I Just Don't Know What to Say

Letter one

I just don’t know what to say...other than it was my fault. I look down at my hooves everyday, empty, lost, broken, and where you used to be. I always think back to the past, I always think about what we used to have and whenever I do...I cry. I remember how busy you used to be, I remember how you went on so many trips without me and I just looked down on myself...wishing that I was holding you every second you were away. Now I sit alone in my own home just thinking of what I did to make you walk away. Everything about you was what I dreamed about, you were intelligent, had a great personality, you were always fun too be around, and you were just being you...you didn’t even have to try to make my heart skip a beat. You may have shouted at times and I may have shouted back, we went through tough times when we were together. Yet what I don’t understand is why...we stopped. We had so much in common, so much that if I wrote the list this letter would be ten pages long. What made us not be “us” anymore? I’ve been asking myself that question all this time since we just stopped.

I remember when I helped you through middle school and high school, we were like siblings that could never be separated. I remember all the parties we went to together, always having a good time and waking up in someponies backyard. We were wild, tempted to do anything no matter the risk. Soon though...you got this job which you wouldn’t tell me what it was but, apparently it was super important and personal. You went all over the place and we could barely keep in contact, writing and sending letters to each other as soon as we possibly could. I kept sending and sending more and more, soon you stopped replying...and I felt crushed as if you forgotten about me. Then I get a letter from you after months of no response saying, “Don’t send anymore letters, were through.” What did I do to you? Was I too clingy, was I bugging you too much, are we just not the same like we used to be? I wanna know...I need to know.

Please respond,

The one you loved...

Letter two

I was just going through my stuff and found an old picture of us together at an old amusement park we always used to go to. I went to see this amusement park again only to find that it was torn down years ago. This is the place where we first started to love each other, the place I always liked to go with you. I just wanna know where you are at this point cause I know….I know these letters are getting to you.

Please respond,

The one you loved…

Letter three

It’s been a couple months since my last letter to you, still no response. I just wanna know if I did something wrong to make you not want to talk to me or even notice my existence. A recent memory of us has come back to my mind, the day you and me went to that beach. I know I’m being vague and you probably don’t even care that I’m writing these things but, these letters are keeping me sane right now. Anyways I remember sitting on the beach with you way late at night just watching the waves as the moon shined down on the water. We smiled as we looked over to each other, you looked into my eyes and promised me “we will never drift apart.” I still believe we have something, or am I holding on to false hopes that we are still “us.” I’m confused, lost at every turn and for some reason I just don’t stop writing these things...they seem pointless to me at this point but, I don’t stop…

Please...I need a response,

The one you loved…

Letter four

A year has passed I tried to stop writing, I tried to stop thinking about you...I can’t do it. Everything I do, you are always there...I feel like I’m going insane without you. I sound like I’m over reacting but I’m not...I just can’t stop. What happened, seriously what happened!? I don’t hear from you at all anymore, you haven’t even come back home once! Is there something I did, is there something wrong with what I was doing, did I say something wrong JUST answer me please! I think you’ve left me waiting long enough, just stop ignoring me...I know you’re getting these I know you are...and whoever is just respond to me...please. I’m literally crying as I write this as you can see by the tear stains on the paper. I’m losing contact with ponies cause I barely leave my house anymore. I just, I’m so depressed and I know I am...I’m seeking help with this and it’s not working...I just need some closure please just please tell me what’s the matter...please.

The one you loved…

Letter five

A few months have passed since my last letter. To be honest I should've stopped with these letters long ago, I just can’t do it though. My psychologist told me to stop writing these to you, that it would make me feel better...I came home and laughed. That would never help me, I don’t know what made him think that. It worked for a little bit though I won’t lie, I stopped and I was slowly getting better. However more memories came back to me about our past and what we did together. I just don’t understand how we could’ve had such great times together and somehow it just ended. I just need one letter from you….just one, it doesn’t even have to be long, I just wanna know why this all ended.

The one you loved…

Response one, to letter five

Okay I’m responding, are you happy now? Listen I understand I told you to stop sending me letters and that were through, but I can’t see you go on like this. You’re an amazing pony and I didn’t want to tell you this way but...I’m never coming back okay. I’m sorry but that’s the way it is. As much as I wish I could just come back to you, I just can’t. I want you to live your life, I don’t want you wasting your time with me.

I’m sorry but stop sending me letters,

        Sandra Heart.

Letter six

After all that time of me sending you letters why didn’t you just say that after the first or second one. I’ve waited for so long and that’s what you respond with? I can’t just stop sending you letters, I can’t just let you go like that. Tell me where you are, I’ll come get you and we can be together again...please don’t give up on me.

Please respond,

The one you loved.

Response two, to letter six

Don’t do this to me alright, I can’t come back and I mean it. It has nothing to do with you, it has to do with the situation I’m in. The fact that I’m sending these letters is a risk and it’s putting you at risk to, I don’t want that. I know you love me and you don’t want to let me go, I just can’t put you through this trouble that I’m in okay? Promise me you’ll live a happy life AND stop sending me letters...you may respond to this one but make it your last.

         Sandra Heart

Final letter?

I can’t promise that...you are my life at this point. I can’t stop thinking about you, I can’t stop putting you everywhere with me. You’re always there and who knows I may break down and write another letter and I’ll go back to just sending a whole bunch of them toward you. I know I seem obsessive with you but I can’t help it. I need you in my life, I don’t want you not talking to me and I definitely don’t want to never see you again! I miss you so much and the fact that you want me to just move on is hurting me! Just let me help you please just let me help, I can do anything no matter the risk, I want to help!

Respond or don’t it’s up to you,

The one you loved…

Response three, to final letter?

You can’t help okay, you just can’t! Listen I know you love me, I know you’ll do anything for me, I KNOW you wanna help me out this horrible situation I’m in! In all honesty no matter what you do, you can’t help me. As much as I wish you could, as much as I wish I could get out of this whole mess and get back to you...I don’t know if it’s possible. Let me explain myself, these papers that I’m sending to you look beat up right? That’s because I had to trade for them...I’m not in a good place right now okay and getting you here would just put you in danger. This is why I told you to stop…

Please before you put yourself in danger, stop sending me letters.

Sandra Heart.

Response four, to no letter?

Oh my good gosh I know it’s been a really long time, but I got out...somepony helped me escape. I don’t know how long it’s been since I responded to you last and I hope you’re okay. If you get this respond, I need to know if you’re alright.

Respond soon.

Sandra Heart.

Response five, still no letter?

Hey are you okay? I got on a train and I’m on my way back home. Usually you would respond and I’m worried that you’re not.

Respond soon...I’m on my home.

Sandra Heart.

Final response, so that’s why…

I came home...walked in the house...and you weren’t there. I couldn’t find anything in the house on first glance, but what struck me odd was that the door was unlocked. I was looking around the house cautiously, I checked the kitchen, the first bathroom, the living room, and you were nowhere to be found...I walked into the bedroom...there was blood on the floor. I was shocked and confused so I looked around for you in every corner of that room...you weren’t there. I heard something open the door, I walked out there with a blunt object...I didn’t need to worry. It was an investigator, I asked him where you were...he told me the truth...and now I feel the pain you were feeling...only ten times worse. I just don't know what to say...

I’m so sorry…

        Sandra Heart.

Letter found on night stand…

I miss you so much you don’t understand...I’m sorry...