I'm Transgender... Documentation Biography

Updated: 10:00 PM

So... Today I really just. Today was supposed to be a day for me to celebrate my moms birthday and her brother's birthday, as well. Well, when we got to the house I asked for cake and stuff. No cake. Oh yeah, I forgot! I had to dress like a girl... Ya'know since my mom really doesn't accept my problem.

We get there, I eat. I just eat. I don't feel hungry, cause I just eat girl. Literally if I have nothing to do I will just eat or when I am sad, or just at both times! Which was kinda then... I was a bit confused too. I started out with cookies that resembled oreo's, then moved onto crackers then ate a shrimp soup. WHICH! Which I never do. I hate that soup and it was cup. So that was a change, must have been really depressed, but hidden deep inside.

Yeah, after that I watch movies. We started off by starting with some movie about apes taking over the world. Yeah... Didn't work for me. Never would. You know just not really my thing, eh. After that like thirty minutes later we watch shrek. It was actually a good movie. Afetr that we watch "Zack and Cody Suite Life", "Hannah Montana", and lastly... "Cory in the House"! It was fun. I laughed the most at the Zack and Cody one. I don't know why, but it just one of my favorite shows to watch. So is Cory in the House.

We went for a walk. We first started off by walking to see a Santa. Yeah, a dog then came in... We ran away. My mom ran away with my little sister Ivannah. I wasn't that scared though but I fast walked and made my grandma fast walk too. After that dogs just barked and I got hella scared and ran away leaving grandma behind. I felt so god damn bad and cowardly! I am the man! I need to protect these women, not be a scaredy women myself. It was just a embarrassing thing, but grandma didn't care too much, she just laughed it off.

We walked then to the pool afterwards. We saw skateboarders. I felt so jealous and bad suddenly. They were boys, and I just thought that I belonged with them. I never understood why, but I just always felt like I belonged with the skateboarders. I gave myself the name "Skate", but I never knew why. Skating I guess is just a destiny waiting for me. It is weird, but I feel like I just belong there. And with the guys, because you know I am a guy. But I felt so embarrassed in this girls body with stupid girls clothes and makeup. I just felt bad, felt disgusted to look down at myself. Felt scared to look at the skateboarders everything felt wrong right after that.

I saw a rose too. First thing I said was "This is perfect!". I said it so dreamy while thinking about giving it to my new girlfriend Siana. I just don't know why, but my brain just reacted like a any other dudes would about that. I then started thinking about buying a red rose for her and giving it to her some day. Yeah, I don't know why, but that just happened.

We walk farther away from them all. Mom tells me about celebrating my birthday when my cousins are here. Sounds great! Expect for the damn fact that I have to be dressed like a damn girl! I want to be the boy I am, not the girl I was never. My birthday... This was all wrong mom. I want to celebrate at a certain pizza place with games to feel at least like I did once in my other trans memories. I just want to be myself on my birthday... It makes me sad and frustrated knowing that I can't even go out like myself around my mom and even on my birthday anymore. I am trying my best to fix this all. Can't believe I am turning 15 either... Fuck my life.

Got home feeling horrible thinking about all this trans crap problems. I never will understand too much, all I know is that I am a guy. When I am forced to look like a girl I will always feel more depressed naturally. I will always feel genderless and sexless like I always have until I can be the man I was meant to be. The transformation will happen soon. I know one day I will be the guy I am.

I have a terrible headache now. Goodbye, I am gonna sleep and try to feel better, I guess.

-Andre last updated at 10:22 PM