Recollections of the Rhodes
Dinner
Previous Chapter(Fair Warning!: For those of you who thinks this is familiar, it is. It's just a re-edit of the old chapter, but with an alternate path being taken to it. Also, you better be happy for over 10,000 words.)
Chapter 10
Dinner.
Date: 4/25/1903
Time: Evening
Location: Rhode Castle, Dining room
Arrow Head POV
This is cool. I couldn't stop twiddling with my sword. It was made out of steel, and was incredibly sharp. It's heft almost made it feel like it belonged in my jaw. The strange stick that Cervantes handed me didn't even resemble a bow though. I can't even figure out how the damn thing works. The armor is a dark maroon with my cutie mark on the flank plates, and some sort of green glass face cover. Why the human thought it was smart to use glass was beyond me, but maybe it was enchanted to not break? Who knows. Anyways, my former princess (Still upset about being ordered to capture 'bandits') was grimacing while Ulysses had a bag of ice on his head.
Studded Shield was sitting in between the both of them, while the doc was giving Ulysses a lecture about something. Cervantes seemed to be showing some form of human annoyance. Oddly enough, it looked similar to a facehoof. Well, time to suck up to my new superior.
" Is everything alright sir?"
" Yeah, just fine," He grunted, removing his hand from his face.
This was the first time I managed to get a good look at the human, and wow, not exactly what you'd call the most handsome. I'd seen him in the dungeon before, but he always had a bit of a silhouette. His face was well-tanned, had a short but yet thick and shaggy brown mane, what looked to be lightly shaved fur on his face as well, and very small blue eyes. I wonder how he manages to get around with such small eyes? The other human was relatively the same, but his eyes were brown instead of blue, and his face was clean of fur. Both of them had a build that would make most minotauri green with envy, towering over even Celestia. I wonder if all humans are built like this?
" 'Scuse me sir, but what are humans like?"
" Humans? Well shit, umm... how about we wait until everyone is ready? I want to be able to get all the information about humans and our world in one session. A session that a certain unicorn I know might enjoy-"
Whump!
Our heads moved towards Ulysses, who was apparently unconscious.
" What happened?" Cervantes asked, looking at his brother with concern.
" Dunno," Studded replied," Just passed right out,"
" Big oaf probably just got bored with my lecture," Sterile mumbled, poking him to wake him up.
" C'mon beautiful, wake up,"
Poke, poke.
" Wakey wakey,"
Poke, poke.
" Rise and shine!"
Poke, poke.
" Oi! Wake up you bucking moron!"
Slap!
The noise of the back of Steriles leathery wing meeting face resounded through the dining hall. I cringed, wondering what Cervantes would do. He looked at the doc with a deadpan face, then started smiling.
" I approve of your methods," He said, raising the uhh... what would a minotaur call it? A... thumb? I think that's it.
Ulysses still laid there unconscious though. He almost looked dead, if it weren't for his finger twitching a moment after the slap.
" Is your brother like this when he sleeps?" Doc asked.
" No, and that's what's concerning me,"
The doc looked the unconscious human up and down, and proceeded the check vitals.
" Apparently, your brother is suffering from Mana Exhaustion. Was he taking part in any strenuous magic related activities recently?"
" Umm... he's been opening portals from place to place frequently,"
" How frequent?"
" I'd say... about thirty times a day? I wouldn't know for sure, it's not like I hold his hand to where ever he goes,"
" And is your brother an expert at doing such a thing?"
" No,"
" Has he ever used magic before?"
" ...No,"
Sterile looked at Cervantes for a minute, before motioning to Studded Shield and me.
" You two, help me lift this idiot to the infirmary. As for you Cervantes, I want to know as much as you know about your brothers medical history,"
" Buck. Ah well, let's just... nngh... pick up... urrgh... sweet Faust, what are you feeding this guy?" Studded groaned under Ulysses' weight.
" Uhh... do you guys need help?" Cervantes offered.
" We... urrg... got it," I sputtered.
What has this guy been eating?! It's like he eats anvils for breakfast, elephants for lunch, and trees for dinner!
" Okay... are you sure?"
" We're... fine?" I replied.
It feels like a great weight has been lifted... and one has been lifted. Holy buck, he's holding his brother over one shoulder?! This guy has to be some sort of powerhouse to lift that much weight.
As we start up a trotting pace towards the infirmary, I notice a couple more things. This hallway looks cleaner. Did Cervantes hire somepony to help clean? This castle would be too big for a one pony job, but there's no more dust, a majority of webs are gone, and the hall has a bit more of a... lighter feel to it. A majority of this castle feels much calmer, as if all spirits were put to peace.
" Cervantes," Luna piped up, " Did you happen to do all this?"
He looks hesitant...
" ... Some of it. The rest was done by a friend,"
" Who happens to be this friend?"
" ... A friend,"
" Yes, we get that part, but who?"
" I'll let her introduce herself when she feels like it. She's a bit shy,"
" Well alright, but what's her name at least,"
" ..."
" Cervantes?"
" Hmm? Sorry, just thinking. To be honest, I don't know much about her myself,"
" And yet your friends? Interesting,"
" Yeah, well I guess we just clicked as friends. I helped her out with an issue she had, and now she just sticks around really,"
" Interesting..." She says again.
Luna seems to be looking at Cervantes with doubt though. I wonder why...
" You seem to keep plenty of secrets though. Why?"
" Well for example..." He began.
He then moved over to the wall to our right and began to feel around on it. As soon as his hand ran over a specific brick, he... pushed it in? This castle isn't as sound as it seems now- Woah! The brick wall had pushed in and slid over, revealing a tunnel. There was a passage behind the wall?!
" Impressive, you found one of our secret passages. But what does this have to do with keeping secrets?"
" Many reasons. Sometimes you keep secrets, even if it means being seen as the one in the wrong by one side, just to keep yourself and those around you safe. I keep secrets because the last time I told a secret, I got put on medicine that fucked my head up. I keep secrets because I fear that if I don't keep them, others would simply not understand and just write me off as 'screwy'. Last time I told a secret, I was pointed at, shunned, and abused. People were telling me 'I just wanted to be the center of attention'. So hopefully you can understand why I keep secrets,"
" Okay... but why were you called 'screwy'?"
" ... I'm sorry but if I told you, you'd know one of my secrets,"
" Sigh, Guess I couldn't exactly force you. How did you know about the passage anyways?"
" I bumped into it on accident one night when I was... uhh... let's just say I drank a bit,"
" You have alcohol on the premises?" Celestia asked.
" Meh, nothing beyond whiskey and cheap beer. I've been experimenting a little bit in my workshop, but uhh... let's just say I have easy access to fruit based explosives now,"
" Fruit?"
" It was... a very bad attempt at making alcohol. If you see me tossing explosives in the future, don't mind the scent of blue berries mixing in with the char of whatever falls victim to them,"
" Urmm... okay?"
The walk through the tunnel was generally quiet, save for the steps of our hooves. Well, feet in Cervantes' case. A lot of the darkness was unnerving, but at least Cervantes had a 'flash-light' as he had called it.
Eventually, we came across a wall, and Cervantes pushed another brick in, revealing we had arrived at the makeshift medical center.
" Place him on that bed over there," Sterile ordered, pointing to a bed relatively close to a hill of crates with red crosses on them.
After Cervantes put him down on the bed, Sterile had popped open one of the crates to reveal medicine of all kinds.
" Mr. Rhode, did you happen to label the crates specifically?" Sterile questioned.
Cervantes started rubbing the back of his neck and looked sheepish. Looks rather similar to a pony when...
" Eheheh... this is going to take a while," He chuckled nervously
... they've made a mistake and don't like to admit it. Humans are easier to read then I thought. Rather similar to ponies.
As they shuffled through the medicine, I trotted over to one of the windows. Rain was pattering down on the glass, and the occasional bolt of lightning would pop up. Everfree weather is unsettling, but if those humans can live out here, so can I. I wonder how everypony will survive in the winter actually. But if those humans have a way, then we might as well take that way. I just wonder about the hydras in the forest. Manticores and timberwolves you can get rid of easily with enough work, but hydras would be a hopeless cause to defend against.
So I sit here... looking at how gloomy of a day it is...
...
...
...
...
...
" Oi, wake up!" I heard, startling me enough to make me spring from where I laid.
Bad move. When I sprung up, I crashed into something tall behind me. I look up to find myself in Cervantes arms.
" Hehehe... I just met you man. Let's wait til the first date at least, okay?"
I was then unceremoniously dropped onto the ground.
" Musta passed out," I mumbled.
" Alright, now that Ulysses is okay-"
Grrruuuumble.
"- Anyone want some food?"
Now that he mentioned it, we were all a bit hungry. I understand I just ate, but I'm still hungry. My mothers said I got that from my dad.
" Finally, some food!" Luna yelled.
" To the dining hall!" I yelled, going ahead of everyone...
... Only to realize I don't know the layout of the castle.
" Uhh... could you lead?" I asked Cervantes.
" Of course, follow me everypony,"
[{((O))}]
Cervantes POV
I led everypony to the dining room, turned on the power, and even pulled out chairs for the princesses. After all that, I went to my workspace. Pulling out ingredients, I began preparing to make Quesadilla. One problem was... I needed more people to help me cook. Popping my head out the door, I give out a whistle.
" Hey, Stud, Arrow, Stitches, gimme a hoof in here will ya? I can't cook by myself for all these guests,"
" It's Sterile, and I can't cook to save my life, so you'd be better off with those two,"
" You can still help though,"
" How?"
" You can help by following some specific orders I have,"
" Urrg, fine,"
Lining everyone up, I wave over to the ingredients.
" Okay, our ingredients are going to be used to make Quesadillas! Now I want you to follow the recipe by the dot if you can. If not, there are written recipes over your stations. Begin by lightly buttering one side of the flat bread. Sprinkle that with garlic salt, and place that side on your skillet. Then begin to sprinkle the shredded cheese on one half of the Quesadilla. You all have other ingredients such as diced Onion, Garlic, Jalapeno pepper, and chopped hard boiled egg. Sprinkle a bit of each onto the side with cheese as well. Fold the Quesadilla in half and wait about one minute for each side to cook, or until golden brown on each side. Cooking twenty-four Quesadillas should take about six or seven minutes amongst us, so let's hurry up and get twenty-four watering mouths fed!" I yelled.
" And Doc Stitches? Since you can't cook, I'll need you to scoop some sour cream onto these plates so they can dip the Quesadilla into it. After that, I'll need your help with handing out plates,"
" Why am I even helping? And don't call me Stitches! Stitches was my father! And he was a tailor!"
" You're helping because we're short-hoofed on staff at the moment. When more ponies come to the castle, you won't have to worry about it. Until then though, quit your bitching and shut the fuck up,"
" Grrr..."
Got the doc mad: +5 points.
" Y'know, if you don't like me, then why the hell are you staying?"
" Because all of you idiots are out here on your own, and I can't just leave you out here to rot with your wounds,"
" I'm... legitimately touched. I guess I've been a pinch harsh. Are you sure there isn't anything else bothering you?," I replied, turning on the stoves to prepare food.
" Yes!" He barked.
" Alright! Touchy touchy,"
As I spread butter on the flat bread, a thought pops to mind.
" Oh by the way guys, seeing as how we're short-hoofed at the moment, I was wondering if you guys would like to either stay here or come with me to Trottingham. Just to see if anyone wants to move in with us?"
" Hahahah. You really expect anypony to move out here to the Everfree?" Sterile said.
" Hmm... I see. We need to at least build some gardens inside the walls. I know we're getting plenty of food and water from Hunting, Fishing, and Scavenging, but we can't depend solely on nature.
We need some muscle to help pull the stumps outside the castle wall so we can build and plow. First we'll need some help building a wall around the castle. That means we'll also need people working at quarries. When that's done, we'll build some homes for anyone who doesn't want a nice room in the castle. Wouldn't blame them.
Pass that point, we just need some one to plow the the fields and some plumbers. Right now, we'll be without electricity, but once Ulysses gets his strength back, we've got generators to set up. Then there's the problem of convincing people to come out here like you said. Any ideas?"
" Don't set up a town in the middle of a monster ridden, overgrown, untameable wilderness?" Arrow suggested.
" ...You're good. No, I like this place because we already have a castle at our disposal. With the forge, armory, and treasury, we're okay here. Actually, I was wondering if non-pony residents would be okay,"
" Like gryphons?" Shield asked.
" Welll... anything in general. Hell, diamond dogs are a nice candidate,"
" Diamond dogs? Pfft, you're joking right?" Sterile commented.
" Does a bear shit in the woods?"
" ... You're serious? How stupid are you?"
" Meh, not exactly a grade A student. My teachers could attest to that. What's wrong with diamond dogs anyways? Not all of em are bad,"
" Name at least ten who aren't greedy, violent, flea-bitten mongrels," Sterile pointed out.
I raise my hand for a moment with my index finger pointed up before sighing in defeat.
" ... Point. But it doesn't mean that they can't get a second chance here. Tell you what; Ulysses knows a couple of dogs who might join us. If they don't seem good to you, then we'll consider it. Not letting minotaurs in, that's a given. Unless they're not superstitious, then they're okay in my book,"
" Why?" Arrow asked.
" Look up Mylosian Mythos. You'll find out why," I replied.
Flopping my final load of Quesadillas onto the plate, I shut the oven off. Looking around myself, I see we've made all the Quesadillas needed. One or two were a tad bit burnt, but I'll just take those.
" I know I've been saying this a lot lately, but we'll finish this later,"
After pouring them all glasses of cold and fresh water (God bless those preservation runes and their ability to keep foodstuffs and fluids cool), I motioned to Sterile.
" Alright Doc, help me haul these puppies out on the cart please,"
" Sure," was all he had to say.
Pushing the doors open, he moved to the left side of the table, so I took the right.
As I passed each guard, I would leave a plate of the meal for them. Eventually, we came to the princesses, who sat near the end. Placing a plate in front of Celestia, I give her a smile.
" Bon Appetite,"
And with that I put my cart away in the kitchen, grabbed a plate, and sat down at the table. At this time, Ink Sword came in through the door.
" Hey, I smelled something cooking and- your majesties!" He stated with surprise, dipping into a bow.
" You may rise," Celestia told him sweetly.
" Cough cough, suckup, cough,"
Ink Sword looked over at Ulysses and gave him a stink eye. Where is he all the time anyways? The only time I see him around is when he gets his food, and even then that's a fifty-fifty. Hmm... Maybe I should have him work with me in the workshop. It would be nice to have an extra hand after all, and he needs to get out and contribute.
" Guess what Ulysses?" I asked, " It's suck-ups that get good positions. Ever wonder why Samus always got a larger allowance?"
He looks at me for a minute, looking surprised, before replying, " Blackmail?"
" ... That's one of them," I muttered under my breath before speaking up, " She got it from doing extra work around the house,"
" Who is this 'Samus'?" Luna asked.
" She's my sister. She just happens to be a very hard-worker, unlike someone,"
" Hey, I do work!"
" Playing Portal with Lincoln logs doesn't count,"
" I cut the wood!"
" With a chainsaw. And a very smoothly running one I might add, despite it's age,"
" Hey, using a chainsaw is a pain in my rear. It may be better than an axe, but still. You try it?"
" Yes, and it works fine,"
" Because you're practically superman's cousin. What do you do with the wood afterwards anyways?"
" I stockpile it in the workshop, where I've been making furniture, such as a bedframe which you happened to break,"
" It isn't my fault it was old. How did you know about that anyways? I've never told you,"
" Could you two stop arguing please? I was hoping that this would've been a decent meal without a side dish of migraines," Ink Sword intervened.
I glared at Ulysses a minute, then softened.
" Eh, you're right. Just not worth the energy anyways,"
" I don't no whether to be insulted or relieved that you don't want to continue this,"
" Maybe just a mix of both?" I suggested.
" Good enough for me,"
" You two are very strange, you know that?"
" Get used to it," We both replied in sync.
So after our mini argument, we started eating. Most of the guards just went to town (Although they were at least polite enough to wait for Celestia and Luna to begin. Guests of Honor tend to get that sort of thing.), Ink Sword prodded his for a minute before cutting it up with a fork and knife, And I pretty much inhaled mine. Which leaves me finished before everyone. Hell, some look like they aren't even half-way through. Twiddling my thumbs, I just sit there waiting.
"So Cervantes," Celestia asked, having just swallowed a bite of Quesadilla, "What did you do before you arrived in Equestria?"
" Well, I was surviving as I've told you. Before that though, I was a Demolitionist,"
" What would the job description of a 'Demolitionist' be?"
" Well, you need to have a special license to handle the explosives, but basically what I do is blow up old and decrepit buildings to make way for other companies to build new and improved structures,"
" Did you do anything as a hobby?"
" Well, considering I was busy most of the time raising my brothers and sister, I would play my guitar if I had any free time. I don't do it so much anymore these days though..."
" Why not? I'm sure you wouldn't mind playing a song would you? Just one song,"
" Well, like I said... I'm a bit rusty so it might not-"
" Why don't you play the guests some music? I'm sure you won't be that bad. C'mon," Ulysses snickered.
First that little bastard left me to rot in the courtyard, then he somehow tied me up to wear that wig, and now this. I swear to Christ...
" Alright alright, I'll do it. I haven't done this in a while, so I might be off note just a bit,"
I got up out of my chair and started strumming some of the beginning notes. Since I only have my guitar, It probably won't sound great, but they are asking so...
On a dark desert highway,
Cool wind in my hair.
Warm smell of colitas,
Rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance,
I saw a shimmering light.
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim,
I had to stop for the night.
My fingers were strumming along the song. Surprisingly enough, I sang it just fine. I felt something sounded different though. I haven't played my guitar in a while, but I think I hear something different to it...
There she stood in the doorway,
I hear the mission bell,
And I was thinkin to myself,
This could be heaven or this could be hell.
Then she lit up a candle,
And she showed me the way.
There were voices down the corridor,
Thought I heard them say,
Welcome to the Hotel California!
Such a lovely place!
'Such a lovely place!'
Such a lovely face!
Renting a room at the Hotel California!
Any time of year!
'Any time of year!'
You can find it here!
At this point I was surprised with myself. My guitar has never played like this before now that I saw it, and the choir seemingly came out of nowhere. I could hear drumbeats and other guitars, but they were just as mysterious as the choir. Maybe it's harmony or some shit? I don't know...
Her mind is definitely twisted.
She got the Mercedes Benz.
She got a lotta pretty, pretty boys,
That she calls friends.
Have a dance in the courtyard,
Sweeet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember.
Some dance to forget!
So I called up the captain,
"Please bring me my wine,"
He said "We haven't had that spirit here since 1969,".
And still those voices are calling from faaar awaaay.
Wake you up in the middle of the night,
Just to hear them say,
Welcome to Hotel California!
Such a lovely place!
'Such a lovely place!'
Such a lovely face!
Living it up at the Hotel California!
What a nice surprise!
'What a nice surprise!'
Bring your alibis!
Mirrors on the ceiling,
Depict champagne on ice,
And she said "We are all just prisoners here,"
"Of our own device,"
And in the masters chambers,
They gathered for the feast.
They stabbed it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast!
Last thing I remember,
I was running for the door.
I had to find a passage back,
To the place I was before.
"Relax," Said the Night Man,
" We are programmed to receive,"
"You can check out any time you like,"
" But you can never leave!"
After finishing the lyrics, I continued to play through the rest of the son with my guitar. The faces on the princesses showed they enjoyed the song, Ulysses was leaning back in his chair with his mouth agape, and the guards in general remained stoic. Ink just sat there with his eyes closed, and a small grin on his beak... somehow. Not sure how beaks bend to form smiles. Fucking cartoon logic...
As soon as the song came to an end, I bowed and took my seat. Stomping of hooves came from the less professional guards and the princesses, although Ulysses and Ink Sword clapped.
" That song was amazing! What was it about?" Arrow asked.
" I'll let you decide what to think about that. Remember, music is expression of self,"
Taking my last sip from my glass of water, I look towards Ink Sword.
" Hey Inky, I've been thinking,"
" Did it hurt?"
" Zip it wise crack. I've been thinking that you need a job,"
" Like?"
" Well I could always use an extra hand down at the workshop. Or you could go out to the quarry near Ponyville and play diplomat to diamond dogs. Which do you pick? If you want, I'll send Ulysses with you,"
" Don't I have a say in this?"
" Shut up Ulysses, daddy's busy,"
A hole in space opened up next to Ulysses. He thrust his fist forward, and a force connected to the back of my head that I could only presume was said fist.
" Are you trying to start a fight?" I said.
" ... Maybe?,"
" Well I for one think that some blown off steam would be nice, but how about we do so at the castle back in Canterlot on a later date?" Luna suggested.
" Yeah... a nice match. Ink Sword, due to your bull shit that one day, I think it's time to test who's really tough when it comes down to our dukes,"
" Dukes?"
" Well, you know... limb to limb combat? Claws? Fisticuffs?"
" You mean hoofticuffs?" Arrow replied.
" ... I'll just put that to the side as cultural differences. I'd like to see how you, Shield, and Sterile would do as well. Luna, Celestia, do you think your guards would like to have a go as well? I'd like to set up an eight point bracket here,"
" Of course. Captain Sunshine, If you'd come up please," Celestia asked.
Sunshine? Pfft, what kind of name is- oh shit it's D.K.'s cousin. This guy looks like a ponified Arnold Schwarzanegger on Steroids. And that guy already looks like he's on steroids.
" And from my guards, I'd like to pick Cloud Nine," Luna said.
The same guy I remember giving a black eye for trying to take my gun away. Huh, what do you know? Hopefully there's no hard feelings.
" It'd be my pleasure to pay these apes back for that night,"
Fuck my life. Murphy, I understand you and me have known each other for a while but... I think this relationship is abusive. I'm sorry but... I just don't want to be with you anymore. I think it's better if I moved out. I'll leave you the couch if you'd like.
" Then it's settled! Let us beat the shit out of each other!"
Kra-kaboom!
The sound of thunder crackled outside, signifying the rainstorm.
" ... Just later at Canterlot, like Luna recommended,"
We all put our plates on trays and shipped them to the kitchen. Steroid McGee decided to put a couple of privates in charge of the dishes instead of us, thank god.
Looking at the group, I can see that they look a bit groggy. Must be ready to go to sleep. Luna's looking a bit more restless though.
" Right, well I think it's getting a bit late, wouldn't you say?" I suggest.
" Oh my goodness, we forgot sister!" Luna gasped.
" That's right. We'll be right back Cervantes, we need to find a window,"
" Got it. Ulysses, go with them and keep them from getting lost. Ink Sword, come with me,"
" Yes captain!" Ulysses yelled and saluted.
Hidden within the salute was a graceful bird. I should break that finger off later.
" Got it," Ink Sword replied.
The main group went off towards where ever, while me and Ink Sword started our path down the hall.
" So Ink Sword, I have a couple of questions. Feel up to answer some?"
" Why not. In return, could I ask some?"
" Sure. I'll go first. What exactly have you been up to? I haven't seen or heard from you except when you grab a meal at the kitchen,"
" Uhh..."
[{((O))}]
OTR:
" Back! Back you spawn of Tirek! Go back to Tartaurus from whence you came!"
Ink Sword was wielding a broom, fighting off a series of tentacles attempting to grab him and drag him into it's razor-edged mouth snout. One of the tentacles had already dragged in his bookshelf, not that it had anything on it. A tentacle had snapped out and broke the broom in his hands. Now defenseless, Ink Sword backed up against the wall.
" Oh buck..."
Reaching over to his desk, he grabbed some old fuel he wanted to save for his Claw Cannon.
" Buck it. Kill it with fire!"
He threw the jar against the mass of tentacles, glass shattering and stabbing into the tentacles as fuel dripped. Ink Sword pulled out a matchbox from the desk. Striking a match, he tossed it at the beast. It made an unholy screech of pain and retracted into the closet, never to be seen again.
" Sigh, that's the last time I mail-order mechanical parts,"
Somewhere else in the Equestria, there's a very confused dark wizard with a box of scraps.
[{((O))}]
" ... Eheheh, nothing special. Just repairing my Claw Cannon, tinkering, upgrading, things like that,"
I raised an eyebrow for a moment, sensing something more, but just let it slide.
" Alright then. Your turn,"
" What's your world like?"
Whoo boy, big topic.
" Depends here. Would you like the beginning?"
" Yes,"
" Oh fuck berries. I'm gonna hate repeating myself later, but I'll do it anyways,"
Clearing my throat, I begin.
" To explain humans, I might want to explain our world first. For starters, how should a planet move in its system?"
" The planet shouldn't move. The sun and moon rotate around Equis,"
" Actually, that's abnormal. Your world is a gravitational funhouse. There are other geocentric systems somewhere in space, but those are far and few in between,"
" That's fake. A heliocentric system? Pfft, that's an idea from ancient times,"
" Is it? Kid, you're talking to a being from another world. And guess what? Because my home system isn't geocentric, it has more space. Nine planets orbiting my home star, known as Sol,"
" Nine? Sweet Faust... all that room to move..."
" Well, not exactly. It took about a year to get to the closest planet,"
" What was on the other planet?"
" Not much, aside from rusty sand and all of the worlds water frozen at the north pole,"
" Rusty sand?"
" A majority of the soil had iron in it, which gave the planets soil a reddish color due to rust. Water creates rust, so it's believe the planet used to have plenty of it. The worlds only source of water was on the ice caps,"
" How did life survive then?"
" It didn't. A fatal form of radiation had killed off all of its life long ago. We found fossils, but not much passed that. Some scientists theorized that it's core had frozen, which proved to be true. To save you the trouble of asking why, a planets core is like it's heart. Once a heart stops beating, you die. A molten core can generate special magnetic fields, which can reflect cosmic rays and deadly forms of radiation from the same sun which provides you with light and life. Any planets further than Mars from the sun were either too cold or too toxic, and anything closer than our home planet, Earth, was too hot or too acidic. Mars and Earth were the two lucky planets. Mars actually had life long before the mass extinction on earth,"
" So your home was a one of a kind out of nine planets?"
" Yeah. We haven't been able to send people to the other worlds for studying, but we did send drones. The main nine worlds were; Mercury, the only planet in our system without an atmosphere. It's atmosphere was roasted into nothing by the sun. Venus, the slow planet. Unlike most of the the planets, Venus not only spins slowly, but also spins in the opposite direction of the other planets. Due to it's extremely thick and acidic atmosphere, we haven't been able to find out why. Earth, the blue marble. Earth is covered by large oceans, and only 29% of all space on earth is land. The rest is salty oceans, which are swayed by the motion of our moon.
Then there's Mars, the red marble. I've told you quite a bit, but Mars has two moons! Both of them are lumpy, and have no determinable shape. Now past that is a special ring of rocks called the Asteroid belt. This belt has rocks rich with rare metals and valuable materials from the earliest beginning of the solar system. Now this ring separates the inner rocky planets from the mighty gas giants. A gas giant is a world that has no true surface, but is an entire ball of gas. Jupiter, the king of the giants, is so big, that you would only have to increase its mass by fifty times to create a star. And it has over 60 moons!"
I felt dryness beginning to take up my throat. Pulling out my canteen, I take a sip of blue berry molotov- Oh fuck! Spitting out the disgusting sap, I look at my hand to see I grabbed one of the explosives canisters instead.
" Eheheh, wrong canteen,"
Grabbing the right canteen, I take a sip of whiskey to wash down my throat. Alcohol isn't good for dry throats in the long run. Maybe I should carry around a second canteen?
" That's alcohol, isn't it?"
" You bet your sober ass it is,"
" Right... could you continue?"
" Of course, where was I?"
" The super planet with over sixty moons?"
" Ahh yes, Jupiter. Next planet is Saturn, the rubber duck planet as I like to call it. It's estimated that Saturn is so light, that if there were a big enough pond it would float. The gas giant has three rings of rock, dust, and ice orbiting around it. It was originally thought to be two, but a third, very distant ring was found. It has only five moons I think, whose names unfortunately evade me at this moment,"
" Maybe the alcohol is kicking in?"
" No, because then I'd most likely be naming the moons after the reindeer on Santa's sled team,"
" What?"
" I'll have to explain Earth holidays to you later. Up next are the brother planets, Uranus and Neptune. Both have atmospheres made of a highly flammable gas called methane, which gives the gas giants a bluish-green color. Both also have a couple of moons, and the only difference between them is that Uranus spins on it's side, with it's rocky ring as well.
The final planet is Pluto. Pretty funny, scientists have been debating whether or not to even call it a planet because of it's size. Pluto is located in the Kupiter belt, a second ring of mainly icy rocks and dust that orbits the outer edges of the solar system. Pluto's atmosphere is similar to Mercury, only in this case the planet froze pretty close to absolute zero, the coldest anything can ever get. This resulted in it's atmosphere freezing up and dropping to the surface. That wraps up about everything about our solar system,"
" Fascinating. Could you tell me the history of your planet though? Not the layout of the system,"
" In the beginning, about 9 billion years before today, Earth was a molten ball of fire. It bubbled and boiled. Around this time, there are two theories that I can place stock in; Either our moon formed from remaining residue being spat off of Earth, or a large rock crashed into us a little later on. Passed that, about a couple billion years later, Earth was rock and fully formed. Hydrogen and oxygen chemicals were leftover, and formed the oceans.
Not much to tell. Some of the water stayed on the ground, but some evaporated, attached itself to dust particles in the skies, and formed the clouds and atmosphere. About one billion years later, a chemical known compound known as amino acids formed. Humans have been able to recreate it, but there seemed to be something missing, since we couldn't turn it into single-cellular organisms,"
We most definitely found out on 2035.
" So these 'amino acids' are the building blocks of life on your planet?"
" Yes, and most likely your planet as well. Something just luckily struck these acids, and formed the first single celled organisms. They were simple really. So tiny you could fit millions of them on the tip of a pin. They reproduced via mitosis, or basically cutting themselves in half, nucleus included. Basically, they went without sex. Kind of a bummer in my opinion. After a good 500 or 600 million years, the first multi-cellular plants and animals formed. Nothing passed a few jellyfish, trilobites, and kelp,"
" A 'Jellyfish'? What are those like?"
" ... How advanced is your planets aquatic technologies?"
" What do you mean?"
" Diving wise,"
" Diving?"
" Oh brother. Humans have developed machines which allow us to transverse to the bottom of the ocean,"
" Really? What's it like?"
" Fuck if I know, I never went on a sub-marine ride,"
" Fascinating... I should attempt to make one,"
" I'll help you with that sometime. You'll need it with something as advanced as that. To answer your jellyfish question, they're not really fish. They're bulbous polyp colonies that float around the ocean. Their tentacles have poisonous barbs that catch prey. They have no way of moving around, so they just float with the currents of the ocean. Anyways, add another few million years and you've got your first vertabraed creatures. Fish with backbones, of course. Small plants started forming on land, and eventually the first amphibian.
This was the dawn of the dinosaurs. Eventually, ferns grew into bushes, which became trees. The first amphibians that lept to land became reptiles, no longer requiring the ocean to survive. These amphibians started small, but they gradually grew bigger and bigger. They were reffered to as dinosaurs, which means 'big lizard'. Big was an understatement. The largest dinosaur I can think of is Titanosaur. A rough comparison to anything today is that Titanosaur would be about the same size as an Ursa Minor,"
" Sweet Faust that's big,"
" Oh yeah, and that was just their body. They were apart of a group of dinosaurs called long-necks. Their necks easily doubled their height. After these big boys, the first flying reptiles came in. They were no more capable of gliding though. Eventully, they gained the ability to flap, and they became Pteranodons, Pterodactyls, stuff like that. They were about as close to dragons as our world got, but the biggest one was pretty small in comparison to this worlds dragons.
Eventually, the reptiles became the first birds, while other reptiles became the first mammals, adapting fur or feathers. Then, The Great Event happened,"
" What's 'The Great Event'?"
" That's the beauty of it, no one was certain until recently. It was just speculation at first; The Ice Age, a meteor, global eruptions from volcanoes, but it was proved to be one little chemical. One little chemical that was frozen in the ice caps. The problem is, is that when it melted out of the ice caps, it did the same work it did to the dinosaurs. I'll talk about it in a little bit, because it plays a key role in the history of mankind.
It was even later found that little chemical is what started life to begin with. Anyways, not long after the extinction of the dinosaurs, The Ice Age has arrived. Around this age is when humans appeared and started roaming Earth. The ocean had lowered considerably, so land bridges had formed, allowing humans to spread across the world.
We weren't as advanced back then though. We traveled in tribes, and had nothing beyond flint knifes and sharpened sticks. Every year, we would follow our prey, learning what was edible along the way. Now the first permanent settlement was the Zulu tribe in Africa. They figured out agriculture, planting seeds and domesticating wild animals along with making brick. Mud stone brick, but brick never the less. Other tribes all over the world figured it out on their own and starting doing it as well. Thus the dawn of civilization was born. I'm not much of a history nut pass this point, so you'd have to ask my brother Leo about the rest of Earths history if we find him,"
" You've given me a great deal of knowledge already. Thank you. I honestly think that you're deserving of a few questions,"
" Good Christ it was worth it then. Now here's a few questions I have. Is homosexuality permitted?"
" Of course it is. In Equestria anyways. Mylos views it as... heretical, and Avalonne doesn't smile on it, but there's one or two cases anyways,"
" Nifty. What age would one be considered to be an adult amongst all species?"
" Age? For ponies and gryphons it's sixteen, for minotaurs it's eight-teen, For zebra tribes it differs so I couldn't give an exact answer, and for dragons the sub-species also varies. They basically become adults whenever they're sexually mature,"
" Got it. You have any questions now?"
" Yes. Could we drop by your workshop now?"
" Well, I haven't exactly given you much of a tour yet either. Sure, why not?"
" Most definitely yes,"
" Hehehe, somebodies eager,"
" Somebirdie, and yes I am. What kind of things have you been working on in there?"
Some... birdie? Oh Christ that tickles.
" Well, I've got some blueprints I've sketched out. Problem is I've had no time to build them. I have a couple of other projects, but they're incomplete for the most part. Speaking of which, I have a little something for you to try on. Since me and Ulysses thought we could do some work later, we started making some weapons and suits.
For you, I have a special suit of armor I want to make. The problem is that you're evasive, so I can't really find you. After that, I'll make a weapon according to your preference on things. That seem doable?"
" Yes. Just show me where the workshop is. I want to see whatever you're making in there,"
" You know those suits that those guys were wearing at the dinner table? That was pretty great stuff. It's really nothing more than steel and Kevlar, but the paints I put on it are flame reflecting. Meaning that they could walk through fire, so long as they put on respirators. Problem is, I can't seem to get the respirators in the lab properly working. They're supposed to work just fine, even underwater, but they don't seem to pump enough air into the helmet. Even worse is, I cant figure out the proper out-take to recycle the carbon dioxide,"
" The... what?"
" Wow. Just... wow. We inhale oxygen, and exhale carbon dioxide. Oxygen is in the air along with carbon dioxide. Oxygen, good. Carbon dioxide, bad,"
" But... where does the carbon dioxide we exhale go?"
" Uhh... you made that claw cannon of yours yourself, right?"
" Yeah? Aren't you supposed to answer my question first though?"
So smart, yet so ignorant. He's like a lactose intolerant cheese-maker.
" Just curious is all. Trees absorb carbon dioxide from their leaves and release oxygen into the air. It's all recycled. If there was too much oxygen in the air, all plants would die. If too much carbon dioxide was in the air, all animals would die. There's a perfect balance. Get the picture?"
" Amazing,"
" If I ever get to run a country, I am majorly improving the education system,"
" Really? What would it be like?"
" Well... It's complicated to say the least,"
We turned down the corridor. By rough estimate, we're actually not that far from the workshop.
" An average human being has at least thirteen years of education under their belt,"
" Sweet Faust. Humans must have a great economy,"
" Hahaha! That is far from the truth. This education is a required minimum, by both poor and rich alike if you want to get by in life. You have to pay quite a bit for an extra four to eight years if you want to be successful. That extra four to eight is used to train you in any specific job field you wish to enter. Doctors, Brick Masons, Demolitionists like me, we all needed to go to these schools for this training. Anyone can apply to the job, aside from ones where lives are potentially at stake like Doctors and Demolitionists, but people who go to these colleges are preferred candidates over the average joe.
Then there's the schools that you have to go to before college. It is a requirement to have your high school diploma or G.E.D. before you enter college. The first school any one would enter is elementary school. You learn basic things about history, science, and math. Nothing to serious. To give you and idea, this is just what I remember from my school. Long division, multiplication, the forefathers of my country, Bostin tea party, and good sports exercise,"
" Exercise?"
" Yes. While school is meant for learning, it's believed that your physical structure should be as great as your mental capabilities. And this is elementary school. After spending nine years here, you would spend your last four years of school in a high school. In high school, you learn about more advanced things like health, biology, chemistry, algebra, geometry, advanced history, and gym. Algebra I personally don't give a fuck about because I have not once used it in my life outside of school, and I've had to make mathematical calculations about how safe it is to blow up certain kinds of explosives on certain buildings.
Geometry I can understand a bit more, but what was confusing as hell for me was that we had to use algebra in geometry class. My personal thought was that it was confusing as hell, probably just me though. Health was a cinch. In health you learn about the human body, where organs are located, the names of each little bone in your body, and proper nutrition. Biology is one form of science where we study ecosystems, animals, plants, the works. In chemistry we learned all about the periodic table, chemical reactions, even physics itself.
The periodic table is a list of chemicals in which are in the world around us. Copper, Iron, Nitrogen, Neon, Silicon, Carbon, Sulfur, Hydrogen, even Calcium just to name a few. You see all of these chemicals all around you, and you don't realize it because it's all on the microscopic scale. In other words, the only way humans knew for sure these things existed was thanks to advanced technology. There's way more chemicals than what I just named, but the chemicals I gave you are some of the most commonly found. If you want, I could teach you some right now. In fact, why don't I sing you a little song? A song about the periodic elements,"
Wait, what? I didn't want to say that. I don't want to sing! What the hell?! It's like something is taking over my body! I can't move myself!
I popped open the doors to my lab, and out of the blue, The projector I had Ulysses fetch me turns on and lights up the wall. The first image it shows is a big bottle of water with the word 'Hydrogen' underneath... oh fuck my life. I don't even have any tapes for it yet!
"There'sss Hydrogen and Helium, then Lithium and-- Umph!" I internally cheered as I managed to slam my hand over my mouth. An unseen force started pulling at my hand. Not today asshole. I sing when I feel like and that's that.
Something sounding similar to a record getting ripped off of a gramophone is heard, and Ink Sword stares at me in confusion.
"That was... unusual," I stated, "And very non-consensual. I don't even want to sing,"
"Oh no. Are you trying to fight Harmony? Do yourself a favor; don't. When I first arrived in Equestria, I tried to resist at first. I was hospitalized for one month. I learned a cruel lesson; Don't. Fight. Harmony,"
"How about I pick my own fights? I can take this bastard on!"
"Because... Oh buck," He looks up above me, and as I look up, I see a rather large brick floating over my head by a few feet.
" Shit," I muttered before it landed on my head. Rather than smashing my skull in like what was probably expected, the brick rolled off my now flattened hat with me still standing. Feeling my blood start to bubble, I took my hat off. It was flattened down, and crimson fluid was definitely on it.
"Alright ass-wipe!" I yelled into the air, looking around for anybody what so ever, "Put up your dukes! It's a fight you want?! It's a fight you get!"
Suddenly, an unseen force hit me in the gut like a hammer, followed by getting sweeped off my feet. Landing on the ground hard and face first, I think I broke my nose. I feel my legs get hoisted in the air, and I suddenly start spinning. By this point my hat was gone, and I started to get real pissed. Without warning, the force let me go, sending me flying through the workshop doors and against a wall.
"Holy shit! You alright Cervantes?" Ulysses yelled.
"Fuck, what are you doing here? Get out!"
"I was taking the princess to her room when-" He was interrupted before I started floating.
"What the hell? You have another power?" Ulysses asked with a grin.
Suddenly, I was slammed into the ceiling and dropped onto the ground, leaving a noticeable crack in said ceiling.
"No," I replied with a face still deadpan as I picked myself up. Inside though, I was volcanic.
"What's going on?!" Celestia yelled.
"He's fighting Harmony," Ink Sword said nonchalantly, walking through the doors, "And it's only a matter of time before he loses,"
As if to emphasize that, I'm lifted into the air and slapped across the face repeatedly. Spitting out blood, I stare straight where the force is grabbing me, then just ahead.
"You think you'll win. Hah! You're fighting the most lively son of a bitch the world as ever seen. It's gonna take more than a slap or two to take me out,"
"That brick alone should have knocked you out," Ink sword said.
"Wouldn't count on a single brick. His skull's thicker than you think," Ulysses replied, still grinning despite this situation.
"But you should have seen the size of the thing!"
"Listen Cervantes," Celestia said calmly, "I understand this, but just don't fight it. Getting sent to the hospital is not worth resisting a song,"
Hmm... sing like I'm in Disnies' Wonderland, or get sent to the Intensive Care Unit. Sing like a fairy... or the hospital. Hmm... decisions, decisions...
Building up my strength, I reel my fist back and swing forward, only to swing through air.
"It's worth it," I said, right before getting thrown out a window.
Falling, I land on the ground with a loud thud and crunch. Feeling a sudden sting in my back, I reach my hand back. Glass. I have glass in my back. B-E-A-U-tiful. With the rain cleaning out my wounds and the thunder cracking, I get back up, and slam my fists together.
"Alright Harmony! Come on out and play!"
I feel a strong force strike my balls, and slam me down back into the mud. Dropping down to the ground in a fetal position, tears welled up and fell from my face as I clenched my balls in pain.
"That all you got?!" I gasped out to the sky.
Kra-kaboom!
In a flash, my body was burned all over. The slight sound of something singeing was heard, and light smoke rose off of me as I twitched.
"Ow,"
Trying to get up, I find my body was non-responsive. I think that damn testical shot did me in.
"If you're holding me down, then it's not gonna work,"
I push myself up, finding immense strain. The strain was on me, but I still slowly pushed up. As I stood to my feet, I felt more strikes against my back. It was obviously trying to push me back down, but the strikes felt more... panicked. I smell something in the air. Something... different. Turning around, my nose leads me to something... whatever it is, it moves fast. Out of sheer guess, I swung my arm right. I felt it scrape against something in the air.
"Hah! I found you!"
Kra-kaboom!
Kra-kaboom!
Kra-kaboom!
"... Ouch," Was all I could muster out before falling to the ground on my back. Moving my hands, I reached into my special sleeve. I pulled out a flashbang. Hehehe, let's see how you like this now. Shutting my eyes, I prepare for one painful event.
Bang!
My ears were ringing, but the force was removed. The flash did go through my eyelids, so I'm only somewhat blinded. Sniffing around, there's metal, mud, and... something else. It's like I can almost pinpoint it. My nose grows stronger as I start to waft up other things. Sweat, rain, fresh forest, and even a nest of birds nearby. This is cool. I don't like super powers especially, but still.
Tackling to the source, I slip into the mud and get pressed down again. The pressure slams me down, and I'm flattened against the ground like a pancake in the mud. I suddenly started feeling it hit my back, causing shards of glass to embed themselves deeper in.
"Do you honestly think- Wham! that will take me out? I will not- Wham! Just sit by- Wham! and take this- Wham! Will you just cut it out?! Can't we just be reasoning beings?! I don't want to sing, it's simple! Now just- Plop!"
My face was suddenly slammed into the mud, and I felt myself get dragged along the dirt. I was hoisted up, and find myself floating again. This is gonna scar.
"Drop dead," I spat out as rain started to wash mud off into my mouth. Yuck.
Suddenly, I was whipped forward, flying above trees as they blurred past me as nothing more than... well, blurs.
"Son of a-!"
[{((O))}]
OTR: Spike: 3rd person.
Spike had just finished reorganizing the library as Twilight had asked, and he did a good job of it. The crickets chirping outside were melody, and he was ready to head to bed. He however, heard something faint outside. Somepony faintly yelling in the distance. He walked over to the window and opened it, poking his head out. There was nopony in sight, but he still heard it.
"-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!"
He saw the source. A minotauresque figure was soaring through the night sky. He did a double take when he realized it was heading towards the treehouse. As he bolted up the stairs, the figure crashed through the front wall of the tree and into the bookshelves.
"Twilight! We've got a visitor!"
[{((O))}]
Cervantes POV
I sat there, heavily embedded within the tree. A couple of book dropped onto my head from the shelf above. All in all, this fight was not in his favor. He thought he heard someone yell, but he wasn't sure considering the ringing in his ears.
"Motherfucking Harmony. Thinking he can take me out like that?" I muttered to myself.
I felt a force of magic pick me up.
"Arrgh! Lemme go you damned Harmony! What? You just too chicken to show yourself?!"
"Cervantes, calm down!" I heard a familiar unicorn say.
Looking to my left, I see Twilight is picking me up with her magic.
"Oh. Sorry 'bout that Twilight. I'm just in the middle of a fight right now is all,"
"You can't go fighting in your condition!"
"Watch me. This bastard's been on my nerves. Just because I sing one song, he suddenly thinks I'll sing for him all the time? Hah! That is a restriction of my rights! If I don't want to sing, then I don't sing!"
"Cervantes! Calm down," Twilight spoke, trying to soothe me, "Now who is trying to make you sing?"
"Harmony,"
"Hehehe, I'm sorry, but it sounded like you said Harmony,"
"I did,"
Her eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets, and she lifts several books up with her magic.
"Get out," She says softly.
"What?"
"Get out! You're bad luck to us all!" Suddenly, a newspaper from the room over flies in like a missile towards me.
Too bad for the newspaper I have good reflexes. But then again, there was the brick incident... maybe my reflexes aren't that good.
I slapped the newspaper away, not wanting this nuisance. Fainting a gasp to avert her attention, I point to the bookcase.
"Twilight! Look, your books!"
Her eyes, turn towards the tattered pile of paper and... whatever other stuff books are made of, with horror.
"My books!" She yelled, carefully picking the books up. She takes the books I had pretty much smashed with my body, and starts hugging them, "Shhh, It'll be alright," She whispers as she cradles them back and forth.
I notice at the foot of the stairs is a very shocked and confused dragon.
"Umm, hi?" I said. To be honest, this will not end well. Only the elements have seen me and Ulysses, and the only time Ulysses was in town he was in disguise. I know I said earlier I've been in town, but I've really just been around it with a pair of binoculars and studying the place so I could get a lay of the land.
Spike just blinked, and blinked again, before mumbling that he 'needed to find a train ticket out of town' and walking back upstairs.
"Monster!" I heard some one yell from behind me. Looking back, I see lights up and down the street flickering on through the cartoonishly large hole in the wall behind me. Fuck.
"Uhh... look, I didn't mean any trouble. I just got into a fight and I was whipped out of the Everfree. Nothing more, nothing less!"
"It's from the Everfree?!"
"Run!"
"Hide!"
"I'll let you have my firstborn child if you leave me alive!"
What the hell? First two were stereotypical, but the last one? Just... what the hell? That's about all I have to say. What. The actual. Hell?
"God damnit, Look everypony! I mean you no harm! Just calm down and let me explain!" I yell.
Somepony opens their window and throws out a bag of bits. Other ponies are pushing jewelry, and other treasures out their windows.
"In the name of the gods! Stop your fucking panicking!"
Suddenly, a lone pegasus swooped in and kicked me in the gut from above. I grunted from the force, but otherwise unharmed for some unknown reason. Grabbing him by his legs, I pin him on the ground.
"What's your name boy?"
"Nggh... Swift Kick,"
"Alright, and do you realize what you did was dangerous? I don't think you know, but I'm a dangerous warrior,"
His eyes grow, before smiling.
"Let's see how good you do against my friends,"
"What?" Picking him up, I look behind to see two more stallions. One was an Earth Pony with a fairly thick build and a hammer for a cutie mark, along with a fairly large hammer. The other one was a unicorn with a numerous amount of big rocks surrounding him. His Cuite Mark was a boulder cut in half.
"Stone Quarry! Get 'em!" Swift yelled.
I was suddenly being pelted with rocks, and I tossed the pegasus to the side to save him the pain. The village was cheering them on as rock after rock assaulted me. My bodies taken more than this for gods sake. A couple of them I caught and threw back, only for me to realize he would through them back at me once more. I raised my arms to take the storm. Eventually, the battering stopped.
"Done yet, or do you have more stones hidden somewhere?" I said, wiping mud off of my face.
A pillar of stone rose out of the ground through the trees wooden floor, striking me in the face and possibly breaking my jaw.
"Ouch," I said, confirming the jaw was still okay.
"Wh-what are you made of?!" He yelled, backing away from me. The hammer stallion had an evil grin and a gleam in his eyes.
"Interesting story about that, I was hit by a train once. It shattered several bones. In order to save my life, the doctors gave me an experimental bone transfusion. It basically made my bones tougher than iron and mends them together more easily, as if the individual fragments themselves know suddenly where to go. Doesn't heal together quicker though. It was free, considering the whole 'experimental' part and that one or two people may have died from it before. Not sure, but they did hint at it. In total, I'm pretty much made of steel,"
"Steel eh?" The earth pony asked, hefting his hammer. "I forge steel for a livin'. You shouldn't be much of a problem,"
"I like you already. Tell you what; I have a proposition to solve this without violence. If you win, I'll buy a free round of drinks for everypony and leave this town. What're your stakes?" I say, drinking a swig afterwards.
He looks at me for a moment and rubs a hoof on his chin, apparently pondering. Eventually, he grins. "How about a discount at my shop? Fifteen percent off? Looks like you could use a suit judging by the appearance of that rag,"
"Nah, I can forge my own armor back home, and I could definitely make it twice as better as yours," I say with a grin.
"Is that a challenge you shaved mutt? Saying that is the worst insult you can spit in a Smith's eye,"
"Yes it is better. I have proof sheathed in my-" I reach down, only to find the claymores I spent pain taking time into along with all of my other weapons are gone. It's a good thing I left Clementine in my bedroom. Looking back up, I smile sheepishly. "Eheheheheh... seems I lost it while I was on my flight here. How about we have a friendly forging match instead? I'll pay for any materials I use. Does that seem better than beating each other senseless?"
He nods his head in agreement. "Very well monster, this shall be our competition, and may the best work win,"
"Indeed. I really wish the best of luck to you as well- Wham!" Suddenly, Swift Hoof figured now would be a beautiful time to strike me from behind the knees.
Knocking down onto the ground, I roll to the right, just barely avoiding another set of hits. Looking at him, he jumps on top of me a hits me dead in the face. I feel warm liquid run down, bringing a grin.
"You dumbass," I said, bringing my head back and slamming his face. He goes limp, blood now pouring from his lip.
Sliding him off of my body, I get up.
"Sorry about him, that was in self defense though. Why'd you guys attack to begin with?"
"We were defending our town. What else?" Stone quarry shrugged.
"Good point. Don't you guys have families to go to or something?"
"Ehh, not really. Hot Mallet had a wife, but when she died, he didn't really feel like finding anyone else, and now he's too old. I've had too much time spent at the quarry trying to get it back from the Lupus Canis clan for me to find a couple of mares, and Swift Hoof just doesn't seem to have much luck,"
Looking around town, at the tree house, and at Swift's unconscious body, I swig yet again from my flask. Moving towards Swift, the others tense up.
"Ahh piss off. I'm not gonna hurt 'em,"
Judging by the look in their eyes, they still don't trust me. Oh well, they can kindly go down the boulevard and fuck themselves. Clutching Swift and carrying him in my arms, I walk out of the hole in the tree.
This day is weird. Really weird, but at the same time normal. In a matter of thirty minutes, I went from giving Ink Sword a tour, admittedly getting my ass handed to me on a silver platter by Harmony, possibly put Twilight in the crazy house from book trauma, and met the three muska-queers.
"Now where's the good ol' red cross? I need to check if my testicles imploded,"