Love me Tender

"Come on Smith, hustle hustle hustle!" Iron will yells at me for probably the hundredth time this week. I better start from the beginning so you can understand. So after I got randomly summoned to this 'Ponyville' and chased all around it's medieval features, I lucked out in not only getting a place to stay but also a job. Now, I thought it would be something menial and boring like my old 9 to 5 jobs but no, instead I have Iron Will running me ragged all over town again with other mares and stallions as well.

You see, there's a reason why my boss decided to come to Ponyville just as every single mare goes into heat. He and his goat partner Buckleg had this idea of a running marathon of endurance where every stallion would try to outlast Iron Will and his crew to win the grand prize, from sun up to sun down. So each participant pays an entry fee of 10 bits per day and if the lucky bastard doesn't get caught and we do, then he gets 1000 bits. If the runner is caught, then .....

"YAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Yep, there goes another one. When the mares catch a runner they like then they pretty much rape him on the spot, even some other mares join in on the fun as well. I would stop to salute our fallen but if I did then they would catch me too. Anyway I was told that normally when mares go into heat it isn't pretty and most of the guys go hide until it's over and I can't blame them. This is one of the more scarier things I've done, and that's saying something.

So not only are we getting money from these poor daredevils, we're also getting sponsored by mares and other female contestants. That's when Iron Will got the idea to call it the 'mare'a-thon, I know it's such a bad pun that I almost hit my head upon a brick wall. Anyway so for the past 3 days I've been running in this 'mare'a-thon and my body is sore as can be. Yeah life is just peachy.

Now, since many of the different species here have different attributes we've had to split them into 2 different groups. Me and Iron Will are running with the ground group and a Pegasus named Bulk Biceps is flying with the sky group, though I think he would be better off running because his wings are tiny compared to the rest of him. Another thing to be aware of is that sometimes mares chasing the sky group will get frustrated and dive bomb those of us stuck on the ground. I'd call a foul but since they aren't actual contestants we're unable to do anything about that, not like anyone would object because it means less participants.

So here I am, running once more and mentally swearing every other step along the way. I know I wished for something different to happen in my life back on earth but this is madness!

"Run Smith Run! Move that flank or you won't make bank!" Iron will yelled at me for the hundred and 1th time. I just gave him my 'are you serious face' and retorted.

"You've been seeing Zecora again haven't you?"

"Just keep moving Smith. We got only one more hour until we're done for the day." My boss says with the biggest blush ever.

I did it! I actually got the stoic Iron Will to blush! Whip out your champagne bottles fellas because we're gonna celebrate. Before the whole 'mare'a-thon, first thing Iron Will did was take me to this alchemist zebra for a physical. Sure Zecora was a bit weird with the way she spoke, but she genuinely cared for my health and have to respect that. The whole time I was there Iron Will was fidgeting like a school girl with a crush. I didn't think nothing of it then but with the way she was looking back at him, it was obvious where Iron Will was disappearing too after the day's run. I guess even zebras go into heat the same time mares do, probably whatever deity that rules this world has a weird sense of humor.

Before I could even celebrate that this torture is almost over, everybody picked up the pace until we were all sprinting. The last hour of the 'mare'a-thon is always the worst because it's the females' last chance to catch themselves a mate. Never thought I would ever see the day where females do the chasing. While most mares would want to catch themselves a mate right off the bat, there are some who stick to the end to try and catch themselves the crème of the crop. These mares would probably snap me in half because by that point they're tired and horny as fuck. As they say on an old show I used to watch, 'Death by Snu Snu!'

The hour of pain began with a bunch of Pegasus mares dive bombing our runners. A few magenta flying mares dove straight for us and almost grabbed ahold of me but managed to snag two poor guys next to me. Unfortunately I'm not the greatest runner nor the fastest, so naturally I'm at the back of the pack and almost literally have mares breathing down my neck. I no longer can see Iron Will which means I'm fucked, literally if I don't run faster!

Ponies can outrun humans any day of the week in a straight run but cannot maneuver as good as us. So if I stayed trying to keep up with the pack them I'm screwed so I took a sharp turn down an allyway hoping to loose some of the pursuers, I didn't. A few of them decided to follow me but that's where they made a mistake. Reaching the road again I take another sharp turn headed towards the stalls. I zigzagged back and forth creating an obstacle course for my chasers and one of them fell behind. The other two were still on my heals and gaining. I leaped over a couple of the stalls like a man possessed and another fell behind when her hoof got caught.

I'll admit at this point I got cocky and started to toy with my last chaser. I actually wanted to look back and see who was chasing me but in my own stupidity I hit a clothes line before I could see behind me. I was scared at what just happened and cursed under my breath. I was about to get up until I felt a hoof on my back. I turned over and saw a mare standing over me.

It was Lyra.