The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria

The Unusual Tale of a Human Thief in Equestria

An Unlikely Hero.

Chapter 2 - An offer I can't refuse.

I awoke with the sound of a moving train preventing me from having some actual rest, and god knows I need some of that since the lab coat wearing unicorn by the side of my bed tells me that the events on that forest actually happened.

A quick look around tells me that I’m on an empty train car, with the exception of the doctor pony, there are two other ponies standing guard by the door to my left, those two are even wearing suits of golden armor one of them, the unicorn, has a pristine white coat with a light blue mane and the other, the pegasus, has a grey coat and grey mane, both keep staring nervously at me while I sit up. The doctor, quite oblivious to my waking up, has its back to me, he has a caramel coat with a brown mane.

“So doc, how long do I still have?” I ask casually massaging the back of my head, which I now realize is covered in bandages, it seems the doctor really wasn’t expecting me to wake up so soon since he almost hit his head on the ceiling.

“By Celestia, you scared me.” He says, getting his shit together, “The spell shouldn’t have worn off so soon, curious” He mutters to himself rubbing his chin with a hoof, “Oh! I’m sorry, you should be fine your legs and arms were a bit damaged but nothing we couldn’t heal, even if magic behaves oddly around you.”

“Thanks a bunch, doctor…”

“Oh! Where are my manners?” The doctor says shaking his head at his own mistake. “I am Doctor Horse, pleasure to meet you Janos.”

Doctor Horse? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Either he didn’t notice my small chuckle at his expense or he chose not to acknowledge it.

Taking a good look at myself I can see he is at least half right, my left leg and right arm are the only ones with actual bandages in it and my leg is not even completely covered, only some patches here and there, but my right arm however, it’s completely covered from fingers to elbow, if those ponies definition of ‘fine’ is that, then I don’t want to know what bad means. And someone stripped me, they left my shorts on, but my shirt and my jumpsuit have been taken off, feeling a bit violated here, but I can let it pass.

“Don’t worry, it’s not that bad, it’s just going to take longer to heal.” He reassures me with a smile after noticing my worried expression. “We just couldn’t do much with magic so we had to handle it differently.”

“So what’s magic’s problem with me?” I ask.

“Well, I’m no expert.” Doctor Horse answers, while levitating a stethoscope out of his bag. “But if I had to, I’d say magic doesn’t know quite what to do with you.” I can feel the coldness of the stethoscope metal against my skin, signaling the beginning of my examination, after various procedures which I will not bore you with, he declares that as far as he knows I should be just fine, which is very reassuring to know.

After he finishes he shows me my stuff in the corner and directs me to a small bathroom at the end of the car where I can freshen up a bit, so I take my backpack (which is right next to my absolutely ruined jumpsuit), and make my way to the restroom.

There’s not much in that little room, a toilet and a sink and mirror, which is just what I need. I throw some water on my face and stare at the mirror, my reflection just stares back at me, its eyes staring back into mine, and one of them is actually blind, the left eye lost its original green color a few good years ago in an accident. My scars are also all there, there is the one that cuts my blind eye and another one running through my chin, as well as a few on my chest.

I then take a moment to check if everything is in order, the first thing I notice is that my GPS is broken beyond repair, my other stuff seems fine, some extra bullets for the rifle, the skinning knife, a pair of pants, three long sleeved t-shirts, and a grey hoodie, some underwear, and the obligatory first aid kit. There is also some rope, and lastly one of those water purification thingies.

After I make sure everything is here, I put one of the t-shirts on and the pair of pants, placing the dirty shorts I was wearing back in the backpack.

When I open the door, the grey pegasus is just standing right there staring at me. “Can I help you?” I ask after a particular awkward silence.

“The princesses require your presence Sir.” He says rather stoically.

“The princesses? As in the ones that were missing? They are here?” I ask a bit too excitedly.

“Yes Sir, they would like to meet you.” He answers before turning away from me. “If you would follow me please.”

He doesn’t need to say it again, I follow him closely as we pass some cars of the train, most of them are empty but there is the occasional pony here and there, needless to say, the moment I step into the car all eyes are on me, some with curiosity and some with fear, strangely.

Then we reach the last train, also guarded by two guards, this time however one of the guards is wearing a dark armor, and something’s off about that guy, his pupils are like that of a snake or a cat and his wings are not feathered like a bird but leathery like a bat, the unicorn by his side has the golden armor I saw before, and nothing is wrong or unusual about her.

Both of them nod once at my escort and open the door, revealing a much more refined train cart, it’s probably some first class stuff or exclusive to royalty, all in all, lots of valuable stuff in here. But that’s not what catches my eye at first (surprisingly), neither are the very obvious princesses calmly drinking their tea, oh no, that shit is normal at this point, ponies? I’m all over that shit. Okay some bad phrasing there, but you know what I meant. But anyway, the thing that really caught me unguarded is exactly that, a thing, I have no idea how to describe it, it’s an amalgamation of various animals, he (I think it’s a he) has a lion’s paw, an eagle claw, a hoof and a lizard leg, he’s also got some sort of weird tail which I’m guessing is from some sort of lizard, and a goat’s head with differing horns, one of them is a antler.

And he’s just hovering there, teacup in its paw, grinning at me, I don’t like the look of that smile, I’ve seen it before and it always ends up with someone fucking me over.

All the other ponies are there, as well as the two I presume are the princesses, a big white alicorn and a smaller, but still bigger than the others, dark blue alicorn.

“Ah, I see you’re awake Janos.” The white alicorn greets me as soon as I get into view, almost as if she knew exactly when I would get here. “Please take a seat, would you like some tea?” She says pointing me to a seat besides Rainbow Dash and Applejack, and both of them give me a very friendly smile.

“Nah, I’m good.” I say taking the seat she’s points for me, “I take it you are Celestia?”

The white mare slowly nods, confirming my assumption, even though some ponies on the room didn’t exactly like my casual way of approaching that, “Yes, and this is my sister, Luna.” She says motioning towards the darker alicorn.

“It’s an honor to meet our rescuer.” Luna says with a small bow of her head.

“I just did the dirty work, your highness.” Yes, I am awesome,
“Twilight did the thinking.” But who pulled it off at the last second? That’s right, the human. Now where is my reward?

“Please don’t be so modest, Janos my boy!” The snake thing suddenly jumps from his seat and next thing I know his head is right next to mine while his claws rests on my shoulders, “You’re the hero here, take a bow!” With a snap of his talons a large golden medal with his face and thumbs up show up around my neck while streamers and confetti fall from the ceiling all over me. Pinkie is ecstatic immediately yelling something along the lines of ‘Yay! Party!’ I don’t know for sure, too busy trying to figure out how he managed to confuse me in so little time.

“I’m sorry, and you are?” Is all I manage to say after collecting myself.

“The name is Discord my dear boy.” He whispers in my ear, very uncomfortable with this guy right now. “And we’re going to be the best of friends.”

After that particularly creepy and ominous line of dialogue he once again snaps his talons and goes back to his original spot besides a very cross Fluttershy. “Discord, would you please take it easy with Janos?” She pleads him, “He is not used to your particular brand of inappropriate yet.”

And the dude actually looks a bit sorry. “Nopony’s used to Discord.” Applejack mutters under her breath causing me and Rainbow to let out a little laugh, and I think I even saw a little smirk escape Celestia which she carefully hid with a sip of her tea.

“With introductions out of the way, I think we should get to the matter at hand.” Straight to the point Celestia? I like that. “We have a lot to explain to you Janos, so where would you like to begin?”

I don’t even miss a beat. “How do I get home?”

She takes another sip of her tea and the freaking wait is already killing me, it was enough to go through that freaking forest, then all this bullshit which I wish could’ve been avoided, I’m not here to mingle lady, just point the way and I’ll be out of your hair.

“It’s not that simple.” Fucking hell, I can’t believe this, I’m not going home anytime soon am I? “You see, your world and ours share a type of connection”

“I don’t get it.” I interrupt her rather rudely, “if they are connected just point me the way and I’ll be out of your hair as soon as this train stops.”

“It’s not that simple Janos.” She pauses a bit, as if not knowing exactly how to explain things before Luna picks up the torch.

“Think of it as some sort of veil, every now and then the veil becomes thinner, allowing things to slip through.” Celestia nods at her explanation and motions for her sister to continue. “Usually just objects, small ones, but sometimes someone like you comes along, and the rift for an actual person to slip through only happens in an instant, just enough for you to pass through.”

At that point my head just falls down on my hands, I get it already, it’s not going to happen for a very long time, I might as well just resign and start a life here of some bullshit like this. “So, I’m not going back?”

“We have studies on it, some theories as to how to force open those rifts.” Twilight tries to reassure me and I can tell she knows that isn’t going to help a lot.

“Yes, but nothing conclusive and you can’t guarantee me a way back right?” Against my best efforts I must have actually sounded as crestfallen and depressed as I actually felt.

The tension was palpable, I don’t even know for how long the silence lasted, for how long I just sat there with my head on my hands, the sound of the train moving the only thing my head was registering, I’m stuck here, for good actually, part of me kinda knew that already I guess, all that was left was the confirmation, I wish it never came.

Then I felt her wing drape over me, it took almost all my will to just glance at my right side and see Rainbow’s face, a small smile on her face, and her rose colored eyes staring back into mine, almost as if saying that it will be alright. Looking at the other ponies I could see variations of that same look, none got really stuck in my head like Rainbow’s tough.

Anyway, after that I knew I just had to ask her. “Is there someone…” I didn’t even had to finish speaking, the shaking of Celestia’s head told me everything.

“If we are so far away from achieving the means to pierce through the veil ourselves, then I don’t believe there is another court of magic in this world who is any closer than us.” Even Celestia looks dismayed, before she was all calm and collected never showing what’s really on her mind, but now it’s pretty obvious it almost feels out of character for her, and looking at Luna, something tells me she actually knows what’s going on in my head right about now, or at the very least is the one closest to understanding.

“There is something else we have to talk to you about, though if you like, we could discuss it further tomorrow.” Luna says, breaking this silence before it can settle. “If you’d like some time to yourself.”

“No, just get it over with.”

“Are you sure sugarcube? You don’t look so good.” Applejack says placing a hoof on my shoulder which I immediately push off, “Maybe you should take some time, sleep on it and talk tomorrow.”

“I just want to get it over with.”

“Darling we are just looking out for you.” Rarity chimed in.

“Yes Janos, this is all very stressful, maybe some time out would be good for you?” Comes Fluttershy’s timid voice from the other end of the room.

“I don’t need anyone looking out for me ok?” My tone probably came out a lot harsher than I intended since the room just fell into silence after that. I took a deep breath to recompose and continued, “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to offend anyone, I can handle it all right?”

“Very well then.” Celestia said after clearing her throat to proceed to the next reason on the list of Things Fucking Janos Over, “There is another reason as to why we can’t send you home.” We need more Celestia? I think we covered that up pretty well already. “If you could remove the bandages in you right arm please.”

I raise an eyebrow at this, what does my right hand have to do with going back home? It’s just injured right? Slowly and carefully I begin untangling the cloth wrapped around my arm, and at the beginning I just see some burnt marks nothing I wasn’t expecting. Then I get to my wrist and I see what she is talking about there is a line in it, a line that goes all the way around my wrist and connects the way back. But not just any line, it’s about an inch thick and its colorful, there is magenta, then red, blue, purple, orange and finally pink.

“What.” The word comes out of my mouth before I even realize it, “In the name of fuck, is this?”

If they took offense to my rather rude language, they didn’t show it. “It’s called the Mark of Harmony.” Celestia said.

“The Tree of Harmony must have marked you when you inserted Twilight’s element into its trunk.” Luna explains further, “And it is proof that Harmony chose you.”

“Are you telling me, that a tree brought me here and then branded me?” I start rubbing my temples trying to suppress a forming headache.

“We don’t know, it could be that the tree brought you here.” Celestia says while pouring some more tea for everyone. “Or, the tree simply chose you when you assisted the girls.”

“Chose me for what?” I ask, dreading the answer.

“When someone is given the mark, it means Harmony has chosen that individual to protect and guard the elements, or its bearers.” Luna explains, “It has only happened a hoofful of times in recorded history.”

“Yes, and the mark has another function beyond that.” Celestia intervenes, “It is a ‘shackle’ of sorts, anchoring you to the elements, even if we did managed to send you home, the connection would simply bring you back.”

I can’t believe, it’s got to be a joke, the universe really does hate me. I’m not a hero, or a chosen one, and I’m far from being a protector, my job is pretty much the opposite of guarding things, why would this freaking tree choose me? Was it all jus coincidental? Wrong place wrong time?

”I’m sorry princess, but I’m neither able nor willing to take up that mantle.” Some of the ponies in the room actually looked a bit disappointed by my response, the most obvious one was Pinkie, probably because it would mean less chances of befriending me or something.

“I didn’t expect you to just accept it Janos.” Celestia says openly smirking. “That would be a very important job and you will be rewarded accordingly.”

“You mean you will hire me?” I carefully asked, if there is money involved, then maybe, just maybe it could be worth it, I mean I am broke, now even more, at least back on earth I had an apartment and money for the essentials, but here I have nothing besides what I brought and that is very little. Besides I bet I could do a decent job at it, I mean, protecting six ponies, how hard can that be?

Now more than ever I need to approach this calmly, it’s clear that either they can’t help me go home, or are hiding that information from me, so now I need to find a way home myself, that means money and connections, those girls seem pretty important so the pay is bound to be very good, and I’ll be working with royalty which means good connections, I’ll work for them for some time, find a way back, get rid of this mark somehow and be back before Barry notices I’m gone.

“What’s the pay?” Now we just need to get the specifics out of the way.

“You mean you’ll take it?” Rainbow asked rather excitedly, what is she getting so worked up about. wasn't she the one who didn't trust me?

“No, it means I want to know how much I’m getting paid for it.” I answer, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, a tree may want me to do her dirty work for her, but that doesn’t mean I’ll do it for meager pay.”

“Rest assured you’ll be well rewarded.” Celestia chuckles at my eagerness once the word ‘reward’ showed up. What can say? It comes with the job, “A monthly royal stipend and private quarters on Canterlot Castle for starters, and all equipment will be provided by the royal treasury, within reason of course.”

That seems like a freaking good deal, why would she trust me that much and be willing to dump so much time and money on me like this? Aside from this mark this woman knows nothing about me, she has an agenda and I'm just another resource to her, I'll need to be extra careful about this mare. “That’s a very good deal, I might just take you up on that.”

“Does that mean you’ll take the job?” Twilight asked, a certain glimmer in her eyes, whether because she actually wants me to take the job, or because she gets to keep the alien for longer I’ll never know.

“Don’t answer us yet Janos.” Luna said, “Tomorrow we shall discuss the finer points of your employment, now we shall feast in celebration of the day’s achievements.”

“So… Party?” Came Pinkie’s hopeful little voice from the little corner where she had been hiding.

And that seemed to be it, all tension was drained from the room when I began laughing for some weird reason, soon enough everyone was laughing and having fun, granted I was still a little shaken from all that happened so far, it’s a lot of information to process in the span of the few hours so a lot of that trip to Canterlot was spent going through all that that conversation multiple times.

That’s not to say I didn’t take part in the ‘celebration’ of course, Rainbow and Pinkie Pie would take any opportunity to get me out of my musings, even Discord tried to help them but I still think he was just taking the opportunity to be annoying than trying to actually help.

Very soon we arrived in Canterlot, we were escorted to the castle and taken to our rooms, and as soon as my head hit the comfortable pillows and the soft mattress I was sleeping like a baby, the concerns of the day were gone almost instantly as if the bed itself was enchanted to give me the rest I needed, and looking back I wouldn't put it past Luna to go out of her way to help.

Tomorrow would be a big day, probably the first day in my new job. A human thief hired as protector for six magical mares in a world where nothing makes sense, what could possibly go wrong? I’ll get the money find a way home, and then go back to how things were right?

Oh boy, I had no idea how wrong I was, my troubles were just beginning.