The Crimson Fucker is Here!

Present Day

And, the show just hit the 3000 years mark. That means I have about 42 more years to put my plan into action. Huhhhh, you know, life has been boring just sitting hear, in my chair, in my dark cave, drinking a cup of blood. What? Did you think I was going to be stone like some of those other LoHAV dudes? No no no my friends. You see, I did in fact go up against the Royal Fuckbuckets 3000 years ago. However, when I got hit with the Elements of Harmony(AKA Brainwashing Devices), I didn't get turned to stone. Why is that you might ask?

Because, my dear mortals, I am TheCrimsonFucker himself, Alucard.

And not just any Alucard, I am Schrodinger, Alucard.

For those of you who don't know what that means, don't worry about it. It will all be explained in the backstory I'm about to bore you all with, simply because it is at least semi important to the whole story. Now listen carefully, I don't like to repeat myself...

3000-ish Years Ago

Now, my name before all of this was Jackson, I can't remember my last name though. I used to leave in Dallas, Texas with my good buddy Marcus. We were huge anime nuts, like huge huge. Whenever one of our favorite animes got a new season or episode, we were all over it like stink on a skunk. This wasn't more true, than with our favorite anime of all time, Hellsing Ultimate. We watched every episode of that show, like three times, dubbed, subbed, and TFS Abrigded, my personal favorite. So, when we heard that, an Anime Expo was coming to Texas, we had to go as our favorite characters.

Getting the costumes was pretty easy(you'd be surprised what you can find on the internet nowadays), especial since Marcus' dad was a world renown doctor, so he was rollin' in dough. He got Walter, and I got Alucard(I should take this moment to mention that we're both black and I'm 6'7'' and he's 6'5''. Yes, I know, a black Alucard, but hey who cares). Now, the only snags we came across were with my costume. One, the purple eyes he got when he absorbed Schrodinger, two, his twin rows of sharp teeth, and three, his two signature guns. Now the eyes and fangs were child's play. All we did was buy some purple contacts, draw black circles on them(I have very careful and steady hands), buy some fake fangs, and sharpen the square ones so they look pointed. It was a snug fit, but it worked. However, no matter how hard we looked, we could find any gun that looked enough like Alucard's to use, so we gave up.

Once the day of the Expo came, I drove us there in my friend's Jaguar(I know, right?). After we got there, we noticed something, we were the only ones who thought of going as Walter and Alucard. This was actually a plus, because people were fanning all over us, asking for photos, autographs, you know standard shit. But no matter what I did, I just couldn't shake the feeling of wrongness that came from not having my weapons.

That was when I saw the stall, and I froze.

The stall had two guns that looked exactly like Alucard's from the series! They even had the Jackal down, all the way to its barrel. It wasn't until the owner of the stall showed himself, that I knew exactly who it was. The man was tall, and looked like Xeres did in that 300 Rise of an Empire movie I saw once.

He looked to me and smiled," See anything you like, Alucard?"

I pointed my finger at him," It's you, your the merchant that gave the League of-"

"Perhaps it would suit you to continue this conversation, in the back," he said, indicating said place with a wave of his hand. I told my friend I would be back later, and fast walked into the room. It was a small room, with a chair and a desk like the ones you would see in a police interrogation room. I took a seat, just as the Merchant walked in, with both of the guns. He sat down right across from me, and placed the guns down on the table, handles towards me.

"Alright, so how did you know who I am?" he asked me.

"Because I've read the fanfics, you're the Merchant who gave some of the LoHAV their weapons. And, in all seriousness, I'm probably going to pick up this guns, and get whisked off to a version of Equestria, where they'll freak out at seeing me, and I'll end up just like they did."

The Merchant kept a calm look about him," Hmm, I can see that you are a smart one, well you don't have to-"

"I want in," I deadpanned.

Now the Merchant looked taken aback," W-wh-Why?"

"Because, ever since MLP came out, I have hated it with a burning passion. And I am a firm believer in the Multiverse Theory. So, I knew that out there was universe, that was created thanks to MLP becoming popular. Ever since then, I have been planning what I would do if humanity ever discovered universe hopping and was able to travel the Multiverse. My plan was simple, get military training, go find the Prime Equestria, and destroy it. That way, I will not only destroy it, but I will destroy Every. Single. Last. Equestria. Ever. Created. That includes the fanfic worlds, the alternate worlds, all of it. However, I knew I couldn't go in there with minimal knowledge of Equestria and its defenses. And, the next worst thing to watching the show itself, is reading the fanfics. So, I searched fimfiction.net, looking for a fanfic where the humans beat and/or kill the ponies, and that is how I found the LoHAV. I was able to not only learn the strengths and weaknesses of Equestira, but also read epic stories of humans killing ponies. However, there was in fact a trend among the fanfics, either they got there by buying a weapon from a stall at an Expo, or they would find the Alicorn amulet somehow. And, judging by how realistic those guns look, you must be that merchant." I explained.

Silence reigned in the small room for a bit, then the Merchant began to laugh a hearty laugh," Oh oh oh! Ah hah haha! Ah, I was wondering when someone was finally going to recognize me!"

I relaxed a bit, glad my hunch was correct," So, who exactly are you?"

He stopped laughing, but still looked quite happy," Well, since your the first to figure me out, how about this? Before you go to Equestria, I will answer any and all your questions. About me, the Equestria you're going to, or the powers you'll have when you get there. First, I will answer your question asked just now."

He took on a somber expression, as he placed his elbows on the table, and looked at the roof, his Persian accented voice beginning his story," You right you know, about the Prime Equestria. It was once a beautiful land. The Everyfree was just that, free. There were humans, minotaurs, nagas, hydras, chimeras, dragons, and all sorts of creatures living there. Each one living in its own kind of peace. Everything was perfect. But then," as he began, his head dropped back down, and his hands closed into fist, until they started shaking, pure hatred coming into his voice," those god forsaken ponies came. With Celestia and Luna at the head, the ponies cut a swath of destruction through the land. Any who didn't submit them, was executed, and had their name erased from history, never to be thought of again. As you can probable tell, only the minotaurs, griffins, manticores, hydras, cocktrices, dragons, timberwolves, and ponies remain."

His voice grew more filled with disdain as he continued," We humans, didn't even get a choice. They just walked into our homes, and started killing everyone. They deemed us 'too violent' to be given a choice to surrender. They didn't care who they killed, man, woman, child, it didn't matter. Even my wife and daughter, killed by the Royal Sisters, as they begged fro mercy!" When he looked up again, there were tears in his eyes," SCHOLAR'S RIGH YOU KNOW! ALL OF THAT 'HARMONY' THEY MADE, WAS POISON TO US! IT STOPPED OUR MAGIC, CHOKED OUR SOLDIERS AND MAGES! SO MANY DIED BECAUSE OF THEM! I ONLY GOT AWAY, BECAUSE OUR REMAINING MAGES SACRIFICED THEMSELVES TO SEND ME ANS TWO OTHERS ACROSS THE MULTIVERS, TO MAKE SURE THEY PAID!!!!!"

He seemed to calm down, and wiped his tears away," Now you know why I do what I do. I do not like to take people away from their homes and families for my revenge, but the weapons I have will only react to a certain person, and I am none of those persons."
I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it to give him comfort," Hey, it's alright, while I'm not sure about the others, I know that I will help you with this."

At that he smiled," Thank you."

I pulled away and set my arm on my right leg," So, next question, what type of powers will I have?"

"You will have all of Alucard's powers, including his Schrodinger ability. If you wish to use this ability, if you are ever in a tight spot, simply think of yourself in a different area and you'll be there. You can go anywhere, even places you haven't been or inside someone's mind."

I nodded my head," Ok, how much of a danger will the ponies be to me, and what kind will they be?"

"You will be going to an anthro version of Equestria, but other than that, everything else will be the same. Their magic shouldn't hurt you that much, and besides, if they ever do disintegrate you, just use your Schrodinger ability."

"What about the Sisters?"

"Well, since Celestia is the sun, her magic will be slightly more dangerous to you, but once again, Schrodinger. And, as for Luna, since you are a creature of the night, her magic will actually make you stronger."

'Hmmm,' I mused to myself,' I like the sound of that.' "What about the Elements of Harmony?"

"Again, Schrodinger."

"Ok, will I have unlimited ammo for my guns?"

"Yes."

"What about feeding?"

"Well, if you don't want to turn a pony into a ghoul, just drink enough of their blood to sate you, or just enough to knock them out, not kill them. As for turning people, just make sure that if you bite a virgin, you do not put some of your blood into her wound."

"Ok, last thing, when or where will I land?"

"You will be sent to Equestria, 3042 years before the events that turned Twilight into an Alicorm. Are you ready?"

I looked to the table, and grasped the handles of my guns saying," Fuck Yeah, and thank you." As the world began to fade to black, I heard the Merchant say, " No, thank you."

And with that, I blacked out.

When, I awoke, I looked around, and smiled.

I was in the Everfree forest.

And I was motherfucking Alucard.

This is going to be fun.