Fallout: Stupidity

Chapter Three

Whatever It Takes

"You wanna take what's mine, you gotta beat me."

"Ya better give us yer shit before we take it from ya." A coal-colored unicorn mare stepped out from around the corner, holding a wickedly jagged knife to my chest. Her mane was possibly red or even white, but it was so smeared with blood and grime that I could barely tell. Surrounding her were multiple other ponies holding hilariously dilapidated weapons.

"Sure..." I replied warily, reaching behind me slow enough that she couldn't notice. I pulled a butterfly knife from my pocket and jammed it into her throat before she did the same to me.

"Cragger!" Her name was all that a dark green buck could say before I activated S.A.T.S., blowing a hole through his skull with my pistol. I continued gunning the swarm of raiders down until I heard a sound. To some, it would've been undetectable. But to me, it was the most deafeningly loud noise in existence.

Click!

My gun was empty. In an act of desperation, I picked up Cragger's knife, jumping over a unicorn and stabbing him in the back with all my strength. The blade snapped in two, leaving one half inside him. I moved on to the last of their group. One of them was a grey earth pony mare with almost no hair minus the small patches of fur on her sides. She was laughing psychotically, her eyes spreading further apart as she cackled. A shotgun sat at her hooves, seemingly in great disrepair. Next to her was a yellow unicorn levitating a baseball bat and a revolver with his blue magic field. He wore a black helmet with a short blade attached to it. There was a high likelihood that the mare's gun would jam if she tried to shoot me. Even if it didn't, I would definitely survive being hit, even by the full spread. As for the buck, I would almost certainly be able to take him out before he could attack me. I decided to go after the dual-wielding pony first, throwing my butterfly knife at him. It struck his eye with almost surgical precision, forcing him to drop his pistol. He waved his bat around like a madman as he screamed in pain and fell to the ground, rolling across the blood-soaked dirt. I tore the knife from his head, leaning down and staring into his good eye.

"I'm not going to kill you." I growled. "I don't want to waste the bullets. However, since I need some information, and I consider myself to be a bit of a sadistic bastard, I will get it, no matter how much shit I have to beat out of you."

"I ain't tellin' ya nothin'!"

"We'll see about that." I turned my attention to the mare, who watched me interrogate her friend with glee.

"Shoot his hooves off!" She cheered, clapping her forehooves together in excitement.

What. The. Fuck?

"I'm just gonna borrow this." I slid the shotgun away from her, holding it to the buck's face.

"When I pull this trigger, it's probably going to jam. You'll live, and I can keep finding all kinds of fun little ways to scare you."

"But what if it doesn't?" He spat back. "It'll kill me, and you'll be fucked. Six-Shooter over there can't tell ya anythin'."

"Oh, well. I can just find another worthless piece of shit like you. Tell me, buddy, what's your name?"

"Go fuck yourself."

"No thanks, I have a girlfriend. Now what's your name?"

"Boomstick."

"Okay, Boomstick. Let's play a little game." I tossed the shotgun away, grabbing his pistol.

"There's one round left in this gun. I'm gonna spin the magazine around and wait until it shoots you. Back home, we called this Russian Roulette. Interesting people, those Russians."

"Fuck's the matter with yer race?"

"And you're that much better?" I gave the trigger a light squeeze. A bullet flew through Boomstick's left ear, ripping it to shreds. With a shrug, I switched to the bat, giving him a nice, strong whack in the side. He grunted loudly as I continued beating him.

"When're you going to tell me what I need to know?" I whispered in his other ear, giving him a kick in the ribs.

"When you meet me in hell."

I just barely tapped the bat's tip against his head, giving my swing a good trajectory. Settling into a golf-like position, I inadvertently spattered his brain across myself and Six-Shooter.

"Yay! Again, again!"

"I... don't think so." I rid myself of the disturbed mare with another swipe of the bat, snapping her neck like a twig. I stepped into the barn, searching for the destroyed turret. After tearing every last bit of wiring from it, I carried out an anti-machine rifle with me.

"I think I've found what I needed." I announced, popping back into the Stable. Fluttershy cowered in fear behind Rarity, seeing my thorough coating of blood and gore.

"What happened out there?" Twilight asked fearfully.

"I got ambushed by a bunch of raiders. Luckily, one of them was carrying a baseball bat, which was the very object of my quest. Then, I found some wiring in a broken turret. I'm going to make some modifications to my PipBuck."

"Why do you need a bat for that?"

"I just wanted a good melee weapon. Nothing else."

Footnote: Level Up.

New Perk: Judge - Your strength increases by 10% when you are ambushed by enemies. This Perk increases as you level up.