her wear.

"Thanks Grass. Really. You're the best."

"Yes, I am." Grass turned his attention to Sortilege. "Now...let's get started. I assume this is your first time?"

Sortilege began to feel slightly nervous.

"First time what?"

"She doesn't know what we're doing, Grass." Scar chimed in. "I wanted to make it a surprise."

"Oh I see. Well Sorts...get ready. You're about to have the time of your life."

He levitated the box that he had carried out with him. He brought it up close to Sortilege's face and opened it. Inside was an assortment of green herbs. A powerful aroma drifted from the box and Sortilege reeled back slightly.

"Ugh." Sugar moaned. "I'm not sticking around for this. You guys are idiots. Grass, you got any good books lying around?"

Grass pointed to a bookshelf located on the far side of the room.

"Knock yourself out."

“Literally.” Scar piped after Grass’ statement.

Sugar gave Scar a sharp look before decided to ignore it. Whatever, Scar was stupid anyway.

"Don't mind if I do!" The filly trotted over the bookshelf and began to look through them.

Sortilege's attention remained on the box and the strange herbs inside them. The nervousness from before was joined by genuine confusion.

"What is it?" She asked.

"This, my fair Sortilege, is the miracle herb."

That didn't really answer her question.

"What does it do?"

"Oh, we'll show you."

Grass used his magic to levitate over a vase that had been sitting on his table. At least Sortilege had assumed it was a vase. Grass proceeded to place the herb into a little metal thing that stuck out the side of the vase. When he was finished he turned his attention to Scar.

"Should we demonstrate first? Or just let her have the first hit seeing as it's her first time and all?"

"Let her have the first hit. It's simple enough."

"Okay then. Okay Sorts, so what you do is you place your mouth over this end here, then I'm gonna light this end and you're gonna suck and a bunch of smoke is going to collect in this part here. Then I'm gonna pull this end out and you're gonna inhale the smoke just like you're smoking a cigarette. Try and hold the smoke in for as long as you can. Got it?"

Sortilege was still confused but upon hearing the word 'cigarette' her nerves eased up a little.

"Yeah, I think I got it."

"Okay. Ready?"

"Yeah."

She placed her mouth over the end of the vase.

"This is gonna be great." Scar said.

She and Skitz looked on with anticipating looks.

Grass lit the end. "Okay I'm gonna pull it out ready? One. Two. Three."

He pulled the end out and Sortilege sucked in the smoke that had collected within the vase.

It was not like smoking a cigarette at all. It was much harsher. Sortilege tried to hold it in but only lasted a few seconds before erupting into a coughing fit. A dense cloud of smoke burst out of her mouth and Sortilege tried her best to regain her composure. She could not stop coughing for the life of her.

"Oh geez." Scar said. "That was a pretty big hit."

"Yeah, it was." Grass grabbed a nearby canteen and offered Sortilege some water. "How you feel, Sorts?"

Sortilege guzzled down the liquid and was finally able to stop her coughing.

"I'm fine now. Thank you."

"Yeah." Grass chuckled. "Just give it a minute."

Grass, Scar and Skitz all looked at Sortilege with knowing smiles.

A minute passed.

Then two.

Then three.

Then four.

Then… an eternity.

Slowly but surely, time lost all meaning to Sortilege Harmony.

She smiled. She smiled like she had never smiled before.

She laughed.

"Guys...what is happening right now?"

That question should have been disturbing, but Sortilege thought it was the funniest thing she had ever said. She thought everything was hilarious. She laughed.

She slid back into the couch. The comfiest couch in all the wastes. In all the world.

She felt relaxed.

Happy.

All of Sortilege's cares and all her worries had just gone up in smoke.

~O.o~

Sandy followed behind the three mares.

They had been very vague about what exactly it was that he was going to be working on. The only thing he knew for sure was that it was important.

Twilight seemed very excited for it, whatever it was.

The pretty mare from before, which Sandy had taken to calling Rock because she had yet to properly introduce herself, would be overseeing the operation.

She'd be Sandy's boss, at least for the time being.

That was going to make things more difficult for Sandy, and it would be an obstacle he was already determined to overcome. From the moment he had laid eyes on her, he'd been entranced. There was something about this mare.

The one thing that had really caught his attention was her smile....or rather her total lack of one.

She never smiled. Not once had Sandy seen her smile.

She didn't necessarily seem unhappy or anything of the sort. She didn't seem to convey any type of emotion, really.

Sandy couldn't stand for that.

His special talent was getting others to smile and he vowed to himself that he would get one out of her, one way or another.

He was determined to get Rock to smile.

Twilight and Pinkie led them through the corridors of the building.

The facility they were to be working in was located at the far end of Equestria, on the inside of a mountain. The mountain had previously contained a mine, dug by a race of canine creatures obsessed with collecting diamonds.

The Ministry of Arcane Science had since relocated the creatures elsewhere and had procured the mine for their own use. The place no longer bore any resemblance to a mine whatsoever.

Areas where before there was nothing but rock and earth had now been replaced by chrome metallic walls.

Gigantic pipes ran across the ceiling while maintenance and security robots stood at every corner.

It was all very...science-y. At least that's the best way Sandy could think to put it. As they walked deeper into the facility, Twilight briefed them on the project.

"Fluttershy's Ministry actually came up with the idea. Her first thought was to implement the technology into healing spells. Then we started thinking of ways that the other Ministries might be able to make use of them as well."

Sandy had been floored by the information he'd received.

Megaspells. Spells capable of affecting an entire city area. The possibilities were endless, Twilight had told them.

She was convinced it would change the face of the war entirely.

"This facility is one of many that we're using to develop the technology required for them." Twilight continued. "The project you're working on will be Morale’s contribution to the project."

"Ohhhh!" Pinkie exclaimed, barely able to contain herself. "I’m so excited!"

"So, what kind of Megaspell will we be making?" Sandy asked.

"A mood spell. A spell that can instantaneously change the disposition of anypony." Twilight answered, informative as ever.

"How is that supposed to help the war effort?" Rock inquired.

Twilight stopped and turned to face the other mare.

"Have you ever heard of 'wartime stress disorder?'"

Sandy and Rock both nodded.

Twilight returned the nod. "It's becoming a huge issue, in the public and on the battlefield. Ponies are losing hope. Without hope, there's no way we can win. That's what this spell can do - bring some hope back to the citizens of Equestria.”

"It's a happy bomb!!" Pinkie interjected.

"Basically...yes. Now come along. We have someone to introduce you to."

Pinkie Pie's excitement died down immediately. She lowered her head and stuck out her tongue.

"Ugh. Not Rise N' Shine. This is the part I wasn't looking forward to."

Pinkie's reaction caused Sandy and Rock to exchange a look between themselves. It was rare to see Pinkie not excited over anything, let alone meeting with another pony. Sandy began to grow worried about who they were getting ready to meet. He couldn’t see it on her face, but he could tell just by the look deep inside those eyes that Pinkie’s statement caused Rock to worry too.

As they continued down the hall, Twilight commenced giving them information on the project.

"The pony in charge of the project, Rise N' Shine, is one of our best technicians with the Ministry of Arcane science. The progress she's made in the field of mind altering magic is amazing. Her personality though...well, she's a little..."

"Crazy." Pinkie Pie finished for her.

"Well, she's a little strange." Twilight corrected and then thought for a moment. "Okay, she's pretty weird, but she is a genius nonetheless."

Sandy and Rock exchanged yet another look. Now Pinkie Pie of all ponies was referring to others as crazy. What exactly did a pony have to do to make Pinkie Pie think you were crazy? Sandy began to feel just a little uneasy.

The group continued deeper into the mountain.

As they continued on, the hallway became gradually wider and more and more robots began to appear. Sandy noticed that as they progressed, the machinery began to look...stranger. The robots littering the halls weren't standard models. Each one was unique. All shapes and size of different machines, scurrying about each performing their duties.

Sandy also noticed that he hadn't seen another pony since entering the facility…

The group came to the end of the hall. A giant iron door stood in front of them.

In front of the door stood a creature that Sandy never thought he'd actually get to see up close. It was triple the size of any of them. It stood on two hoofed legs, arms folded over over its wide muscled chest. A bovine head sat atop the creatures broad shoulders. An incredibly stern look plastered to it's face.

Twilight trotted up to the minotaur.

"Hello Max. We're here to see Rise N' Shine. Mind letting us through?"

"Identification."

The minotaur responded in the deepest voice Sandy had ever heard. He didn't know a voice could actually get that deep.

"Max, it's me." Twilight continued. "Twilight Sparkle? I've been here a dozen times, remember?"

The minotaur didn't respond vocally. He simply glared down at the ministry mare.

Twilight gulped. She levitated out her ID badge and gave it to the massive creature.

"Well, uh...glad to know security’s doing its job." She let out a nervous chuckle.

The minotaur took the identification card and scanned it through a panel next to the door. There was confirmatory sound and the door slowly began to slide open. The minotaur stepped aside and the group walked in past him. Sandy found himself trotting at a slightly quicker pace as he walked by the strange and intimidating hybrid.

The room past the doors was massive and populated with even more robots and strange scientific instruments. Various pipes, filled with different colored luminescent liquid ran along the walls. There were several computer stations littered throughout the area. The room wasn't very well lit and a strange eeriness lingered in the air.

Twilight led them over to the far side of the room.

Stationed at a workbench, seemingly oblivious to everything going on around her, stood the room’s only other pony occupant. A unicorn mare. All of her attention focused on a strange metallic box sitting on the table. Her dark blue mane was an absolute mess and her pale yellow coat was filthy. A pair of thick boxy glasses sat on the end of her muzzle and she wore a dirty lab coat that barely fit her. She was more than a little overweight and it was very evident that she didn't take good care of herself.

Sandy didn't want to be mean but he thought to himself that if Rock was the prettiest mare he'd ever seen...this mare might have been one of the ugliest.

She didn't seem notice the three other ponies approach her from behind. Twilight cleared her throat to get her attention.

The mare turned. She looked at the trio with a wide eyed expression for almost a solid minute, not saying anything and not blinking once. Her head was shaking, vibrating. It didn't seem like she had any control over it at all.

Finally the mare spoke. "I'm m-m-making t-t-t-t-t-t-t..."

The metallic box that had previously been the focus of all her attention dinged and two slices of badly burnt bread shot out from it.

"T-toast."

The three stared at her and she stared back, shaking. Unblinking.Sandy didn't know what to think of her. She seemed...a little off. Sandy was going to be working with this mare for a long time. He suddenly began to have doubts about the project.

Finally it was Twilight who broke the uncomfortable silence.

"Well...that's...nice. Ummm...we came here to introduce you to the ponies that you'll be working with on the project."

Sandy introduced himself, followed by Rock.

The mare stared back at them with the same wide eyed, non-blinking expression from before. Her mouth twitched and curled into something Sandy figured was her version of a smile. Sandy lived to make ponies smile and until now he firmly believed everypony in the world should have one at all times.

Now he wasn't so sure...

"N-nice to m-meet you. I'm R-R-Rise N' Sh-shine."

"Great. Now that introductions are out of the way, let's get to the tour." Twilight said. "Show them what they'll be working on, Rise N' Shine."

"R-right this w-way."

The group followed behind Rise N' Shine as she led them around the room. Sandy was trying to wrap his mind around the strange mare when he tripped over a power cable and fell flat on his face.

"W-watch y-y-your st-step.”

"Thanks."

Sandy got up, dusted himself off and continued on. The entire facility gave him the creeps. He was supposed to help create a happiness inducing Megaspell in this place? With a mare who never smiled and a pony who was maybe more than a little off, the project seemed doomed from the start.

The time ahead would prove to be the most interesting times of Sandy's life...

~O.o~

Sortilege sat on the couch watching Smokin' Grass's strange lamp. She'd been staring at that lamp for hours. Or possibly days. Or perhaps only minutes. Possibly mere seconds. Time no longer had any meaning to her. Whatever Grass had given her, the miracle herb, was definitely the right name. She sat there, watching the strange green fluid float up to the top of the lamp, then seemingly disappeared. Where did it go? What was it made of? How did it work? Was it magic? Probably. Sortilege didn't know for sure. She just watched the lamp. If she could just watch the lamp for the rest of her life she'd be happy. It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

Skitz was seated next to her. She'd taken a hit as well. Her demeanor didn't seem to change all that much. She sat on the couch, motionless with that same, absent minded smile she always wore. Only real difference being that her eyes were now red and puffy.

Scar was laying on the ground at the foot of the couch. She was in the middle of taking her third hit. Naturally she had a much higher tolerance than Sorts. She inhaled the smoke from the vase. Before she exhaled, Grass, who was lying next to her, caught her chin in his magic aura and maneuvered her face around to meet his.

He kissed her and she exhaled the smoke into his lungs. They both smiled as they parted and Grass blew the smoke out through his teeth. The smoke swirled around the two as they locked eyes.

Scar giggled. "That was wicked cool."

"That was really fucking lame actually. You're such a slut Scar." Sugar was seated on the far end of the room next to Grass's bookshelf. She had on her pair of broken reading glasses and had her nose buried in a book. She had decided on keeping as much distance as she could from the gang at this current moment.

Sortilege finally turned her attention from the lamp and towards the filly. Everything seemed slowed down.

"Sugar." she said in a whisper. The goofiest smile she'd ever worn in her life plastered to her face. "You're so mean." She laughed.

Everything was hilarious.

Sugar didn't look up from her book.

"And you're really fucking high. Don't talk to me right now. I hate dealing with ponies when they're not sober. Right now, all of you are unbearable."

"Sugar..." Sortilege repeated herself.She turned her attention back to the lamp, giggling as she did. "You're so mean."

"You're having a great time right now aren't ya Sorts?" Scar inquired.

"This lamp..." She kept her eyes glued to the object. It was as if nothing else existed. She was determined discover its secrets. The mystery of the magic lamp. "How does this lamp....lamp?"

Everyone in the room besides Sugar laughed. Sugar groaned and went back to reading her book. Scar and Grass were in tears. Even Skitz had snapped out of her daze and was chuckling immensely.

Sortilege turned her attention to the large mare seated next to her.

"Skitz, do you know how this lamp..." She chuckled again. "...Lamps?"

She burst out laughing.

Skitz giggled and her smile widened.

"...What?" Then she joined in the outburst of laughter.

The group laughed for a time. Sugar covered her ears with her magic. To think she'd been excited to come to Grass's place. She couldn't even sit on the comfy couch anymore. When the laughter finally died down a bit Skitz turned to Sortilege.

"I'm going to touch your nose."

"No!" Sortilege smiled, laughed and tried to distance herself from the other mare but was unsuccessful. She could barely move. Why was everything moving so slow? "Skitz don't touch my nose!"

"I'm gonna touch it!" Skitz said in a playful, sing song voice.

"No!" Sortilege protested but couldn't stop herself from giggling hysterically. "Skitz don't touch my nose! It'll bother me."

"I'm gonna touch it!" Skitz raised her hoof and started to slowly bring her hoof closer to Sortilege's face.

"No!"

"I'm gonna do it!"

"Skitz no!"

The hoof finally reached it's destination.

"Boop!"

Sortilege and Skitz both erupted into laughter again.

"Oh!" Sortilege wriggled the end of her nose. "Oh bother."

"Oh. My. Gawd!" Sugar had finally had enough. "You're all idiots! All of you! I don't know how much more of this I can take!"

"Oh lighten up Sugar." Grass interjected. Then he had an idea. "Hey! I got something really cool to show you."

Grass got up and walked over to a safe on the other side of the room. It took him a moment to remember the combination. When he finally did he brought with him a large, strange metal tube shaped weapon of some kind.

Sugar's eyes widened. She realized immediately what the weapon was.

"Is that what I think it is?!" She could barely contain her excitement.

"Sure is." Grass replied. He gave the weapon over to her. "Check it out."

Sugar looked over the weapon in wonderment. For a moment, she actually looked like a child. A child who had just been given the greatest birthday gift she's ever received.

She touched it, just to make sure it was real. She smiled. It was the genuine article. Sugar had dreamed of being able to hold one for as long as she could remember. Now the moment was finally here. Then Grass asked a question and in doing so fulfilled Sugar's wildest dreams.

"Wanna go shoot it?"

The little filly looked up at him. Mouth open in amazement and disbelief at the stallions inquiry.

"Really?" She said in a whisper.

"Yup. C'mon let's all head outside."

Sugar got to all four hooves and ran full speed at the stallion, embracing his leg upon impact.

"Oh Grass thank you! This is the nicest thing anypony has ever done for me! Thank you so much!"

"No problem Sugar."

With that the filly let go of the stallions leg and bolted out the door with the weapon in tow. Screaming as she went.

"I'm so fucking excited!!"

Grass turned to the rest of the ponies occupying the room.

"C'mon. Let's go watch."

Scar laughed. "You're really gonna let her shoot that thing? Are you nuts?"

Grass walked over to Scar. He bent down and whispered in her ear.

Scar started laughing even more.

"Wow Grass. You're an asshole."

Scar got to her hooves and walked over to Sortilege, who was had returned to mission of discovering the secrets of the magic lamp.

"C'mon Sorts. We're heading out."

Sortilege laughed. "Scar...I can't...move."

She laughed even harder after that.

"Yes you can. Get up." Scar helped Sortilege stand up. As soon as she was back on her hooves she sat right back down again. Scar got her up a second time and once again she simply sat right back down. This cycle repeated another three times.

"Damn, you are irritating when you're high."

Sortilege's goofy expression faded instantly and was replaced with one of utter horror.

"Oh no! Don't be mad at me Scar! I don't want you to be mad at me! I'm standing up now."

She stood on her own this time. As soon as she was upright her head began to fall forward on it's own. If Scar hadn't been there to catch her she would have landed flat on her face.

"Oh..." Sortilege wobbled, trying desperately to keep her balance. "Oh...bother..."

"C'mon Sorts I'll help you out." Scar draped a wing around Sortilege's body and headed for the back door after Grass. She was almost to the door when she noticed that they were short one member.

"You comin' Skitz?"

Skitz didn't reply. Somehow she seemed even less aware of her surroundings than she normally did. She didn't reply to Scar's question or even notice that Scar was addressing her at all. She simply stared at the ceiling, blissfully unaware of anything happening outside of her own little world.

"Guess not." Scar lead Sortilege over to the back door where Grass was waiting for them. "Grass, one question..."

"What's up beautiful?"

"Where'd you get a balefire egg launcher anyway?"