Fleetwood Rides Again
Calais
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"I'M in control now!"
"It bet it has to do with that gold!"
"Mr. Brougham....Please....STOP....YOU'RE SCARING ME!"
I awoke in a terrible, vast, empty void. Nopony else but me was there. The only thing I could see through a swirling mist was a pair of ominous amber eyes. This all seemed so similar: The purple mist, the smell similar to Luna's....But Nightmare Moon had been turned into a little filly at the hooves of Father Night....
"Who are you?" I called out into the mist, "Where am I?"
"I've been trying to find you for a long time," came a reply. The voice boomed all around me, echoing off nothing, "A Brougham powerful enough to carry me, and now, I've found one!"
I must've just dozed off with my hoof on the accellerator, because when I awoke, I was doing 90, with a police car behind me.
"Oh, crap." I moaned. I wasn't planning on a police chase today. I began to pull over, when a force took hold of me. I couldn't steer. Something was controlling me.
I looked in my side mirror to find that the tips of my mane had begun to turn a midnight blue color, and my eyes were a deep amber, just like the ones that were stalking me in my dream.
"Alright, buddy." I growled, as the car began to pull away from the cop, "I'll ask you right now, WHO ARE YOU?!"
"I am your kin," the voice replied, "I am your ancestor, your future, your MASTER! I am Calais Brougham, follower of Nightmare Moon, and now, you will TAKE me to her!"
I slammed on the gas, although it wasn't really me controlling my actions, and the Cadillac responded with the rumble of the engine, soon turning into a roar as we rocketed down the freeway.
"Attention, all available units!" the patrolpony reported over the radio, "In pursuit of a red Cadillac convertible, license plates are "KNGCDDY", heading northbound on the freeway towards the royal palace!"
"Oh, Hermann, it was so nice of you to take me out for frozen yogurt!"
"Well, I guess that's what retired ponies do...."
Randolph groaned. He was stuck in a car with his wife, and even worse, had his badge taken away. His old Pontiac was chugging along a small Canterlot sidestreet when he heard the radio transmission, for he had always kept a police radio and portable police Mars light in his car, even after his retirement. He took out the Mars, and planted it firmly on the roof.
"Hermann, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" his wife nagged him, "You're not a cop anymore!"
Randolph just rolled his eyes. "Well, if I catch this guy, I might be one AGAIN! That's the description of a Cadillac Luna's husband bought this morning! This guy is probably a carjacker!" He paused, and thought up an idea that he saw on a comedy movie once. "Honey, can you check the right, rear tire? It feels low."
His wife just rolled her eyes, "Okay, sure, I guess I have to do ALL the work around here!"
As soon as she put her face and hooves near the tire, Randolph slammed on the gas, and sped away, siren blaring.
"HERMANN PROMETHEUS RANDOLPH!" she screamed, "YOU GET BACK HE- THAT'S IT, WE'RE THROUGH! I COULD ONLY TAKE 30 YEARS OF THIS HORSESHIT!"
"Good riddance," he muttered as he turned the corner and she dissapeared from his sight.
After a couple of minutes, the highway was swarming with Dodge Diplomats! These little police cruisers were also accompanied by two or three Royal Guard AMC Ambassadors, because it WAS their job to keep royalty in check.
I kept trying to reason with the spirit.
"Come on, knock this off! I can take her to you and do the speed limit at THE SAME TIME, you know!"
"I will never cease my control!" Calais laughed evilly, "I'M in control now!"
Two Ford LTD II's attempted to stop us by boxing us in, and forcing us over, but Calais had other plans.
The officer of the car on the right was shocked to see a pair of amber eyes glaring at him maliciously through his instrument panel.
"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" the spirit roared.
The cop was so scared, he let go of the steering wheel, and his LTD swerved into the right road barrier, hit it, flipped over it, and exploded. Without the other, the remaining LTD was easily pushed away.
"Okay, I like the fact that you can drive like a badass," I admitted, "But, PLEASE! Let me do this! I have more experience than you in motorcars!"
"I think it's about time you shut your mouth, young alicorn...."
All of a sudden, I had no control over my mouth.
The police cars kept coming, and soon, I caught sight of a Dodge Monaco from Ponyville Police, numbered "55". This was Wilcox and Flegel's car!
I wondered how they were enjoying the chase.
"THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Wilcox giggled, firing off his police shotgun vainly at me, even though Calais had constructed a forcefield around the car, "Wait a second, that's Mr. Brougham in that car!" He began waving his hoof rapidly, in a sort of spazzy wave. "HELLO, MR. BROUGHAM!"
I would've waved back, but I couldn't.
"Hm," he muttered, his excitement fading, "He didn't wave back..."
"What a JERK!" Flegel added, "LET'S TAKE HIM DOWN!"
I was surprised to see Wilcox and Flegel's Monaco swerve right toward me, but it just bounced off the shield, lost control, and, sliding sideways, obstructed a lot of the other police cars pursuing me.
I thought for a moment that it was all over, but NO, one always has to get through! A silver Pontiac Catalina sporting a portable Mars light came screaming up behind me, it's lights flashing, and came alongside.
The driver drew his gun, and I recognized him as Hermann Randolph, the police commissioner I had convicted of substance abuse the day before! He immediately recognized me as well, and drew his pistol.
He mouthed the words, "Pull over,", and I knew he meant buisiness. Believe me, I would've, but NO, Calais just had to have other plans!
We were then locked in a struggle of two big cars, one sedan, one convertible. Randolph threw his Pontiac at us, and we were shoved into the guardrail, but we came back swinging, and did the same to him. Calais pushed on the gas as hard as he could, but we couldn't outrun a 455 V8, we had too much weight.
Randolph soon set to work shooting at us, but the forcefield adequately shielded us from the barrage of bullets. When he ran out of bullets, he began to fall back. We wondered why.
"What?" Calais taunted, "You're going to give up THAT easily?! BE A STALLION, COME AT ME, MORTAL!"
As soon as he fell back, four Chevrolet Caprices took his place.
"THAT'S more like it!" He kept mocking them, until they actually rocketed right past us. A long way ahead, I spotted them stop and park sideways across the road.
"Just what we need," I groaned, I had regained control of my mouth by now, "A ROADBLOCK!"
"HA!" he reassured me, "Your worries are quite unnecessary. This cannot stop me, I am a GOD!"
Yeah, a god in a mortal automobile.
We hit the roadblock at full speed, the front end crumpling with the impact, actually journeyed OVER the roof of a Caprice, knocking off it's emergency lights, flipped, and landed upside-down, radiator steaming.
"How could this have happened?!" Calais exclaimed in shock, "We were UNSTOPPABLE!"
"Well, I just want to let you know, Pinkie Pie may be able to defy the laws of physics, but WE can't!" I then turned my attention to the Cadillac, which had been ruined by Calais. "And look at what you've done to my CADILLAC! Do you know how much money I had to pay for that thing?!"
"Relax, young one." He used my magic to make the chest appear in front of me. "The chest is enchanted, it never runs out of gold!" All of a sudden, a plume of purple magic shot out of my horn, and we were standing in front of the Royal Palace. "Did I mention I could do that too?"
Oh no, as walked in, the world began to go black again. I struggled to stay awake, but I was tired, and lapsed into another trance.
I heard the faintest traces of voices as I drifted aimlessly in my own mind.
"Hello, Mr. Brougham....What happened to your mane? Accident with a blue pen- Wait, your eyes...."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!...."
Wait a second, this was Nighty's voice.
"Mr. Brougham," she weeped, "please, STOP, YOU'RE SCARING ME!"
I fought and wrestled with the mist all around me, attempting to regain control, and soon, I began to see her, huddled in a corner of her room, shivering in fear. What was Calais DOING to her?!
Finally, I had full control again.
"Help me," I whispered, "There's an evil spirit inside me who wants you! Call Father Night, NOW!"
Every bedroom in the Canterlot Palace complex had a panic button, in case a deranged maniac got into the palace. This time, I was that maniac. Nighty shoved her hoof onto the panic button, and 4 guards ran in, M16's drawn.
"Mr. Brougham," one said calmly, "I'd advise you to put your hooves up."
I was thrown into a dungeon underneath the palace, and a guard began questioning me. Every time I gave him an answer he didn't like, he would bayonet me in the stomach. The pain was unbearable. Eventually, Celestia came down to check on progress.
"I told you," I pleaded, "I've been POSSESSED!"
"Wait a second....Calais, is that you?!" She came over, and gave me a hug.
"Yeah, he stole my body. How do you know this guy, anyway?"
"Calais used to be the royal advisor," she explained, "but he went crazy after I told him about Nightmare Moon. He killed himself to try and give her a body, and assumed the form of an enchanted chess to lure in a pony to manifest himself through. I guess that pony was you."
"Celestia..." Calais whimpered, "Is that you?"
"Yes," she soothed, carassing MY HEAD?! Now I know why they call her Molestia...."It's all going to be alright, my colleague, we'll get you out of there."
There was a great flash of light, and an alicorn, similar to me, although smaller, scrawnier, sporting a fleur-de-lis as his cutie mark, with amber eyes gazing over to Celestia through thick circular-framed glasses, full of sorrow. He ran over to her, and they locked in a long embrace. I just sat there, not knowing what to say, as they kissed passionately, and made up.
"By the way," the sun princess added, pulling out a purple baret, which was the symbol of the royal artist, "You might need this."
"Oh, Celestia, I'm so sorry I ever left! I-I can't hear those horrible voices anymore, I feel SAFE with you!"
She silenced him with a hoof to his mouth.
"Talk is cheap and meaningless," she growled seductively as she pulled him closer, "SHOW me your TRUE INTENTIONS."
As they ran into the "Unusually-Intense Lust" sex-tion of the reunion, I decided to just walk upstairs, and explain myself to Nighty.
"Hey, buddy!" the guard who had been torturing me called, pointing to the unseen, but not unknown source of the passionate moaning, "Where you goin'? The fic's only BEGINNING!"
"I would stay if I could," I laughed, "But I wanna keep this fic outta the 'mature' section!"
"Meh," he shrugged, "Suits yourself..."
I was at the top of the stairs, when a force, quick as lightning, threw me down the stairs. I slid on the bone-ridden floor of the dungeon, and ran into Mole-I MEAN CELESTIA and Calais, separating them from god knows what.
I was pretty banged up after the fall, but was mentally "there" enough to recognize Randolph's shape, pistol in hand, as he trotted up to me.
"Fleetwood Eldorado Deville Seville Calais Brougham," he announced, drawing his gun, "I'm now placing you under the arrest of a reckless vigilante for no real good reason, except to get my badge back."
"Oh, NO, you aren't!"
He turned around, his smug look turning to fear, as he recognized sleek outline of Father Night blocking the exit to the dungeon.
"Hermann," the jet-black alicorn sighed, "What's the matter with you? Even without your badge, as long as you live in Equestria, you'll want to fight crime, when the truth is, you can't."
"So, your point is....?"
"Hermann, I'm banishing you to the Everfree Forest."
"WHAT?!"
Father Night pointed to the guard, and then to Randolph again. "Take him away," he ordered.
Celestia, Calais and I began to dust ourselves off, when Father Night came up to us.
"Don't think YOU three are out of hot water yet."
First, he turned to Celestia.
"I'm ashamed of you, 'Tia! This pony just appears out of nowhere after 500 years of being a wandering spirit, and you just WILLINGLY sell your body to him?"
Then, he turned to Calais.
"And, YOU!"
Calais flinched under his burning goldenrod glare.
"I'm gonna let you off easy on Celestia, I know she's hard to stop when she's feeling...Er, adventurous, but I'm wondering...Nighty up there seemed awful traumatized at whatever you did. What exactly happened in that room?"
Shit just got real. Both of them took off their glasses, and Calais's eyes turned the same golden color as Night's.
"I came in, and bowed down to her." he confessed, "She must've been scared that I appeared so passionately devoted to following her, and took it the wrong way. I'm sorry for any emotional damage I've done to your beautiful, young daughter."
"Well, that's all I wanted to know." he then stepped aside, so we could exit the dungeon. "But, next time, cool your hormones, she's only a filly."
As I walked past, he barred the way.
"Fleetwood, I'm equally ashamed with you as well. You willingly let an ancient perverse spirit go on a RAMPAGE down Equestria's newest stretch of four-lane freeway! I'm taking away your license for a week."
I was outraged.
"But, I couldn't do anything!" I protested, pointing to Calais, who was disappearing up the long stairway, "He forced himself into my mind, I couldn't move!"
"Well," he countered, making the second trollface in three days, "You could've mentally fought him harder. STERIOTYPICALLY-PARENTAL LECTURE OVER!"
I got up the stairs, and after a few minutes of attempting to find my way out of the unfamiliar area of the palace, I walked out the doors to see the final results of the episode: I had wrecked two perfectly good Cadillacs. The Eldorado that I had wrecked on the freeway had been towed by a good sumeritan to the front lawn of the palace.
I inspected the two cars, and estimated that it would take over TEN THOUSAND BITS to get them roadworthy again. I was about to give up my hopes on the two boats, and buy a Honda Civic, or something, when I remembered the gold chest! Now that Calais was alive again, the enchanted chest posed no threat to hurting me!
"Hey!" I yelled to two guards, who were chatting about work near their Ambassador, "You think you can tow these two cars to a bodyshop?"
"Yes, your majesty!"
"THEN, GET GOING!"
As I watched the roadtrain of what seemed to be irrepairable junk leave the complex, I stared off out toward the sunset, wondering what kind of wacky, semi-perverted adventure me and Luna would have tomorrow. As the stars came out, Luna walked out to join me, and we sat there for a while, watching the stars, killing time.
She had to leave to take night watch, but I stayed. After a while longer, I couldn't sit out in the cold anymore. As I walked back up the steps of the great castle, I felt something in my suit jacket. I pulled out a folded piece of paper, unfolded it, and remembered; THE CANTERLOT YACHT CLUB!
"Next Sunday," it read, "Bring your family. Carribean Yacht meet up. Entry requires 500 bits in pocket."
Well, I guess I found my next adventure....
Wait a second, I don't HAVE a yacht....
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