Mr. Brony Goes to Equestria

a.k.a The Death of the Writer

by AngryCartoonGuy

"Let me just pull these off, and... Ah... that's better."

John Doe took off his enormous boxers and began to relax. He was ready for something beautiful. Something dirty.

Something pony.

You see, John Doe was a part of the Big Race Omens Never Yield tribe, or the Bronies for short. They indulged in sexy activities based off of their favorite thing ever, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. But the show had ended a month before, and now John felt empty inside. He needed ponies in his life. Especially... oh, yeah...

John realized that he was drooling and wiped it up from his left cheek, where it had been sitting. He remembered that he was sitting in front of his laptop and saw what he had been searching for. DERPY CLOP, the search engine read. Aye, Ms. Derpy Hooves was the definite best character of the entire show. So beautiful, so charming. John's member grew just at the thought of the character.

And "clop?" That was the name of the sexual activities that your perfect narrator already mentioned. The Anti-Brony tribe hated Bronies for this reason. It felt so wrong on so many levels. That was what they wrote on forums across the internet before searching for some Harry Potter R34.

Anyways, John saw the perfect video: MANE SIX X DERPY CLOP. Once he clicked on it, he scrolled down to read the description. It listed about everything a member of the Brony tribe could want. John was very excited to watch the video by then. He pressed PLAY.

It was so wonderful that John had come sooner than ever. He was in some kind of Brony Heaven, and he loved every moment of it. He wished that it wouldn't have had to end. But it had to happen some time. And now John felt empty inside once again.

He silently crawled into his bed. He was jealous. Jealous of the ponies of Equestria, being able to live in such an amazing place. It wasn't possible, though, and John knew that.

He looked out his window and saw that it was a full moon that night. He decided to make a wish. A real one, unlike the one to stretch that video from earlier. This was what he said:

"Oh, Luna, I wish to you. I wish to live in Equestria. To live in a land of purity. A land of bliss. I wish I could live in that place so very much. Please grant that wish, Luna."

And with that, John Doe fell asleep.

From the outside, it would seem that lustful moans and horny cries of "Luna" would mean nothing but trouble. But from the inside, John was in the best mood he'd ever been in. Dreaming of getting laid by a member of the Mane Six was one thing, but by the Princess of the Night? Almost nothing, because Derpy was always the best to John, could compare to this experience.

In all the clop videos and erotic fanfiction that John had watched and read, Luna was always a beautiful whore. And that was what John dreamt of her as. She was so amazing with the foreplay, that, in fact, John dreamt up an extended amount of the musk-filled actions. But the sex... oh, it was amazing. No words were strong enough to describe the sensation of fucking royalty.

"Oh, Luna, you are so amazing!" John moaned with pleasure. He could barely talk while he was in ecstasy, but he somehow got out those words. He expected some kind of reward for pulling off that feat, but instead, to his disappointment, Luna stopped with the luxurious experience. "Is there something wrong?" he added with a whimper.

Luna gave a slight cough, and in her sexy booming voice, she asked John, "Why would you like to go to Equestria?" This was not the reply that John had hoped for.

He lifted his head up from Luna's pillow. "I already said. To live in a beautiful land," he explained again, this time in an annoyed tone.

Luna stared at him. "That's not the answer from your heart, I can tell." She was still using the same voice as before, and it was definitely turning John on. He was hoping that they could get back to making love soon, or he'd have to do it for them.

"Fine!" He knew it would come out sometime. Better to his own mind. He found that he was now sobbing. "I just want them! All the ponies! I wanna fuck 'em!" He quickly gasped and shut up. "Please don't hate me," he whispered.

Luna brushed John's head of hair with her hoof. "I could never. Now, I will see you very soon, John." She planted a kiss on his forehead and whispered, "Goodbye." She gave a slight smile and flew off, leaving John alone in his dream.

Oh, wait, it was a dream?!

John opened his eyes. It was strangely brighter than usual, so he gave his eyes some time to adapt. He stretched his legs with a groan and stood up from his bed. What a beautiful dream that he had been experiencing. He had wanted it to be real. Well, it was time to check the internet for something to suit his fantasy. He reached for his laptop but discovered that the laptop and his desk were both gone. The next thing that he did signified a change, and a big one at that.

For John rubbed his eyes and screamed.

The world around him was something straight out of Adobe Flash. He looked at his hands and discovered that he, too, was now animated. Amidst the cries of "Oh, God, oh, God," a white unicorn with a purple mane entered the room. When John noticed her, he went silent. It was Rarity, the Element of Generosity.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a caring voice. John had to turn over in the bed to hide his newly-formed erection. Rarity was the second-most beautiful of the Elements of Harmony, so John reacted as many other Bronies would act in this situation. He began asking questions.

He inquired, "Where am I? How did I get here?" He shuffled in his bed a bit in awkwardness.

Rarity began stroking her neck. "Well, this is my bedroom. And, uh, you see... My friend Pinkie Pie found you unconscious in the Everfree Forest and asked for me to take care of you." Her eyes widened as she realized what she had said. "Wait, it's not like-"

Suddenly, John got up from the bed he was in and jumped onto Rarity. He held her down in a position that showed her marehood. With a murmur of "I'm going to enjoy this," John began licking the fashionista's clit as she moaned. It was definitely a ride. Speaking of rides, John thought to himself. He turned Rarity over and began riding her just like a normal pony. The only difference was that this was oh so sexy.

John could make out some of the moans emitting from the vocal chords of Rarity. They went a bit like "Don't stop... yeah, right there... oh, wonderful, darling!" She repeated some of them in different orders, which set the stage for a new fantasy John could experience. He pulled his member out of his lover's marehood. She groaned in disappointment, similar to John's dream with Luna.

"I'm sorry, honey," John excused himself, "but I've got other mares to pleasure." He gave a compassionate kiss on Rarity's lips. When he bounced his tongue on her skin, she allowed him entry. She tasted of peppermint. Delicious, John thought.

Next stop, Twilight's library. John instantly thought of the episode where the castle was destroyed and Twilight got her tree back and chuckled. It was the whole Status Quo is God that you expected from animation those days. The tree looked even more beautiful than before it was destroyed, so John got the idea that everything in the tree would be more beautiful, too. He licked his lips. It was time to find the librarian.

Thankfully, he didn't have to look very far. She was at the front desk reading the newest Daring Do book. She looked up at him with a smile on her face. She was the first to speak. "Ah, you must be that human that Pinkie has been talking about."

"My name's John," John replied as he nodded. He realized that his erection had grown and hid it quickly. "You must be Twilight Sparkle. I've heard so much about you."

Twilight chuckled. "Oh, John. You don't need to pretend. I know all about the show. While I'm not into the publicity, Rainbow Dash sure is. And when she's happy, Ponyville's happy. Or is it Pinkie Pie?" John put a finger to her lips. He shushed her and gave a goofy grin.

"Are you ready?" he asked her. He got into position...

"Ready for what?" She eyed him carefully, as if the answer was in John's eyes.

"Ready for this!" ...and pounced! They began rolling on the carpet. Twilight gave another laugh as her horn began to glow. What is she doing? John wondered.

ZIP!

Suddenly, they were lying on top of Twilight's bed. The mare in question was giving a seductive look to John. He knew that he couldn't hold in this excitement much longer and stuck his member inside of Twilight. The moans from John's alicorn sex friend were even louder than Rarity's. Twilight's musk was stronger, too.

"Oh, Celestia, I want this so badly," Twilight muttered to herself, not realizing that John could hear.

"Me, too," John answered with delight. The fucking began.

Where Rarity was chaotic but soft, Twilight was organized yet ferocious. She would stop at nothing to be rutted, it seemed. John gave long thrusts, but Twilight eventually suggested he'd be faster. It turned out that she was right. When he doubled his thrusting speed, Twilight moaned even louder. John couldn't believe no one had come to see what the commotion was yet. It turned out that "speaking of the Rainbow" would be a better term, however, as Rainbow Dash suddenly broke the door as she slammed threw it.

She spoke through long panting sounds. "I... heard sexy... noises... It HAD to be you..." She pointed at John. "Help me have foals!" She broke into a greedy grin.

Twilight began pulling John in and out herself. She shouted at Rainbow Dash, "He's my sex pal! Get your own! Anyways, he doesn't even like pegasi, I bet!"

Rainbow Dash didn't wait for an answer from John, though. "Hey, Twi, I forgot... to mention. There's a... mailpony outside."

John pulled away from Twilight's marehood and gasped. "M-mailpony?" he repeated. "I'll be right back!" He began running towards the front door.

Rainbow Dash and Twilight both exclaimed at the same time, "Oh no, you don't!"

John realized that it was a trick the second that he opened the door to the tree. He was a stubborn human, however, and so he decided to find Derpy himself.

He was about five minutes from the tree when he saw Derpy's house. He noticed Pinkie Pie in the corner of his eye but just shrugged and continued towards his close goal.

POW!

"Oh no, you don't!" a high-pitched voice cried. It was Pinkie Pie. "Don't go violating Derpy like you did to Rarity and Twilight!" She swung her hoof into the air and was positioned to kill with a fatal blow. It was strange to John that Pinkie Pie was so strong. He began to cower in fright, ready to die, when he saw a chariot driven by six bat ponies. It was Luna!

"Princess Luna!" Pinkie Pie greeted. "Are you here to help stop this criminal from creating an epidemic of lovestruck ponies?"

Luna got a devious grin on her face and explained, "Actually, I had something else in mind." She turned to John. "Do you want sex?" John nodded. "Then you shall get sex." John grinned. "For the rest of your life."

"NO!!!" John screamed in horror. "This is horrible! How can you survive sex for the rest of your life?!" He was dragged into the chariot by Luna and flown away.

"Eh hem," a voice growled from behind Pinkie Pie. It was Twilight. "Where's my sexy Johnnie?" She licked her lips. Pinkie turned around and noticed that Twilight was levitating a crowbar with her horn. Next to Twilight was Rarity, who was wearing stockings and panties. She also was angry, and she also was levitating a crowbar with her horn.

"Oh, Celestia," Pinkie muttered to herself right before she ran. It was one of those days.

~THE END~

Author's Note

Oh, Celestia. Forgive me, as I have sinned.

I'm joking of course. Please do not take this seriously. It's just a one-shot parody of Brony stereotypes that I came up with. These aren't my views on the fandom.