How the HaS Old Guard Saved Santa and Ruined ISIS' Ebolamas Plot to Steal Crimea and Shoot Up Minorities - brought to you by: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Fars News Network, UNICEF, the Church of Mormon, and the Humans Are Superior Group

“What do you mean the darkest coffee you have is a double double?!” Red raged at the cashier. “I get that you Canadians need to blubber up for the winter but for fuck’s sakes!”

“Red, I got this.” Seal said as he shouldered Red aside. “Madam, we’re from the internet.”

“I know that you’re-“

“Wait how did you know that?” Seal questioned.

“because I’m Pat.” The cashier stated.

“Holy fuck you’re actually a girl!” Kelly exclaimed.

Year 8 of the Australian Jihad:

Dropbear inspected his men, three thousand Kangaroo, Koala, Emu, Crocodile and Giant Spider cavalry at his beck and call. He mounted his own Bull Frog steed and turned to his advisor, the dark wizard Lorenzo, “Lorenzo, have the bitches ready for my return.”

“Yeah yeah… fuck your self.” Lorenzo replied.

“That’ll have to do…” Dropbear said, then took up his lance, “TODAY WE FIGHT THE RESAULT OF UNRESTRICTED IMMIGRATION, TODAY WE FIGHT FOR ‘STRAYA CUNT!” He said then lead the charge (5 hops later and his frog hand been crushed under his weight.).

Classy sat at a table at the back of the room and tapped his finger on the table as he watched Red fawn over Pat. “This is pathetic.”

“I know right!” Paddle Steamer said as he sat down near by.

“NO! What you were doing in the trunk was worse.” Classy said and slammed his fist down on the table. “I don’t know what’s worse; that you were masturbating to a picture of Octavia dressed as a picture of a Beiyang Admiral Ding Ruchang, or that such an image exists. So don’t get me started on you.”

Kelly suddenly ran out of the washroom. “No time to explain but EVERYBODY RUN!”

The group followed him out when suddenly Red stopped, “Wait! Pat’s still inside!” The Tim Hortons then exploded.

Will Seal get clubbed? Will Kabar propose to his Kabar? Will ISIS/ISIl/IS/The Caliphate decide on a single name? Will Shakespeare ever write a sequel to his play “Call of Duty World at War”? Find out next time!