Author's Note

Back again baby and ready for almost anything. First off I gotta give Newborn Cretin major kudos cause he gave me an idea. Also another thing is that I'm kinda surprised that nobody/nopony commented on the parts with discord or button's mom.

Ain't

"The Princess will see you now." The pony maid said to me with the most neutral face I've ever seen. So after all that crazy shit they've done, they choose now of all times to be civilized? Well fuck you too.

"Well who in their right mind would want to see her? Not me that is for sure, why don't you just step aside and let me go." I told the bitch but she just frowned and called in the guards. Now outnumbered and unarmed I had no choice but to 'follow' this maid with the clones kept my pace with spear point. We went through many different hallways until we reached a central chamber with six thrones arranged in a circle like King Arthur's round table. Both Lyra and Iron Will were already in the chamber, thankfully not in restraints. This was the very same room that I had ran from before and of course seated atop the thrones was miss high and mighty herself with friends.

We locked eyes, ever watching the other for any movement or weakness. Princess Purple just sat there with a look as if she was studying me. Of course when this all was happening an awkward silence prevailed, even made some of her totties nervous and fidgety. She just continued to start until I couldn't take it anymore and then proceeded to yell.

"If you've come to hear me beg, then you'll be sorely disappointed." Not the phrase they were expecting me to say. Princess Purple looked a bit off guard but regained her composure as quickly as she lost it.

"No pony is here to hear you beg human. Whatever gave you that idea?" Purple spurgle asked in an almost genuine concerned voice but nobody is going to fool me.

"Oh I don't know maybe it's because YOU FUCKING KIDNAPPED AND MOLESTED ME!!!" I saw all the ponies physically flinch and their ears flattened against their head because of the sheer volume of my voice.

"I assure you that it wasn't our intent for this to go so far. We all thought that humans did not exist and shouldn't have been able to summon one." Princess Purple tried to calmly explain to me but I wasn't going to believe this horse shit, I know it's not the best time for that phrase.

"But you did. Congratulations Princess, you've managed to not only summon the mythological human but also piss him off!" By this point I'm letting loose all my bottled rage and couldn't care less about the consequences, that's how angry I am. Before I could continue ranting I was interrupted by the white unicorn with the over styled hair.

"Now darling I know you're upset and you have every right to be. However you should really calm yourself because we're trying to start over and apologize." Really now, they want to apologize now after they treated me like an animal? They want me to forget everything they've done and be civilized, not going to happen.

"After everything you bitches have done, you want me to calm myself? After you struck me with lightning, played with my junk like it was a toy and having your little clone guards chase me up and down your broke back town and you still expect me to carry on like a pork chop? I don't fucking think so." I would have continued ranting but apparently screaming at them was not the wisest of ideas. Their ears laid flat against their heads, lips began to quiver and eyes began to water. I swear it's like a defense mechanism or something because all my righteous fury is being melted away by those sad little punims. They're trying to weaponize cuteness! RESIST RESIST! Fortunately I wasn't the only one who thought they did wrong cause once again Iron Will proves to be a bro.

"I know it's not Iron Will's place to question Equestrian Royalty but I'm with the human on this one."

"I understand that we've done wrong by you and for that we, I am sorry." Normally I would say that it was a half assed apology but the crestfallen look on her face said otherwise. Well even if they all are truly sorry, I'm probably gonna be sore at them for a long while. Either way I still have to figure out where to go from here so I'll have to give to receive.

"Lets just say that I believe what you say and forgive you, what would happen from then on?" I truly had no idea what to expect for an answer but it's still a good question to ask. Princess Purple look a bit deep in thought until her face lit up with the 'eureka' expression we all know so well.

"I think it goes without saying that we should do all we can to try and return you home. It would be the wisest course of action." Now that would be an interesting notion, to return home. However my previous life wasn't really much to begin with and if I have to leave the same way I got here, then count me out.

"Ya no thanks."

"What do ya mean no? Don't ya want to return home to your kin?" The southern accented orange pony asked me.

"Well that's just it, I have no kin waiting for me back on earth and I was renting a home so I didn't have much in the way of possessions. I'm still ticked that getting struck by lightning destroyed what decent stuff I did have." All the ponies and even Iron Will looked at me with pity. I swear when you tell someone that you never really had a family and they think your some special needs kid that needs loving. I was about to tell them I don't need no pity but Purple Spurgle caught my attention when she lifted up my old backpack with her magic.

"Are these what you're referring too?"

"OH FUCK YES!!!" I yell while bull rushing over to my backpack, snatching it from her magical grasp. The contents where remarkably undamaged but the outer parts of the backpack were a bit singed. It contained my acer laptop and charging chord, my Iphone and chord, my various school supplies and pocket knife. Strangely the fifty shades of grey book had disappeared but I couldn't care less. I was about to drop the issue until I spotted a book wedged between Princess Purple's throne cushions. With the biggest shit eating grin I could muster I asked her a simple question. "Did you take a book called Fifty shades of grey?"

Hook, line and sinker. She started to fidget nervously and her hoof suddenly became more interesting. Now personally I don't care about the book but I just want to mess with her a bit before I tell them that. "Yes." Princess Purple said almost inaudibly with a red face. I tried to keep a straight face but ended up bursting out in laughter and rolled on the floor. This confused the hell out of everybody but for some weird reason the pink one joined in the laughter.

"HA HA HA HA!!! Whoo! I needed that. I don't care that you took the book, I was being forced to read it for English class but since I'm not going back I don't need it anymore, so keep it. But there's the issue of where I'm going to live now." Lyra's ear seemed to perk up at this and quickly blurted out.

"Well you could always stay with me!" That's what I was afraid she'd say.

"You're one of the ones who molested me to begin with so hell no." Just like that her mood did a 180 and she's sad again. Jesus I swear these ponies suffer from mood swings or something. I was about to say something else but I stopped when I felt an overly large hand atop my shoulder.

"You could stay with Iron Will, I'd even give you a job too." This guy never ceases to amaze me.

"A job and a place to live? You're too kind." I said which made the minotaur smile even larger.

"Don't worry about it, us bulls got to stick together. Especially since females outnumber males in this world." Iron will said with hearty laugh and a heavy pat on my back.

"You do know I'm not a bull right?" I asked.

"I know but you're a guy aint ya? We minotaurs call all guys bulls, the ponies will most likely call ya a stallion so might as well get used to it." The minotaur answered. Giving a light shrug I then extended my hand for a shake and began the introductions.

"Well since you're going to be my new boss and landlord I might as well properly introduce myself, I'm Smith." The bull grabbed my hand with his a shook with such ferocity that I thought he would dislocate my shoulder.

"Nice to meet ya Smith! Iron Will is my name and training ponies is my game!" This guy is definitely full of energy aint he? Either way it's still gonna suck having to start over from scratch but I'd rather do that then get zapped again.

"Well hopefully I get paid soon because walking around nude is starting to bug me." As soon as those words left my mouth the white unicorn's expression just lit up like a fat kid with a cupcake.

"If you need clothes I could make a few sets for you darling." So apparently this one was a fashion designer or something, which is weird considering I haven't seen ponies wearing clothes. Still I didn't want her charity and tried to tell her so but she quickly cut me off. "Ah bip bip bip bip! I won't hear another word of it darling. I'm going to make you those clothes and that's final. Besides think of it as a formal apology for what we've done." Well ok then. I've learned that's it pointless to argue with women when they've made up their minds because they just throw a wall up and you don't get through.

The rest of our conversation was rather boring. All the ponies introduced themselves officially and in one form or another and they did indeed all have weird names, I guess my name is just as weird to them as theirs is to me. After the whole meet and greet was over with, we went over the do's and don'ts of Equestria and some general information that I needed to know etc. etc. After we wrapped up, I just had one more thing to say to the ponies before I left.

"I'm still going to be crossed with most of you for awhile, but I'd say you've taken a step in the right direction."

I said my piece and walked away.