Dear Diary,

Before I detail today’s events, I have two things to say. Sleeping on hay is much more comfortable than one might think, also I fucking called it. When I woke up this morning, I could barely move. My leg didn’t feel as if it was broken anymore, because as far as I was concerned it wasn’t. I mean, I could walk on it so it couldn’t be that bad. It still felt like someone had taken a club to it while I was asleep. I had an idea, just don’t move, and go back to sleep, and maybe with some luck no one will come in and make me do shit. Maybe it’s the tendency to procrastinate, maybe it was the fucked up limbs but I didn’t want to do anything today. However, if that was the case it would have ended about here.

Right as I was about to fall into that blissful state of sleep, I got to hear a voice I wasn’t completely sick of, but rather one that reminded me of a few friends back in Georgia. It was Applejack! I think originally she was coming into the barn to get a hoe or a bucket or something, but I think I may have scared her because she started screaming at me.

Turns out Twilight completely forgot to mention to Applejack that I was going to be staying in Applejack’s barn since Fluttershy’s cottage was much too small. I tried ignoring her, but then she thought that the only level headed thing to do was to drop a bucket on my head, and told me to get the “buck” out. Ugh, there’s that weird Equestrian speech coming out again.

See, here is where I made a huge mistake, I just ignored it and turned my back to her. If by some cosmic fart, another human ends up here, and reads this, and Applejack is still around, NEVER TURN YOUR BACK TO THAT CRAZY ASS HORSE. She straight up got a fucking rope and dragged me out of the barn and rolled me down the damn road with my arms and legs bound.

Then…I lay there, in the sun, tied up, and struggling trying to escape those bindings. God damn though was it hot out today, I don’t even think it was eight in the morning and that sun was beating down on me.

That’s when I met an equine that didn’t seem like a complete psycho, no, she seemed like a Victorian age noblewoman. Rarity truly is a fitting name for an equine obsessed with fashion, jewelry, as well as precious stones and metals in general. I didn’t realize this right away, no. It took about five minutes of speaking with her. Although, considering her demeanor, I’m surprised she didn’t just run away. Maybe it’s because I looked awful. I was starved, and dehydrated, and she thought that I couldn’t do anything to her in that state. She untied me, and then we had a lovely conversation about how big a diamond has to be before it becomes tacky. They have to be pretty damn big apparently.

I have two things to say about the one restaurant in Ponyville. There aren’t any seats, which is understandable considering their typical clientele. However, I love my bacon and ribs and all of my meats, and it is one hundred percent vegetarian. Once again, it is understandable, but I need meat, I need protein, or I will become very sickly. I guess I’ll ask Twilight about it later.

What I did eat, was this strange vegetarian sandwich. It was on rye bread, with a bunch of weird vegetables, and a strange sauce. I think it’s a cucumber sauce, but I can’t be completely sure.

Here’s a little information about me, a little tidbit that will allow you to understand some of my stupider moments with some of the events to come. I tend to lose my grip on reality and drift in my mind quite often, causing me to miss everything going on within the outside world. The fact that the reality that I’m in is practically a fantasy world did not make this problem any less prevalent.

So Rarity and I were still talking over this…questionable meal, when it just hit me that I had rolled down a hill, and been sitting on hot ground, and instantly I noticed a ton of new bruises, and with that came a new level of soreness I was feeling.

I was thinking “I’m not doing jack shit today.”

Considering that she was one of the few equines around here that wasn’t completely terrified of me or anything like that I began to ask her a few questions.

“Where exactly am I?”

To which she answered, “You are in Equestria darling.”

“Why aren’t you overly paranoid of me, or just completely terrified of me?”

To which she responded, “You seem like a docile enough…thing. Also, if you meant anypony here any harm, you probably would have shown that by now.”

Rarity truly was a cheery thing, but it was a subtle elegant smile that she always wore. With that being said there was nothing that could have ever prepared me for the horrifying, migraine inducing, and disturbing amount of happiness that one equine possessed, and her name was Pinkie Pie. There were a few times back at home where her company would have been welcomed and needed, however at that moment with my headaches and sore bones, her high pitched words were less like words and more like arrows piercing my eardrums.

On the other hand it was nice to have another equine that wasn’t scared of me, or held contempt for me.

I felt like I needed to get up and start walking around town and stretch out my sore bones and muscles, it’s the only way to fix pulled muscles, so says the voices in my head…and my old physician.

Guess what happened next, no guess…well if you guessed I ran into Twilight Sparkle, you would be wrong. It was that red dingle dongle looking mother fucker, Macintosh. We traded glances, and starting circling each other, keeping perpetual eye contact.

A few ponies…you know what, I need to start calling them ponies that is the only way I’m going to live in this weird ass world. Alright, so a few ponies came out and started watching us, and I made the first move, and something happened that I probably should have expected, but I was not thinking at the time. I charged at him and he just rammed me in the gut and walked away. I really need to stop hurting myself don’t I?

After recovering from that, I did meet up with Twilight Sparkle, and I started letting her have it. I started with saying that she forgot to fucking tell Applejack that I was going to be staying in her barn for the time being and that she tied me up and rolled me down the street. Then I got a little more pissed when I started telling her that I am not a fighter, especially not with my bare hands, and if she ever wants me to take care of any “problems” in Ponyville. I also asked her what the fuck kind of problems she would have me dealing with in this world. For that, she had an answer.

“You will be dealing with any types of creatures, such as that raptor that you had removed, that are terrorizing the people of Ponyville, and if you don’t, you won’t be able to take residence within Ponyville.”

At least I got an answer for that, as for my other questions. Well, first off, Twilight apologized, to which I was shocked that she was capable of such a thing, judging from her demeanor the past couple days. She also said that she had told Applejack that I was going to be staying in that barn. As for weapons, she said that she didn’t trust me with anything sharper than a spoon…I then asked for some rope, and about ten minutes.

When I came back with the stick and rock tied together with that rope, she was not pleased and that look on her face was priceless. She said that she didn’t trust me with any kind of weapon, but I simply responded with…

“But if I do not have a weapon how am I supposed to attack these things? How am I supposed to have a chance against anything bigger than a rabbit or a duck? Humans are a tool using species, and we need things like this to do anything, from building to fighting to everything.”

I was proud of my little rebuttal to her disgust at my makeshift flail, that didn’t make her eye roll any less annoying, and her criticisms and less disheartening. She did eventually agree that I could keep this little tool, but under the condition that I never have it on my person unless I am heading into fuckthatforest, to which I promptly agreed. I was not in the mood to argue with her.

It was later in the evening easily eight or nine o’clock, when I had sat down in the barn and stretched my legs out and started getting relaxed to write this journal entry, when Applejack came in somewhat nervously to apologize. I accepted and she sat down and we began talking, the conversation took a turn for the worse when I took out the flail I had made. She said weapons like that are wrong, and violence should never be the first option of dealing with a problem. She also had the reasonable thought that having that thing around will scare the ever living shit out of any ponies that are wandering around town. I, naturally, said to her that Twilight said that I could never have it on my person in the town. I did tell her why I needed it, and why if I didn’t have this thing, and didn’t have this little makeshift flail I would probably end up as a prime rib at some beast’s dinner table.

“Did Twilight tell you what she’s having me do, so I can be proven useful to this town?”

She replied no, Twilight either forgot to tell her, in which case no harm no foul, and if she wasn’t meant to know, well I hope I don’t get a conjured boot shoved up my ass. I basically said…

“Twilight is having me go out and kill anything that is out there to harm the life here in Ponyville. The bad part is, is that I’m not much of a fighter, so this is very unfamiliar territory. I need this weapon, to do what she told me to do, and she didn’t even want me to have it.”

Applejack cringed when I said the word kill. I have this strange feeling that death is not a common occurrence in this world, so when death occurs it’s a bloody ordeal.

We exchanged goodbyes and she left me to write this entry. It’s about eleven o’clock, and I hope tomorrow is as relaxed as today…I doubt it.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading, and if you would like to leave a comment, they are much appreciated :)