Fleetwood Rides Again

"Tonight, on 'Fleetwood Rides Again'...."

"I STRUCK IT RICH, MAN!"

"All that wealth goes to a pony's head."

"If you keep flashing your wallet around like that, you're going to get mugged."

'Fleetwood Rides Again' Opening Theme

I was driving to work the very next day, when my Cadillac began to act very strange. The steering became increasingly hard, I couldn't get the automatic to shift out of 3rd, and the entire car began to rattle and shake.

The steering wheel came off, and the next thing I knew, I was laying upside-down in a roadside creek, and my car was split in half. This was AWFUL! I had done the exact opposite of what Night had told me to do with the car, and I wasn't even trying. I began to gather up all the little bits and gears that had come off the drivetrain, when I noticed an old wooden trunk through the muddy haze of the water.

I noticed it had some writing on it, but it was in French. I tried to read it anyway:

"Propriété de Calais Brougham, 1549? Oh screw it, I can't speak French..."

I flung open the chest, and, to my surprise, THE FRICKEN THING WAS FULL OF GOLD! I HAD TO GET THIS STUFF BACK TO MY HOUSE! I was about to hitch a ride, but then I remembered, I was an alicorn, duh! I grabbed the heavy chest, and did my best to fly back to the mansion, but I hadn't flown in a long time, and this was one heavy sucker of a trunk.

On the way back, I had nearly fallen out of the sky, been hit by a car, and nearly dropped the gold, but I had MADE IT! I flung open the box, and took a long look at the gold. This was my ticket to a better life! But my first question was, what the buck was I going to spend this on?

Father Night was beginning to get angry by the time I arrived at the Canterlot Palace. It had taken me a long time to get all the parts of the Cadillac up the hill, and assembled on the roadside, and the heap barely got me here. After carrying the gold for a while, the rear suspension had begun to sag, the radiator hose had failed, and I think I had a flat tire, but that didn't dampen my enthusiasm one bit.

"He's richer than us?" he began to speak to himself, he did that sometimes. "Relax, noone's richer than us, and besides, it's Fleetwood, he'll just blow it on something." He then turned to me as I trotted up to him, holding the chest in my hand.

"Wow, Fleetwood," he gasped, trying to sound impressed, "What are you gonna spend it on?"

"Well," I explained, "I wanna buy a 1959 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz Convertible!"

"So....That's a car, right?"

"Only the BEST CAR EVER MADE!" I sighed at his ignorance when it came to automobiles. "They should've named it the Like A Biarritz!" Then, a thought struck me: "Wait, is there anything Luna would like? I AM her husband, after all..."

"Dunno," the king shrugged, "Why don't you go ask her?"

I came running into Luna's bedroom, chest still in hooves. When I entered, she was getting ready for the day, and let out a gasp of surprise as I dropped the chest, flew through the air, and landed next to her on the canopy bed.

"Fleetwood!" she gasped, trying to catch her breath, "You startled me!"

"Look at this, Luna." I flung open the chest, and lifted the gold onto the bed with my magic. "This is more money than Equestria's ever seen. I could give you anything you want, just name it. We're on top of the world."

A few hours later, I had showered Luna with many luxuries. New dresses, membership of many exclusive clubs, and countless other things. Now, it was time to spend some for ME.

I walked into an auction at Canterlot that was raising money for the Grand Galloping Gala, and there it was. A red 1959 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz Convertible with gold rims was being spinning gracefully on a turntable used for displaying cars, many ponies standing around it, snapping pictures. There were many, but one I recognized as Delray, a rock 'n' roll dj from Ponyville. He was standing in front of them, microphone in hoof. I guessed he was the auctioneer.

"..And, now up for bidding, we have a lovely '59 Cadillac Eldorado. Biarritz model, top-of-the-line, yessiree, it's got a convertible ragtop, A/C, cruise control, power seats, and air suspension. Bidding starts at 80,000 Bits."

Immediately, a small pink hoof was raised in the front row. This was Diamond Tiara, one of the most hated rich entities in all of Equestria. I knew I couldn't let her have this car, it'd never be driven! It'd just sit in her room, under a pile of countless other cars, video gaming systems, toys, cell phones, and countless other trinkets.

I responded quickly, running into the croud, and thrusting my front hooves up.

"And now the car is at 120,000 bits, folks...."

For a while, our hooves went up and down, the bets making the price higher, until nopony else but her and me could afford it.

"Wow," Delray exclaimed, qwhiping the sweat from his forehead with a hankerchief, "This is one hot item! The price is now 400,000 bits!"

"Going once...."

I looked over to Diamond, who was eyeing me nervously.

"Going twice..."

I raised my hand, and screamed, "500,000 BITS!", waving my arms frantically. Diamond threw her auction number paddle down in frustration, told me to fuck off, and stormed out the door.

"SOLD! to Mr. Fleetwood Eldorado Brougham of the Everfree Forest!"

Many rich ponies began applauding my victory over one of the most stuck-up fillies in Equestria, when two approached me, one whom I recognized as Fancy Pants.

"Congratulations, Mr. Brougham!" He said, shaking my hand, "You have a car to match your wealth now!" He handed me a small business card with the outline of a sailboat on it. "Here's an invitation to the Canterlot Yacht Club, if you're interested."

"Thank you very much," I replied, trying to keep my excitement contained, "I'll see you at the next event."

As they walked away, I let my happiness loose, and charged toward the Caddy, still on the stage, and landed in it. I started the engine, put it in drive, raced off the turntable, smashed through the glass doors, and onto the streets of Canterlot. This was the best day EVER, second only to my wedding day. I levitated the chest into my lap, and opened it to see how much gold I had left.

When I opened it, a purple whiff of smoke drifted up into my nose. It smelled similar to Luna, but also smelled of somewhere cold and damp. Eh, no big deal. I still had a large amount of gold left, it looked as if I had never taken any out! This was SO amazing.

As I drove off, I thought about what to do next, and had a strange urge to paint an epic portrait of Luna. I was about to turn onto the freeway, I began to lose my grip on reality. Everything began to fade in and out. I got tunnel vision, and suddenly, I blacked out completely, hearing the honk of car and truck horns fading away, as I was sucked into a dream.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Ending Theme