Recollections of the Rhodes

Chapter 6

Mischief

Date: 4/21/1903 (I seriously don't know why Ulysses wants to change calendars)

Time: Roughly Noon

Location: Everfree Forrest, Rhode castle (Throne room)

Cervantes POV

It's been roughly a week since I've found this castle. And I've gotten a lot done, surprisingly enough. The kitchen, Dining room, And food storage (Which has some runes that I'll have to search up later), Are in working and clean conditions. The prisoner haven't made so much as a peep about requests (That Silver Sword character is getting on my nerves though). We've repaired a couple of bedrooms and got the bathroom down the hall working. It's got more of those runes which, might have some actual usefulness. And finally, the forge. That thing is quite a project. I could make weapons now, but I'm going to have to find some plaster or clay if I want to make molds for replacement parts and casings. Thank you very much for mass production, Eli Whitney.

Other than that... I have nothing to do. I went to the library, but most of it is in Ye Olde English, while the rest magical bullshit I can't understand. So here I sit, bored to tears. *sigh*

" Feeling... down? ... It can get... lonely sometimes..."

Oh hey, It's my favorite ghost.

" How's it going for you moon?"

" It has been... better. Although... I have been longing... for something lately..."

" What's that?"

" A... host. I'm fine with... this form... but I would appreciate... a body..."

" Really? I'd offer you mine but I'm using it right now," I reply with dry humor.

" Oh... don't worry... our minds would... merge... rather than me taking over..."

This raised an eyebrow of concern from my end.

" Sorry but... I don't want to risk it,"

" It would be... absolutely harmless..."

" Well... to sum it up better, I just don't want to share my body. My brother is already having problems sharing his own with voices in his head alone,"

The spirit sat there, pondering for a moment. Eventually, I heard a barely audible sigh.

" Very well... but I still want a body..."

" Understandable. Say... maybe we could find something in the library?"

" Unfortunately... No. I have scanned... the library for... a few months now... "

" And the results?"

" Fruitless. I would manifest my form... for all to see... but I lack the energy,"

" Whoa, back up. You could make it so all could see you?"

" Of course... I just need to feed off energy,"

" And what would that be?"

" ... Fear..."

Fear? Oh this will be fun...

" I have an idea..."

[{((O))}]

Me and the spirit were taking a nice hike to the edge of the Everfree. Why, you ask? Well, let me show you what happens when you take away a man's pornography...

" O.K., you see that little colt over there?" I said, pointing to a white colt with brown spots, mane, and tail.

" ... Yes?"

" I'm gonna scare the ever living shit out of him. Would a child's fear be good enough for you?"

" A child... is much more... potent,"

" Great! I normally don't scare children, but this is a good chance to brush up my skills. Now follow me..." I hushed as we crept closer, trying to not to brush any bush branches or step on any twigs.

" Where are they? They said we would meet here..." I heard the colt groan in impatience.

I cupped my hand around and began to whisper to nightmare.

" If we wait, we could scare off the kids friends as well. Whaddya think?"

She gave me a mischievous smile before nodding.

It honestly wasn't much longer till three fillies came up. Fillies that seemed... familiar. Why the hell do I keep getting these feelings that I've seen this world before... I'll just brush it off for now.

" Awlright girls, are we ready to get our cuite marks!?" yelled the yellow one with a pink bow in it's red mane.

" Heck yeah!" The orange one replied.

Jesus, chickens are sentient here too?

" CUTIE MARK CRUSADER MONSTER CATCHERS!"

Ow fuck! Who decided to give them the royal capslock! Wait... that reference is familiar... deal with it later.

Hold on, Cervantes. I have something-

Not now, tell me later

Fine.

The 'Crusaders' would have continued if they hadn't completely startled me.

" Wha- what was that?" The marshmallow one said squeakily, startled by my scuffling.

" So the game... begins..." Nightmare spoke with much joy.

She's actually starting to concern me with the amount of joy radiating of her. I say she because I'm starting to see more feminine characteristics. Must be her absorbing fear and what not.

I leaped out of the bushes and yelled " OOGA BOOGA!"

The air was filled with shrill screams.

" Aw fuck! Who turned on the emergency broadcast system!?" I yelled as I clamped my hands over my head, eyes shut from the oncoming headache.

" Quick, round up the varmint!" I heard the yellow filly yell.

I then felt a net assault my face.  Opening my eyes, I saw that I was trapped in a rope net. A poorly tied rope net. It barely took me two seconds to slip through one of the larger holes.

" Ah told you to tie it better Scootaloo!" The yellow one yelled at the orange one.

" Hey! It's Sweetie Belles fault for giving me crappy rope!" The orange one named Scootaloo yelled back.

" Um, girls?" The white and brown colt chimed in.

" My fault!? How would how good a rope is judge how well you tie it!?" this 'Sweetie Belle' yelled in question.

" Girls?" He asked, a little louder and more annoyed.

" Because of how stringy that stuff was! I got some of it all over in my mouth!"

" Girls!" The colt finally snapped.

" What!?" The three yelled in unison.

" Don't we have... bigger problems?" He asked while pointing a shaking hoof at me.

The three mouth an 'O' before huddling up together, shaking more than a tumbleweed in a storm. Nightmare, was meanwhile, laughing her ass off in the bushes. At least some one is having fun, I have to go to the doctor to get my hearing checked later.

" P-Please don't eat us!" The yellow one chattered.

" Take Pip!" The orange one squealed.

" Wait, why me!?" The 'Pip' yelled.

" Because... fillies are skinnier. You'll want colts, yeah, colts!"

" Nu-uh!" Pip yelled.

" Umm..." I uttered.

" Ah! It's getting ready to attack!" Sweetie screamed, diving behind Pip.

The other girls followed suit. Hmm... I could do this colt a favor. Leaning over the colt, who was now the size of a bowling ball, I whispered in his ear.

" Psst, kid."

" ... what?"

" Listen up. I was doing nothing more than trying to scare you guys off. If you wanna look like a hero, play along. When I pick you up, hit me in the face. I'll drop you, and you kick me in the shin. Then you get these girls the hell out of dodge. Kapish?"

" Uhhh..."

Grabbing his sides I roared.

" Roaarr-!" I was however, interrupted by his punch.

It was a rather soft but sturdy feeling to get hit with it, kind of like a baseball bat wrapped in silk.

After dropping him, he kicked me. However, his aim was... off.

*Thowmp!* Was the sound his hoof made when it made the connection with my one-eyed gopher. I may be tough, but not even I could withstand such an attack.

" Urrrrgghhh..." I groaned in pain as my face twisted into utter discomfort.

" Run!" The colt yelled.

I watched the four of them run off to the town, leaving me in the dust. Nightmare took this opportunity to come out of the bushes, still in uproarious laughter.

" Oh my- Hahaha- goodness! That was the best- Heheheh- performance I've had in years. The looks on their faces when you leaped out of the bushes! The way those fillies thought that colt actually took you down! The look on your face when he kicked you in your stallionhood! BWAHAHAHA!"

" I see you're feeling better," I groaned with my face in the dirt.

" Heheh, what was that?" She said, wiping a tear from her face.

" Nothing. Are you strong enough now?"

" Oh yes," She replied with a sharp-toothed grin " And thanks to you,"

" Don't mention it- Ah!" I yelped.

" Do you need help? You helped me so it's only the best if I-"

" No, I'm fine! I'll just... walk it off," I groaned.

" Well, If you say so..." She trailed off, looking at the town in the distance.

" Oh no," She whispered.

" Something the matter?" I ask, hands still clutched firmly around my balls.

" We need to move," She said with seriousness in her tone.

" What is it? I'm sure I could take care of it-"

" NOW!" She yelled, trying to pick me up off the ground.

" What's the matter Moon? It couldn't be that bad,"

" We attracted some company. The same kind of company that left me in the weak state you first saw me in!"

" Shit. Just uhh... make a run for it then. I'll talk to them,"

" NO! They're too dangerous!"

" I'm not exactly in the condition to run Moon! I'll meet up with you back at the castle!"

She looked towards the forest, then me, then the forest again.

" I- I can't just leave you! You're the first creature I've ever met that's genuinely helped me!"

" Then turn invisible and hide in the bushes or something!"

She hesitated for a moment, before going wide-eyed at what ever was arriving.

" Fine!" She yelled before phasing out and hiding behind a tree.

As soon as that happened, a warm gush of wind brushed across my face. Looking up, I saw it was a breath. That breath happened to be a cowpony standing over me. An angry cowpony. Before I had a chance to respond, her hoof connected with my jaw. Any normal human beings jaw would've been dislocated from that hit, but we've already established what my bones are made of. Combine that with stiffening muscles to take on any hit, and I'm nearly indestructible. Nearly. Her left hoof pinned me down as her right hoof reeled back for another punch. I feel bad for doing this, but I kicked her right in the chest, sending her flying. Before I could finish getting up on my feet. The blue ones head connected with my gut.

Wrong move.

When she bounced off from the recoil, I grabbed her by her left rear leg and slammed her into the ground like a club. I then scooped her off the ground and began spinning. I would've hammer tossed her into any direction if it weren't for that orange pony bucking me in the ass. For those of you who took that the wrong way, please go down candy cane lane, make a left turn at the first gingerbread house you see, and go die in a hole.

The buck knocked the blue pony out of my hand and made me stumble for a brief moment. She looked at me with a slight grin before becoming slightly startled that I was still standing. I then got on my hands and knees, and repeated what she did to me. With stronger effects. She went flying into a tree, getting knocked unconcious. The blue one was mumbling incoherently as she tried to get up, with failed results.

Wait... don't I know these ponies? ... oh balls.

I was then surrounded by a violet shield with just enough room to stand. Fuck my life.

" So... we meet again," The purple unicorn spoke with disdain written on her face.

" Yeah... Look, if this is about those children, I was only trying to scare them off,"

" It was originally, but now?..." She said, looking towards her two friends who were being carefully attended to by the butter pegasus. " It's a bit more personal,"

The white one was practically steaming, the purple one wasn't that far from it, and the pink ones hair was flat as condensation dripped from her eyes. Overall, they were not happy.

" Look, I did that in self defense. If you're pissed, that's understandable, just please don't do anything irrational,"

" I'm not going to do anything to you..."

Whew...

" ... But I am going to send a letter to Princess Celestia,"

... What?

Would you like that data dump now? It could help explain things.

I guess?

[{((O))}]

My little pony, my little pony,

Ahhhhhhh~

My little pony!

I used to wonder what friendship could be!

My little pony!

Could you share this magic with me?

A beautiful heart

Faithful and strong

Tons of adventure

And lots of fun

Sharing kindness is an easy feat

And magic makes it all complete!

My little pony!

Do you all know you're my best friend!

[{((O))}]

... Ohhhhhh, I remember now. This is Equestria, A place from a cartoon show I used to watch as a teen-ager called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. And these ponies are the elements and the town... is... Ponyville... hmmm... SWEET TITS! SHE'S WRITING A LETTER TO CELESTIA! WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I- *Mental Slap!*... *ahem*... Let's evaluate. Twilight Sparkle is going to write to Princess Celestia. Princess Celestia is the sun goddess of this multi-verse, and has infinite fucking patience. This could however, be another alternate dimension with scales tipped more towards the fan-fiction side. If that's the case, then there is no telling what so ever. Well... fuck it. I'll contact her through her sister.

I reeled my fist back and slammed it into the shield. Or should I say through? Twilight put a hoof to her head, cringing due to what would most likely be a magical backlash of sorts. Since she's not best pony, I don't give a shit. But she is going to be writing to Celestia... fuck it, I'm making a bolt for it. I was near the edge, when Fluttershy zoomed ahead and stopped in front of me.

" Now listen hear mister!" She began," Just because you're all big and tough, doesn't mean you can push my friends around!"

" Oh it's not because of that. It's because I just want to get the hell out of dodge. I've got a tea party back at the castle with a friend of mine, and I'm just dying to try her crumpets," I reply with sarcasm thicker than tomato soup.

" Apologize to my friends now mister!"

" No. The cowpony and the pegasus attacked first,"

" So what? You're bigger than them, so you could have stopped them without hurting them. As for Twilight, you have no excuse,"

" Okay, one, ever heard the story of David and Goliath? I'm a firm believer of that. And two, she captured and imprisoned me with out saying my Miranda rights or a fair trial, so fuck that,"

" Do it now, or I'll use The Stare,"

" Oooh, a stare. What are you gonna do, watch paint dry?" I taunted.

On the inside, I was extremely scared about the results. It could just be one of those psychological things though. Hopefully.

She then clenched her eyes for a moment, before giving me The Stare. Honestly, this must be embarrassing for- Hurk! Glurgh! Levels of... danger... are over... nine-thousand! Can't- Take- THE CUTENESS!

I fell on my back, uproariously laughing my ass off. She seemed startled, while the others gawked (Except for Applejack, she's still out like a light).

" But-... how?" The buttery pegasus mare muttered in awe.

" Well, mentally, I'm an iron prison. I've done things no-one should do, and I've lived through as much,"

I stood up after wiping a fake tear from my face, and started heading for the forest before I heard Ulysses voice come up from behind.

" Cervantes? What the hell are you doing here?" He queried.

" Well, I was originally scaring some children away from the forest, but these ponies decided they wanted to fight. I was just about to leave. Also, why are you on the ground with a horse mask?"

" Uhhh..." Was all he could gather.

" Wait," Rarity began, eyes shifting towards my brother, " You know this beast? Consorting with Diamond Dogs was bad enough, but this? Horrid!"

" Well," Ulysses began, standing up, " He's my older brother,"

The ponies sat there, gawking at what they saw.

" PLOT TWIST!" Pinkie Pie yelled, hoof pointing in the air.

Ulysses then took of his mask, revealing the brown eyes and tan skin of Ulysses. He was looking at me with quite a bit of agitation.

" Cervantes, apologize to the ponies. Now."

" I- I- But it was in self-"

" I don't care! Apologize, now!" He yelled.

Fuck. I know it's bad if he's the one asking me to apologize.

" *sigh*, Fine. * Deep Inhale* I'mreallysorryforkickingtheeverlivingshitoutofyourfriendsinsultingthemandrefusingtoapoligizeearlier!" I gushed out in one breath.

" Uhh... did anyone get that?" Ulysses asked.

" Yeah, we got it. Comes from sticking around Pinkie," Twilight started," But it doesn't mean we forgive you,"

" Well we can't have that, now can we?" Ulysses uttered with joy.

" PINKIE! The shame wig!" he yelled as he stuck his hand out.

Pinkie grinned, and then pulled out a... oh no. I am NOT wearing that!

They saw me slowly back away, which only made him and Pinkie grin even more.

" Don't struggle Cervy," Pinkie giggled with a twisted grin, " It'll only make things worse,"

" SSSHHHHIIIIIIIIIIITTTT!!!"

[{((O))}]

It was humiliating. I am utterly outraged! How could they do such a thing? All six ponies were rolling around, laughing their asses off (My yell brought Applejack from unconsciousness), while I sat here wearing this... this abomination! I was sitting here, tied to a tree, with a giant Afro clown wig on.

" A-Alright y'all, I think he's learned his lesson." Applejack coughed, trying to catch her breath.

Twilight and Rarity, both still giggling, untied me and took of the wig.

" Ulysses..." I groan with clenched teeth as my rage built up.

" Yeeeesss~?"

" Run,"