Why did I do that? Why did I do that? WHY did I DO that?!

I can't believe this, I really can't.

I knew something bad would happen at this party, it was so obvious, and I just went anyways!

Oh, but of all the bad things that could have happened, of all the disasters and possible outcomes, this just had to be the worst.

Not ONLY did I talk to the princess like she were some other random pony, probably managing to get her to think that I'm extremely disrespectful, or something along those lines, but when I actually met her face to face...

I don't remember what happened, really, but from what Twilight told me, what I don't remember still isn't enough. Apparently, I had passed out, yes, PASSED OUT, right in front of one of the princesses of Equestria!

I've had plenty of embarrasing moments in my life, often times self-inflicted, but of all of them, this definitely topped the list as the worst. Even now, I'm just huddled in the guest room I was given in the castle--the same castle the princesses lived in, so that definitely didn't help--just writing in this journal, hoping that Twilight doesn't come in and start berating me on how much I must have embarrassed her tonight.

Really, I wouldn't blame her if she did. She wouldn't be wrong, I really did blow it.

I hadn't even met the other princess, yet, at this point, that may as well be a blessing for me. If I had made myself look like this much of a fool in front of one princess, I probably would have done even worse with two. Granted, I'm not sure what can be worse than passing out in front of one, but frankly, I don't think I'd be able to survive knowing.

Heck, I'm already worried that I won't survive now!

I mean, for all I know, I made such a bad impression that the princess wants me executed, or worse.

~~Yeah, thats it, she's going to kill me. I'm going to die, and she'll have every right to have me do so!~~

Um... Ignore that last part... That was from last night and, looking back at it now...

Yeah...

Anyways, I was barely able to sleep. Throughout pretty much the entire night, I watched the door, waiting for Twilight, a guard, maybe even the princess herself if she was willing enough, to come in and... Well, I'm not really sure anymore. I guess it was just a thought of panic at the time.

I'm exhausted, but I don't want to sleep, nor do I want to get out of bed. Honestly, I wish I could just disappea-

Twilight just walked in a while ago. She had knocked on the door and asked if she could come in, while I just huddled myself underneath a few layers of blankets and pillows, hoping to hide myself from her; to hide my shame, in a way.

Yeah, it would take more than just a few sheets to do that at this point...

I had heard the door creak, leading me to guess that she had peeked inside the room, before she then made her way in, likely having seen me for the lump that I currently was.

Really, she didn't stay long. She seemed to know that I felt bad about what happened, and that I would need some time, but not before trying her best to explain that "it wasn't my fault" and that nothing bad would happen: she even went so far as to say that the princess wasn't mad about what happened...

But the fact that she had said that, that she had probably gone back to the princess after having taken me to my room, and informed her of what had happened, why she thought I had reacted that way... That was almost worse than being executed by the princess...

If the princess didn't have any idea as to what kind of person I was before, she definitely did now: A scared, pathetic being who is practically afraid of his own shadow, and so spineless even a jellyfish would have more luck standing up for itself. That was it. That was the case. There was nothing more to it.

Meeting the princesses... had gone horribly, and there was really nothing that could change that, was there?

Now... I'm just glad that the train will be here soon.

Then, I could get on, go back to Ponyville, go home, and stay there, where I can never be at risk of showing my face to anypony, especially the princess, again... It'll be just like old times...

Just like old times... I feel as though I need to tell myself that, otherwise, I may lose it.

No, honestly, I've already lost it. I lost it last night, and now that Twilight's gone, I'm more than ready to lose it again.

Why did this have to happen? Why did I have to screw things up for myself so badly? WHY?!?

Is it really this hard for me to do anything right? This hard for me to just put even just one accomplishment down?

I... I don't know what to do. I just wanna go home, but even more now than ever, I'm not sure where home is, or if that would even matter. If I were back on Earth, things would still be the same, with me messing up and...

And the worst part about it all... the worst part is that, before I knew I was actually talking to the princess that night at the Gala, when all I heard was her voice because I was too afraid to turn around and see whoever it was I was talking too... I didn't feel bad.

Though, at first, I was just as nervous as I always was, her voice just sounded so... nice, and calming. For once, it felt like I could talk, like that lump I always had in my throat had suddenly left, and as though a giant weight had been lifted from me...

I actually enjoyed talking to her, like I had never done so with anyone, or anypony, else...

It was nice...

But now, I knew that would never happen again. The princess would never want me anywhere in her sight, let alone speak to me again, and, again, I can't blame her...

... Why was she so nice to hear?

Author's Note

A bit of a short one in comparison to the others, but the next one should make up for that :D

Oh, and, also, yes, I am occasionally going to make chapters that focus solely on journal entries. I feel as though it provides a nice transition, along with some more detailed insight as to what Rick has on his mind.

Also, just in case I forget....

YEP, IM STILL ALIVE FOLKS! ^(@)^
AND I APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT MAY AS WELL HAVE BEEN A LONG WINDED HIATUS!