A Shitty Compilation of Shitty Short Stories

Our Lord, Anonymous, tried court on the 11th of December, something-era of Sun-butt's reign.  This is how it went.

"Celly!" I yelled.

"Du fuq u wan, bich?!" Princess Celestia yelled back.

"I want to try court!" I said matter-of-factly.  Yes.  The time had come (and I as well) for me to take up the court of the mighty Equestrian Empire so I may finally show Celly that I am not a baby.  I'm a big boy!

The duck alicorn of butts licked my face, and said something about sperm and ears.

I thought about lamps.

Celly ran off on her hind legs, waving her tush and hooves like a deranged hobo over to Princess Woona, who was sitting in a cage with a giant, rotting equine penis hanging from the ceiling.

"Oh, howo thithtah!  How'th it goin'?" She greeted with her retarded lisp thing.  So disgusting.  Celly went up to the cage and slapped Woona, then both alicorns started sniffing each other.

Suddenly, Star Swirl the fucking Bearded appeared and started acting like a boss.  He was riding a giant rabbit thing with razor-sharp teeth and eyes that emitted lasers.  Star Swirl was wielding the legendary Great Sword of His Awesome-Sexiness, and fifty SCAR-L's, whilst fighting off all the evils (gluten) of the world.

He was doing this while thinking up answers to all the fucking theories in Equestria that haven't been answered yet, because he was that badass.

It was so amazing, that I couldn't resist masturbating to His Lordship.

"Cerestia and-a Runa," He said in his amazing Japanese accent.  "Yoo rack discirprine to ru' Equestria!  I hereby banish yoo, in 'na name of my penis!"

He spoke with such ferocity, that I hadn't even touched my dick before it began erupting jizz.

"Uh!  Muh dick!" I screamed.

His Majesty turned towards me, and spoke, "Yoo, friend Anonermous!  Yoo havah du honor and discirprine to ru' du court and Equestria!"

I was so proud of myself.

"YES SENPAI!" said I as tears ran down my red and pale cheeks.

His dick, which was the size of two of the tallest towers in Canterlot, suddenly grew, and reached out to me, and split, creating the fleshy semen-colored crown with /pol/'s  emblem emblazoned upon the surface.

Thousands of ponies suddenly piled into the room, all wearing black Nazi officer uniforms and red armbands on their left forelegs.  They were the best race of all the ponies - the Earth Ponies.  I gladly placed the crown atop my head.  I started flinging my arms around whilst reciting an old speech in German.

As this was happening, Star Swirl (who took off His fake horn) rolled out the Grand Swastika of the Nazi Empire.  I was greeted with cheers and heils.  The ponies raised their right forelegs in the air.

"SEIG HEIL!  SEIG HEIL!  SEIG HEIL!" they cheered, united.

They put me into a black Rolls-Royce Phantom II (which was being driven by my new sexy secretary, Aryanne), and drove me out of the castle, cheering and wailing.  Panzers and Jagdpanthers rolled along.  All planes of the Luftwaffe flew overhead.  Butterkase and bratwurst and sauerkraut rained down from the skies, and hobos came out of hiding to eat the food bestowed upon them.  No wandering folk shall be penetrated tonight by starving scum whilst I'm here!  Nein!

We rolled on until we came upon the quiet town of Ponyville.  The Mane Six trotted up to me.

"Anon, what the hell are you doing?" Twilight asked.

"What do you mean peasant?!  I am your Fuhrer!  Bow down!" I demanded.  How dare she?!

"Anon, really, cut the shit.  You're scaring ponies." she replied.

"That is because they are not worthy to join my great cause, unicorn filth!" I said.

She rolled her eyes.  Her horn lit up for a moment.

"Anon, stop and look at yourself," she stated, as the light on her horn quickly dissipated.

Huh.  That was weird.  Where did my crown go-?

"What the-?" I looked at myself.  I was naked.  Rarity handed me a mirror, disgusted.  My eyes were slightly bloodshot, I had too much lipstick on, my nose was mildly red, and there was white powder under my nostrils.  I kept sniffing.

"Y'all were high," Applejack said.

She was right.  I was riding a very scared looking Lyra with her horn ripped off and large amounts of blood trailing over her forehead, a bunch of twigs and a rabbit sat atop my head, and a bag was resting at my side with some marijuana, a bong, cocaine, and some LSD tablets.  There was also a bunch of hungry looking timberwolves next to me with crudely made uniforms and swastikas on their forelegs, who Fluttershy quickly shooed away.  (I guess they were only interested in me.  Hmph.)

I also had a bunch of cardboard weapons, tanks, and cannons trailing behind Lyra by a thick line of chain.  I heard screams in the background, and smelled smoke.  I cringed.

Rainbow Dash pointed behind me.  I looked.  The half of Ponyville that I'd past through was in ruins.  There was fire, dead bodies covered in bullet holes, crumbling buildings, craters, and different body parts and gore were strewn about, along with some bile.  Canterlot was a burning mess in the background.  Large plumes of smoke rose above the many towers and buildings.  A trail of destruction lead to Ponyville.

I heard Lyra quietly whisper, "why" underneath me, which caused Twilight to levitate me off.

"You have cost us billions in property damage, destroyed fifteen acres of federal land, killed thousands of ponies, and nearly destroyed Canterlot and half of Ponyville!  Would do you have to say, Anon?  Was a little coke worth the destruction of a civilization?"  Twilight questioned.

I thought for a moment.  Then it hit me.

"Ooooooh.  You're trying to tell me that using drugs was a bad idea, and I should've behaved the law like a good boy, because laws are made for a reason."  I answered smugly.

Applejack bucked me in the face.