The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria

The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria

An Unlikely Hero.

Chapter 13 - Ready to go?

“Hang on a minute Twilight,” I asked her once we reached a secluded area of the castle.

We stopped in the middle of an empty corridor. There were no doors on either side, and we were high enough I didn’t have to worry about someone seeing us through the window. I glanced at both ends of the hallway. no sign of life. Perfect.

“What’s wrong, Janos?” Twilight asked me, noticing my strange behavior. I could swear I saw a hint of fear in her eyes.

I didn’t have time to dwell on it, though, I had urgent matters to attend to.

So I turned around, smiled sweetly at the young princess, and promptly decked Blueblood square in the jaw.

“Janos!” She yelled, eyes wide open in a mix of confusion, surprise, and anger. “What in the hay has gotten into you!?”

Blueblood was sent straight to the floor. I was disappointed. Not even one tooth flying around.

“What is wrong with you? You brainless buffoon!” He barked at me, once he recollected himself.

“Janos what did you do that for?” Twilight was already placing herself between me and Blueblood, whose horn was already flaring with a yellow glow, pushing me to the wall.

“Somepony get this beast off of me!” Blueblood screamed in vain.

“Enough you two!” Twilight continued, in an effort to get me to backdown.

I pushed her aside ignoring her protests and grabbed Blueblood’s jaw. “You ever,” I growled, anger dripping from my voice. “Ever!” I repeated, squeezing harder, burying my fingers in his cheeks. “You ever call me monkey again, and I will keep hitting you until I rip off your goddamn jaw!” I roared in his face.

Blueblood winced, trying to get away from me but I held him firmly in my grasp. “Understood?” I finally asked him. I was fucking tired of these assholes thinking they can treat me like trash. No, this asshole was going to understand what it means to fuck with me in any way shape or form.

He tried to say something but my grip was too strong on him, he could hardly mumble something, so I threw him back to the floor.

“Please, that’s enough” Twilight stomped on the floor in frustration. We didn’t care.

“Just *cough* *cough* Just you wait until Aunty Celestia hears about this.” He finally managed to croak out, rubbing the sore spot on his jaw. “She’s going to have you banished for lifting a hoof against royalty!”

“I don’t give a fuck who you, Celestia or Luna are. And I certainly don’t give a fuck whose crotch you came out of.” I said kneeling down to look him in the eyes. “You ever disrespect me like that again and there won’t be enough guards in this country to keep me from getting to you.”

“You dare insult your Princesses? You dare insult the royal blood to the face of a Princess?” Blueblood repeated, rising from the ground. Immediately striking a regal pose that was obviously rehearsed. “Princess Twilight will you just stand there and let this beast slander Equestrian Royalty?” He continued, turning to Twilight.

“Blueblood,” Twilight said. “Shut up. You insult someone, you deal with the consequences. Don’t expect me or the Princesses to bail you out of it.” Blueblood didn’t talk back. He tried to keep his expression neutral but it was clear that getting scolded by the young princess was something of an insult to him. Especially in front of me.

I smiled smugly at him.

“And you mister.” She turned to face me, poking me in the chest a bit too strongly. A look of pure anger on her face. It actually scared me, reminded me of the look on Luna’s face earlier today.”What were you thinking?! You can’t just punch people when they do something you don’t like!”

“But Twilight…” I tried defending myself. Obviously, she wanted none of it.

“But nothing, Janos! This is not behavior expected of an Agent of the Crown! You need to keep a hold on your emotions! Don’t you remember what happened on the train?! You can’t afford to act recklessly like this, the first step to controlling your magic is controlling your emotions!” She lectured me.

“Twilight, I will not shut up and bow my head while assholes like this one think they can do or say anything to me..” I argued right back, pointing at the smug and full of himself Blueblood standing to the side. “He’s going to learn not to fuck with me.”

“I understand you are upset but violence doesn’t solve anything.” She continued lecturing me. “You should have been civil and discussed the matter like adults. Who knows, maybe you two could become friends after all?”

Me and Blueblood immediately stared at each other.

“Fuck that.”

“I do not see that happening.”

“Fine.” She sighed in defeat. “Just promise me you two will behave yourselves for the rest of the day.”

We mumbled a half-assed agreement, which Twilight accepted after staring at both of us for a couple of seconds.

“Great, let’s just go find the guards who are supposed to take you two grumpy pants to Ore Valley.”

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After what felt like an hour of navigating through the castle’s endless corridors, we finally reached our destination.

Behind a set of double doors in one of the higher floors of the castle was a great balcony-like structure. It extended for a good number of yards in front of me. There was no ceiling except for the first couple of feet. This area seemed to operate as a landing and takeoff station for pegasi guards and their sky chariots, as evidenced by all the aforementioned guards and chariots around.

As we walked through them, every guard that Twilight passed by would drop to their knees and mumble something along the lines of ‘Your Highness.’

Most of them wore the gold armor of the Day Guard. But there were a few wearing the dark blue armor of Luna’s guards. We followed Twilight some more until we stopped near the edge of the station.

In front of us stood a group of guards wearing Night Guard armor. Most of them were huddled in one corner either talking among themselves or checking up the chariot. But two of them stood out. A griffon and a bat pony. They seemed to be wearing some kind of specialized armor since it looked to cover more of their bodies.

It was my first time seeing a griffon. He was, obviously half eagle and half lion. His eagle half had white feathers that were tinted purple on the edges around his head. His yellow eyes stared at me like a hawk while I approached them.

The other guard, a bat pony, had dark blue fur like most of them seemed to possess. He had green, slitted eyes and a black mane. I couldn’t see his cutie mark beneath his armor.

As soon as Twilight stopped in front of them, both dropped to their knees, as did every other guard on their group.

“Please stand.” Twilight requested, and the guards promptly obeyed.

“Staff Sergeant Gilbert reporting for duty ma’am!” The griffon saluted.

“Sergeant Sure Glide at your service Your Highness!.” The bat pony followed suit.

“Nice to meet you two.” Twilight was obviously not used to being treated that way, as evidence by the occasional crack in her voice. Blueblood looked as displeased as ever. “Are you the guards supposed to take Janos and Prince Blueblood to Ore Valley?”

“Yes, your Highness.” Answered Gilbert. “But I’m afraid it’s still a bit early. We are not done with the pre-flight check-up. And we weren’t aware His Highness, Prince Blueblood would be accompanying us.”

“Is that a problem?” Asked Blueblood, dryly. I was very happy to see that the gash on his lip was already getting swollen.

“No, Your Highness,” Gilbert answered quickly. “We will simply need to adjust our plans a bit.”

“Very well.” Blueblood sighed. “I will be in my chambers, send somepony when you are ready.”

Gilbert was about to reply when I intervened. “Not so fast,” I spoke up.

“Anything wrong sir?” Gilbert asked me.

“Yes,” I answered. “I want you to send a couple of guards with Blueblood to the barracks, have him outfitted with standard issue armor.”

I could see the disgust in Blueblood’s face at my refusal to use his title. Unfortunately, I could not care less even if I tried.

“Sir, wouldn't it be better if Prince Blueblood simply wore his private set? It would protect him much better than standard armor.” Glide spoke up, joining the conversation.

“No, for the duration of this assignment you will treat Blueblood as if he were a recruit in his first mission.” I explained, “When he is back from the barracks put him to work with the other grunts.”

“Unconceivable! I will not be put to work like a pathetic recruit! I am a Prince!” Blueblood protested. Twilight face hoofed. The recruits seemed very pissed off. I grinned. “My place is at the command not with the riff raff..”

“Sir, that does seem very unorthodox,” Gilbert mentioned. “Members of Royalty are usually given officer positions.”

“Get used to it,” I ordered him. “I didn’t even read the book, so don’t expect this to go by it.”

“Still. Prince Blueblood has graduated from the Academy, his talents would be better used in a position of command.” He insisted.

“With honors.” Added Blueblood, proudly.

“Sergeant?” I addressed the bat pony standing awkwardly at the side. No doubt trying desperately not to be involved in this conversation.

“Yes, sir?” He answered me immediately.

“Do I look like I give a fuck?” I asked with utmost sincerity.

“Ummm.” Sure Glide clearly didn’t know what to say but as I raised an eyebrow at him he swallowed in dry and answered. “No sir?”

“Very good, Sergeant.” I congratulated him with a pat on his back. “These are Princess Luna’s orders, Staff Sergeant,” I informed Gilbert before he could argue anymore.

“Very well.” He accepted, bowing his head.

“And let me make one thing perfectly clear!” I shouted to the guards in general. Every head in the crowd turned to me immediately as I addressed them. “Blueblood is to be treated as a recruit. That means playing every joke and ill-conceived prank reserved to the newbies on him, is not only encouraged it is part of your assignment for the next couple of days until our return from Ore Valley. Until the moment your hooves touch Canterlot Soil again you will treat the Prince here as one of your beloved brothers in arms, so give him the kind of fraternal love I know fine soldiers like you are capable of dishing out.” I could already see some smiles in the group of guards that would be accompanying us. “Anyone treating Blueblood as anything more than the lowliest of recruits will not only answer to me but to Princess Luna herself. Is that clear?”

Blueblood was absolutely livid. The look he was giving me was pure hatred.

A chorus of ‘Aye Aye Sir’s resonated through the courtyard and my smile grew evermore. I pointed to two of the most devilish looking Night guards and motioned for them to step forward. “You two take Blueblood to the barracks and have him fitted with standard gear, then get him working on the chariot with the rest of the guards.” Finally, I turned to Blueblood and with my best shit eating grin I ordered him. “Go get outfitted, Recruit. Today marks the beginning of your lesson in humility, and I am nothing if not a thorough teacher.”

Blueblood was about to open his big mouth to say something stupid but the two guards I ordered quickly shoved him with their shoulders. “Moving on Recruit!” One of them ordered. “You heard the Captain.”

“Captain?” I asked in confusion.

“Agents of the Crown hold an honorary rank of Captain among the guards.” Gilbert quickly explained. “Technically you have no jurisdiction over us since the guards and the agents are completely differents branches of the military, but when they are required to work together this is the rank the Princesses usually assign them with.”

“Thanks for that.”

“No problem.” He said. “So, a real live human. Never imagined I would see one up close, not to mention working with one.”

Whoa. Hold up. This guy knows what I am? Luna must have told them of course but he seems to know about humans for much longer than I’ve been here. “How do you know what I am?”

“Luna must have told him, Janos. Like she told every other guard here.” Twilight explained waving her hoof dismissively.

“While that is true Your Highness and the entire Guard is aware of the newest addition to Princess Luna’s agents. Every griffon knows what a human is.” Gilbert explained, with a curt bow. “One of your kind played a very important part in our history, and because of her actions humans are greatly respected as skilled warriors.”

I don’t know who looked more surprised, me or Twilight.

“What?” Do you? I never read about this in any of my books on griffons and their culture.”

“You mean those centuries-old history books? Yeah, very reliable.” I remarked, remembering my difficulty in finding any recent information regarding griffons.

“Griffon history is not something we are comfortable sharing with outsiders,” Gilbert explained. Then as if finding something funny he chuckled. “In fact, there is very little we griffon like to share with anyone at all.”

“So why are you talking about it with us?” Twilight asked him, notepad and quill already in hoof.

“Well, Janos here is a human, so this part of griffon history belongs as much to him as it does to me and you are one of the four princesses of Equestria, think of it as my tribute to the crown.” Gilbert continued.

“Oh! Thank you then.” Twilight said, with a slight blush on her cheeks. “It is greatly appreciated.”

“You are most welcome your highness,” Gilbert spoke with an exaggerated bow.

“So what human was that?” I asked him. Ever since Celestia told me I am not the first human to show up here I’ve been dying to know about the others that came before me, but every time I have an opportunity to ask her about them something seems to come up.

“Lady Alexia.” He answered, finally taking his eyes off Twilight. “She was instrumental in the unification of the Griffon Kingdoms and the war against the Dragons.”

“Truly?” Twilight asked him, already excitedly making annotations in her little notepad.

“Oh yes.” He confirmed, “Lady Alexia arrived in the homelands about a thousand years ago, no one knows where she came from, only that one day she was there.” He explained. “They say her life was saved by a griffon warrior and his band of mercenaries and pledged her life to said warrior, His name was Grover.”

“King Grover?” Twilight guessed with a gasp.

“The one and only,” Gilbert confirmed her guess with a nod. “You are clearly very well versed in Griffon history, your Highness. You are clearly as smart as you are pretty.” He added, with a sly smile.

Is this dude hitting on a princess he just met five minutes ago? Wow, and Carol said I was a womanizer.

“Thank you.” Twilight blushed once again. “But it’s just like Janos said, I only know what I read in my old books.”

“In the following years, she fought alongside the future king in the war against the dragons where she proved her prowess as a warrior when she single-handedly slain the Dragon Lord.”

“She fought dragons?” In asked him. “Giant fire-breathing monsters with scales as thick as I am tall?”

“Impressive, wasn’t she?” Gilbert commented. “But she did have some help. They say her spear held powerful magic hidden within. A spell that ensured whoever held it could not be defeated in combat.”

“Amazing.” Twilight mused to herself.

“Yes, but it is just a legend,” Gilbert explained. “No weapon like that could possibly exist.”

Not so sure about that buddy. I seem to remember the story of a weapon much alike that one from back home.

“After the war, Alexia and her Liege, Grover set out to rebuild the Griffons Kingdoms that were nearly destroyed during the war. Together they unified the Kingdoms under one leader. King Grover. Then Alexia retired, Grover gave her some lands as a reward for her service and she lived the rest of her days in isolation raising some griffon chicks that were orphaned by the war. These days everyone knows Lady Alexia and her story.”

“I had no idea another human was so instrumental in shaping world’s history like that,” Twilight said as she finished taking her notes.

“Oh yes. We griffons owe much to Alexia and her kind.” Gilbert spoke, before a mare approached Twilight, bowed, and handed her a couple of scrolls.

“Thank you.” Twilight thanked the mare and turned to us. “The rest of your exams came through Janos, we should take care of this. Sergeant Gilbert, Sure Glide, thank you for your good work and get ready for departure at four today, understood?”

“Yes, your highness.” Both of them bowed respectfully and left to finish their preparations.

Twilight motioned for me to follow her and wasted no time getting to work with the scrolls.

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It was a surprisingly short walk back to my room. Sometimes I think this Castle is only as big as it needs at any given moment. Twilight spend the whole time with her head buried in the test results she had just received. Every once in awhile she would comment on something or let slip some ‘hmms’ or ‘of course’ but other than that she didn’t address me at all.

During the walk, I noticed the ponies here were much more civilized than in Ponyville. At the very least they knew not to stare and gape at strangers. Maybe Celestia trained her staff well, or maybe this place sees it’s fair share of odd characters on a regular basis for them to be used to this by now.

“So, there’s good news and bad news.” Twilight addressed me once we entered my private quarters. “Which one first?”

“Good, I guess?” I answered her. I sat down on my comfy bed, while the princess sat on the floor directly in front of me. A couple of open scrolls floating beside her.

“You know how we said you were resistant to magic so if somepony needed to cast a spell on you they would need to put extra magic into it so it would take effect?”

I nodded.

“That’s not true.”

“How is that good news?” I asked her.

“Calm down. What is actually happening is that your body is automatically absorbing any magic around you. Usually, that means that you are always replenishing lost magic by absorbing what you can find in the environment. However, if someone puts a spell on you then there is magic acting upon your body.”

“So I absorb part of it unconsciously?” I deduced.

“Yes, that is why we need to put extra magical power in any enchantments we cast upon you. Because part of it is absorbed by your body.”

“What’s the bad news?”

“The bad news is that the amulet Princess Luna made for you has an expiration date. The spell she placed on it will be gradually drained by you every day, until it is nothing but a chunk of rock with some writing on it.”

“I see. How long does it have?”

“A week, two at most.” She answered. “I really don’t think you should be going on that assignment, Janos. Especially now that we know the amulet will eventually stop working.”

“Can’t back down now, Twilight,” I told her. “I’ll just have to be done within the week.”

“That’s crazy, Janos.” She argued. “What if you lose control again?”

“I won’t.”

“How can you be certain?”

“Because it won’t catch me by surprise again. This time, I’m ready for it. Besides, I’ll be done before the amulet runs out.”

“Has anyone ever told you, you are too arrogant for your own good?”

Yes, she told me constantly.

“Confidence Twilight, not arrogance,” I told her with a smug grin on my face.

“Fine.” She resigned, with a tired sigh. “If I can’t stop you then I’ll at least help make sure you’ll come back alright.”

She stepped forward and with her magic, pulled the amulet from beneath my uniform. “I’ll replenish the enchantment’s magic reserve, that should buy you a day or two.”

“Greatly appreciated, Twilight.” I thanked her as she poured her magic onto my amulet.

It didn’t take long, and after a moment or two, there came a knock on the door.

“Umm, excuse me? Janos are you there?” I recognized Fluttershy’s voice calling from behind the door.

“Come in, Fluttershy!” I told her as I stuffed the amulet inside my coat again.

“I got some more stuff to take care of, Janos,” Twilight told me, putting her scrolls away under her wing. “I’ll come take you to the chariot at four ok?”

“Sure Twilight, I’ll see you later.”

She greeted Fluttershy on her way out and left the room, leaving a very nervous and awkward pegasus behind.

“Hey, Flutters.” I greeted her.

“Hi, Janos.” She greeted me back.

“Wanna go sit on the balcony? I kinda need some fresh air.” She nodded silently and followed me out.

There was a small glass table with a couple of seats on the balcony. I plopped down in one of them, and Fluttershy simply sat down on the ground next to the table.

“Something up?” I was just making conversation, she was only that nervous with me when there was something she wanted to say that she didn’t know how to say it.

“Just wanted to see how you were doing.” She answered.

“I’m doing better now, thanks for asking.”

She coaxed out a 'you’re' welcome’ and we sat in silence for a couple more minutes.

It’s amazing how this girl is shy. We have been getting much more nicely since we met but every time we had to discuss something even remotely personal she freezes up like that.

“You want to talk about what you saw yesterday?” I asked her.

“Yes.” She answered. “I’m sorry I just don’t know what to say right now. I don’t want to pressure you into saying anything you don’t want to say. And you seemed like you didn’t want to talk about it but that looked really serious so I got worried and I’m sorry I’m rambling again aren’t I?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I reassured her.

“So do you want to talk about it or not?” She asked me, still unsure over whether or not she should be bringing this up.

“No, I really don’t.”

“Oh. I'm sorry.” She apologized, dejected.

I sighed deeply and rubbed my eyes with my hands. I couldn’t believe I had been put into this situation. “Look, Fluttershy, it’s not that I don’t trust you or that I don’t see you as a friend,” I explained. “But there are some things about me that I don’t discuss with anyone. Friend or not.”

“I understand that.” She said. “But it isn’t healthy to leave these things bottled up inside you.”

“It’s not bottled up.”

“Are you sure? Because I get the idea that you need to talk about it. Have you ever talked to somepony about it?”

“No.”

“Well, if you ever need to talk to somepony about this then I’m right here ok? And if you don’t want to talk about it with me but you do talk about it with somepony else then that’s ok too, as long as you feel better about this.” She actually mustered the courage to look me in the eye when she said that. Rare, Fluttershy usually does anything she can to avoid looking someone in the eye.

“Fine, Flutters.” I resigned with a tired sigh. “I can’t and won’t tell you the whole story but I can give you an abridged version of it, as long as you never tell a soul what I’m going to tell you ok?

She smiled sweetly, in that way only she can, and nodded for me to continue. She then went through the motions of the sacred Pinkie swear.

“Ok.” I sat up straight and tried to figure out where I should begin.

“I’m not a good person, Fluttershy.” That phrase escaped my lips before I even noticed I was talking. She made to interrupt me but I raised a hand stopping her. “Just let me finish.”

“I wasn’t always a bartender. In fact, I used to do some really bad stuff, a couple of years ago. Hurt people. Good people, bad people, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was whether or not they were in my way.”

I took a deep breath and rubbed my hands together. Fluttershy’s gaze was fixed on me, I couldn’t tell what that look on her face meant.

“One day I made a mistake. I messed with some really powerful people. The kind of people that will kill you just because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I took something from them. They didn’t like that. The stuff you saw was a souvenir from them. Something to remind of what happens when someone steps on their toes, and I stepped on a lot of toes.”

I had just broken rule number one on Celestia’s list. Granted I didn’t tell Fluttershy the whole truth. In fact what I told Fluttershy was a very edited version of the truth. But there was enough in there to get her to wonder about who I really was.

“I’m sorry.” She finally spoke up. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”

“Not your fault Fluttershy.”

“But I still don’t think you are a bad person.”

I looked up at her. I never told her about the stuff I really did, so I can’t expect her to know exactly what she is talking about but something about what she said. Something about how she said it. Like she believed without a shadow of a doubt in what she was talking about. Like she had complete faith in what she was talking about and in me, whether or not she had the whole story.

It had been a while since someone had spoken to me like that.

“I told you…” But this time, it was she that stopped me with a raised hoof.

“You may have done some bad things, sure. And you do have a bit of temper and a foul mouth. But that doesn’t mean you are a bad person Janos. Everypony makes mistakes.”

“Not like mine, Fluttershy.”

“Doesn’t matter, what matters is that you gave up didn’t you? You stopped doing the bad things and you got a proper job right?” I reluctantly nodded. It wasn’t the truth, I never stopped, and I probably never will.

“A bad person wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t see that what he was doing wasn’t right. A bad person wouldn’t have jumped to the rescue of what he thought was a little kid’s pet. A bad person wouldn’t have sprung into action when it all seemed lost when we were restoring the Tree of Harmony. A bad person wouldn’t get along so well with Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. And you wouldn’t be on your way to help an entire village of ponies right after all that happened these past few days.”

I could tell she wanted me to say something but I couldn’t. Fluttershy was so innocent. So naive. She believed everything I did was out of the kindness of my heart. When in truth I was doing it all for the money.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I’m some sort of monster, I don’t dislike what I do. I love every second of it. And I don’t believe there is anything wrong with doing it for the money. Everybody does everything for the money.

What hurts me isn’t that I do bad things and hurt people. I made my peace with that a long time ago. Stealing isn’t what I do. It’s what I am.

What hurts me is that she thinks I am so much more than who I actually am. Everyone in my life knew exactly who I was, a scoundrel, an outlaw, a thief. But not her.

When she looked at me she saw some sort of hero. I was everything but that, and one day she would see the truth. I don't know if I could stand the way she would look at me then.

A couple of hours later I would be leaving for Ore Valley. And as my friends waved me goodbye I wondered if there was any chance I could become the man she thinks I am.

I would have my answer sooner than I expected.