Journel

September 2nd, 2014

What am I to do or say to him when I do not know how to help him? He has been having nightmares nearly every day for so many months now and the only way to get rid of them is to eliminate the cause of the nightmares and for him to face his fears and do and/or say something. And that is something that I know Meowth is unable to do, given his seemingly broken and paranoid state. He is not who he is meant to be, and only follows his heart in the most dire of circumstances. I know why he acts like this but I can't help but feel like he needs to be pushed a little or shown that he can act like his true self without worry of falling victim to some kind of enemy.

I know for a fact of what happened last night between he and Jessie and James. He had had another nightmare involving them that had them beat him to death. He was terrified, like he was after all of his nightmares but he still went to their balloon, looking for comfort like most of the times when he had Team Rocket related nightmares. He told me that he tried to keep to himself at first but then that Jessie and James had brought him over to them so that they could comfort him. He had shown them a memory that was haunting him of when he confessed to them that he loved Pikachu and then openly admitted to taking any and all of the anger and pain they would want to inflict upon him. But it had never happened at all in their times as Eternals. He said he had listened to their words of comfort and then asked what he was to them and that the term 'friend' used hurt him emotionally.

Friend had been a word exchanged but Meowth eventually flat out told them what they were to him and that he was scared that they would reject his feelings and make him feel even worse than before. He had prepared for the stinging rejection but it had never come for they were fine with his seeing them as his family, the only family he had ever known and the only family he had ever loved. The fact comforted him to no end and when he had fallen asleep again, no nightmares filled his mind.

I am confident that he will eventually know that he is safe and loved here and that he will not be constantly paranoid of every little thing. But he's happy when he wants to be and safe when he feels it so until then, I can't help but feel happy for he feline that I have grown so close to, even going sop far also call one of my adopted sons.

My grandma and aunt came today and I had to force myself to not speak too much, knowing that I could screw everything up while also having Meowth hanging over my shoulder the whole time, reminding me whenever I got even a little bit out of line. We had talked about mortal things and stuff like that and tomorrow we are all going to the aquarium. I know Meowth is not going to have a fun time there and I honestly don't know about myself either. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

Meowth told me of himself having a strange conversation with his protector, Ghost today. He had said that he had different feelings for his little adopted brother, Roach, than before and Meowth being Meowth, he took it into a completely different direction, causing the two to delve into a calm yet heated argument. He had given Ghost advice and told him to simply wait it out and to see if he felt the same and that if he needed help, then to come back to him. I do not know if that indicates a good thing or a bad thing but I hope for the best for Ghost and Roach. I hope they get this figured out but I know for certain that whatever happens, they have got each others' backs. They vowed and even Pinkie Promised that.