Bark at the Moon

Digging... diamond... pull it out... cave collapsing... running... you see the exit... rocks falling... crushing... fling the diamond...

*******

For the first time in a very long time, you wake up in the morning.

Okay, it's 11.45am, but still, that's good for a nocturnal guy like yourself. You lazily rub your stump, formerly your leg; yes, that same nightmare happened for the thousandth time. And if Luna's coming back tonight, you intend to make it your last.

Despite the visits from Luna, the almost surreal cider bash, and the fact that your mind was whirring all night as you lay in bed, you feel strangely invigorated. This time, instead of loafing around until you feel safe to leave your abode, you intend to put a plan into action. Stretching yourself out of bed, you hastily clip on your tin leg and get ready to leave the apartment. In daylight. With ponies walking the streets. This'll be a fun freak-show for them.

Or... maybe not. Somehow, you doubt you'd mind the stares as much; you know you're not the only non-pony in Canterlot. Anyway, with what you have in mind, you have to go shopping while everywhere is open, so you'd have to brave it either way. No time like the present; you know just where to start.

*******

Ding-a-ling!

The fancy shop door swings open, gently tapping the bell hanging over the door. A very familiar donkey sits behind the counter, giving the usual service-with-a-smile look that everyone in the business is expected to make, despite some rather obvious bags under his eyes.

"Hello, and welcome to The Smart Ass, how can I help y-" he stirs himself when he finally realizes who you are. "You!"

"Yep. Me." you grin toothily. You reckon he knows you well enough not to be scared of your fangs - he invites changelings and dragons to booze-ups, for Dog's sake.

"This is an unexpected surprise," he smiles - this time genuinely - at your arrival. "How did you like the Cider Bash last night?"

"It was good. Enlightening." You shrug, noting just how tired he looks. "I guess you were partying longer than I was, though."

"You could say that..." he smirks in a self-congratulatory way. "I was with this stunning mare at the bash. We played some card games, danced a while. Best poker face you've ever seen, and she was a hottie to boot! Totally into yours truly as well. A real traditional mare from... well, I'm rambling, aren't I?"

"Yeah. You are."

"Oh." He takes a moment to recover from your bluntness. "What, er, brings you to my humble clothes shop?"

"Clothes." The stupid-answer-to-a-stupid-question situation unveils itself like an extremely self-aware butterfly. You decide to follow up with; "Fancy clothes. Ones that you'd go to a really nice restaurant in, but not the snooty kind of restaurant."

"Say no more, pal." he chirps, beckoning you to a section of the shop. "Follow me, I know a great selection. But uh, this will mostly be tuxedo tops, as it is quite difficult to fit you with tuxedo pants."

"Why? Because I'm missing a leg?"

"No, because almost none of the ponies here actually wear fancy pants. Not even Fancy Pants."

*******

The last orange light of the evening starts to fade from the sky. After a few moments, the moon will show itself from beyond the horizon. And then the princess of the night will be free to join you again. This old library has the best views from its window.

You nervously fidget with one of your many gold coins, before stuffing it back into your snazzy tuxedo pocket, perfectly stitched on the inside of the jacket. Try to calm yourself down. Breathe in, breathe out. Stop tapping your paws on the nearest surface out of anxiety. This was a plan that you made for Luna. She needs this.

Finally, you hear the semi-open window creak, and swing wide. The beautiful, dark alicorn herself swoops in, and latches the window back in place. She's just as stunning as the last time you saw her.

"I apologize for the rather curt remarks when I left last time," she says, "but the sooner we fix this issue with your nightmares, the sooner we can both... return... to..." her word trail off when she sees your attire, a smooth-looking tux (minus the pants), well-washed fur and hair, and your prosthetic limb - the tin-leg - polished to a mirror shine. "...normalcy."

She blinks once, twice.

"My friend, what in Equestria are you wearing?"

"Oh, this?" you try the most charming, nonchalant voice a Diamond Dog can muster, "Well, I got to thinkin' last night, that neither of us go out much, because of who we are. But then I realized it's so much easier to go out when you have someone to go out with, right? So, uh, just this once, I thought we should... y'know, hit the town together. Go to see the nightlife without caring about what others think of us."

Luna's eyes look you up and down again, her bewilderment replaced by bemusement. "Are you... asking me for a date?"

Luckily, you have an answer prepared for this very question; "I dunno."

"Pardon?"

"I said I dunno whether I'm asking for a date. That's totally up to you. Wanna roam from one bar to another, getting drunk? That's fine. Fancy restaurant and caviar? That's good too. All that matters is you get to have the night to yourself for once, instead of trying to fix ponies' dreams all the time."

The princess raises an eyebrow. "And what if this is some ruse? I haven't forgotten the magazine debacle, I know exactly how much you like me, in that sense. What if you're just trying to get closer to me?"

"Maybe I am," you reply. "But it doesn't matter one bit in the end. You're the powerful princess, and I'm just... well, a beast. We both know you could whoop me with a single spell. And like I said before, I don't know if I'm asking you for a date, or just a night out. That's up to you. And I'm fine with either."

For a few seconds, Luna's mind ticks a thousand thoughts behind her eyes. Yet Luna remains as stoic as ever. Another moment passes. She opens her mouth to reply, or retort.. heck, perhaps even insult. But then nothing; she purses her lips again and thinks.

Finally, she takes a deep breath, and speaks slowly; "Normally, I would only use a teleportation spell for an emergency. However, I believe one could use it in this situation too."

"Huh?"

"Grant me fifteen minutes." And with that, she vanishes in a flash of white and icy blue magic, leaving you to wonder what just happened.

Fifteen minutes? Sure, but why? Is that a yes or a no to it being a date? Is it a yes or no to even a harmless night out? She didn't give you a straight answer.

And so the longest fifteen minutes ever starts. Perhaps she's getting ready for the night out herself? Maybe, but what would she need to get ready with? She's already perfect. Perhaps she just needed the bathroom first? Eh, that's possible too. Wait, what if she's just using that as an excuse to get away from you? What if she doesn't come back!? What if she's actually getting her bat-pony guards so they could arrest you for attempting to court the almighty princess of the night!? Nah, that's not right. If she really sought to do harm, she'd just magic-beam you in the face and be done with it.

Exactly fourteen minutes and thirty-seven seconds later, another bright flash lights the dim library. Standing there, in the centre of the room, is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen - moreso than the most flawless diamond.

Luna stands elegantly, yet firmly next to you. Her ears are adorned with silver, inlaid with turquoise gemstones that match her enchanting eyes, which in turn seem to pierce your exterior and cause your heart to skip. A black dress drapes itself around her body, as if she had tamed the blackest smoke into silk. Her lips, shimmering from just the right about of lipstick, are gently curved into a smile.

Her half-lidded eyes flutter in your direction: "I must be honest with you. I have not been asked for a date in over a thousand years. And while I would consider it an honour, I really should warn you; there are some rather sensationalist ponies living in Canterlot. We might just attract the wrong kind of attention unless we dine with an alibi."

You pick your jaw up from the floor. "Uh, I think I understand. I don't really want to face paparazzi, nor have my mug plastered on a gossip magazine. But if we used a cover..."

"Precisely," Luna nods. "And so, as Princess of both Equestria and the night, I hereby grant you the temporary title of Diamond Dog Ambassador. For this night, at least for the duration of our... Pony-and-Diamond Dog Social Relations Meeting."

And then, against your expectations, the stunning mare leans closer to you and whispers in your ear: "Of course, between you and I, we are definitely calling this a date. I just want to make that very, very clear."

Her warm breath against your ear causes a tingle to run up your spine, in the good way.