I'm Transgender... Documentation Biography

7:09 PM

Siana, there is this girl I have known since second grade. She has a crush on me...? It is quite actually entertaining to finally have a chick have a crush on me. I mean she is pretty, really pretty. Natural beauty and I hope that never changes, which is another thing I noticed I like girls without too much makeup. There the chicks that look the hottest to me. Makeup is cute too, but natural beauty is the best. So yeah... She is really beautiful you can say, most girls should really look like her. Though I wish she more of a curvy body but still pretty hot girl. And she likes me! But, I can't go with any girls that don't understand my situation. I need a girlfriend who understands that I am her boyfriend not girlfriend.

Siana might understand, but there is another problem... I will only see her for the next couple of months then loose her for two years. :'( Which sucks! I need her so bad, I need her. I don't wanna believe that I am gonna loose her, but I know it will happen. Falling for a seventh grader is never good. V-v stupid ninth grade center fucking things up way worse!

Girlfriend issues ugh, what else can I say? I mean I myself don't even fucking know if I like this girl like that to be all that honest. But for some reason I want her to kiss me. I don't know why, but I just wish she will and hug me more. I like to act annoyed and like I hate it, but she knows I like it! I have no idea how! I mean she hugged me in the hallways... I felt her boobies, they felt so good on my binded chest I wanted and still want to feel them again.... There so nice to feel. They jumped up and down slightly which felt good... I want that feeling one more time. And then she hugged me cause of some stupid girl who threw ice on my face! But yeah Siana wrapped her arms around my belly/waist, she yelled at me to hug her back and I did... It was great too... I of course acted like I hated it, but I know that I LOVED it! I never will admit it.

God damn it, this girl gets me excited. It is something I can't control... And you know how I loose it easily? Well, that happened I lost it at our friends but with her she made me smile so badly. When I look at her I can't help but fucking smile at her. Even when I feel horrible she makes me smile just by looking at her! She told me that she liked my smile... I hate my smile, because she makes me smile and I don't understand how she does which annoys me so damn much! And another thing that annoys me is that I know I am fucking blushing, but she won't tell me. I already know that am blushing I already fucking know. It is so embarrassing!

See this is annoying but I am just gonna stop here with these feelings. Because I myself am overthinking this and sitll don't know if O have a crush on her back. Ugh! Girlfriends such a stupid thing nothing but confusing creatures!

-Andre last updated on 12/14/14 at 5:21 PM

3:59 PM 12/22/14

So... I got a girlfriend? Her name is Siana. I don't know why though? So how it happened. Well happened last Wensday and it was when I first came from lunch and saw some stupid couple together... Sigh. ): I got so damn jealous when he kissed his girlfriend. I wished so badly I could have a girlfriend and do that to her... </3

Then after getting so jealous and angry with myself I dumbly went back on FiMfiction. Siana texted me asking how I felt. I just responded with "Mad as hell, wbu?" And she surprisingly asked why and ignored my question.

Siana: Why?

Me: I am jealous of something...

Siana: Jealous of what or who? If you don mind me asking...

Me: Dang happy couples! I don't know why, but I just wish I had a girlfriend for some random reason! ):

Siana: Well...

Me: Well what?

Siana: Nothing... I won't say for the sake of our friendship.

Me: Oh come on! It can't be that bad to ruin our friendship.

Siana: Ok... I like U...

Me: of course! Why would we be friends if you didn't?

Siana: No! Damn, I mean I like-like U...

Me: oh

Siana: Yeah... *Cries*

Me: *Hugs* Stop crying

Siana: HOW CAN I WHEN ALL U SAY IS OOOOOOH AND YEAHHHH! DAMN IT THE LITTLE DICK TELLING THE TRUTH!

Me: Sorry, I just found it hard to believe that you would like me... Especially coming from him.

Siana: Yea he was telling the truth.

Me: So what you're basically trying to say is that you wanna be my girlfriend...?

Siana: Yea

Me: Well, if you're serious I totally wouldn't mind making you my girlfriend. I mean I totally would make you mine. :3

Siana: Holy shit

Me: So wanna be my girlfriend?

Siana: Holy shit yea

Yeah so now we're dating. We hugged... No kisses yet Don't know why, but I am craving for one... Yet I still don't know if I have feelings for her romantically yet. I mean maybe crush? Here are signs that make me question this everytime:

Smiling automatically around her

My mood brighting up every time she is around

Wanting to call her pretty or beautiful so badly

Getting a bit nervous around her

Getting jealous when she is talking with the other guys

Wanting to kiss her for no reason

Dreaming about her

Thinking about her at night for hours

That is all I can really think of right now. OKAY WELL I AM DONE NOW CAUSE THIS DAMN KEEPS FREEZING AND I AHVE TO FUCKING RETYPE THIS BULL SHIT FUCK THIS I WILL FUCKING COMMIT SUICIDE IF I NEVER FUCKING FINISH UPDATING THIS! CAUSE THIS DOCUMENT IS REAL FUCKING IMPORTANT TO ME!

Update ya later mother fucker!

-Andre last updated at 4:21 PM -.-

4:13 AM

So I still have a girlfriend. Surprislingly. Since usually I break up with my girlfriends liek 2 weeks later. But then again, I don't know if I said this yet, but... I really just feel like I wanna be with her forever. I really can't imagne leaving her. I have a feeling she will leave me rather then me leaving her.

But yeah, I surprised as hell why she hasn't left me yet? It is so weird. Oh well whatever, thisis good either way.

Ok. So are relationship is by little bits starting to become more serious. We are hugging a bit more, and... Holding hands officially! God damn it, it is AMAZING! I like the holding hands mostly since it is new and not really use to it. But yeah, this is the first girl I hold

hands with that I feel something. I have held hands with two other girls but never reslly felt much for them really.

Siana gives me a good feeling. She makes my bottom area burning hot... She makes my heart race faster. She makes me feel something so good... It is impossible to explain it really.

Get ready for it.

I think I love her

I wanna take her in my arms, hold her tightly and kiss her on the lips and say those three words so badly!

I wanna tell her the sweetest things ever.

I wanna hug her by the waist all the time.

I wanna kiss her cheek so badly.

I wanna talk to her all the time for as long  as i can.

I wanna hold her hand each time i get a chance.

I wanna tell her, "I love you" every day!

God damn it. I don't even care if she doesn't say it back to me or feels the same! I just wann tell her my feelings first!! God damn, but I need to kiss her first. Scsred as hell to... But if she asks me to, I will kiss her! I am not like talking a meaningless kiss... I want it to mean "I love you". Nothing more, nothing less.

I don't know how the hell this is possible. But something in my brain just told me thatI love her. Well gonna stop here and updste whn things get more interesting

• Andre 4:31 AM

3:56 PM on 1/31/15

So I STILL AM WITH THIS LOVELY GIRL SIANA! Holy shit! I thought I wouldn't have even made it this far... things have gotten so interesting lately.

So when I last updated this I said I thought I loved her, well get ready for this...

I AM FUCKING IN LOVE WITH HER! I LOVE HER WITH EVERY INCH OF MY VERY SOUL AND HEART!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH! I LOVE HER!

She is the only person who matters to me. Even though for some times I wanted to give up on her and break it off and find a new girl. But that is just stupid. Siana is the girl for me... God damn it my heart is exploding out of love as I type this up. I fucking love her... All I can think about is her! She is all I want.

I recently though have been thinking about our age difference. She is 13 and I am 15. She will be 14 in March doe... People keep saying that is a bad time to date. BUT I DONT GIVE A DAMN! I MAY WANT HER BODY SOMETIMES SEXUALLY! BUT I WONT EVER RAPE HER!!! I LOVE HER AND WONT EVER FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!!! I DONT WANNA USE HER FOR SEX OR ANYTHING ELSE JUST AS STUPID!!! ALL I WANT IS TO LOVE HER!!!!!!!

I know I can't ever control my actions towards her... but I won't ever be the type to ever rape her. She is a very beautiful creature... her body is actually more curvy than I thought. She has such a cute little ass and big tits... But I love her for her not her body. I fell in love with her for reasons I don't understand.

I fell in love with her... She kissed me forcefully when I was never in the mood. After that I seriously thought about it and it seemed so right to tell her. The next or two days I believe I told her. She hugged me crying sarcasticly saying "Nobody loves me! My cousin won't hug me!" And I hugged her so tight and the words "I love you" came out of my mouth. I didn't even mean for them to but they did. Jesus Christ she was like "You're only saying that!" And I of course said "No I love you... I was planning to tell you today." After that we kissed but she didn't say it back then.

After that everything changed for me with her... Love is what happened. I haven't been able lately to control myself too much around her. I have been holding her in my arms more longer than I should. Been kissing her, been trying to hold her hand. I just can't control my body around her. Everytime I touch her or just look at her I go like "Damn, I love you so much" in my head.

Nothing in this world couldn't make me happier than being with her besides being myself... Oh, she makes my heart melt so badly for her. Whenever she comes by me my heart starts to beat fast. I just fucking love her so much. I get lost in her beauty most of the time she talks.

I feel so happy and calm around her... It doesn't matter if we're not talking just by looking at her makes me feel so happy. I pay attention to her FACE! not privates. I pay attention to her... to the best I can when I am not distracted by her beauty She is always catching me look at her. I wish I could just say it like this... "I love you... Everytime I look at you I get so lost in your beauty". But I don't wanna creep her out... But then again I really mean it at the same time.

I just don't know why she makes me feel so happy! Just being with her my mood automatically cheers up even if I am in a bad mood. As long as I am with her I will feel better to some extent... She doesn't know it but she truly makes me happy. She is the only reason that keeps me sane and happy. I can't image the train wreck I would be by now if it weren't for her... My world was dark until her light showed up.

The thoughts of her breaking up with me break my heart so much... I don't care if she doesn't love me back. I LOVE HER AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS! I WANT HER TO BE ALL MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT! I don't give a fuck if I have to risk my life for it! I will want her with my heart for a long time! I want her with me!

I want to hug her so tightly! I want to kiss her on the nose and lips so gently. I want to hold her hand. I want to stare into her eyes and at her beautiful face for eternity. I want to hold her in my arms for as long as I can. I want to sit next to her and hear her talk 24/7.  I don't want her to leave my side... I want her by me all the time. I want her to want my attention.

She is hard to get. But I like that challenge. Makes me want to chase after her more. She has me literally wrapped around her finger. I will do anything for her at least I believe. God damn it I wanna buy her the world and take her to expensive places. Just on her one month anniversary I actually got her a pink rose. Haha she loved it thankfully. I now am planning to get her something for Valentines Day and her birthday.

Now for the reason I love her is cause she makes me so happy. She is the only thing that I really want in my life. I can't truly imagine being with another person or leaving her side. I love her, cause she accepts me. She makes me feel so good... nothing really ever feels so perfect and magical with another girl. But really I can't explain why I love her... not any words can describe it. I just love her and that is all.

• Andre 4:25 update ya when this gets more interesting.

6:48 Feb 8th

So I love this girl, like always... I missed a kiss from here though the whole week. But I did get some hugs and holding hands time. I mostly been hugging her more, and got to hold her hand once this week. I kept squeezing her hand, to show her I loved her. While we listened to her music, like said I will listen to any song she wants me to listen to just cause I love her. I will of course tease her about it.

I wish I got a kiss from her.... nothing in this world feels better than my lips on hers. I wanna kiss her on the lips for as long as I can, and never let go of her. I am a love sick puppy now that I think about it. I honselty get annoyed and feel bad when she doesn't want to kiss me. But when she says she wants to that is enough to keep me interested and happy. That is all that counts her wanting it.

But... she teased me on Friday and made kissy faces giving me signs to go in for it. And I do lean in to kiss her! But she pulls her head back and laughs! I get annoyed, and I just told her straight up "You know what I am done trying to kiss you!" And she just responds with she doesn't care. And I feel terrible about it... wanting her to kiss me and just having that moment with her. I mean one kiss will keep me happy.

But now I feel like she is playing with my feelings which is what I don't want. I knew falling in love with her was A BAD IDEA! BUT MY ASS JUST TRIES TO BEAT THE SYSTEM HOW DUMB AM I! I love this girl with all my heart! And the last I want is to loose her or find out she just dating me to play with my feelings!

So am done trying to kiss her. I also said I wouldn't hug her anymoe, at a different time. She said same thing and the next hours she is all like "Baby, I feel so hollow because you didn't hug me!" And here I am just like wtf? In my head not real life.... THIS WOMAN IS COMPLICATED!! SO COMPLICATED I HAVE A LIL CRUSH ON SOME OTHER GIRL CAUSE OF THIS! I NEED BACKUP AT LEAST!

And I feel bad for that, but hey! And I know I will be the one having the bad heart break... I know I will be a terrible train wreck when it happens. I will act happy, but really I will just feel so fucking bad with myself. But of course I will move on to the next lady, which is my crush. And hope shit turns out better. But I know I love my girl Siana... But this is just heart breaking me. I don't wanna loose her.

And then my stupid ex coming to the table! Now I will have to find a place to go! Cause he upsets me! And I don't want him to say anything to her or anything about our relationship! I don't want Siana to turn like him or be his girlfriend! I don't wanna loose her to that douchebag! I want him away! I want to only pay attention calmly to my girlfriend NOT THAT ASSHOLE RUINING SHIT! I ALREADY LOOKED UP PUNCHING SHIT SO I CAN KNOCK THAT FUCKER OUT! I SWEAR I FUCKING WANT HIM OUT OF MY SIGHT I WON'T DEAL WITH HIM THIS YEAR! I AM A NEW MAN OF A NEW YEAR AND I WON'T BE FUCKING TREATED LIKE SHIT AGAIN! FUCK THIS!!!! AND I WONT HAVE MY GIRL TURN INTO HIM!!! NO I WILL FUCKING NOT ACCEPT THIS BULL SHIT NO MORE! I HAVE MY OWN SELF RESPECT AND I NEED HIM GONE CAUSE I AM NOT HAPPY AND WANT TIME WITH MY GIRLFRIEND NOT A ASSHOLE!

So yeah just scared of loosing her and her turning into him...

• Andre 8:02