Recollections of the Rhodes

Chapter 5

Contact!

Date: 2/8/2037 4/15/1903 (Going by local calendar now)

Time: Roughly Seven in the morning.

Location: Rhode Castle, Courtyard

Ulysses POV

Holy crap. And I mean holy crap. Right in front of me is a real live dragon. Alright, keep your cool, and do what you came here for. And thinking to myself is totally cool.

" Uhhh... Hello? My brother sent me here. He said you needed help?"

I watched the figure move around for a moment, before keeping still again. Her steady breathing was visible from her large chest.

' Well shit, she's asleep' I thought to myself.

Looking around, I found an old tree that had apparently fallen over some time ago. Walking over to it, I plucked a large branch from it and began poking her tail.

" Are you up? Are you up? How bout now?" I questioned while poking her with the branch.

This went on for quite some time. One poke, two poke, rough poke, tough poke. I poke her face, tail, legs, and stomach. When I poked her in a spot that is known as the gludious maximus, she mumbled some sort of sentiment with a hint of pleasure before rolling over, her tail swatting me.

" SSSSHHHHHIIIIIII-" *Whomp!*

I was now pinned against the tree stump with a giant ass tail on my lap. I was stuck there, trying to push her off.

" Nnggh, get... off!" I attempted to yell. However, yelling can be difficult when you're busy trying to save what air you can get.

Trying to push her tail up, I grunted in effort. My efforts were beginning to be rewarded as her tail slowly lifted off my chest. After getting it up a good distance, I rolled out from under the tail just before it thwomped back onto the ground.

After getting out from under her, I found the branch I was poking her with broke. So I walked up to the fallen tree and broke a decent sized branch about 5 ft, and a good 4 inches thick. Walking up to her head, I gave her a swift slap across the face with the branch.

No respone. After a few more slaps, I noticed I wasn't getting anywhere.

Well... All or nothing...

Pulling out an airhorn, I slammed it as hard as I could.

Right. In. Her. Face.

* BREEEEEEEEEEE!*

" zzz- Huzwuh!?" She yelped in suprise.

The fact that it took a moment to respond to the airhorn in her face suprises me.

With the weight removed, I got up to my feet. Brushing myself off, I came face to face with an extremely irritated dragon.

" Uhhh... Cervantes sent me down here, said you needed work done,"

" Oh, yeah... Listen, and listen good. You wake me like that again, and I'll use you like a toothpick. Clear?"

" Clear. Although, I hope you have a can-opener, because I have a can of whoop ass for you in my pocket..."

" O.K., Good. You can bring your brother with you on this one if you want. I've heard about a Fire Ruby necklace in a town called Ponyville. I want you to fetch it for me, one way or another,"

" Anything else chief?"

" Well... Not yet, I suppose,"

" Meh, alright. If there's anything else, don't be afraid to holler for me or my brother,"

[{((O))}]

I hate it when I get lost. I mean, I was following the path and everything. But then... that butterfly flew in front of me. I'm kind of embarresed by it, but I followed a pink butterfly and got lost. I don't even know why I did it. It was just so damn... pink. I swear by god, I can be so damn stupid sometimes.

Bush. Bush. Bush. Statue. Bu- wait, what? Taking two steps back, I came back to what was rather remarkable. It was a statue of a werewolf. The details were absolutly marvelous, and in its paw was an obsidian knife. Whoever made this statue was a fine craftsman. Knife was a piece of shit for being handcrafted though. Typical amateur in my opinion.

Taking a closer look at the statue though, I saw a brief twinkle in its eyes. Whoah. Nope, fuck that. I'm backing off.

As I slowly walked away, I took a look back. I don't know why but... I kind of feel sorry for some reason.

After a while longer, I decided to take a rest. Seeing as how the sun's movement is more drunk than Cervantes half the time, I honestly couldn't tell the time right now.

I just sat there, embracing the forest's peace. Man, this day is pretty nice. Nothing much other than that statue is really weird about today... or getting trapped under a dragons tail... or the attack by the guards... Or being in a world full of magical talking ponies... Yep. Everything is pretty normal here.

After basking in the sun for a moment, my stomach began to grumble. Checking my pockets, I find a Twix bar and a Gatorade bottle. While savoring possibly one of the last meals to come from my world, I began to contemplate things.

What are the odds of all this? Of this happening to not just me, but my brother as well? A new place to call home... home... despite not really having one anymore, I like the sound of it. Home. Yeah, that's it. From now on, this is our home. This forest, the sky we live under, this planet, all of it is our home now. And we might as well keep it safe from any harm what so ever.

... That's it! Me and Cervantes will pull an old fashioned America! We'll buy out some land from what ever local empire and make it our own! We'll take it and found it as The Republic of New America, or some shit. Definitely sticking to being a republic though, just like good ol' America. And we'll do what America has always done! Despite America originally wanting to stay Isolationist, they ended up butting into things that were required to be butted into. WW1, WW2, Vietnam war, all the way up to the Isis terrorist group. Granted, we've made mistakes, such as our prison camps for Japs in WW2, and killing off nearly all native americans off after we stole their lands. No one's perfect.

After getting myself a much needed morale boost, I bumbled up. Now with a swagger to my step, I continued on with my journey. Who knew a pink butterfly and a statue could lead to such contemplations?

My mind had started to wander off to other things. How are we here though? We were obviously given a second chance, so that means some one is watching us. I wonder if... Leo and Sam are somewhere around here as well? If the whole gang gets together again... It would be nice to see them again after all of these years.

Not to mention we would most likely be a force to be reckoned with. Leo may not be strong, but he can McGuiver through any situation. He taught Cervantes how to do the same to make explosives and taught me how to make bio-diesel fuel, which always comes in handy with my chainsaw, and on occasions, my motor-cycle. First chance I get, I'm gonna see if I can try and make a new one.

And Samus... Hoo boy. She's got looks, but just remember. A coral snake can look nice too. She's not like a stereotypical blonde either. She's the only one I know who can kick Cervantes' kiester. All those mixed martial arts and boxing classes she took as a kid most definitely show in her. It's kind of like a flip side of the coin though. On the other hand, she's extremely great with animals of any kind, and could grow you just about anything in any condition.

As for Cervantes... He may have changed from being an asshole from the first couple of years he took care of us, but he still drinks and curses a lot. Despite that all though, and even when he used to treat us like shit, he's still got a heart of gold. Ever since he changed, he would always have a sad look in his eye. He may not recognize it himself, but he still does.

And finally... Dad. Never thought my mind would drift off to him, but I guess it did. He was always nice. Always honest. He was a great man, but one day... he just never came home from work. We never found out why. Not even mom knew. I'm suprised that he managed to fit inside the house, now that I look back. He was 7 ft 11 inches, and was labelled ' Tree man ' in his days for the circus. That's right, he used to be in the circus. He learned how to use a whip from one of the other circus workers. Not all of his practice left him. He used to pull off tricks by tossing rocks in the air and cracking them out of sight to amaze me and the others.

It's still amazing to this day, how he could crack the rocks with such precision and strength.

I doubt we'll see him again though, he'd probably be around 65 or 66 by now anyway.

It wasn't really that much longer until I came across a clearing. And just down the hill was Ponyville.

That's a really punny name in my opinion. What's next, They gonna mix the word canter with Camelot? Pfffft, I'll eat my hat when that happens... On second thought, I wouldn't doubt it. Not gonna risk my hat for something that probably does exist.

I was not that far from the town now before I realised something. How the hell am I going to blend in?

Digging through my bottomless pockets, I find a horse mask. Don't know why I had one actually. With my hat hung low to hide my face and me crawling on all fours, I proceed into town. Some of the... townsponies?... were giving me odd looks, but other than that, I went unnoticed. It wasn't long before I came across a very ironic structure. A tree... that was also a library. I would have laughed my butt off right then and there if it weren't for the fact I'm incognito. Maybe I can get information on this Fire Ruby Necklace here.

Opening the door, I walked into the lobby. The place was simple, just bookshelves here, purple unicorn I saw from last night reading a book there... Yep, just simple.

Crawling up to the counter, I clear my throat so I could talk to her.

" Excuse me madam, but I happen to be a gatherer of treasures and I need your help in seeking some knowledge of a treasure I've heard about within the vicinity of this town," I asked deeply.

She looked up from her book, startled.

" Oh, umm... sure, what would you like to know about?"

" I've heard that a fire ruby necklace is somewhere in the town. Could you point me to where it may be?"

" Well it belongs to a friend of mine... why are you asking?"

" Like I said, I'm a treasure hunter. If you could just give me some directions as to where I may find it-"

" I'm sorry, but I won't help you. Something just seems... off about you. Are you new in town?"

" Yes actually, I am. And if you won't help me, then I can't force you. I suppose I'll just look elsewhere,"

" Okay... while your here, would you like to check out a book?"

" Nah, I've practically got my own library back home,"

" Well alright then. What kind of books do you have?"

Oh fuck, I never really looked at the castle library. Time to bullshit my way out.

" Ehhh... Just old magic books, encyclopedias, and how to books. Even a couple of science fiction novels,"

" Really? You wouldn't happen to have any copies of Star Mares, would you? I've been looking around for one to add to the library for a while now,"

I cringed when I heard that pun. Star Mares? Are you kidding?

" Uhh... no, sorry. I've actually been looking for a copy myself,"

" Oh. You also said you had magic books. What kind of magic are you specialized in?"

" I don't really practice it, but I do enjoy studying it. Anything from simple enchantments to the works behind teleportation spells,"

This whole situation in town best be fucking worth it. I don't know how much longer I can bullshit her.

" Really? Well I do the same really. " She asked.

" I'd love to, but I have to go. Perhaps if our paths cross again in the future, okay?"

" Understandable,"

" Well," I bellowed as I bowed my head to her, " I gotta get going. See ya round!"

" Are you sure you don't want to check out any books?"

" Hmmm... Well... I'll take a look,"

[{((O))}]

Never. Never again will I deal with that crud. Looking around for anywhere else to go for information with my books in tow, I decide to cut through the market. Maybe I could get some gossip from here. Most of the gossip I've been getting is the kind you would get from tabloids. Seriously, what the hell is a changeling anyways? And what would it have to do with a 'mirror pool incident?'. It would be pretty nice to have a bunch of clones...

I crawled around for a bit.. This crawling is hell on my knees. Maybe I can find an alley to give them a break. Looking around, I see a small gutter in between two houses. After going inside the gutter, I slip into the shadows to make sure no one can see me. I now stand up to my impressive height of 6 ft 6 inches again. I stood there for a minute to pop my knees. Wow, that feels great. Might as well crack my back while I'm at it. * Cr-crick *. Ahhhhh... so beautiful. I was just about to leave before I heard some thing clatter behind me.

Whipping around, I see a sea foam mare with a white strip through her mane standing right next to a full garbage bag, staring right at me.

I sat there dumbstruck, fearing my cover was blown, I could still at least Strangle her coax her into keeping quiet " ... Uhhhhh... Hello?"

Smooth as shark skin, dumb-ass.

She just sat there gawking and staring. No more then a couple seconds later, She grinned wide enough to give the cheshire cat a run for his money.

" Could you uhhh... keep this a secret?"

" I knew you were real,"

" Pleas mam, I really don't wanna use the chlorofo-... wait, what did you say?"

" EEEEE! A real human! Omagosh Omagosh Omagosh Oma-!" *Pomf*

My fist had somehow completely stuffed her mouth.

For those of you who took that out of context, stop your giggling before my fist decides to come to your face's house to ask for a cup of flour.

" Shhhhh! Keep it on the downlow! I'm doing reconnasaince for my people," I whisper-yelled.

" Now, I'm going to remove my hand. Is that okay?"

She nodded her approval.

Slowly removing my hand, I heard a voice from the window above.

" Lyra? I thought that we agreed we would stop that human buisiness. They aren't real!"

" Sorry Bons, thought I saw something!"

" Just lay off the humans, okay? I worry about you you know,"

" Alright Bons,"

I sat there,trying to process what the hell I just heard. Humans? In Equestria before me and Cervantes. This is an interesting development.

" Wait... you know about humans?

" Of course I do! Your kind is legendary!"

" Really? To what culture? Last ponies I came into contact with had confused me for a naked Diamond Dog,"

" Well... You're kind is from Minotaur legends mostly... Although your not painted in the lightest colors. That sort of thing doesn't matter right now though! A real live human is in front of me!"

" Right... well... I'll be heading out now..."

" What? You can't leave!" She half-yelled, giving me a very scary stare.

" Uhh... and why not?"

" Because... umm... I have questions! Yeah, that's it, questions!"

" Uh-huh. What are these questions?"

" Well... why are humans in hiding?"

" We never were hiding. You've just never looked hard enough,"

" Really? Where are you all then?"

" Uhh... the Everfree,"

" What!? But why?"

" Uhh... the weathers nice? I honestly don't know. Most humans tend to live in extreme environments that nobody else wants to. From the desert to the artic, we've claimed it,"

" Fascinating..." She hushed as she pulled a notebook out of nowhere.

" Next question. What does the human diet consist of?"

" Meh, It's a wide variety of fruits and vegetables, with a healthy amount of meat. Mmmmmm, meat," I reply with a grin as thoughts of cooked ham and KFC pass through my head.

She shuffled slightly, looking a pinch less uncomfortable.

" O-okay, next question. Why are you wearing a mask?"

" Hello? Reconassance? Gotta be incognito and what not,"

" Oh, right... well... I have one last question for now,"

" Yeah?"

" Could I visit your nations capital?"

Hmmm... I could take advantage of this.

" Hmmm... maybe. We aren't going to be in hiding much longer. I'm going to need some information too,"

" EEE-! *ahem*, Sorry," She squeaked with a sheepish smile.

" All I need to know for now is this: I've been looking for a fire ruby necklace for a while now. Do you happen to know the location of it?"

" Hmmm... I think It's at carousel boutique. You know how to get there?"

" I would appreciate written directions,"

[{((O))}]

After getting directions from Lyra, it doesn't take me long to find this poor excuse of a boutique.

It's even more wrong, considering you normally ride horses on carousels.

Crawling up to the door, I open it and proceeded inside. Looking around I see... Manequins? Or would it be Ponequins? Lots of fabric too.

" Hello, and welcome to- AHHHHH!!" *thump*

God damnit!

Looking around, and waiting a moment, I find that no one else is here.

Well... Crap. Standing up as high as I can without hitting my head on the ceiling, I pick her up, and place her on a couch in the next room. Huh, she actually lives in her store. Or is it that she has a store inside her house? The world may never know. Walking around the house for a bit (Which is a bit invasive, I know), I find a kitchen, where I begin to prepare some sweet tea. Of course, being devious, I am in the area of my quest item. After going upstairs, I find her bedroom. After carefully sifting through

Bingo. If she doesn't give this to me willingly, I can grease her... hoof... with a generous amount of gold coins. Or find a way to get a counterfeit at least

As I make my way downstairs, I hear some movement downstairs.

Crap crap crap crap crap!

Rolling down the hall (Literally, I was just like the game character from Metroid), I crouched to the height of a pony and sprang to the kitchen and grabbed the whistling tea pot that must've woken her and poured her a cup.

" Oh, I had the most horrible-" I heard the priss begin, before her words halted as she came into the kitchen.

Shit, think fast!

" Well, greetings madam. You passed out earlier, so I carried you to the couch, and I figured I should make you some tea. Would you like some?" I asked with a hint of nervousness.

My heart was racing at an incredible rate, seeing as how I'm not sure how she'll respond.

" Why... thank you sir. Despite how you... look, you are a gentlecolt"

" Mother wouldn't have raised me any other way," I responded.

" Well, she obviously raised you well,"

" Thank you, although sometimes I wish I could say the same about my siblings back home,"

" Really? Do tell," She asked with curiosity.

" Well... My oldest brother tends to curse and drink, and he's more of the rowdy type. My sister doesn't drink or curse, but she's got twice the fight in comparison to my oldest brother. And then there's my youngest brother. He's not bad, but he doesn't really like to socialize that much. Most of the time he stays inside tinkering with his little contraptions. Me? My mother has been trying to figure out to this day what she got right with me," I chuckled out in the end.

" I see... So before I fainted, and I do apoligize, that was very unlady-like of me, but what was the original reason you arrived? I hope it was to change that dreadfull ensemble?"

Hey, bitch! This is stylish back home... at least to me.

" Oh! Thank you for bringing that up. I've heard about a fire ruby necklace in the vacinity, and my leads have brought me to you. You see, I'm a treasure collecter, And I was hoping if maybe I could purchase it?"

" I'm sorry darling, but it's not for sale,"

I pull out the knapsack I brought along my journey and place it on the table, being sure to not show my hands.

" How does... 2,500 gold bits sound?"

I heard her teacup drop to the ground, shattering and spilling its contents.

" Wha- what!? Are you a noble?!"

" No, but being a treasure collector, I can make a few bits here and there from some of my treasures," I replied cooly.

" Look, I'm sorry, but it's still not for sale,"

" Could I change your mind by adding an extra 2,000 bits to that?"

" NO! I- I mean... no. It was given to me by a good friend, and I wouldn't trade it for the world,"

" I see... that would make you a very good friend. I admire your resistance to such a large sum. If it means that much to you, I will not force you to give it to me. However, this leaves me with a dilemna. I wasn't just collecting this necklace for myself. I actually planned on giving it to a lady friend of mine," I spoke with feign dissapointment.

" I see... I have an Idea,"

" Yes?"

" Seeing as how you're such a... big stallion, perhaps we could go somewhere to get another fire ruby. All you have to do is dig them up, and I'll make you another necklace for your marefriend. Does that sound like a deal?"

" That would be better than nothing. And she's not my marefriend!"

[{((O))}]

Rarity and I went our merry way through town, me recieving even more odd looks from the ponies. This crap is getting old. I would personally call everyo-... everypony out on it if it weren't for the fact that it would draw more attention. Other than that, our path to the location we were going to was uneventfull. As she began marking places for some reason, I felt a pinch happier that I wouldn't have to steal after all,"

At least until she asked a question I have feared all day.

" So, darling, why do you wear you hat so low? I'm barely able to see so much as the tip of your muzzle,"

" I... I have... a scar. Happened in a fight with a manticore while I was treasure hunting. I like to keep it hidden,"

" Oh... Well I'm sure it's not that bad. Maybe if you let me take a look-"

" NO! I... I'm sorry about my outburst, but no. I just don't wan't to show the scar,"

" Well... alright. But I'm telling you now, all it would take is a bit of make-up and-"

" Hold it there, ponies!" A whiny-pitched voice yelled from behind us.

Rarity cringed. Something that I guess isn't a good thing.

We both slowly turned around to come face to face with three Diamond Dogs. Two of them had their spears out and pointed towards us, while the third wielded a large jagged knife, roughly seven to eight inches long, that appeared to be made of gold. The armor they wore was shoddy, and could easily be removed if I hit them just right.

" I'll handle this," I whispered towards Rarity.

" Ahem. Greetings fellows! I'm just curious as to what you might-"

" Shut up pony! Speak up again and we hit you in the face with spear!" The dog to the right barked.

" Would bits change your mind?"

That perked their ears.

" Depends, how much are you going to pay us?" One of them growled.

" 100 bits for each of you. Does that sound okay?"

" 150 each!"

" 125?"

" 140 bits, take it or we take you!"

*Sigh*..." Okay, here," I groaned in defeat.

Tossing a bag of coins to them, grins grew on their faces.

" Pleasure doing buisness pony!" The dog to the left chirped.

" No problem. Hey, I have an Idea for the three of you,"

" Does it involve bits?"

*Sigh* " Yes, it involves bits. My associate over here is helping me look for a fire ruby about the size of one of your spearheads. Could you help us find one please? I'll toss in an extra 50 bits for each of you,"

" Make it 60 and we'll consider it,"

" 75 and you don't consider it,"

" We'll get right on it boss!"

I sat there with a grin, pleased that I may have three more friends to bring home. Rarity was sitting next to me, dumbstruck.

" I... I can't believe what you've just done. How did you... why would..." She was at a loss for words.

" How did I do it? Simple. Their just like you and me, creatures trying to get by. Granted, they don't have as peaceful methods, but they're still sentient beings that try to get by. A bit of coin is all it takes to grease their paws. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to help them dig,"

" ..."

[{((O))}]

After some long and hard digging ( I dug with my 'hooves' ), One of the speardogs ended up finding one.

Rarity was for the most part, still speechless. In fact, I don't think she's even done so much as blinked.

" I thank you three for helping, and as promised, the 75 for each of you," I speak with joy.

" Anytime pony!"

As we parted ways, I yelled out to them, " I may require your services again sometime! Keep an eye on the edge of the Everfree for me!"

" Will do!"

" Wha-! Why would you want to have those filthy hounds around again!?"

" Because, they could be of great use to me. I may be a treasure hunter, but that's just one of my many occupations," I replied with a smirk.

Shame she couldn't see my face.

" I won't ask. I should have the necklace ready by next week,"

" Thank you. I'll be more than happy to pay for your services,"

" Oh, nonsense. You did save me from Diamond dogs, so we're even!" She gleefully spoke.

She then leaned in and kissed me on the top of my hat before trotting of into town.

" ... What the fuck?"

[{((O))}]

Third POV: Cervantes

Cervantes was cleaning the kitchen not long after caring for the injured in the old servants quarters. He then suddenly drops the bucket of water and mop he was using to clean.

As the contents of the bucket gushed out from it, Cervantes' left eye twitched.

" I sense a disturbance in the force..." He muttered.