An alcoholics recollection of Equestria

Author's note. This is a short chapter. I know this. This is purposeful. Why? Because I want to name the second chapter the Hayngover. Anyway looking for pre readers. Enjoy

{Me}

[Myself]

^The other me^

*and I*

(It’ll make sense soon enough, I swear.)

    To whoever gets this, hello. I’d tell you my name, but it seems so insignificant to everyone else nowadays that that would be a waste of my breath. In short I will be kill-

[You sound like a whiny bitch.]

{You know Soren, that makes you a whiny bitch too.}

[Point taken. Still. Go over it one more time.]

    This had been going on for a few hours in my head. You see, I have a few demons in my head. Not real demons, simply parts of me that I section off. Bad parts of me. That way I can tune in and out of them. It’s effective, as one side tells me to kill everything. I block that out ‘till I can play some violent videogames and let her loose.

^Good to see I’m still important to you.^

{Quick sidenote Luna I simply named you off of my perception of a pony in a TV show for little girls. Don’t get all misty eyed yet.}

^Right forgot you were an asshole. Hey wanna go kill everyone?^

    What’d I tell you? So as I was saying. Yea, I got problems. Luckily with my new pony friend (his name was .45) I was leaving soon enough.

{Worst pun ever}

[Yea I’ll be here the rest of my life. Another few seconds.]

Fuck the suicide note. I took the gun and placed the barrel to my head. I silently sent a prayer.  I’m not much of a religious man, but it can’t hurt. Then I pulled the trigger, thinking that’d be that.

If only my life was THAT easy.

______________________________________________________________________________

I awoke in the middle of...fucking nowhere. Hold up there’s something wrong here. Hmm what could it be...

[Maybe that we shot ourselves in the head and survived?]

{Nah that was just to get rid of you. I knew I was going to be fine.}

[Ladies and gentleman the smartass has not been knocked out of him, you can release your breath]

I must be the only one who can carry on an argument with myself. I looked around for my gun. Second time’s the charm. I reached for it with me...hoof? I looked at where my hand should have been. Yep there’s now a hoof there. I held up the other one. One hoof, two hoof. Hooves. Whoop de fuckin do.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am a brony. Honest to god. I simply wasn’t surprised at seeing that I had...hooves.

*WAITASECONDHOLYSHITIHAVEHOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVESSSSSS!!!!!!!!*

I said I wasn’t. However Midnight Shadow was very surprised. And excited. And when someone’s yelling at the top of their lungs inside your head, it hurts like hell real quick.

{Soren shut him the fuck up}

[C’mon Shadow. Back into your box]

*NO WE MUST BE IN EQUESTRIA! ACQUIRE PONIES!*

{WE CAN’T JUST GO AROUND AND STEAL PONIES!}

[FUCK PONIES ACQUIRE ALCOHOL!]

^WHY THE HELL ARE WE ALL YELLING?!?!^

Oww. Damn if I thought listening to Shadow hurt, four others was like hell. Still I suppose one of them was right. The smart logical one. Soren.

{Soren is right. First things first. Find alcohol.}

[Hell yea.]

Yes. I am an alcoholic.I will drink large amounts at a time. This is only because I am boring as hell otherwise.  So it shouldn’t be surprising when my first thoughts go to alcohol. I thought I had a flask on me when I left, so I reached into my pocket. And took out my flask. Hold up, I don’t have pockets! I looked behind me to make sure. Nope, nothing. Well that’s nice. God forbid I have fuckin holes in my ass. Still where did my booze come from?

[Fuck logic, drink alcohol]

{Yea. Fuck logic. Get shitfaced.}

I took a nice swig of whiskey. Watered down with vodka. Yeah I know. Hardcore alcoholic.

[You make it seem like someone else is listening.]

{For all we know someone is}

I then spouted off some philosophical bullshit before passing out from alcohol consumption. Tomorrow I’ll get to work. Tomorrow I’ll see what the hell I look like. Tomorrow...I’ll have one bigass hangover.