Everything Hates me: a Brony's Adventure

Chapter Two, Dead

That Wednesday we all set off to Newcastle for the flight. We were travelling second class, and I had my iPod filled with ponystep. I listened to various tracks from TheLivingTombstone, Omnipony and a couple of other brony DJ’s all the way there, and then watched MLP on the flight. I only had time to download three episodes, but that was enough, I made sure that they were the best, Luna Eclipsed, sleepless in ponyville and a canterlot wedding. The latter wasn’t my favourite, but the changelings were cool, they meant that I could have sex with hundreds of Lunas simultaneously. I looked over at my brother; he’s playing Zelda on his DS. I look at mum, writing more lyrics, I look at dad… He’s snoring his head off. Not surprised, I wander off to the back of the plane to use the lav. There was someone already in there, so I waited and someone came out.

“Actually… you might want to use the other one, give this one time to air out…”

“Nice” I replied frowning, the man looked amused at this, and went on his way. I waited for the next toilet, and after the man in that one came out, I took it, I really needed to relieve some pressure in my ballsack, watching BOTH Luna episodes had made me really horny and I needed a quick wank before the plane arrived. They were playing some daft elevator music in the toilet, which sounded familiar.

That’s when the plane jerked, the hand of god literally reached down and picked the aircraft up, causing me to lose my aim and spunk up the side of the wall, no time to finish emptying my testes properly, the bloody plane was groaning! I quickly zipped up and walked out to the main corridor of the plane. There was a stewardess trying to get everyone to calm down talking about technical difficulties and telling everyone to remain in their seat. The plane groaned again, or rather, its right wing. All heads turned to it, looking out the window, when a plate of metal came off, and then another. All was silent until a guy at the front said “Holy shit…” A bigger piece of metal came off. I looked at my mum the other side of the plane and she looked at me. She opened her mouth to speak, and then the whole right wing came off ...shit… The plane started to decline, spinning at the same time, the people who weren’t in their seat got thrown around, one woman with an ID tag that said “L. Mendelson” on it got thrown against a doorway and I heard a sickening crunch. I got thrown into the side of the plane and it just kept hurtling downwards, spinning all the while.  A deep laugh could be heard everywhere and a huge finger encompassed several windows.

A voice appeared from high above the plane, “Why hello there, Laura Mendelson, welcome to my humble abode. Unfortunately you haven’t been very nice. Down you go.”

There was a scream before another, more cackling voice appeared from below the plane. “Thanks mate, I should have fun with her.”

No one had any idea what was happening and utter panic ensued. It seemed that the plane was being torn in half. And then it did. I opened my eyes. Bad choice. The wind was tearing at my face; I had to close them again. When I finally opened them again, they were streaming but at least I could see. There were corpses, litter and live people all falling with me. I looked at the wreckage of the plane, tumbling too, I looked up just as an enormous hand disappeared into the clouds with a chuckle. Just before it disappeared it flickered and became a huge lion’s paw and the laugh changed tone.

The plane wreck swirled around manically and swatted most of the stuff in the air aside. I looked down. Oh fuck… I was gonna die… This was it… I flattened myself out to reduce my speed and to stop me spinning crazily like I’d seen on TV. Then I realised, what’s the point in slowing it down. Its just means living off more borrowed time, more borrowed time living in perpetual fear.

Suddenly a sheep with a trollface fell to my level and began to do several dances, such as the moonwalk and John Travolta. Standing on the air, it exploded into spiders, which then floated inexplicably into the atmosphere. Dafuq? Was all I could think, Am I high or just delirious?  A couple of thoughts went through my head similar to that, and then I simply put my arms to the side and my legs together, falling head first now. I was streamlined so I was falling faster than everyone else now. Slowly getting closer to the earth, coming to meet me. Even though I was practically shitting myself, I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful it all was, I’d always managed to push depressing thoughts out of my head if I had something truly wonderful to marvel at and I found my impending doom eerily nice to look at.

Then I realised, it was coming closer way to fast, I was feeling the heat now. My vision starting to change as I got closer, and closer. Colours started swimming around my head, Then I started thinking… are my parents already dead? Is Ben dead too? Or can they see me, are they falling too? I pushed this thought out of my head too. I was so close now. More colours, more vibrant than I had ever seen them and just a mile before my imminent doom on the rocky land below, the colours got too much. I closed my eyes... This was it… then I felt like I was being pulled through a plughole, only limb by limb instead of whole. I had to look now. Just random colours swirling around then finally.

Ground.