Everything Hates me: a Brony's Adventure

Chapter 4, alive…ish

I woke up again in the same manner, not opening my eyes just yet to try take in what’s been happening.

“Oh… I think its waking up now” a sweet voice said surprisingly close to my ear.

My eyes snapped open once more and the first thing I saw was a giant eye in front of mine.

“Eep!” the startled figure squeaked and dove for cover.

I was about to rub my eyes and realised that my body had just been smashed to pieces. I looked at me and prodded my collar bone with my good arm… No pain. I gingerly moved my right leg. No pain. Left arm. No pain. I jumped up onto my feet quickly and fell back on my face. I heard a stifled giggle to my left.

“Not exactly agile is he?” A cocksure voice started “I’d pound him into the ground in a race” I went a bit cross-eyed at this and tried to get up slowly this time. Gasps ensued.

“It’s bipedal” I heard. “Interesting”

I looked in the voices general direction. My mouth decided to move before my brain told it to and I ended up saying something around the lines of “Nrrrg” the creatures were puzzled at this.

“He was speaking ok before, what’s up with him now?”

Ponies. They were ponies, and not just any ponies either, they were THE ponies. Twilight sparkle, Rainbow dash, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and a furiously masturbating Fluttershy under the table. “Holy sh…” Applejack looked like she was ready to shove her hoof into my gob again. “Shenanigans!” I managed to say before she did.

“At least y’all learn quick” She said with a mischievous grin.

“Nigguh you're using 'y'all' wrong. There's only one of me you stupid cunt learn to speak your own god damn pig latin language. Shit.” I began “How in the name of everything that DOESN’T want to screw me over did THIS happen!?” they just looked at me. “You’re ponies! I should be dead!! What about the plane!?!?” The mane six looked utterly dead, maggots pouring from their eyes and then their skin and flesh rotting away, leaving a pile of bones that also crumbled and disappeared.

The ponies then inexplicably reappeared from nowhere. “AAAARRRRGGGG!” I managed. You ever had one of those days when the world wants to kill you and fails so it just keeps trying again, and again, and again until you’re crushed and broken? I guess not. I wanted to throttle them to make sure they were real and relieve the stress, I wanted to throttle myself to make sure that I was real and relieve the stress, I wanted to smash everything, I wanted to break down and cry on the floor. My body decided on the last one. Each of the ponies except for Pinkie now had the same facial expression of Derpy. As I sobbed into the carpet one of them approached me and put her hoof on my shoulder.

“Poor guy… OOOOO I KNOW WHAT WILL MAKE IT BETTER!!!” She screamed, jumping so high that she left the atmosphere and drifted off into deep space

“NO BLOODY PARTIES!!!!” I screamed back. She heard me despite being a lightyear away and her expression now looked like the rest.

“Wuuuh?” she mumbled, before she expanded and was torn apart by the vacuum and the sheer speed that she was travelling at.

I ran to the door in a feeble attempt at running away from my worries, only to have it slammed in my face. I flew back into the room in an almost comical way, hit the wall and slid down on the brink of unconsciousness. I’d better get used to this I thought and watched Princess Mollestia enter the room. Great, now I’m gonna get sensually raped. I passed out. It’s just not my bloody day. Never is.