Life's Left Hook

You figure this isn't a good time for the princess to sulk.

You'll bring it up later, no doubt; there are some things you want to know.

But, for now?

It's time to brighten the mood.

"So he's a softie, eh?"

She nods.

"He might look big and tough, but, really, I'm not exaggerating when I say he's the softest stallion I've ever met."

"Trust me, Cadance. You've told me plenty about how things have gone in the bedroom."

After a moment, the joke finally hits her.

And, immediately, her face slams straight into the table.

"Damnit, Anonymous, I—I didn't..."

She starts giggling a bit, bringing her head back up and shaking her head.

You have a chuckle yourself, since you see a bit of blush coming to your face.

"Well, am I right?"

She lets out a little sigh after her laughing fit, and she has that cute little smile on her face.

"Yes, yes you are. You're more right than you know."

That smile she has on her face...

It's not a common sight.

It's a genuine, truly happy smile.

You're glad to have given it to her.

After you stop chuckling, you nod.

"Okay, I'll stop with the jokes now. I'd better watch my mouth here."

She nods.

"That would be wise."

Some of the goats at the bar are chuckling.

Oh god, one of them might have heard what you said.

You hope to hell that they don't completely understand what's going on.

But, then, your mind is immediately wiped.

You see a pleasant surprise across the room.

Your waiter, a doe, prancing across the room with a tray on her back.

She's coming right for you, too.

Yessssssss...

Soon, she reaches the table, sets everything down, and smiles.

Her and Cadance have a short exchange, and right after, she departs, leaving you two be.

Your steamed asparagus and potatoes actually look pretty good, with the butter lathered on them.

Cadance's soup looks like the stuff you'd find in a witch's pot, however.

Disregarding her choice of asparagus, you take a whiff of your own.

You can smell the steamed vegetables, as well as a light smell of butter.

With that, you grab a piece of asparagus and bite down, ripping it in half.

Nice, smooth, and salty.

A little fibrous, but not enough to cause any trouble.

You gulp, and it goes down with ease, leaving a bitter but not unpleasant aftertaste.

Cadance slurps at her soup slowly, and takes a drink of her juice.

And immediately regrets her decision.

She snarls a bit, setting the glass down.

"Okay, in Manehattan, I heard the phrase 'don't knock it 'til you try it'. Now that I've tried it, I think I'll pass..."

You chuckle, and her nose scrunches.

"Ugh, wow, that's bitter..."

"I thought so. I hope you brought a breath mint."

She nods.

"I did. I planned ahead. I've had mints on me ever since we started this tour."

"Good thinking."

Wait...

The meal's short and sweet; it doesn't take you long at all to finish up your meal, and neither of you talk for the rest of the meal.

It was a lot better than you expected, too.

But not quite as filling as you would have hoped.

You might have to get a midnight snack later.

Anyway, after Cadance asks your waiter for a bill, you stand up and stretch your legs.

A moment later, the bill is brought back, paid for, and gone.

Cadance stands up as well, and stretches her back.

"Ready to head back to the hotel?"

"I suppose," she says, heading to the door. "What time is it?"

"Three o'clock," you say affirmatively as you hold the door open for your princess.

"Oh, good. We still have some time before Octavia gets back."

You look at her, interested.

"Oh? Have plans? Ideas?"

She pauses, and sighs.

"Well, I would, if not for the new little one we just added to our group."

Oh yeah.

Scoots...

Damnit.

"But, then again, I'm fairly certain we can convince someone to take her somewhere."

"Yeah, but still."

She nods. "I know."

"But. I do have some ideas."

"Like?"

"Well, the hotel has a pool, you know..."

"Oh, that's right. But I don't have my swim trunks."

Cadance hesitates a moment, before looking at you quizzically.

"Wait, you wear clothes when you swim? Just take it off."

Skinny dipping, eh?

"All right, I guess."

With that, the two of you walk forward.

It's a short walk to the hotel, and it's mostly in silence.

You find yourself back at the hotel room in a few minutes after you walk upstairs and open the door.

You're greeted by nobody, at first.

Cuore is passed out on the couch.

Trixie's over on the bed, asleep as well.

Scootaloo isn't anywhere to be seen.A

Probably in the bathroom, though.

After a shrug, you step inside.

You take off your suit jacket and start undressing.

"Think they'll have a problem with me in the pool?"

Cadanes smiles.

"Well, if they do, I'll be sure to inform them who they're dealing with."

You let out a hmmph.

"Right."

Off go your pants, your shirt, your socks, and your boxers.

Standing in your full on naked glory, you turn to Cadance.

"This doesn't feel right."

Cadance gives you a funny look.

"Well, you don't look right when you have clothes on, if you want me to be perfectly honest. It doesn't look natural unless it's a special event, like a wedding, or a ball."

"Keep in mind, I don't have fur, Cadance. I get really cold, really fast. That, and my dangly parts are a lot more visible.

"Huh. Good point. But let's go."

With that, the both of you walk out the door and back down the stairs.

Junior takes this time to retreat from the cold air.

Ping and Pong aren't particularly happy with the frigid assault, and they retreat as well.

You get goosebumps all over, too.

It's a lot colder than you remember.

How used to clothes WERE you?

Crossing your arms and trying to stay warm, you walk along.

Cadance glances at you now and again as she takes the lead towards the pool.

Hopefully the water's warm.

Thankfully, the walk isn't long.

The pool is just ahead.

Cadance walks forward and swings open the door.

Immediately, nice, warm, and humid air hits you.

You relax a bit, and the goosebumps fade.

The both of you step inside, and what lies before you is a great sight.

A decent size, rectangular pool-nothing extraordinary, really.

The deep end is 8 feet, and there isn't a diving board.

Oh well.

Cadance trots past some white lounge chairs, to the stairway into the pool.

You look around.

There are a few goats here.

A couple are lounging in the chairs.

A few kids are swimming in the pool, too.

Most of them are staring at the two of you as you walk in.

You try to ignore the stares and the comments as you walk towards the pool.

None confront you, thankfully.

Most of them do give you odd looks, though.

Again, there's a lot of confusion, and a bit of disgust.

One couple and their kids outright leave when you arrive.

Although it does sting your ego a bit, you can't really blame them.

You take your first step into the pool.

The water's warm and welcoming, and you immediately get comfortable as you walk inside.

Thing is, it's only a foot and a half deep on the shallow end.

Cadance is almost up to her chest in water.

Odd.

"It's... Not really suited for you, is it?" she asks, trying to keep a light mood as she goes into deeper water.

You walk with her, water reaching your knees and thighs.

"I guess. Then again, I tower everyone here, so, I shouldn't expect much."

"I'm surprised you make it through a lot of the doorways."

Ugh, fucking doorways.

Thankfully a lot of them in the cities are much taller to accommodate you.

But, in a little town like Ponyville?

None of them were hardly ever chest high, spare Sugarcube Corner, the Apples' barn, and Butterbutt's shack.

"Yes, yes, I know. Doorways are the bane of my existence."

Cadance giggles as you shake your head and sigh.

The two of you make it farther back.

You're about belly-button level by now, and Cadance is underwater, spare her head.

As tall as she is, it's too deep for her here; she's still a pony.

A little pony, at that, and she's yours.

She paddles a bit more to get to the deeper end, and finally, she can't touch without going under.

You follow, now about nipple height.

You get your hair and your chest wet.

It's a bit of a shock at first, but you quickly ease into the warmness of the water.

Cadance is idly doggie-paddling, keeping herself afloat.

Her wings are splayed out underwater, moving ever so slightly.

You smile, swimming a bit deeper.

Finally, your feet can't touch the bottom of the pool, and you're left drifting on the surface of the water.

The water's fairly relaxing.

And, you notice right about now that all the kids have left the pool.

As have all of the parents.

Spare one goat, who's asleep on one of the chairs.

After noticing this, you turn to Cadance.

"Looks like we scared them off."

She looks around, a bit surprised.

"Well. I can't say I blame them."

"I can't say that them being gone is a bad thing, either."

She turns to you, and starts paddling a little closer.

"I'd have to agree."

She hums, smiling as she swims right up to you.

You reach out and gently place your hand on her back.

She's all wet, spare her head and part of her neck.

Her coat's incredibly smooth and slick when it's underwater

You yank her over to your side and bring her close.

She looks up at you with a bright smile.

"Hey, Cadance. Guess what."

"What?"

You place both of your hands on her back.

"It's time."

She looks confused.

With that, you give one hard, definitive shove on her back.

"Wait, what time is i—EEEE–"

*Blurbleblurble*

Her face, as well as the front half of her body, disappears under her mane as it scatters about underwater.

She flails and kicks, and you quickly pull away.

Right after, her head pops out of the water, and she gasps for air

Her mane is soaked, and falls in front of her face like a heavy, polychrome mop.

A mesmerizing mop, at that.

It covers one of her eyes.

The other is glaring at you with the fury you can hardly imagine.

She's snarling, and you can see her gritted teeth.

It is only now that you realize your mistake.

You have angered a god.

Instantly her horn glows bright, and you can feel weight on your shoulders.

"Oh, you little shit!"

Next thing you know, everything is blue.

You're flat against the bottom of the pool.

The collision knocked the wind out of you, and you scramble to get back to the surface.

Your chest burns until you reach the surface, gasping for air.

After you barely manage to catch your wind, you come back to your senses, and hear Cadance snickering at your misfortune.

"Agh, you BITCH!"

With that, you raise your arm and smack the water, sending a giant splash wave right into her face.

Her laughing halts immediately.

"And, then, next thing you know, the pool is only half as deep as it was before.

You notice the lights have dimmed too.

You look up, and all you see is a gigantic pink-glowing ball of water looming above your head.

"...Fuck."

"All is fair in love and war."

And, with one mighty fwoosh, the gigantic aqua-ball of death falls down.

The collosal crash is the last thing you hear before going under completely.

You can't see a thing, bubbles block your vision everywhere.

You flail wildly, trying to get back to the surface.

The tides jerk you around, but you eventually manage.

After you gasp for breath, you realize Cadance isn't in the pool anymore.

She's washed up on the side, laughing her ass off.

Oh, no.

She thinks she's won.

No.

This isn't over yet.

You swim underwater and make your way to the edge of the pool.

You jump up and out, hoisting yourself onto the stone above.

Then, you walk up to her.

She's still laughing unbelievably hard.

"HAAHAHAAHA! OH, OH WOW, THAT WAS! HAHAAAA! YOUR FACE! YOUR FUCKING—"

As she laughs, you reach down, grab her in a firm grip, and hoist her up.

She immediately stops laughing.

"—OH CELESTIA ANONYMOUS WAIT!"

You hoist her up and above your head, holding her by her torso.

She flails and kicks helplessly in the air as you lean back.

"NONONO DON'T PLEASE DON'T!"

"ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR, BITCH!"

"NononononoooOOooOOO! WAAAAAAAAA—"

With her futile screams overhead, you give one last mighty heave, sending her flying into the water.

Her wet wings are of little use, and she screams as she side-flops onto the water with a sickening smack.

Fuck, that sounded like it hurt!

You see her come to the surface moments later, reeling in pain and flailing about.

"AH! OOOW! Fuck! You win! I-I'm done! UGH!"

She floats back to the side of the pool in pain, and holds on.

She breathes heavily, and tries to calm down.

However, as hard as she tries to catch her breath, it isn't going very well.

You walk over to her, giggling at her pain.

"You all right, hun?"

She lets out an exasperated sigh, shaking her head.

"Hell no! That hurt!"

Her wet mane sags and drips.

It's notably slick, and still covers half of her face.

The one eye she has glares at you.

But, as fateful as it is, you can tell she's had fun.

You hop into the pool, sinking down next to her.

"Heheh. Sorry, Candy."

She lightly bumps you in the shoulder.

"No you aren't. Butthead..."

You shake your head and wrap an arm around her.

Your other arm is on the side of the pool, working as an anchor.

You pull Cadance close, shaking her a bit.

"You put up one hell of a fight, you know that?"

She smiles, and rolls her eyes.

"You never stop, do you?"

"Nope. Stamina of an Olympian here."

Cadance gives you a surprised look.

"No, not like that, you pervert! As in you have a really hard head!"

"That too!"

"Damn it to the moon, Anonymous, sometimes..."

You have a hearty giggle, pulling Cadance into a hug.

"Aw, come on. You know you walked right into that one.

"I know, I did."

Cadance's sopping wet mane sticks to your shoulder as you hold her close with your arm.

For a moment, you just stay as you are, looking down at the water.

You both needed a breather after that scramble.

After a moment, Cadance looks up at you.

You look down, raising an eyebrow.

"That was fun, though."

"Yeah, it was."

You both smile, and you lower yourself deeper into the water.

Now you're actually face-level with Cadance.

She wastes no time to take advantage of this.

Right away, she reaches in to give you a kiss as she closes her eyes.

You return the favor, tilting your head to the right and leaning in closer.

Your wet lips meet, and the warmth makes your heart ache.

Her wet mane sticks onto your cheek and your shoulder as your lips meet, but doesn't interfere.

Gently, you suckle on her upper lip, and she lets out a warm breath onto your neck.

After another moment of kissing, she pulls back and looks up at you with those big purple eyes.

You press your forehead against hers, returning her gaze.

You smile, and playfully rub your nose against her snout.

She giggles, and wraps her forelegs around your chest.

You wrap your arms around her body, holding her close.

And it's now you very suddenly remember you are naked.

Not only that, but you're at full attention.

Your length presses against her soft belly, and she jumps at first, looking down.

But, then, once she sees what's happening, she doesn't seem to mind.

"I can't say I'm surprised."

"You told me not to wear clothes."

"You think I don't know that?"

She gives you a wicked smile and a wink.

"Eh. Guess I don't mind that much."

"I can see that."

"Oh, and I wasn't lying."

"Huh? About?"

"You having a hard head."

"Oh, I know that."

She giggles seductively, and looks up at you.

And, suddenly, in a very coarse and masculine voice, she starts speaking in a heavy Germane accent.

"Was zum Teufel?"

Wait, hold on a second.

That isn't Cadance at all.

You look up in surprise and worry, to notice the previously slumbering goat has awoken.

Not only that, but he's gawking at the sight before him.

It's also VERY clear that he likes what he sees.

After shitting a brick house, you look at Cadance.

"We... We should go."

"That's a good idea."

With that, you part, and you start swimming.

You reach the door before Cadance does, since you can do more than doggie-paddle.

You wait for Cadance to catch up, and you hastily walk out the door.

The peeping goat across the room says something unintelligible–likely a cat call or an insult.

Perhaps both.

"Verdammt ist das ein geiler Affenarsch."

"Und diese Prinzessin...  Ihr Hintern ist einfach Göttlich..."

After that, you close the door, shake your head, and look down at Cadance in worry.

"You all right?"

She nods, grasping at her pounding chest.

"Y-Yeah, I'll be fine. I just got spooked."

"Good."

You sigh, trying to get the anxiety out of your chest.

Thankfully your boner instantly deflated once you went into full panic mode.

Dear god, that would be a sight...

A dopey smile on your face, you drift off for a moment, thinking of your paddle-dick.

And then you remember.

You're running out of time.

"Uh, Candy?"

"Yes?"

"What time is it?"

"Do I look like a clock?"

Fair point.

You look around, and you see a clock down the hall.

But it's pretty far away...

You squint...

It's... Six?

Six. The little hand is pointing to the six.

And the big hand is thin, but you can see one near the '9'...

Is it 6:45 already?

Shit, you had better get going.

Octavia's probably back already.

Time really does fly when you're having fun.

Although, getting pummeled by an alicorn isn't normally considered fun.

But, it was fun for you.

"Welp. We have fifteen minutes until poker night."

There's a short pause.

"Huh? It's been that long already?"

"Yeah, I know."

She blinks in disbelief, processing exactly what you just said for a moment.

"Well, let's get going then. You have to get dressed."