Deprivation

"I'm on the highway to Hell! Blaow, blaow, yeh, highway to Hell!"

Dan jumped up out of bed, a blaring guitar grinding away at his eardrums. His head hit a padded roof and he slowly realized he was in the car. The volume went down and was replaced with the belly laughs of his brother, who was driving them back down the road to home.

"What, no AC/DC for you? Not surprised coming from someone who likes Duran Duran."

Dan rubbed the top of his head, feeling the lump already forming. "Oh shut up, Mr. 'Céline Dion has only one good song.' Don't think I haven't seen you singing along to 'The Power of Love.'"

The car swerved to the left then back again. "Ah, aheh. Um, no?"

It was Dan's turn to laugh, barely choking out a sentence. "Actually no, I was joking. But damn that was funny, and confirms it."

Craig grumbled as he focused back on the road. Meanwhile Dan took to reclining the seat back up. Once comfortable he pulled out a pack of smokes and went to light one, but stopped just as the flames licked the end. "Wait. How did I get in here? I fell asleep inside."

"Oh yeah. Heh, you must have had a good time, couldn't wake you up for nuthin! Had to drag your happy ass and plop you in the car. You're lucky you're my brother. Oh, and I forgot one of your shoes. Sorry."

Dan rolled his eyes and his toes, and knowing his sibling, actually feeling more lucky he even had his pants. "Yeah, I'm so blessed."

The sound of the highway took over, Dan lighting his cigarette and Craig turning the music up again, the sprawling hills and woodlands of Wisconsin zipping by.

"Wait. WAIT!"

Once again the car swerved into the other lane, narrowly missing a semi. It swerved back, skidding a bit before righting itself. "What? What is it, Dan?"

"Last night! Holy shit, dude, just... HOLY SHIT!"

"Bro don't scare me like that! I know I deserve some payback for earlier but at least wait until we're not driving!"

Dan shook his head. "No! I mean, yeah, sorry but really! I have to tell you about it! It was so incredible, I can't even..."

"Yeah I know, Dan, I've done it too. Been awhile, but when I've done it, I didn't really see much. Just some mish-mashed colors. I've heard Chance go on and on about his inspirational and spiritual journeys into his head, though. He says he's seen some amazing things, and worked out great problems easily." He took his eyes off the road and cast a sidelong glance at his brother. "Speaking of which, did you maybe clear your head enough to decide what you want to do now that you're free from that gas station?"

"That."

"'That,' what?' he asked, his brow furrowed.

"That! I want to build those! I want to use them." He bounced up and down in his seat. "That was, without a doubt, better than anything you or I have ever taken. I don't even know if I can do it again, but I'm going to do everything in my power to do it more."

"That good, huh?" Craig chuckled and shook his head. "I've never seen you worked up this much since you got that volunteer job at the ranch."

"Craig, I'm being absolutely serious when I say this: I love horses. I love to ride them, I love to take care of them. But this... Craig I feel as if I have all the power in the world! I just hummed a tune I liked and gave it time to clear my head and bam! I was in a concert hall, with so many people, and I could make out every face, every note of music. I. Was. There, Craig. And there was—"

Dan trailed off as he thought of the woman in the black dress. She was so vivid in his memory, more so than anything else he saw. Craig, though had been listening intently and did not take kindly to Dan trailing off. So he thumped him on the head.

"Ow! Damn it, Craig!"

"Sorry, but well? 'There was' what?"

"Well. It was this girl..."

Craig clasped his hand over his brother's mouth. "Stop! Seriously, don't need to hear about your wet, waking dream. Also, I swear to Christ if you did that in there I can never bring you back! That salt for the water is expensive, I think."

"Fuck off, man! I didn't... I just... y'know, never mind. Just drop me off at Lowe's. Also, if you really don't mind, I need to borrow that couple hundred bucks from you."

"What for?"

"I'm going to build a tank."

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Okay, I'm not going to build a tank. Seriously, no plastic tubs? What, is every citizen in Colorado using them to grow now? Dan was lost in his thoughts as he walked along the streets of Milwaukee. After being turned down at every hardware store in town, and even perusing and deciding against the kiddie pools at the Hi-Mart, he was no where closer to his tank. He walked up along the shore of Lake Michigan and looked out, doing his best existential crisis-laden emo impression. I really don't want to have to drive all the way out there again. But this cash Craig gave me is only going to last so long.

Half an hour rolled passed with no solution in sight. The sound of the street and the waves of the lake calmed him, but did little to ease his frustration. Then along came another sound, metal on metal and glass on glass clinking and rusty wheels moving along the pavement. Dan lazily looked over to see a shopping cart piled full of cans and bottles pulling up next to him, followed soon by a hairy but familiar face.

"Hey Dee, what's shakin' bacon?"

"Hey, Little Burt. Where's Big E? And, uh, what are you doing with those?"

"Oh, he's down at the shelter. He caught some bug and I let him take my bed down there."

Burt walked up and shook Dan's hand, plopping himself down on the sidewalk with his cardboard sign at the ready. "Well that's too bad. You let him know I said hello and get better, eh?"

"Will do, although you will probably see him at the kitchen in a couple days. He's been getting better already. And as for all these," he gestured toward the cart as he spoke, "are all the cans I've collected over the past month. Going to take them in for the deposit."

"Ah, good to see you working again. Anything that helps, right? Any luck with a 'job' job though?"

"Nah, nothing yet. No one wants an old, homeless ex-con like me anyways. Besides, I'd end up with a shitty job like yours then, amirite?"

The two shared a chuckle. Burt and his "brother" he called Ernie were regulars down at the soup kitchen Dan worked at. Many a day was spent just sitting and talking with the wise and experienced man.

Dan sighed and resumed his forlorn stare at the lake. "Well, no worries there. Lost that job yesterday."

"Aw shit, man. Sorry to hear that. I know you didn't like it but a job's a job, right?"

"Yeah. But..." Dan stopped a moment, thinking to himself, Maybe he's got an idea. "Actually, I've got a new plan but it's, well, not working out yet."

"Oh? Well, tell me."

Dan turned to look the ragged man in the face. "You ever hear of a sensory deprivation tank?"

Burt's eyes crinkled, thinking hard about it. "No, but it sounds fairly straightforward. I spent my fair share of time in the hole when I did my time. Sounds scary."

"Well, sure. I can't imagine it'd be all that great being forced into it. But using it for relaxation and well, you're going to think it sounds silly but for, let's say 'a journey inwards.'"

"So like meditation?" Burt asked.

"Hmm, I suppose that's a good way to think of it. But anyway, I did it last night, and I feel far better than after anything else I've ever done in my life."

"That good, huh?" He chuckled.

"Better. But I've been trying to find out how to build one but I can't find the big plastic tub I need to float in. So the idea is kind of moot at this point."

"You need to float to do this?"

"Well, I'm not totally sure. I haven't done my research on it yet, but I figured the best way would be to do it the way I did it before, right?"

Burt hummed in thought and did his own glance at the lake. "You know..." he started slowly, "when they would put me in the hole, I would see things sometimes."

Dan's head whipped around to stare at the man. "Like what?" he near whispered.

"Faces, usually. Of friends. My kids. My wife. Sometimes I would get scared because I would see a guard's face, or the warden's, but then I'd hear my kids laughing. It helped. But, what I'm saying is this: maybe you don't need the tank. I did my own 'journey inwards' as you say, and I was on a concrete floor. Maybe you just need to be comfortable. Then block out the light and sound."

His face fell to a more somber tone as he looked Dan right in the eye. "I have to say though. You may be doing this for relaxation, but your mind will do as it wants. Be careful what you find in there. It could be yourself, as your really are, or as what you were or could become. It can break you. Don't get broke, man. You're a good man, and I'd hate to see anything like what I saw happen to the people in solitary, happen to you."

Dan nodded and stood up. "Every time we meet, you help me with my problems more than I do for you."

"Hey, I may be without a place to sleep every night. Doesn't mean I can do what I can to help others."

"Thank you, Burt, really. I'll uh, give it a try and let you know, alright?" He smiled and clasped his hand on the man's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "Don't forget to tell E I said hi."

Dan walked away from the shoreline sidewalk back to the street. He could hear Burt yell back but he was already on his phone. "Hello, Millennium Cab? I need a ride to Wade's Guitar Shop."

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Covered in glue and hands sore from the old staple gun in his hand, he stepped back from his small walk-in closet. It had taken every penny he borrowed, but he got enough sound proofing foam to cover his entire closet. He walked in and shut the door, holding his breath and smiling hearing that no sound would get through. And the light was totally blocked out by garbage bags on the door edges. He walked back out and grabbed his old air mattress and a couple pillows and threw them in.

"Not too shabby." His smile dropped a bit. "Okay, it's shabby as all Hell. But, let's see what we can do."

He undressed and closed the door behind him, poking and prodding at bits of plastic letting tiny bits of light in. Once satisfied, he laid down and shut his eyes.

*CHIRP*

And open once more they were. He sat up and turned the small light on, trying to find the cricket stuck in there with him. But after a few minutes of searching he gave up. He'd just have to have a roommate for the time being. He clicked the light off and laid back down, trying to ignore the Hellspawned insect.

*CHIRP CHIRP*

Aaand there's another one. Nice.

*CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP*

"What the Hell..."

That was just not his day. Finally a solution and fish bait was ruining it. One cricket was enough. Then there was two. Then more. Maybe it was the lack of outside sound he figured but they were getting louder and louder and more numerous with each passing minute. He could see up above him the lights beginning to form. But whether it was from the stress or the noise, they never got the bright colors and shapes he had before. There they stayed, millions of tiny white dots just out of his reach.

Finally after what felt like an age, he threw his arms up over his head and sighed dejectedly. "This is never going to work."

"What won't work?"

His heart stopped and he turned his head away from the lights. His head swiveled until his eyes met a pair of blue ones. There, laying next to him was the woman from the concert! Although, considerably less dressed up than before, with only a tee shirt and sweatpants to separate her and the grass she was laying on. They were laying on.

Holy shit I'm outside. He looked back up at the lights. Stars.

He chuckled a bit and turned to face her on his side. His mind was blown by the mental ICBM in front of him, but rather than freak out, he figured he should just roll with it all.

"So... nice night tonight."

She swept a bit of blue hair from her face and smiled. "Thank you."

His look of confusion only lasted a moment, "Um, you're welcome?" But it morphed back into a smile when she laughed. "So, what's your name?"

"I'm Luna, what's your name?"

"Oh you don't know? Would have thought you would, being in my head and all."

She laughed harder. "In your head? I'm as real as can be."

His sly grin caught her off guard. "All my hallucinations say that. But anyway, my name's Dan."

"Hmm, such an odd name. And I insist I'm not a hallucination."

"Said the lady who's name is Latin."

"You're Latin!" she huffed, turning away from him.

"No, I'm Canadian."

She rolled back to stare at him quizzically.

"Eh." he added.

Her brow furrowed more. "'Eh' what?" she asked.

"Exactly."

"..."

The dam broke as Dan and Luna burst into laughter, the latter clutching her sides. "Oho! You are odd, but I haven't laughed like that in years. It's been so lonely up here, and after last year I thought you'd never come back."

Dan wiped a tear from his eye as his mirth died down. "Heh, what are you talking about, I just saw you last night."

"No Mr. Dan. It's been nearly a year. I know it's hard for me to keep total track of time, but I can see the changing of the seasons from here."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "It's been less than twenty-four hours."

She was silent for a moment before sitting up and gesturing for him to follow. "Tell me... what do you see around you now?"

Dan followed suit and took a hard look around. It was a peaceful meadow, with soft grass and flowers with colorful pedals closed for the night. The only thing that surprised him was the modest castle being practically swallowed up by the stand of gnarled trees extending into the night. Portions of the roof were torn off and the inside completely dark. And further past that, stood a great mountain, with just a smattering of tiny lights on one side. It was too far away in the night to properly tell, but he swore he could see scaffolding hanging off the side and glinting in the pale moonlight.

"It's a beautiful field. If it wasn't for that mountain range there I'd say it was Iowa or maybe Illinois."

She sighed and hung her head. "It is not the same for me. What I see may be home, but it is an empty and unforgiving home."

She turned her teary eyes to him. "A-and, what do I look like?"

Dan blushed, looking her over carefully. Her pale skin shone in soft light, but her large blue eyes lit up with the light of the stars. She was lithe, but not gangling, with her hair pulled back but draped over her shoulder.

"To be honest, I see a gorgeous woman."

"Woman? Is that what you call the female of your kind?" she asked.

"My kind? Luna, what are you talking about?" Frowning, Dan scooted closer and put a hand on her shoulder. "Tell me, Luna. What do you see?"

She looked in his eyes, seeing the genuine concern. Concern from someone he actually thought was a hallucination. "If you want to know, it will be easier to show you."

"What do you me—" Dan started, but was cut off as she leaned her forehead towards him, and in a bright blue flash that caused him to jump back, she was gone. In her place, was a small, blue horse with wings and a rather sharp looking horn sticking out from the shimmering locks of hair. The horse's eyes were clenched shut, as if waiting for the scorn from an angry parent. Dan jumped up and stared. "Luna?"

The horse slowly opened its eyes to reveal the same blue orbs that were there before. But filled with sorrow instead of glee. "Aye, it is I, caring Dan. 'Tis not an illusion thou seest, but mine true form."

Clarity had all but abandoned Dan by then, lowering himself back down to his knees in front of her. Gently he reached and arm out and touched his fingers to her cheek. She returned the touch with a soft feather to his own with her wing. "'Tis not all, Sir Dan. Turneth your gaze upon my home." Her wing turned his head and Dan got a good look at where he was.

"My Gods... No. No, no, no! This isn't real!"

"I can assure thee, this is the truth." She said as she leaned a little closer in to catch his eye. He stumbled back from her, breathing heavily.

"W-wait! We beg of thee! Please, do not leave us!" She jumped to her hooves and moved closer, stopping when he backed further away.

"No! I want out!" He pulled at his hair and clenched his eyes. "Let me out!"

He opened his eyes again and was actually relieved to see nothing but darkness. Shifting from side to side, he could tell he was on the air mattress again. He sighed deep and fell face first onto his pillows. "What the Hell was I thinking? Shit, never again." He stood up and pulled at the foam on the walls. Feeling something poke at his foot, he flipped the light back on and looked down at his feet.

"...No. Freaking. Way."

Reaching down and plucking it from its spot on the mattress, he could only stare in disbelief at the blue feather grasped in his hand.

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She hadn't cried that hard since she had first been sent there. Her tears fell into the powdery dirt that kicked up, staining and matting her coat. She could wash it away easily with barely a thought, but why care, she figured. He will not return. He never will.

And so she wept, crying up at the blue and green ball in the sky, knowing that nopony or no one will come for her, care for her, or even give a second glance at the subtly glowing orb in the night skies of Equestria.