The Shadows of War

SMASH!

The gryphon hit me across the face with the end of his rifle, spitting obscenities after me as I staggered backwards. To my left, Blaze tackled her own opponent, grimacing as she wrestled back and fourth, each of them trying to gain the upper hand. My moment of distraction cost me again as four lines of searing agony cut across my face from my right ear to my chin, and I howled in pain as I stumbled back another step. Finally, I was able to yank my Colt Revolver out of my hip holster and put two shots into his chest, knocking him over.

Back to the left, Blaze jammed her knife under the SS troopers chin, kicking it backwards. Behind her there was a cliff, the sounds of the raging river far, far below coming up as if out of an abyss, and she stumbled back towards it, a pleading look on her face as she reached out towards me. “Wing! HELP!” she screamed, as her leg began to bleed and finally gave out, causing her to collapse backwards over the cliff.

Without thinking, I jumped forward, heart pounding. I had to save, her I had to! I leaped off the cliff, tackling her midair like a champion, and held close to her. With my face inches from hers, I smiled. “I got you! Just hold onto me!” I shouted, the wind whipping past us. She nodded, eyes squeezed shut. I spread my wings....

And nothing happened. In horror, I could feel the tug of my numb wings fluttering limply in the wind, refusing to obey my commands. Faster and faster we fell, a shrill whistle filling my ears, the bloody river below us racing up to meet us, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

“I'm sorry!” I cried, sitting up, my heart pounding as the train whistle blew, signalling that we were departing from Neigh Orleans. The world whirled around me. Where was I? I was... on a train, heading for Ponyville. That was right... that was where I was going. To start my new life.

My military uniform, olive green with my corporal chevrons on the shoulder, were stained with sweat in the armpits and across the neck. The tie felt strangling, and the cufflinks icy cold against my wrists. On my chest were my medals, ranging from my Legion d' honnuer and the Fleur de Lis, both gained from the Prench campaigns, the Normandy badge, and the Celestial Citation. Prominent above all of them, even in its simplicity, was my Medal of Honor, a small red stripe with the images of the Sun and Moon on it and a golden background. It was supposed to represent a courageous, blazing heart of some sort. Alot of us had gotten them... most of us would gladly trade all of them for the chance to forget why we had them though. I was among that number.

As I regained my awareness of the situation, I saw that many on the train were staring at me. Besides my outburst, I knew that I was not pretty anymore. Four long, puckered scars ran across my face, the result of shoddy first aid that allowed them to fester for a week. A Zebracian shaman had luckily introduced maggots to clean up the dead flesh, and although I would always feel the squirming larvae, I would not have to deal with them removing more flesh surgically. The rest of my body was sound, save my left lung that had been grazed by a bullet right under my collarbone... and my wings.

I simply looked down at my shaking hands, before leaning back into the seat and closing my eyes, trying to drown out the sounds around me. Someones pager beeped.

The machine next to me beeped, signaling the nurse that I was awake. Slowly, consciousness returned to me. The last thing I remembered was slowly fading out, and that I was glad my mother would not see me like this. It hadn’t occurred to me that she would rather have a broken son than a dead one, and that Azure Skies, who I later learned was her filly friend, would be equally devastated at losing one she considered a nephew of sorts.

The hospital bed was warm and comforting, although my back felt funny, and my breath burned slightly. The left side of my chest ached something fierce, and my wings... the wings I had landed on when I fell...

Actually... I couldn’t feel anything from then. Still, I felt no joy right now, and the sight of Bubbles in the bed next to me, bandaged even across the face, only worsened the news the doctors gave to me.

“Corporal Steel Wing... I'm sorry. The shot from the Luger grazed your spine. You are lucky you weren’t killed, and even more that you were not fully paralyzed. It severed the second aviatic nerve to your wings. While your wings are technically fine, they don’t get the signals from your brain correctly. You wont be able to feel feedback, and thus, when you flap your wings you wont know what is going on. There is a chance it will heal in time but... I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

“What about my hands? Why wont they stop shaking?” I had asked, looking down at them. Every so often, they would start shaking, trembling in a visible manner. The right one was much worse than the left, and I doubted I would be able to fire a pistol very well.

“You most likely have shell shock. It is common among soldiers, you might get nightmares, feel anxious, or sometimes be unable to sleep. As for the trembling, there are medications that can help, make sure to get to a doctor back in Equestria. It says here you are going to... Ponyville, is that right?” At my nod, he continued. “I would look for Doctor Time Turner, or Doctor Stable Eyes. Time Turner, however, would be the better bet. He is unorthodox, but is an expert in many obscure problems.”

I had nodded, and sat back in the bed, staring at the ceiling. For some reason, the news that I wouldn’t fly didn’t hurt so bad. Not as bad as looking to the other side and seing a massive stallion under a shroud, another son that would never see his mother again.

There were thousands of us.

“Mister?”

I blinked, opening my eyes. The right one was still a bit puffy, but it didn’t stop me from seeing the young filly standing next to me. She was holding something in her hands... it was my Medal of Honor.

“Mister, you dropped this! It fell off your shirt...” she said, a bit shy. I looked at it, and then reached out. She dropped it into my hands and looked at her feet. “What happened to your face?” she asked, looking back up. Behind her, her mother, or so I assumed, gasped.

“Leave the poor man alone!” she snapped, and her harsh tone caused me to sit up a bit more straight, remembering being shouted at in Boot Camp. The filly looked back at her mother and then to me, before asking “Are you a sol... a seld... um... did you save us from the griffs?”

Her mother winced, looking at my face finally. Or at least the right side of it, as he eyes kept flicking. I stared at the child, unsure of how to respond. Thoughts raced through my mind. Yes, I fought... I killed a few of them. At least seven... I could still see their faces. But to tell that to a child? I mean, I didn’t save her... I just did my job...

I nodded silently, before saying “My friends and I did...”

She smiled and said “Thank you!” before pouncing back to her mother. I sat back, ignoring her conversation. Mine with my mothers had not gone too well...

“Are you sure?”

She and Azure Skies were in Azure's apartment, staring at me. Azure had only paled when she saw my face, my mother had taken it in stride. She had seen Dads scars, and his body when he came back from the changeling invasion of Canterlot. When a head in a box is all you have of a loved one, a few scars on your face are not that bad I guess. She had just been happy to see me.

“Yes mother. I want to go somewhere else. Everyone at the factory... everyone in Cloudsdale knows me, and all of them treat me either like a cripple or a stranger. I'm sick of it!” I had said, the few possessions I had decided to take with me packed into a bag. My radio, toothbrush, a handmade quilt given to my by my grandmother, and a couple of shirts and pants.

She simply stared, before grabbing me in a hug. “I missed you so much... I prayed for your return, and when I got your last letter I wanted to scream. I am just so happy to have you back...”

She finally held me at arms length, looking into my eyes. Not my face, but my eyes. “You are so much like your father, but at least you came back. If you need to go... then go. Ponyville is a lovely place, but... make sure you do something nice for Hearth's Warming Eve. Even if you cant make it here, don’t spend it alone. I am sure that Blaze will be happy to see you, she sent us a letter asking if you were back yet. Make sure to mail her. And... I am so proud of you. We all are.”

I stood stiffly as she hugged me, awkwardly returning it. One war ago, I would have happily hugged her. Pegasi were very physical creatures, but now... it felt like hugging a stranger. She hadn’t seen what I had seen, and I felt closer to Major Leaf than to her now. I had simply turned and left without saying another word, taking the sky ferry to Neigh Orleans an hour later.

Finally, I was stirred out of my memories by the train slowing down. Even with motor transportation available to regular people, trains and busses were the preferred method of transportation in Ponyville from what I had heard. It had a citywide tram, installed about two years after the Tirek invasion, which was a comfort to me, as the sound of engines was typically associated with rolling tanks.

“LAST STOP! PONYIVILLE! END OF THE LINE!” cried the conductor from the front of the car. All around me, ponies got to their feet. The jostling of the various passengers in my section resulted in a large amount of noise, and my heart began to beat more quickly in response. As people began to file out, I had a brief flashback to the same scene, over a hundred bright eyed youngsters trying to get out in an orderly fashion, being ordered to sit down and get up over and over until we did it at the same time. Those days were a paradise compared to the ones that followed.

Finally, it was my turn. I got to my feet, reaching up and picking up my duffel bag from the overhead compartment, hitching it over one shoulder, and filing out. Slowly, I shuffled forward with the crowd, and when it was my turn, I held out my Military Identification to the ticket checker, who eyed it and nodded, letting me pass. Veterans, courtesy of the crown, rode free on any public transportation in coach or business classes. One of the few benefits afforded to us.

The train station was bustling, typical for an afternoon. It was around thirteen hundred right now, or 1 o' clock in civilian time. Technically, I was a civilian now, but I didn’t feel like it. Where was I supposed to go from here? I had been told that I was to meet the Veterans Affairs coordinator, but this city didn’t have one. No one from Ponyville had been drafted, the nearest office was back in Appleloosa. Looking around didn’t reveal much...

“Mister Wing? Mister Wing, is that you?”

A mare with a silver coat and a pale blue mane smiled as she approached me. “Mister Steel Wing! A pleasure to meet you! Thank you for your service!”

I looked at her, forcing a smile. She flinched, and I dropped the smile, just staring at her. “May I help you?” I ventured, waiting.

She nodded. “My name is Swift Pen. I am a military Veterans Administration officer. I work in-” she started.

“Apploosa, I know, There isn’t an office in Ponyville because no one is moving out here. Can I help you?” I asked. I was dead tired, having been up for nearly seventy three hours now in transit. The trip from Cloudsdale was the hardest bit, after seeing my mom and telling her I wasn’t staying. It wasn’t much of an excuse for my rudness, and I regretted it instantly. “Sorry... I am just tired.”

She nodded, her smile resuming. “I understand. We have an apartment with three weeks rent paid, a temporary affair until you can find work and new living arrangments. Is that all of your things?” she asked, pointing at my seabag and luggage.

I nodded, shifting it a bit. “Yes Ma'am. Thats all I have for now.”

She giggled as she led me along out of the station. “Just call me Penny, all of my friends do. Pen? Penny? See? My parents were braytish, and they use the-”

“Penny instead of the Bit. Yeah, I loved it. Wish someone had told me there was a war going on over there though...” I griped, trying to be cheerful. The day was bright and sunny outside, with only a slight breeze. The light was warm on me, although the breeze managed to get the sweat stains out of my uniform. All around, people stopped for a moment when they saw me, and I looked down at my feet, missing what she said next.

“-Here. Wing? Mister Wing?”

I looked up. “Huh? Oh, thank you. I will be fine from here, Ma'am.”

I shook her hand and she handed me a packet. “In here are your Military Papers, your tax forms, and your first check. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call us or send a telegram. Once again, thank you for your service, Mister Wing!” she said, beaming. With that, she turned and left.

After getting my gear... or possessions, as I guess they were now called, I headed to the front desk. A skinny colt sat there, looking bored, his propeller beanie on his head spinning idly as he tapped away on a game system. Looking up, he gasped. “Geeze! Did you step on a landmine?” He asked. A moment later, a mare came running and smacked him after the manner of an investigator on a popular show. “BUTTON!” she cried, before turning and smiling. “My name is Milono Mash. Forgive my son... I am the Landlady here. I would assume you are Mister Steel Wing?”

I nodded, my cheeks red. “Erm, Thank you Ma'am” I said, before handing over a couple of papers. “I am to be quartered in 511?” I asked, looking them over as I handed them to her. She nodded.

“Correct, sweetie. Here is your key, and we have a spare down here in case you lose it. Will you need any help getting moved in?” she asked, smiling.

I shook my head. “No, thank you Ma'am. I'll be fine.”

She nodded and I headed upstairs. Fifth floor, Room Eleven... There it was. The paint was slightly faded, but for a room that I could live in for free for three weeks, it was not bad. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about getting shelled in the middle of the night.

It only took a few minutes to set my stuff out on the bed, and head to the bathroom. I turned on the light and looked in the mirror.

The face that looked back at me was nothing like the one I saw before the war. It was gaunt, haggard, the mane mussed up, and the nasty scars running along the right side. They stood out, puckered and with only spotty bits of my coat coming back on them. The third one still looked a bit raw, but none of them were oozing anymore. I had been told I was lucky it didn’t hit the eye. I could have been half blind as well as flightless. I looked over my shoulder, and rustled my wings. They responded sluggishly, and I couldn’t feel them at all. It wasn’t that they were numb, so much as they simply weren't there. They moved, slowly, but I couldn’t flap them and even if I could, I wouldn’t be able to feel air currents and would most likely injure myself or someone else.

Sighing, I turned back and got out of my uniform. One hot shower later and a quick trim around my chin, and I was clean and presentable. Forcing a smile in the mirror, I inwardly winced at the horrid grimace it gave me. A swig of whiskey later and I felt much better, however.

Next task... Look around for work... I thought to myself. Easy enough.

Four hours later, I sat in front of a stallion by the name of Green Back. “I'm sorry, Mister Wing, but our job relies heavily on giving a good image to customers. I know you served proudly, but many folk around here are not fond of the idea of a... erm.. person of your skills running around town in the first place. I know it hurts, but I am afraid that we cannot at this time employ you. Should a position more fitting of your skills turn up, such as Security Guard, we will let you know. Until then, Good day!” he said, smiling the whole time.

This was the fifth time today I had heard variations on that. My mood was now sour, and the smell of whiskey on my breath was probably highly apparent. I didn’t have a chance back home, who was I kidding?

I nodded, forcing my voice to remain calm. “I understand sir. Thank you, Sir” I said, standing up and swallowing as I shook his hand.

As I left, I looked outside. The sky was beginning to get a bit dark, and people were getting off work all over town. I really needed something to eat, and then something to drink. Down the road there was a Confectionery shop and Bakery in one, and right now, something fresh out of an over sounded great to me. Anything to avoid K-Rations.

I stuck my hands in my pockets as the air chilled. It got cold fast as it approached Hearth's Warming Eve, and the ice on the rooftops would re-freeze again tonight, and the snow on the ground would harden into pack ice come morning. I had learned this overseas, of course.

The shop was a bit quiet at this time, but as I walked in there were several people in there. A pink mare stood behind the counter, and a yellow stallion stood next to a blue mare behind her, working on pulling some other things out of the oven. I froze in the doorway, however, as people began to turn and stare at me, their conversations stopping.

Finally swallowing, I stood before the counter. The pink mare looked up at me and smiled. “Hi there! My name is Pinkie Pie, but you can call me Pinkie! What can I get for you?” she said, beaming. I was more than a bit taken aback, as this was the first time I had been greeted by such enthusiasm, but my glum mood would not be lifted.

“Something to go please... Bread, maybe some cinnamon buns, and a honey oat cake, Ma'am” I said, standing stiffly. She nodded, grinning, and reached under the counter. “We are about to pull a loaf of bread out of the oven, how about you take a seat Mister Soldier, and we can get it to you super quick!”

I nodded. “Thank you, Ma'am.”

She hummed and turned away, getting to work. I about faced and strode over to an empty table in the corner and sat down, trying to ignore the sounds around me. Of in a corner, two Police Officers were talking, and a small family were finishing eating, occasionally whispering. I looked down at my shaking hands, my heart suddenly beating hard.

“-A soldier?”

“-Has to be... the uniform. Thats not a police officer..”

“-Looks kinda shifty. Look at him, shaking like that...”

“=Never up to any good, Brass. Mark my words..”

“-Face! Monster! Don’t look dear!”

“-Stay away from my family... Don’t worry, I wont let him go near-”

“-Like a monster!”

“-monster.”

“-Monster...!”

“-Monster!”

“.... By a monster, dude? Hello?”

I blinked and looked up, startled. A cyan blue mare with a rainbow colored mane leaned over the table, grinning at me. “Was it a Manticore? A dragon?” she said. I leaned back, breathing hard.

“S-sorry, Ma'am! I didn’t see you there. Can you repeat your last?” I asked, confused. I had missed what she had said.

“Wait... that uniform... you were TOTALLY in the army, weren’t you? Were you?” she asked.

“I-” I started.

“Were were you? Neighpan? Saddle Arabia? Prance? What was it like? Did you fight a lot or what?”

My breath seemed to catch. My chest throbbed, and colors around me seemd to get brighter and sharper, although I was having trouble keeping up. There was a pounding in my ears. The blue face filled my gaze, and I leaned back, feeling the first parts of hyperventilation oncoming. “I- I mean... I was..” I stammered, unsure of what to say.

“Were you part of airborn? Oh! I wish I could have joined! It would have been SO awesome! I was a wonderbolt though so I couldn’t. I wish I could have gone!”

At that something inside me, something primal snapped. I saw Blaze, swearing and clutching her leg. Butter Bar, shot through the throat because of my idiot mistake. Shadow Step, the same bullet having gone through her leg. Iron Hoof, dead to save me. Radio Wave, half his head missing. And Wire Tap, having died to save someone he cared about as well.

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! What the HELL do you know of war? What do ANY of you know of war?” I screamed, looking around the room. My heart pounded, my ears rang, and everyone was staring. The mare stared at me, having leaned back a bit.

“It was NOT awesome! I lost friends! I had to kill people to survive! I had to watch everyone I cared about die in some horrible way! Shot, stabbed, burned! I was on a beach where seven out of ten soldiers didn’t make it one hundred yards! And you presume to say it was AWESOME!” I yelled, and slammed my fists down on the table. There was a thud, and my end of the table went down, causing the other end to bounce up.

It caught her under her chin and she went sprawling backwards, letting out a yelp. The two officers in the corner jumped up. I stood there, panic clawing into my chest. My lungs burned, my ears rang, I could feel blood pounding though my body, giving me a migrane. Images flashed before me, the beach, the town, the snow and blood, and the smokey haze and smell of sulfer in the air.

“Turn around! Hands behind your back!” shouted one of the officers, but I just turned and ran, not hearing his words. Home, home, I needed to go home. I needed to fly! I needed it all to end!

Even without wings, I was much faster than the police officers, the result of long hours of physical training. I could ignore the burning in my legs and chest, the feeling of something tearing. I could ignore the migrane, the flashes of light, the yells of people as I knocked them aside. All I knew was the strangled sobs that I was letting out, and the fear that filled my heart.

I was in my apartment before I knew it, and the window beckoned. It was a forty five or fifty foot drop, from the fifth story. I could fly! I lifted the window sill, and stepped onto it. Even if I couldn’t fly, it would all be over. I could be with my friends. I could see dad again, and ask him what I did wrong. Or I would finally be free, in the blissful black.

Behind me, the voice of that cyan mare shouted “Stop! What are you-”

I didn’t hear the last bit, as I leapt from the sill out into the open. Grinning madly, I giggled, amused by how slow everything moved around me. I fell, slowly at first, before the ground rushed up towards me.

My wings wouldn’t open. The ground moved in on my face, and I closed my eyes. I would finally have peace. In my last moments, I thought I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me, and the faint smell of roses.

Then it all went black.

Although the war is over, many veterans are not coping well. In the first week since the end of the war, there have been seven suicides and ten attempted. The latest was in Ponyville, where a Corporal Steel Wing, a Medal of Honor War Hero jumped from the fifth story window of his apartment at about six in the evening. He was rescued by a local resident and close friend of Princess Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, the local weather manager. Eyewitnesses report that he was running from the police after assaulting Miss Dash, and early results from the hospital say that he is in critical condition. At this time, Miss Dash is not pressing charges, but it remains to be seen if the owners of Sugarcube Corner will sue for damages inflicted on their restaurant when he hit Miss Dash with a table.

Shell Shock and other problems seem to be plaguing former military members, and the question everyone is asking: Are We Safe? Do soldiers have any place in our society  in the numbers we face now? What will the crown do about them? Are your foals secure? And most of all... Is a killer lurking in your neighborhood, disguised as a war hero?”

This is Rumor Mill, reporter for Equestria Broadcasting, Signing off.