Your lot in life, or Spike’s Monster Mash

Chapter 1

“Oh, Spike”, the beautiful, pearl white unicorn whispered. “you handsome, brave dragon. If only I’d realized my feelings for you sooner, I could have saved you from so much heart ache.”

A scaly purple hand rested itself softly upon the unicorn’s cheek. “Ssshhh,” Spike, the tall, handsome drake cooed. “It’s alright, Rarity. That I’m here with you now has made the wait more than worth it.”

“But I just feel so awful!” The mare exclaimed, pressing herself closer to the dragon’s chiseled-from-marble chest. “To make you come all the way to the badlands just to fight off one hundred ninja changelings using only your bare claws, all while wearing only a suggestively ripped shirt and skin-tight denim jeans; and without thinking about your feelings! Oh, surely there must be someway that I can repay you.” Rarity flung her head back as her amethyst mane jumped behind her shoulders, her hand now attached to her forehead to complete a proper swoon.

“I would never ask for you to repay such a small task, m’lady.” Spike, the dragon/body builder/martial-arts-expert replied, bowing graciously with a flourish. “It was barely a chore to deal with those two hundred ninja changelings, and then Queen Chrysalis and her twenty clones from the future. That you are safe is more than enough for me.” The gentle drake ended with a smile, as his emerald eyes gazed longingly into the sapphires orbs that belonged to his true love.

“Oh, but I must!” Rarity insisted. “Three hundred changelings are more than enough to warrant a reward! In fact…” Rarity’s voice dropped down to just above a whisper, as her arms came to relax at her sides. Spike did his best to keep gazing into her eyes, but by some, more southern forces of nature, he found his gaze drawn to Rarity’s chest, where a very generous set of marshmallow orbs rested inside a very snug chain bikini. Rarity was not oblivious to Spikes sudden change in interest, and she pressed on. “…I think I know just what a big, handsome dragon deserves.”

“Do you?” Spike replied coyly, as tiny wafts of smoke began to seep from his nostrils. It was a smell the likes of which Rarity had recently learned to savor and enjoy to its fullest flavor, and right now, she was planning to become very familiar with it.

“Oh, yes, my big Spikey-Wikey, I do.” Without wasting another moment, Rarity wrapped her arms around Spikes neck, pulling herself up to his height and firmly pressing her lips to his. It was a magnificent taste for the both of them; the smell of fire and taste of precious jewels mixed with the sultry taste of lavender and dandelions. They pressed into each other with more vigor every passing second, with Rarity’s breasts pushing forcibly into Spikes rock-hard chest. The sensation of those wonderful marshmallow orbs brought along an idea for the drake.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Spike brought his claws up to rest upon the intoxicatingly beautiful unicorn’s shoulders, before lightly pinching the straps that rested on each.

“Oh, Spike…” Rarity whispered between each kiss, her speech becoming a mixture of light whimpers and moans. Seeing his cue to continue, Spike looped his fingers around the straps of the chain bikini, gently pulling up as Rarity lifted her arms from Spikes shoulders. With a slow fluid motion, the bikini was lifted above the unicorn’s head, finally allowing her supple, yet firm breasts the freedom that they so silently longed for.

“Oh, Spike.” Rarity started to whimper, her voice becoming louder with every tantalizing action the incredibly handsome dragon performed. With her breasts now free, Spike began to gently feel his way down her arms, massaging the muscles all the way down to her elbows as he began to nip and nibble at the luscious fur at her neck.

“Spike.” Rarity said, her tone becoming firm as she gently pushed herself away from the dragon. She only backed away to arms length before stopping, her arms still at her sides as she stared the mighty dragon in the eyes. Spike breath was caught short as he took in the full view of his beloved. Her pearl coat shined in the moonlight of the badlands landscape, as a gentle breeze wafted through her flowing silk hair. There she stood, gazing him in the eyes-no-in his very soul, and into that soul she sent an invitation that no sane mortal creature could resist.

Without another moment’s hesitation, Spike took a step forward, slowly lifting his hands to reach out to his prize, his prize that stood there defenseless, as if begging for a hero to come and hold them firmly, as you would the most valuable of earthly desires. It was as if time had stood still as the scaly draconic hands finally rested firmly on the marshmallow mounds on Rarity’s chest, the feel of them like nothing he’d ever-

“THE GREATLY AGGITATED TRIXIE DEMANDS YOU RELEASE HER CHEST THIS INSTANT!!”

“Wuh?”

Slap!

“Ow! Hey!” Spike groaned as he held a claw to his face, rubbing the stinging sensation away. The dragon looked up at the azure unicorn as she stood over his bed, glaring at him as she protectively covered her breasts with her arms. She was fuming for some reason that Spike couldn’t comprehend in his morning grogginess.

“What was that for?” Spike shot at Trixie, who responded with an indignant huff before turning her back on the drake.

“THAT, dear dragon, was for trying to claim a treasure that’s not yours! Only Twilight Sparkle has permission to grope and caress the great and powerful cream-puffs.” Trixie then stuck her nose in the air and walked away from Spike’s bedside.

“I really didn’t need that image in my head this early in the morning…or at all, actually.” Spike murmured in his morning haze. “Why are you in my room anyways?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie had only come here as a favor to Twilight, to ask that you would hurry up and get out of bed. Trixie would assume that you are capable of at least doing that?” Trixie glanced over her shoulder at the dragon as he sat in his bed. “Or perhaps you were planning on hibernating sometime soon?”

Spike, pulling strength from the mental muscle that miraculously allowed him to listen to the Prima Donna without strangling her two sentences in, let out an exasperated sigh.

“Fine, fine. I’ll be up in a minute.” Jeesh, you think a guy would get to sleep in every once in a while. While he didn’t attempt to actually get out of bed, Spike did begin do his morning stretch, lifting his arms as high as he could above his head, moaning delightfully as the usual cricks and pops set things into their rightful places.

“Very well. Trixie will wait with Twilight for you to come to breakfast.” With that, Trixie turned back to the other side of the room and headed for the door, stopping just before she passed through the frame.

“Oh, and Trixie would recommend that layout take a cold shower, so that he can take down his “tent.” she said with a smirk, before passing though the frame and shutting the door behind her.

Trixie’s comment managed to pull spike from the bliss of his morning ritual with a jerk, as the dragons eyes flashed wide open and shot straight down to his blankets. Unfortunately, Trixie hadn’t been exaggerating, as what could only have been a draconic case of morning wood brought his blankets up to rest ten inches above his waist, making it seem as though Spike was hosting a Circus for mice under the covers. Spike felt a jolt of ice run down his spine as heat began rushing to his face. In his state of panic, he slammed his hands down on his waist, instinctively wanting to hide his shame from anyone else that might walk in on him-

-And immediately regretted the decision.

“…Ow…” Spike managed to squeak, before flopping back into his bed.

~◊☼◊~

It’s interesting how much life can change in just a few years and even more so in a single decade. Still, Spike found it hard to believe that it had really been that long ever since Twilight had officially instated herself as a princess after the defeat of Tirek. It seemed strange how, looking back, that after all the catastrophes, super villains, and natural disasters, things could actually manage to settle down in the biggest small town in Equestria.

But that didn't mean that nothing changed over the years. There was quite a bit of change actually, but it was more in the way of how the snow melts into the earth, and the earth yields fresh blossoms in return. It was a subtle change brought on by time, and it had happened all around Equestria, inside Ponyville, and of course, in the castle of Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship. Spike had grown up.

Like the many mornings before, Spike leisurely got out of his bed (though this time, with a pair of hands trying to comfort his two best friends) and made his way to his dresser. Today didn't call for anything special; just some denim jeans and loose t-shirt. With a yawn, Spike slipped into his clothes and looked at himself in the vanity.

“Just another casual day.” The drake mused as he stared at his reflection, although, as he stared, he began to look at his clothes a little more closely as he was prone to do. The sleeves on his bleach white t-shirt hung from his shoulders rather loosely, leaving plenty of breathing room for his biceps. This would have been fine, if Spike hadn’t kept in mind that he wore a stallion’s medium. In fact, if somepony looked closely, they might even see just a little bit of pudge emerging from just under his shirt where his belly would be.

“Maybe I should go jogging today.” Spike thought aloud, but to be realistic, he wasn’t particularly unhealthy. For being six feet tall, his figure wasn’t that unimpressive anyway, although, if Spike were to really do anything, it would probably be a matter of not eating so many treats from Sugar Cube Corner whenever Pinkie Pie came over.

Besides, it wasn’t like there was anypony he was trying to impress.

“Meh.” Spike shrugged, and headed out of his room and into the hallway. The castle was still just as grand as it was when it had first grown out of the ground that fateful day. Luxurious walls and ceilings of lavender pearl, and floors that shined like a mirror in the summer sun stretched throughout the interior of the castle. Tapestries were hung along every hallway, each one depicting a different story that represented the friendship that the mane six shared.

Spike made his way down the hallway at his morning pace, staring ahead, his eyelids half shut as he walked past each tapestry on the wall. There was one for almost every manner of trial and event that they had shared. They went as far back as to when they first defeated Nightmare Moon, all the way up to the defeat of Tirek, and as of just a few years ago, another had been hung upon the wall.

This particular tapestry showed three ponies standing together underneath a magnificent archway that shined with all the plumage of a phoenix. One pony, whose coat was as pink as a valentine, and whose horn and wings shined with rose hues, was standing in the center of the archway, and she wore a dress of golden ceremonial regalia. The other two ponies, one of lavender and the other of azure, stood face to face, hand in hand, and radiated a joy so bright that on that particular day, the sun itself would have made way to its light.

It was the tapestry of Twilight and Trixie’s wedding day.

Spike, in his morning grogginess, passed the drapery without a second glance, as he had many times before. It had been the mark of one of the biggest turning points for Twilights life, when she came to understand a love far beyond friendship. For him, however, it had been one of an almost twenty-four hour migraine. When Spike had first been formally re-introduced to the newest member of the castle, Trixie had mistaken him as Twilight’s personal servant! The very idea struck Spike with immediate indignation. He was nothing like a servant.

Servants got paid.

After drudging through the hallway, Spike finally made it to the royal dining hall of the castle, where Trixie and Twilight were waiting patiently at the end. Or rather, Twilight was simply reading the paper with her mug of coffee, as Trixie was stuffing her face with a double helping of strawberry pancakes. The both of them were wearing their usual attire; Twilight in her casual summer dress, a thing of purple and rose silks with no sleeves, while Trixie was in an azure skirt that reached to her knees and sweater vest.

Seeing the habitual state of things inside the castle was a relief on Spikes mind, as it was a sign of yet another soothing day of normalcy. There were no giant monsters, no busted dams, and no otherwise significant changes to Spike’s schedule whatsoever.

Spike sat himself down at the long dinning hall table next to where Twilight and Trixie were sitting, glad to finally be resting again. Part of him was wondering just what to do about breakfast, while a much larger part of him was wondering just how to sneak back to bed.

“G’mornin.” Spike said in his morning weariness.

“Good morning, Spike.” Twilight said in her usual chipper tone of voice.

“MmmMrmrng.” Trixie mumbled with her usual maw full of food.

Spike yawned as he glanced between Twilight and Trixie. Both of them still had their manes in disarray, but where at least dressed and ready to step outside if they needed to. However, only he and Trixie looked as though they still had sleep in their eyes. Twilight, as usual, was just as vibrant as she always was.

“So Spike,” Twilight said, breaking the silence, “do you have any big plans for today?” Twilight had put her paper away and was starring expectantly at Spike, all while a grin started to grow on her face.

“Um…no, not really.” Spike looked at Twilight, an eyebrow raised as he thought about the question. Did he have anything going on today? He didn’t think he did, although he might find something to do around the castle; maybe finish that book he had started: Daring Do and the Tentacles of Penetratia. “Reeeaaally glad I didn’t put that in the kid’s section!” Spike thought.

“Mmmm…okay.” Twilight replied, still wearing the same grin from before. That was strange. Casually passing things off with an “okay” was not like Twilight. She would either dissect what she thought the meaning of “not really” was, or she would think of a mile long list of possible things that Spike could be doing around the Castle. Twilight was, if anything, meticulous.

Before Spike could think about it more, Twilight spoke again. “Spike, could you do me a favor? I left my breakfast on the counter in the kitchen. Would you be a gentle-drake and go get it for me?” She was still wearing that same strange grin as she spoke, making Spike feel a little nervous when he started to get up from the table. Just as spike was turning towards the kitchen, he could swear that he had just seen Twilight giving an ever-so-subtle wink towards Trixie. Trixie, however, was still eating her pancakes, not appearing to have seen anything.

Spike walked across the dining hall and went through the swinging door into the kitchen, where he was once again greeted with the sight of platinum; platinum everywhere. Nearly every surface you could put a finger on shined with the most polished platinum, which made it all the more easy to find what it was you were looking for. At least, that’s what it was supposed to do.

“Eh, Twilight,” Spike called into the dinning hall, “I don’t see anything on the counter. What were you eating?”

“Oh, uh, I was…uh, eating oats!” Twilight exclaimed, “Yep, just a bowl of regular old oats! I’m pretty sure that I left it right on the counter! Wait, Trixie, I think we should leave that for last…”

Spike scratched his head with a claw as he surveyed the countertop again. Aside from a toaster, coffee maker, stove top, and the kitchen sink, the counter top was as barren as a desert. “Huh…maybe she put it in the fridge and forgot about it.” Spiked mulled as he made is way to the walk-in fridge. Such a thing, while spectacular at first, had become perhaps more than any of them really needed. Even after all the grocery shopping was done, it was, at most, only a quarter of the way full.

A quick glance inside the cooled space of the fridge revealed cheese, apples, bits of licorice (Trixie needs to eat that), milk, and pretty much everything else except a bowl of oats. Spike shut he door to the fridge with a sigh and turned towards the pantry. Now things were getting strange. It was hard to imagine Twilight forgetting exactly where she put something, but to forget whether or not she actually did it? This wasn’t like her.

“It must be from all that princess stuff.” Spike thought. Forgetting things may be strange for Twilight, but getting over excited and over worked was par the norm. Spike decided to chose the simple solution, which was to just make Twilight a bowl of oats. After a few moments of tedious action, Spike pushed open the swinging kitchen door with one hand, while holding the bowl of oats in the other.

“Hey Twilight,” Spike began, “I couldn’t find your-”

☼KA-POOFSH☼

Spike was instantly blinded by a flash of fireworks and confetti, sending a jolt down to his tail as he jumped back. It was only by a tight grip that he didn’t drop the bowl in his hand. In front of him stood Twilight and Trixie, standing side by side as they together held a plate of what would be Spikes favorite breakfast: The Three Layer Trinity, a stack of three pancakes, with crushed emeralds on the first layer, shaved rubies on the second, and a pile of sapphires on the top, all smothered with whip cream and cherries, which would also come to be known as Dragon Diabeetus.

“Happy birthday, Spike!” The two mares shouted in unison, startling Spike from his gem induced stupor. Birthday? No way; it couldn’t have already been that time…could it? Spike was struggling with his sense of time as the scent of gemstones wafted into his nostrils. Eventually, the drake surrendered to his almost forgotten hunger and sat down.

“Wow…”Spike managed to say. “This looks amazing!” Spike continued to stare at the breakfast confection that had been placed before him, a wide, toothy, smile plastered on his face. Twilight rubbed his back as he sat, smiling fondly at her adoptive son.

“Well, it’s not everyday that a dragon turns twenty-one, now is it?”

Trixie giggled haughtily at Spikes admiration. “Was there ever any doubt? Surely this is only the most spectacular meal any dragon has ever seen. Trixie is not without her many talents outside of the crafting the most complex theatrics known to ponykind.”

Spike looked up at Trixie as his grin faded away. “Well, I can say that I like this a lot more than your wakeup call this morning.” Spike said as he brought a clawed hand to rub his check. Trixie went wide eyed as she was put on the spot by the drake, Twilight shooting her a questioning look as her cheeks began to flush.

“W-well, it was-that is-it was just in the sense of the occasion!” Trixie exclaimed, feeling even more put under the gun as Twilight’s expression began to look less and less pleased by the second. “Trixie was just, uh, simply using her skills in, er, misdirection so that this could be made all the mo-EEEEEEPP!”

Trixie jumped as her hands slapped down on her rump, rubbing an apparently sensitive spot, while twilight allowed the lavender glow of her magic to fade from her horn. Twilight took the pause in monologue as a chance to get Spikes attention.

“Well Spike, I just wanted to let you know that after you finish breakfast, you have the day off to do whatever you want. Trixie and I will keep things tidy around the castle for today.” Twilight spoke warmly as she continued to rub Spike’s back. Spike was glad that Twilight wanted him to take things easy every once in a while, but he knew by now that “take-the-day-off” was really code for “leave-for-at-least-five-hours-or-until-we’ve-had-time-to-wash-the-stains-out-of-the-matress-and-Fabreezie-the-entire-castle”.

“Um, if it’s okay with you Twilight, I think I’ll just stick around here today.” Spike said hopefully. “I’ve been wanting to finish that book that I’ve started, and I was planning on taking a soak in the hottub-”

“Spike, please.” Twilight said firmly, looking the drake in the eyes. “I know it’s your birthday, but you really need to get out of this castle more. I don’t mean to judge, but seems like you use your chores and your reading as an excuse to stay away from the outside world. I mean, when was the last time you went out and did something with your friends?”

What friends? “Twilight, its fine.” Spike said in the most confidence he could muster, “Honestly, you make it sound like I’m some sort of recluse. I went into town to do the grocery shopping, didn’t I?”

Twilight’s gaze only grew more firm upon the drake. “Spike, that was Monday.”

“Yeah, I know.” Spike replied casually.

“Today is Saturday.”

“…Oh…uh…”

“What have you gone out to do since then?” Twilight folded her arms as she stared at Spike in his seat, her eyebrow raised expectantly.

“…Iiiieee….went out…toooo…get the mail?” At this, Spike did his best to flash the widest, toothiest smile he could muster; all the while Twilight continued to stare him down. Trixie stayed silently to the side, opting to stay out of this particular familial dispute.

“…Yeah, you’re going outside.”

“Aw com’on, Twi!” Spike pleaded in earnest, but his surrogate mother stayed firm.

“No ‘buts’, Spike. It isn’t healthy to stay cooped up inside all day, let alone for most of the week. Even Trixie and I manage to go out and do something fun every other day, and that with our schedule’s put in the mix. You, on the other hand, really have nothing else to do! So why don’t you want to go out and be with your friends?”

Spike stared up at Twilight from his seat, his frills pressing into the sides of his head as he thought about what to say. There was a very obvious reason as to why he didn’t want to go out, and it was in every part of town. At least, it was obvious to him. But that was his problem, and he was dealing with it his way. He couldn’t put something like this on Twilight’s shoulders.

She had enough to worry about.

Spike eventually looked up at Twilight again. “It’s just…that…they’re usually busy, that’s all. I just don’t wanna’ bother them.”

“Spike, I’m sure that any one of your friends would be more than happy to spend some time with you. If anything, I’d bet that they’re wondering were you are all the time. In fact, I think this would be a great opportunity to see what the Crusaders are up to.”

Oh gods! “Twilight, please!” Spiked begged from his seat. Twilight continued unfazed for her part.

“Ah-ah. I said no ‘buts’. Just think of this as an early birthday present, where you get all the sunshine and fresh air you could want! Besides, I’m sure the Crusaders would love to see you again.”

As Spike stared up at Twilight, he began to realize that this wasn’t a winning battle. With a sigh, he slumped back in his seat, staring blankly at his stack of pancakes, which were slowly getting cold.

“Spike…”

Spike looked up at Twilight as she hovered over his seat and noticed that her expression had changed, where before she looked determined and sure in her position on Spike leaving the castle; her eyes now had a softer look to them as she pouted at the young drake.

“Pleeeease?” She said, her bottom lip quivering as she shot spike with her best puppy dog eyes.

No, please, not they eyes! There’s no need for the eyes!

“Fine…” Spike sighed. It always came down to the eyes.

“Yes! I’m sure you’ll have a great time Spike! Now hurry up and eat your breakfast; Trixie has someth-”

“YES!” Trixie shouted, startling Spike as he was reminded of her presence in the room. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has indeed a gift of grand proportions for our newest induction into adulthood! It shall await you by the door once you are ready to go!” and with a small ignite of sparklers, Trixie skipped away into the hall, leaving the two to stare as she disappeared behind a corner.

“You know,” Spike said, “I still have no idea how out of all the ponies in Equestria, you fell head over hooves for that one.”

“Well…” Twilight trailed off as stared at the empty doorway, “I guess I just saw more in her than just a flashy show mare. Once you get past her show flare, there’s a tender, understanding pony that’s able to comfort you in your times of need. And that’s before I got her in the bedroom!

“Yeah, I guess that’s-wait, what?” Spike balked.

“Once I get her on the bed, hohoWOW-I couldn’t BELIEVE just how much I had missed out on in magic theory! Pleasure magnifiers, rope play…”

“Twilight…”

“20 different uses of an ethereal tentacle, and I would never have thought the summoning of fully functioning stallion hood was even POSSIBLE!”

“Twilight, please, why?”

“I mean, sure it was within possibility to summon one on a single subject, but just by rearranging the magic wavelengths to correspond to each individual reproductive sub-structure, you could have as many as FIVE down there! I didn’t do it of course, but to see her do it was just…”

“I’m leaving!” and before Spike could have anymore tumor inducing mental images scorched into his frontal lobe, he jumped up from his seat and left Twilight and an un-touched birthday breakfast behind, his clawed feet scraping across the polished floor as he dashed towards the front door.

“-and of course I was a little suspicious when she said she could get the whole two feet up in there, but then she-Spike?”

Twilight looked around at the empty dinning hall, feeling a slight heat rise to her face as she realized that not only had she been talking to herself, but also that she was talking about the more “exotic” aspects of her and Trixie’s relationship.

“…Right.” Twilight said, “Note to self: be more aware of when we’re possible scarring the minds of everyone in the room.” With that, her horn went aglow and she disappeared in the blink of an eye.

Author's Note

Wow, my first story in years! I know that this is quite a stretch from my other story, but I intend for this to have a more adult category than now that I'm older. If you see any errors, grammatically or otherwise, please be kind and show them in the comments.

See you round.