Ice Ice Pony: The Adventures of Vanilla Ice in Equestria

Chapter 3: 11:06 PM - handcannongunner: Chapter 3 will feature Vanilla Ice using the Bass Cannon in some way
11:08 PM - Rarity: . . . . Just why?

When we last left the Black Thunder and his angels, they were about to fight the Diamond Dogs, who were attacking Ponyville and wrecking their turf. A black man like Icey would not stand for such disrespect. That, and if he did this, then all the mares would be over him, wantin' his dick. Icey only wondered one thing however, how would he fight them? Some of his more swaggin' moves might hurt da bitches wit him It was time to call upon another of his Spirit Niggas. This time, he called upon The Great MC Hammer, who developed using the flow to stop and hammer time.

"Sup homeboy?" The Great MC Hammer asked our incredibly black hero.

"Not much nigga, I'mma just wonderin' how I can fight wit da quickness if I gots mah own crew of hunnies wit me?" Icey replied, and stated why he summoned his Spirit Nigga.

"Nigga, why you always gots ta have a problem 'fore y'all summon me? Never for gettin' mah daily dose. Fine, I'll help y'all, but be cool next time nigga." The Great MC Hammer said to him.

"Okay nigga, dere be these bitches who callin' themselves Diamond Dogs. I'd go all out and into mah Supafly Swagger, but we be in a town, and I'mma tryin' to get wid some hunnies, so destroying the town would be most ungucci." Icey explained.

"Hmm dem bitches be lookin' fine. Y'all need to most exclusively use da flow to stomp those other bitches out. Y'all could summon up one of da Chill Niggas." The Great MC Hammer suggested

The Chill Niggas were a strange phenomenon. They had been around since the Rupturing of the Illest Flow. None truly know when the Rupturing of the Illest Flow happened, only that it gave all beings, swag and busta, the power of their flow. Niggas from across the street say that the Chill Niggas were the most bouncin' of the Illest flow personified. Niggas from the other side of da street think that they were the first Flow Guardians, and appear to help maintain dat chill flow. There's one thing all these niggas can agree on however. Only those wit da tightest flow can even THINK about summoning them. This shit is because these niggas need their song to bring them about, and most could not even fathom learning those dope ass hymms.

Icey gave The Great MC Hammer a grin and said,

"Dis why you mah nigga. Who knew havin' homeboys was magic?" Somewhere in Ponyville, a purple unicorn sneezed.

The Great MC Hammer and Icey did their fuckin' dope handshake, and parted ways. Icey was now ready to be kickin' some ass. These Diamond Dog would not be able to handle the whooping of asses that Vinyl, Octavia, and him will dish out.

_____________________

Our Dark Angel and his lovely assistants arrived to see 40 Diamond Dogs wrecking town hall. Niggas be everywhere. They be breakin' shit and playin' shitty music. They gots no flow. Their music sounded like complete ass, and they were too busy pillaging the town to try and pick up some hunnies. Who did they think they were, to not be tryin' to get da bitches? Icey would not let this disrespect towards females. They deserved manly attention from a black man like him! Icey was gonna step up, and show these poser how to do it. Then, Icey would mack on ALL the mares!

"Hey Diamond Bitches, how about you chill y'all titties, and step up?" Icey said, valiantly challenging them all. The Diamond Dogs were in shock at such a bold move by a dark creature.

"Wait, it's HIM!" One Diamond Dog said, causing all of them to look at Icey with recognition in their eyes.

"He's the one they told us about."

"Our leader was warned by The Masters about him for when we begin our true conquest!"

"The Dark Warrior of Steamy White Flow is here?!"

"How did he get here?"

"ENOUGH!!!!" A massive Diamond Dog bellowed. Sound ceased in the town.

The Diamond Dog was, as mentioned, was huge. He towered over the other Dogs. He wore a doo rag and had a tattoo of a gem on his face, which seemed to be glowing. He wore tight jeans, and had a mullet. Instead of a vest, he wore something that gave a hint on who the masters of the Diamond Dogs were. It was a Justin Beiber t-shirt. In his hand was a mic attached to a mini-stand, and was held like a scepter. Icey knew that he was looking at the leader of these Diamond Dogs, and he clearly came into contact with the Bringers of Shitty Flow.

If everything had an anti-thesis, then that's what the Bringers of Shitty flow were to niggas like Icey. Their music was complete shit. What was good was instead either stolen or auto-tuned horribly. Icey did not know why niggas be trippin' like that, but he knew that he would never stoop as low as stealing things for his career. Icey was legit, and would always stay that way. It was why he dedicated his life to fighting against such niggas, and he would never stop. If they were here, then it was up to him, as the only Swaggin' Knight, to mount up a force and defeat them.

"So what if the Dark Warrior of Steamy White Flow has shown up on our territory? Our Evil Masters shall reward us for the killing of their greatest enemy! Let the warriors our masters have blessed stop him!" The King shouted, before he started to beatbox shittily.

"What is this awful sound Icey?" Vinyl asked him, feeling physical pain form the sounds.

"Where I come from we call it mangled flow. Niggas like Queen Bitch over there are incapable of playin' da good shit. It escapes them. They gots no real flow, and dey be corrupted by it." He answered.

"What is he doing with his 'mangled flow' now?" Octavia asked him, fighting off the urge to find a way to get rid of her ears.

"He's summoning his homeboys. Get ready for a fight!" Icey proclaimed. They nodded at him. Vinyl brought the Bass Cannon closer to herself, while Octavia's hold on the Conflict Cello increased.

His summoning was complete. A white portal opened up in front of him. 5 Diamond Dogs, so large that they made The King look like even weaker shit, stepped out. All they wore were spiked collars and bedazzled vests that had glitter on them, spelling out "Diamond Dawgz". Icey thought that they looked pretty fruity. He'd never let one of his homeboys step outside if they dressed up like noswag pussies like that.

"And now, go forth my Diamond Dawgz! Defeat our enemy, and crush all opposition!" The King ordered. His Dawgz complied, rushing forward at our hero.

Icey wavedash-back-forward cancelled out of the way, and said, "Scatter if y'all don' want deze bitches to wreck yo shit!"

Vinyl jump out of the way, and fired her Bass Cannon. It carved a trail of wrecked shit across the ground. Many Diamond Dgos were hurt in the making of this chapter through this. Octavia charged into the fray, showing off what the Conflict Cello could do. Lining up the bow properly, the Conflict Cello opened up at the bottom, and a rocket came out. A targeting reticule appeared on Octavia's face.

"All targets locked on. Probability of a miss: 0%. Ready for firing." A voice rang out from the Conflict Cello. Octavia quickly moved the bow across it, launching the rocket. In the air, it broke apart into 5, and hit the Diamond Dogs. Dayum, the won't be getting up from that one!

Icey himself was fighting back most of the hoard single-handedly. He be spittin' hot fire wit his rhymes. All the Diamond Dogs be gettin' some sick nasty burns.

"NINJA, NINJA, RAP! NINJA, NINJA, RAP! GO GO GO GO! GO NINJA, GO NINJA, GO: GO NINJA, Go NINJA, GO! GO NINJA, GO NINJA,GO: GO NINJA, GO NINJA, GO! GO GO GO GO!" Using his steamy white flow, Icey made a 7ft long hanzo steel katana, and swung at the Diamond Dogs. His hanzo steel katana sent out shockwaves from the strike, and knocked even more away. He sped up and slashed through seven more Dogs, and bust more heads along the way. Unfortunately, more Diamond Dogs were being called in. soon, 40 became 120, and the town was overrun. Icey knew that now was a good time to summon a Chill Nigga, but he had an idea he wanted to try out.

"Yo Vinyl! lemme borrow dat Bass Cannon! I'll be able to take all dez Bitches out!" Icey said. Vinyl was unsure if this was a good idea, but it'd probably be awesome!

"Sure, just take good care of it!" Vinyl told him. Icey grinned, and hopped on top of it. Powering it up with da flow, he fired. An even larger beam than normal came out, decimating a large portion of the hoard. But, they were still attacking his turf. Using the flow once again, he managed to make a microphone and attack it. Then, he sang,

"DANCE, BUM RUSH THE SPEAKER THAT BOOMS, I'M KILLIN' YOUR BRAIN LIKE A POISONOUS MUSHROOM. DEADLY, WHEN I PLAY A DOPE MELODY, ANYTHING LESS THAN THE BEST IS A FELONY." Icey's passionate voice was heard by all, and sent flow blasts at the Dogs. their numbers were dwindling, when dat shitty beatboxin' started up again. More Diamond Dawgz were summoned in. All of them lined up in front of their King, and used THE 3-POINTER, corrupting the land in nearly all directions. Grass withered, buildings crumbled, and babies cried. Just when it couldn't get any worse, they then began to dance, and sing like a boy band.

"BYE BYE. DON'T WANNA BE A FOOL FOR YOU. JUST ANOTHER PLAYER IN YOUR GAME FOR TWO. YOU MAY HATE ME BUT, IT AIN'T NO LIE, BABY BYE BYE BYE; BYE BYE!" They sang on, bringing everypony to their knees. Icey was still standing, because his flow is too tight for dat weak shit. He shouted at them.

"Slow your roll flowless pussies. I'mma stop you right now. Time to summon one of da Chill Niggas!"