I'm Transgender... Documentation Biography

Updated on 11/8/14 at 12:03 AM.

Time hurts, why? You see... Alright, well. Time. It hurts so much, why is this? Because you have to be patient. Time is something important, without time we all would have made horrible decisions and regretted a lot. Well, that is why we regret lots of things... Like, have you ever felt so pressured into making a desicion quickly, because if you didn't time would run out?

In some cases, yes, you have to make a decision with a certan time period. But in also other situations you can take all the tme you need... I am talking about transition. Transitioning, itself takes years and years. I have thought about this plenty of times... Like, I remember when I first discorvered about this... Heh, I automatically thought I would start the hormones and bockers at least, within a week.

I guess, well I never thought of time. Like, years of time. When I told my mom, well she didn't allow me to. So not much I could do there, but wait. Time, it killed me. Not literally... But mentally you could say, if you would like to describe it as that. Well, either way this process itself had not been easy for me. I have been like this for a yesr and four months last time I checked. Heh, funny how in the back of my brain I thought is would have failed.

Well, maybe it did for a short period of time... But that is another story for another time, kind of. Back to time, I was so impaitent. I don't like to wait... When I want something I want it right away no matter what. I will fight for it till I get what I want/need. I did fight... My transition, it went well in some ways. Again another chapter that I will need to make another time. But this one is mostly based on time, and those extras are just related to this.

But, yeah... Time. It is a funny word, why do we need time? Why can't we just get what we want? Why do we have to wait in order to get something? 1. If we truly want something we need to work for it, from what I learned. 2. Because life isn't like that, you can't always have it how you wish for it to be. 3. Because that is how the world works, and that is only if you work for it unless you're really lucky...

Alright, so there was this video... A man walked inside his home angry about being rejected by women at the bars. He went to go brush his teeth right after, and slowly, but surely quickly his body started to transition into a womens. It started with his hips and but, to his arms, legs, face, chest, clothing, and etc. He became a women in five minutes literallly... He was pretty much checking out his new body pretty much, telling himself that he was a babe now. The video then cuts off cause of mature stuff that has to be watched on another site...

But there was this comment, saying how this gives us transmen/women a bad image. And how this does not happen in the real world. We have to do this by years, not simply by minutes. I couldn't help, but agree with her. This does give us a bad image, that we simply don't deserve.

How come this man turned into a women without effort? And why do I kee saying, man and refering to this man as a "he, him, his" because this is NOT a true women. It is exactly the same same as being born as a women, but not truly being a women but rather a man. And this was a man, simply because he has the mind of a mans. He had looked happy as a male, he was no crossdresser either, he was a simple avarge man.

But somehow his body took a form of a womens. You see, he could never be a women, because these are not his intentions or thoughts. He was very excited about his new body, since he was a big perv. He checked out his body, admired it. He found himself increbily sexy and a smoking hot babe. He had looks, but that isn't what makes a women. He did not care about living as a women, he only cared about taking advantage of this once in a life time opitournity. He only wanted to test out the fun ideal sexy life as a women once, but not a whole normal life

He would soon become bored of this, and return back to his naturual form. He does not deserve to be consindered as a women, because of his intentions. He is representing transwomen in the wrong way. The animation shouldn't even have to right to call itself transgender, if this man isn't. This is just plain stupid.

And this is where time falls into place, why did he have this happen so quickly to him? Because it is simply magic and unrealistic. Magic is never is never a good road to go down on... I learned this off shows, magic never solves the issue. It usually makes the issue itself worse. And this created something that should have never been created.

This was the wrong person to preform the magic on. This person needs no magic, for he is a faker. He will be a man trapped in a women's body while he is like that. And you cannot say otherwise, because you know I am right.

You see time will only tell you the answer. I am sure you hear similar stuff like this all the time, because it is true. Without time it only tell you the lies. When you try to rush things or have things rushed... Are like lies in some kind of way. In transitioning they're big lies. Gender therapists are good for one thing, time.

It can be scary though, I know. I am scared myself as well. I don't like the idea of waiting years. But they're required... Years, well you can at least most of the time make the right choice for yourself. I believe the therapist will make you go for a few sessions, but in the end have you decide if you are up for this. You are the only one to make the decision of taking these steps. You in the end made the choice to transition, not the therapist. They gave you options, but you expanded. You chose to take this road.

Taking T for the first time... You have a choice, you can walk in that room like a man and just take it, or as a scaredy cat and run the fuck outta there! Same goes with surgeries... You in the end decide. Like me, I have to decide what I want in the end. This is something for me only to decide.

Problem is... Been wanting to rush this process again and only been a week. I am trying to get myself to stop, this is silly. I only need to give it time. Because figuring out who I am is still confusing as ever. I know for a fact that I am not a girl, or gender-fluid. No matter how much you tell me that I am, I will deny it.

Again another chapter for another time, but what I really wanted to say mostly is... My future self reading this, I am going to give myself time. After seeing that comment and this video, made me realise that I don't need to rush too. As in believing what I am gonna do in the future, that is up for me to decide later-on.

I may be hell as confused about a lot right now, but with time every thing will make sense. I will have my answers soon... It has only been a year, and I still don't have those exact answers I am scoring for. I have just hit rock bottom, back to the start of figuring things out. I am slowly gonna figure this all out. I will over think about this, and feel no emotions.

Which is actually bothering me, cause if I had these emotions maybe I could figure something out easier instead of being more confused and than I already am... I just hope future self, that whatever you decided that you really wanted it to be like this this is what you wanted. Don't hesitate to take as much time as you need, you will get through this and find out more. It is a slow process that needs no rushing.

You will continue living out as a pre-op transman, and slowly discover what you want. I hope it is what I want, the surgery. Time will only tell... Time, I am putting all my hope in you. This is all I wanna say for now...

Last updated 11/8/14 at 1:06 AM.