The Dude noticed how the two horses were A. colorful and B. scared shitless at him.

Celestia, however, regained her composure, and spoke.

"My apologies, but... who are you, creature?"

Of, fucking course. The Dude thought.

"Just call me by my last name, The Dude. Where the fuck am I?"

Foul mouth on this one. Celestia thought to herself. "Equestria, Mr. The Dude. Welcome."

"Whatever." The Dude looked around, and saw a grey pony pull her head out of a pillar.

"Owwie... Princess Luna, I have a package for you!" The pony spoke.

Luna took the package, and opened it.

"A muffin. How nice." Luna said to the pegasus.

She squeed.

The Dude sighed and facepalmed.

"You got to be fucking kidding me."

"Mr. The Dude, language!" Celestia reprimanded The Dude.

"I don't give a shit." The Dude replied.

Oh, I see what this thing is like now... This will be fun.

"How did you fail!?" Tirek yelled out in frustration.

"I dunno! How'd you fail to tell me that they can teleport?" A pissed off Gary Coleman replied.

"Of course one of them can teleport herself and the others, she's a powerful alicorn!"

"Uh, I'm not even from this world, dumbass!"

"...Very well. I suppose I am at least partially to blame here. If only we had a way to distract the populace at large so that in the panic, we can..."

"Hold on, I got three things we can do for that thing you're thinking of."

"Oh really? What are those things then?"

"First off, we got my crew. They should be alive."

"Hmmm..."

"And that's how Al Qaeda nuked Paradise."

"I am sorry for your loss, Mr. The Dude." Celestia said with a hint of empathy.

"Someone has to be." The Dude replied.

Celestia raised an eyebrow in confusion, but before she could press the human, Twilight came bursting in.

"Celestia, Celestia, there was a... AAAAAAHHH!!!" Twilight tried to blast The Dude, but he then proceeded to show reflexes that rivaled the best martial artists in Equestria to smack the horn, and stun Twilight.

"Call your tits purple pony, I'm here by accident. The Princess here was just figuring out how I would go back home."

"Ahem, yes Twilight. He means no harm. It was very brash of you to attack him."

"I'm sorry Celestia, but when I saw another one of, whatever that thing is, I assumed the worst."

"Hold on, another human? Shit, that's weird."

"Wait, who are you?"

"Last name, Dude."

"...Really?"

"Yep."

"...Who names their kid Dude?"

"My fucking father... oh, I almost forgot. Note to self, whenever I visit Dad, watch out for rednecks."

"What?"

"Don't ask."

"...Alright then... Is that a book?"

"Yes, but I plan on selling this limited edition book for a lot of money."

"Why?"

"Gary Coleman's dead, isn't he?" The Dude then noticed Celestia's shocked face. "What?"

"Did you say, Gary Coleman?"

"He's here? Huh, I wonder if I can get his autograph again."

"Wait, the human who just attack me and my friends is a celebrity from your world?"

"... Better not post this conversation on MySpace, I need the cash."

Everypony was silent for the longest time.

"Oh wait a minute, he was at Ground Zero at PAradise, wasn't he?"

"So wait, Al Qaeda was the group that made Gary Coleman free Tirek and try to take over Equestria?" Celestia questioned further.

"WHAT!!!"

"Shit, I guess it's up to me to fix everyone's mistakes, again. God, it's just like Vince's Fourth of Ja-Luau celebration last year. Damn, that was a disaster."

"Wait, what happened at the Fourth of Ja-Luau celebration last year?" Derpy said as she peeked around the corner.

"It involved toothpaste, a jail cell, and burning pigs running everywhere while Mike J. was pissing his pants the whole time through. You don't want to know."

"Regardless, you seem to be willing to help us out, Mr. The Dude, and we thank you. You will go with Princess Twilight Sparkle to go find this Gary Coleman and Tirek and bring them to justice." Celestia said in a stern tone.

"Sounds like a plan." And with that, The Postal Dude and Twilight Sparkle went off to find the dastardly duo.

"You got donuts?" The Dude asked.

"Why do ask?" Twilight replied.

"I'm hungry."

Twilight deadpanned, and led The Dude to Pony Joe's donut shop.

"And if these men fail?" Tirek asked.

"We send the zombies."

"Good."

"Alright Gary, let's fuck up these horses!" One the men in Coleman's crew cheered as the other ran off with the other members.

Author's Note

The game was released in 2003, so MySpace was the thing at the time.