"So, Mr. Dude, we got your donuts. Now how about I lead you to my friends? The ponies you're supposed to help right now."

"Sure, why not. The sooner I kill Gary, the sooner I can go home." The Dude replied.

"Great follow me."

The Dude nodded, ready to take out a shotgun in case he needed to.

After a few minutes of uneventful walking, the duo made it to a hotel of some sort.

"Why so fancy?"

"We really do not want to reveal Gary and his, ahem, friend yet."

"Huh... neat." The Dude replied dully.

The two then entered the building, where a stallion perked up.

"Oh, hello Princess. Is this a new guest?"

"Well, kinda. I need to show him to the others right now."

"Very well, go right ahead."

"Thank you."

"Thanks." The Dude said, faking sincerity well.

As the two walked throughout the hotel, they eventually found the room they were looking for, and stopped outside.

"Now, please be nice. They're kinda jumpy right now."

"No promises, I reserve the right to kick ass if they kick mine first."

Twilight sighed and opened the door.

"Hey girls, I just found somepony who'll help us with that other creature that attacked us."

"Really now? Send him in, Twi!" Applejack called out.

The Dude calmly walked in, ignored the shocked looks on the five mare's faces, and looked in the mini-fridge.

"What, no beer? This sucks."

"Twilight, what is that doing here?" Rainbow Dash yelled out.

"That thing, is a human, and he's going to stop that other human that attacked us."

"Yeah, I'll kill Gary Coleman, unless you want him alive, then I'll do it, with a broken leg if I'm lucky." The Dude said as he sat down on the couch.

Many of the ponies cringed.

"Maybe without injury, if possible." Twilight said.

"Why do you think I said 'if I'm lucky?'"

"Are all of you..."

"Humans." The Dude answered Rarity.

"Humans, this violent?"

"Not all of them, but a good deal are actually pretty psychotic."

"Twi, y'all ain't serious, ain't ya?" Applejack asked.

"He's the only expert on the short, brown skinned human."

"Out of context, that'd be racist." The Dude said.

"..."

The Dude shrugged.

Luna flew in the night sky, searching for any sign of Gary Coleman and Tirek, when she noticed a group of humans, carrying the same weapons that Coleman had, walking towards Manehattan.

With haste, she teleported to the room where the former Elements were at.

"I had discovered a group of humans heading towards Manehattan, armed with the same weapons that you described to us."

"Oh no!" Pinkie Pie spoke out.

The Postal Dude sighed, and got up.

"Send me there now so I can get this over with." He said with resignation.

"Oh, Mr. The Dude, you're..."

"What did I say?"

"Oh, but why?"

"Just do it before I kick your teeth in."

Luna reared back, and with an angry look, teleported The Dude to the outskirts to Manehattan.

"Do you think that was wise, Princess?" Rarity asked.

"I trust that it will."

The Dude appeared with a flash right in front of Coleman's Crew, who then pointed their weapons at The Dude.

"Fuck!"

Author's Note

Paradise Lost is available on Steam for $7.99. Postal 2 required.