The Shadows of War

“Hey Blaze... Do you ever think what we are doing is right?”

Blaze looked over at me. It was cold out, but for once it was warm enough we could clean our rifles without gloves on and losing bits of skin to the frigid metal. Our breath still frosted in the shadows, but our fingers didn’t turn nasty shades of blue, then black, then fall off. Or have to get chopped off.

“What do you mean?” she asked, her muzzle scrunched up in that way she did when she was only stalling for time, thinking hard. “Out here fighting? Someone has to do it.”

I shook my head, pausing as a quick burst of machine gun fire went off far away in the city. This was Rakkal, a city we took almost as an afterthought. We had rolled in with tanks, mostly M4s, and wiped out most resistance. The only ones left were fanatic loyalists. “No, I mean... is it right to take someones life, no matter what? I mean, what gives you the right to shoot someone, to end a life? Who grants someone that power?”

She sat silent, and for ten minutes we scrubbed our actions clean. Finally, just as I was about to ask if she was okay, she said “They killed a lot of us, and we have killed a lot of them. No higher power, nothing greater than Princess Celestia, has stepped down to stop it. If there is something greater, it clearly doesn’t care. When a parent is incompetent, a child must step in. If we are those children, then we have to step in. I guess... we give ourselves that power.”

I sighed at that. The world around was starting to fade, but for some reason that didn’t trouble me. I turned back to her and said “What if I don’t want that power? What if I don’t want to kill?”

She looked at me. “Then you will die” she said simply, getting up and walking into the dark. I simply sat there, thinking. I Liked it in here. Here I was safe.

Here I could think.

A dull throb slowly drew me back to a waking state. Where was I? The smell... alchohol, but not whiskey or beer. Antiseptic... a steady beeping next to me. Hushed whispers. My eyes felt glued shut, as if I had been asleep for a long time. They felt encrusted. With a groan, I tried to roll to my side, but a weight... or a strap across my chest stopped me. There was a slight whispering past my feet, but I couldn’t make it out. My mouth felt dry, my tongue swollen and stuck to the roof of my mouth. There was a tube across the end of my muzzle, over my nostrils.

A hospital. I was in a hospital. Why was I in a hospital? Who was whispering?

Those questions were answered when I finally opened my eyes. After blinking away the stinging pain from the light, I saw two faces at the end of the bed. One was a mare in a business suit, looking bored, and the other was a brown stallion with a brown mane, a bow tie, and a white coat with short sleeves, showing an hourglass destiny mark. He gave a brilliant smile, managing to show every single one of his perfect teeth without looking creepy.

“Where am I?” I tried to say. The sound that met my ears was something more like “wuuuhhhhmmmmyyy...”

Either guessing what I was saying, or understanding it, he walked over next to me. Across my waist was a leather strap, and another one over my upper chest, stopping me from bending my arms above the elbows, although I could lift my hands slightly.

“Mister Wing! You are awake! Good to see you, for a while we thought you were not going to wake up. I am Doctor Time Turner, or The Doctor if you want to be funny, and this lovely mare is Miss Legal Tender, a public attorney. I assume you would like some water so that you may talk?”

I nodded, and a few sips from a provided cup later, my tongue once again returned to a manageable size. I washed a bit around my mouth a few more times, before finally looking up at him again. “Why am I here?” I asked, confused.

He looked at his clipboard. “You jumped from a fifth story window, and only the actions of one Miss Rainbow Dash saved your life. She slowed you enough that... well, you didn’t die. You have been in this hospital for nearly a month though. Magical healing still takes time.

I stared. The memories came rushing back, and I sighed, closing my eyes. I had lost it. It was official, I was a nutter. I had seen it happen to other soldiers, doing everything from digging a foxhole with their bare hands, snapping fingers and ripping the flesh away, to taking a sidearm and blowing their brains across a tree. I guess I was closer to the second category.

“Now, Doctor Stable was, until yesterday, your doctor. However, you are currently unnasigned, although I would like to change that. But first, I need to ask you a few questions to determine if there is any brain damage. What is the date?”

“December Fifth, Year 1005 ALB.”

He blinked. “A-and... the time?”

“Seventeen thirty five.”

He looked at the lawyer, eyebrows raised. “How the HAY do you know that?” he demanded, glaring at me.

I glanced over his shoulder. “It is on the calendar behidn you. I guessed the one that hadn’t been crossed off was the current date, and your watch has the time” I said in a monotone.

It was immensly gratifying to see him do a full facepalm. “Erm, yes. I see that the parts of your brain responsible for problem solving are intact... What is your Name, Date of Birth, and Service Tag?”

I thought for a second. “Steel Wing, December Thirty First, 986 ALB. Service tag 00849 SW.”

He nodded. “That is correct. How do you feel right now?”

Taking a moment to do an internal check, I replied “I ache all over. I feel like I got hit by a train or something.

He shook his head. “No, mentally. How do you feel? Angry, hopeless, happy, upset...?”

“I feel fine. A bit hungry, but I... if you are asking if I intend to jump out a window, no. I apologize for causing trouble...” I said, cheeks reddening. The lawyer behind him cleared her throat and he turned around. “Ah, yes. That brings me to the other matter. You are in a bit of legal trouble too...”

She stepped forward. “Mister Steel Wing, I am Legal Tender, the attorney assigned to your case. You have been charged with two counts of assault, one count of vandalism, one count of evading arrest, and one count of disturbing the peace. As you were tried en absentia, the courts found you guilty on all charges. However, due to your mental conditions, I managed to get you a choice: The first one is that you spend a minimum of ten years in prison, and another five on parole. That is five years in prison with good behavior.”

I stared at her. “I... what? I didn’t...” I said, my mind reeling. Bits and pieces of the scene came back to me. Running, crying, and... and hitting that blue mare with the table. The two cops yelling at me to stop. At that moment, I wanted to melt into the sheets, I was so embarrassed.

“What is the other option...” I mumbled.

“The other option, Mister Steel Wing, is that you submit to treatment. You will agree to go to a psychologist, in this case Doctor Time Turner, and take what medications he prescribes. You will also not be allowed to live by yourself, and you will require a companion. This is to ensure that you do not attempt self harm.”

I looked at Time Turner. “Self... harm? I told you, I wont go jumping out of a window...”

He sighed. “Four broken ribs, three compound fractures wing, left leg, and right arm. Punctured left lung, shattered femur, shattered wrist, four skull fractures. Internal bleeding on the kidneys and liver. Ruptured spleen. Six cracked vertebrae. The worst concussion I have EVER seen, and I was the on call physician for the Wonderbolts for three months. You were clinically dead for two minutes before Doctor Stable brought you back. If Miss Dash had not slowed you down, you would have died. You hit the ground nearly headfirst, and probably traumatized a street full of passing foals. Whether you know it or not, you tried to KILL yourself. That is NOT normal behavior.”

By the end of this, I had shrank down as far as I could with the straps binding me, but he was not done yet. “Based upon your history and all the facts, I believe you have Depression relating to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or what your other doctors may call Shell Shock. That is why your hands wont stop shaking sometimes, although we have some medication that can help that. Between that and not being able to fly anymore, your reaction is understandable. But...” he said, looking me in the eye, “You do NOT get to decide when you make your exit.”

I looked down. “But I feel fine now. I don’t want to hurt myself or anyone else. I'm not depressed, doctor Turner” I replied. Inside, I felt just fine. Life was okay, I was alive, I had NOT tried to kill myself, and all I really wanted was to go home and curl up and go to sleep. Of course, my rent was probably up now.

“Mister wing, if you will sign this form, you don’t have to go to prison” stated the lawyer, pushing her clip board at me. I looked to Time Turner, who nodded, before saying “Doctor Turner... if I go to your sessions and I prove to be fine, do still have to do all this other stuff?”

He shook his head. “On the off chance that you are faking and were able to do so in a coma, then yes. Although the courts would take a dim view of it in that case. Just sign, and we can talk about everything else.”

I looked at the pad. Finally, I took the offered pen, and the upper strap was released, allowing me to sign the paper. With a curt nod, she turned and left. Doctor Turner stared after her, before shaking his head. “Lawyers. Cant stand them, cant live without them. She handles my malpractice suites. Just kidding” he said, reaching down and undoing the waist strap. “You probably feel pretty weak, that is because you have been out for just over a month. Hearth Warming's Eve is coming up soon, and you wont be spending it alone. We want to get you out of this hospital soon so... there is one more visitor if you are okay. I need to take care of another patient” he said.

I nodded at him. I had no idea who it was who would want to see me... I clearly had not done well making any friends around here. The only ones who liked me were idiot foals and one mare that I ended up beaming with a table. Who then had to catch me when I drunkenly jumped off of a window trying to fly.

The question was answered soon, however, as a familiar Cyan mare with a shock of rainbow mane stepped in, looking a bit meek. Her ears were folded back, and her wings drooped, signs of humility as she approached. I simply looked at her once, before dropping my gaze to my lap. My hands both shook, betraying me to the very end. Neither of us spoke for nearly ten minutes.

“Um... I'm Rainbow Dash. I uh... I wanted to apologize for what I said in the shop...” she mumbled, looking at her feet. The silence dragged on for a bit longer.

There were several things I wanted to say, the first one was for her to leave. The second was remorse. I had been a bit rude to her, and hit her to boot. I knew plenty of mares that could hit harder than me, but it was still wrong to get one with a sucker table to the face. That had been very uncalled for. But she hadn’t known, and never would unless I explained it to her. Finally, I spoke up.

“Its cool. You didn’t know... just don’t talk about that anymore okay?” I said, looking up. She looked more than a bit upset, but her ears lifted a bit at that. “Yeah, I was a soldier. I killed a lot of people, and I got hurt badly. But I lost a lot of friends, and you brought it up and I kinda... freaked out. So now you know. Just... drop it okay?” I asked, staring at her. “Water under the bridge.”

A few more seconds of silence, before she nodded. “Alright then. Well, I know who you are, but you probably don’t know me if you were off fighting and didn’t recognize me in the ship. I used to work at the Rainbow Factory as a senior branch manager, before going to the Wonderbolts for a while. And stuff happened. And now I am only a Wonderbolt reservist. And that is my story.

We stared at each other, before she broke out in a broad grin, one that was infectious to boot. The awkward stage had escalated into nervous chuckles, and then giggling. Finally, I coughed twice and calmed down a bit. “Thanks for coming by. I haven’t really made any friends... and I probably have to go back to living with my mom now.”

She tilted her head. “Whats wrong with that?”

I shook my head. “I wanted a new start, damnit! I cant go back home. I don’t belong there anymore. It isn’t even my home, its the home of a fresh faced nineteen year old colt who had never held a gun. I cant go back. I don’t WANT to go back. But now I probably have to because I fell out of a window.”

“Oh...” she said, looking down. “Yeah, they kinda dumped all of your stuff at my house after your apartment got... cleaned out. Milano is a bit pissed right now at you. So I have all your stuff at my place whenever you want it back...”

“What are you doing with it?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, since I kinda... erm... helped you a bit, they thought I might as well hold onto it since they didn’t have an easy contact number for your mom. Nothing's missing, I swear!” she said, guiltily. “Although I did see that photo of you with a bunch of other guys...”

“Its okay. Well, I gotta get out of here tonight, so I gotta call and see if anyone can pick me up from here...” I said, sighing. “Thanks for visiting...”

She paused. “Its alright... Hey, I got an idea...” she said, slowly. “You need to stay with someone, right? I heard the lawyer lady. And I already got your stuff at my place. If you need... you can pitch out at my flat...?” she said, a question hanging at the end.

“That sounds wonderful” said Doctor Turner as he walked in. “You are being discharged post haste. Are you okay with going with Miss Dash?” he asked, looking at me.

I stared at both of them. “I... maybe?” I said, weakly. I tried to sit up, but my back muscles burned as I pulled myself to a sitting position, and I winced as my abdomen cramped. “Sonova... Doc, are there any pain meds I can take?” I asked.

“You are on all of the meds we can give you. There are no more transportation services availible to Cloudsdale, and right now, I would prefer you do NOT stay somewhere that is two thousand feet off of the ground. Accidents and all. Dash has a lovely fog house a measly hundred feet off the ground, and she is a friend to Princess Twilight Sparkle. In addition, she is an element of harmony. She can make sure you do what you need to... yes, she can take care of your physical therapy as well. Miss Dash, are you alright with this?” he said, turning around and scribbling on his notepad.

She nodded. “Alright then! Mister Wing, as part of your treatment I am remanding you to the care of one Miss Rainbow Dash. You will stay at her house, eat what she gives you, run when she says to, and make your couciling appointments on time. If you don’t, then you go back to a court hearing, and then I get a legal warrant to remand you back to my care.”

All of this went by very quickly, and I was VERY hungry, so I simply nodded as Rainbow Dash put an arm across my back and helped me down into a wheelchair. “In that case, lets get you to the front desk and out of here. Miss Dash, you can get him home or do we need an ambulance?”

She shook her head. “I got it. I can take care of him. Least I can do.”

And like that, choices were being made for me. It was a bit comforting, someone above me making the decisions again. Go here, eat this, go there, shoot that, come back, do a hundred laps. If there was ANYTHING I missed about the military, it was the lack of creative thinking.

Two hours, a light meal, and one tram ride later, Rainbow was helping me up the steps to her house. She had brought it down to the ground, and the cloud steps felt nice under my feet. My blasted hands wouldn’t stop shaking! Rainbow either didn’t notice or ignored it out of politeness, the same as my face, as she led me through a short hallway. “In here is the guest bedroom. You can stay in there, and if you need anything just give a holler. I sleep light, but don’t come into my room or I will pay you back for that table. Now you go in and settle on that bed while I get a bottle of water to put by it.”

I nodded, sitting on the bed and waiting. A minute later, she came back with three pills and a bottle of water. I stared. “What are those?” I said, pointing at the pills.

“An anti-depressant, a pain med, and a sleeping pill. Or what we always called a Poor Sportsman Cocktail at the Wonderbolt Academy. All prescribed by Doctor Turner. Now swallow 'em!” she said, holding them out.

At this point, I was too tired to resist her, and I sat back, taking them and swallowing. After she humilliated me by demanding to check, she crossed something off of a lift and got up. “Get some sleep bud. And... don’t do anything foalish, okay? Alot of people were worried about you. Your mom freaked out when she heard, and... well, she visited once. While you were asleep. People care about you, and sometimes it is hard if you are the tough guy. So hang in there.”

As I lay back in the bed, I simply said “You are not good at this comforting thing, are you?”

She turned off the light and said “Not really. Sleep tight.”

The bed was soft and warm under me, and I was out in minutes.