How the HaS Old Guard Saved Santa and Ruined ISIS' Ebolamas Plot to Steal Crimea and Shoot Up Minorities - brought to you by: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Fars News Network, UNICEF, the Church of Mormon, and the Humans Are Superior Group

They had been flying for many hours when Classy suddenly ordered them to land. They couldn’t have landed in a worse place.

“Stupid CIS scum! Stop oppressing us!” The Stockholm Whites Against White Males Society chanted as they chased the group through Stockholm.

“We must have overshot the north pole!” Paddle Steamer remarked as they ran.

Up ahead they heard what sounded like Arabic music, “In to the alleyway!” Kelly directed them as they ran.

From their safe point in the alleyway they watched as the Dar Caroleans, the army of the new Somali Sultanate of Sweden faced the mob, formed up with their RPGs and preformed fire-by-rank on the mob.

“YES THANKYOU FOR CHECKING OUR PRIVALEGE!” The beaten and broken survivors said with glee.

They were then raped to death by the Dar Caroleans.

“Why is Sweden so shit?!” Red asked.

“Well…” Seal began when he was interrupted by some guy in the alley.

“Don’t rape my daughter! Take me instead!” He said and bent over to display.

“Well I may just have to…” Classy said as he walked over, then stopped, stared at the rear, and touched his middle finger to his thumb to make a circle. “Yeah nevermind.”

Meanwhile Kabar and the rest of #GamerGate were waging their autistic Twitter war against the retards from Tumblr.

As they ran back to the car Red tripped and scraped his knee. “Get moving Red!” Seal urged.

“No! I must let my hated Scandinavian blood out of my body!” He said as he blew on his wound, “The more I bleed the closer to 100% American I become!”

“What happens when you reach 100%?” Seal asked.

“I embrace muh freedoms!” Red said, as he stood up, now twice as tall and completely jacked. He scooped up the entire group and with a single jump got them to the car and climbed in, the Austin Mini transforming into a Monster Truck, crossed with an M1 Abrams, crossed with an F-22, crossed with a McDonalds. “Let’s rock!” He screamed as he rocketed the vehicle off towards the north pole.