It took me basically forever to get to Sweet Apple Acres, which is bullcorn. I was going to take the bus, but the chances of another hot chick also riding on it would be phenomenal and I want to really stay focused. Worst. Decision. Ever.

So after I passed out from exhaustion next to a fence, I awoke to find myself being stared at by a chicken who was right in front of me. My first thought was that it was my spirit animal trying to make me understand the meaning of life, so I started throwing sticks at it. But it totally deserved it because it was being so smug.

Eventually I got tackled by this hillbilly girl in a hat and she started shaking me violently.

“The hay do you think you’re doing to our chickens?”

She was mad heavy so escape was not an option. I was forced to talk

“The chicken started it! Look at it, mocking us!”

We both looked to the side to see the chicken just standing there, staring at us. It was plotting some dark stuff I bet.

“Beg your pardon, but are you a few eggs short of a carton?” She asked and let me go.

Luckily I am fluent in hillbilly linguistics, so I was able to tell what she was saying. “I come in peace. I,” I said, pointing at myself. “Want to speak with Applejack. Do you,” I pointed at her, “Know where she is?”

She raised her eyebrow. Clearly I was too advanced in my way of speaking for her. But I guess she interpreted it close enough to understand what I was saying.

“Yes, I am she. You’re not one of them slow fellas, are you?”

Obviously she didn’t see me run all the way to here.

“Yo, tight. Alright, so tell me where Fluttershy lives.”

Still she gave me the raised eyebrow. Dang, I must’ve screwed up her face with my dormant psychic powers. This didn’t keep her from speaking, though. “First off, you best explain yourself.”

“Look, there are forces beyond your comprehension at hoof here, so shut up and tell me where she is.”

Finally her face unfroze. “Listen, I’m not going to say anything until I get some answers. How do I know you’re not dangerous?”

Alright, so if I act fast enough I can grab the chicken and throw it at her. But that might mean it’ll probably lash out with whatever sinister plot it has, so I put a pin in that plan. “Don’t worry, I’m totally chill.”

“Pardon?” She asked and then shook her head. “Ah, ferget it. How do you even know Fluttershy?”

“We met on the bus. She totes digs me.”

She took her hat off and began to scratch at her head. “Uh, well alright I guess. But you best not start any trouble, or you’ll have a big problem, got it?”

“Word.”

“And by the way, I know it ain’t my place to criticize but you mind working on how you talk? It’s a mite on the weird side. Anyhoo, just follow the path to the Everfree Forest and you’ll see a cottage nearby, that’d be her house.”

“Seeya later, alligator!” I yelled out and ran away. But not before I threw a rock right at her knee. “Served!”

You’re gonna pay for that!” She said as she gave chase, amazing able to keep up with me. “Get back here you nasty varmint!”

Oh man, just another day of women chasing me. Yeah, nopony can resist me.

Author's Note

Chickens are always plotting dark stuff. They're basically running a conspiracy to try and overthrow mankind as the top manufactures of awesomeness.