Argue Crew in Equestria

David Jensen

"A Hearth's Warming mix?" David repeated to his boss. "If you don't mind me saying, sir, I'm not sure I'll be able to make the entire mix by the due date you're giving me." Stingy Shekels raised a brow at David, obviously discontent at the reply. "Did I hear you correctly, Jensen?" He asked, cleaning his ears. "For a second there, it sounded like you were telling me you wouldn't be able to earn me any bits at your gig! If that had been the case, I'm afraid Hoofbeat would have to let you go..."

"On second thought, I think three days is plenty of time for me to make it. I'll get on it right away, sir!" David declared, leaving the office. "You better, son, or else your nuts'll be going onto a fresh batch of babka!" Shekels spat as the door closed.

Fuckin' dick. David thought as he messed with his sound system. At first David had been excited for his new job, ready to make a living here in Equestria. However, all he had managed to do was play the same song on repeat every night and send Vinyl into the unemployment line. The boss, although seeming friendly at first, turned out to be an extremely greedy pig, paying David barely above minimum wage. I'd leave if I could, but who else would hire me? Especially since there's tons of people looking for work as there is.

With the club not making enough money, Stingy Shekels decided to open the staff up to not only working at the club, but to also offer their services at parties as well. Besides birthday parties for foals, Hoofbeat hadn't gotten many jobs with their new feature. However, Stingy Shekels had received a letter from the royal castle that morning with an almost impossible request. Celestia had requested that they host the bar dance floor, and other entertainment services for their Hearth's Warming party. "For the more relaxed members of our parties..." The letter had stated. As much as David wanted to participate,  he was only given three days to create a holiday-themed mix for the party, much to his misfortune.

While he contemplated what he would do next, he heard a familiar voice enter the bar. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has arrived!" She screamed, her voice echoing throughout the bar. David looked up to see Trixie, as obnoxious as ever, making her way to the bar. Accompanying her was a familiar stallion at her side. I could have sworn I've seen that stallion before... David thought. Could it have been a regular clubber? No, those barely exist. Maybe a pony he had seen in the show? Definitely not. If there was a stallion that handsome, he would have had porn of him already.

Walking towards the bar, he did his best to strike up a conversation with the two of them at the bar. "How's it going?" He greeted Trixie, trying his best to sound confident. "How's it going? If you must know, Trixie and her escort have been going traveling since morning without any breaks!" She replied as a mug of cider was placed in front of her. "Your escort?" David asked, looking at the stallion next to her. "That's right. Name's Björn, and I'm the best goddamn escort you'll find around here. I'm sure you've heard of m'lady here." Björn said, tipping his non-existent fedora.

"Björn?" David repeated. "It's me, David!" Björn took a moment to realize what he had said before replying. "Well, I'll be damned." He said, standing up. "David Jensen, I assume? How've you been holding up?" David looked around the bar. "Not too bad. Put Vinyl into the slums, got a job for a filthy Jew, and now I have to prepare for Celestia's party." He replied with a shrug. "Have you seen the others at all?" Björn leaned in to keep anyone around them from hearing his next words. "Afraid not, but I've got a plan to find all of the faggots we know and love. Besides making love to Trixie here, I became her escort so I can go all around Equestria. Assuming we visit every town on our tour, I'll be able to locate all of the Crew in no time! I've already figured out where Marba and James are, if you're willing to come."

Before David replied, Trixie butted into their conversation. "Hold on just one second. Princess Celestia didn't think to ask The Great and Powerful Trixie to entertain her guests, but she asked a rundown nightclub? Trixie demands that she be allowed to perform!" She shouted. Björn frowned at her sudden outburst. "Remember what we talked about, Trixie?" He asked, turning to her. "We don't have time for a show here. Besides, she's already got Hoofbeat on the job."

"We'll gladly take your help!" A voice replied, thick with a Hebrew accent. Stingy Shekels waddled out to the three of them, a wide grin on his face. "Celestia asked for us to present entertainment, right? If you haven't noticed, David, Hoofbeat's only entertainment is you! If we take this fine mare along with us, we'll be set!" David nodded his head. "Sounds good. Who knows? Maybe we might find one of them in the castle." He said, smiling at Björn. After giving it some thought, Björn agreed. "If David thinks it's a good plan, I think it's a good plan. What do you think, Trixie?" He asked, turning to his companion. Trixie looked as though she was about to burst with excitement. "Why, Trixie would be honored to preform for such a spectacular event! She shall delay her trip to Ponyville right away!" She exclaimed, downing her cider.

As the three of them relaxed in the bar, the stereo switched from David's original pieces to his "Edgy Mix", which was, to be honest, just "The Boulevard of Broken Dreams" on loop.