Randomness

Part 4

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Luigi and Blue stumble out of the dreaded Everfree forest and into a surprisingly peaceful spot occupied by a cabin built into a tree with a mini-zoo of animals living there. Luigi practically shouts with relief and runs as fast as his tired legs could carry him to that slice of heaven. Blue begs Luigi to slow down, since he’s more tired than Luigi, but Luigi doesn’t stop. He wants to get away from that forest and he wants a nice cup of tea or coffee or an energy drink or a freaking muffin! He wants something edible to take his mind off of the Hell he’s just been through. As he runs towards the house his grin grows wider and his pupils expand and sparkle. The house glitters like it was a gift from God Himself and the noises the animals make sound like a cheering crowd urging the last place marathon runner to finish it. All he hears and sees is goodness. Blue’s protests are completely ignored as Luigi can only pay attention to the happy thoughts swimming in his mind. Luigi laughs joyously as he pushes against the door, but then all the good things in the world die when he finds out that it is locked. Luigi curses and pushes harder against it. Nothing. Luigi screams furiously as he tries helplessly to push the door open.

In a normal situation, Blue would’ve been laughing seeing the usually timid Luigi acting like a nut trying to open the door. But after what they had just experienced in the forest, Blue doesn’t want to push his luck. He’s sure Luigi is on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Luigi, maybe…maybe we should find somewhere else to go” Blue says carefully

“No! No! Nonononono! Nooo!” screams Luigi frantically

“Luigi-”

Luigi pounds on the door and screams “LET US IN!” at the top of his lungs; which was surprisingly loud and terrifying for Blue. The animals scatter and Luigi grinds his teeth and his face grows redder than a cooked lobster and if he was a cartoon character, smoke would be pouring out of his ears.

“Luigi, you need to calm down”

Luigi clenches his fists and turns to Blue, his eye is twitching and he has a crazed smile.

“Sure thing, Blue, good ole timid Green Mario will calm down” says Luigi eerily

“Uh…are you okay?” asks Blue worryingly

“I am perfectly fine. I just need to stretch my legs”

“Really? We’ve been walking for hours. The night is almost over and-”

CRAAAAAAACK!!!

Blue’s jaw drops when he sees Luigi do a flying kick through the front door. The door is kicked clean off of its hinges and the impact of Luigi’s kick shattered it completely, sending thick splinters to fly and bounce across the peaceful cabin. Blue tries to say something, but all that comes out is a pathetic whimper.

Luigi stomps in the house and yells “Hello!? Is anybody home!? No! Okay!”

Luigi turns around and smiles psychotically at Blue.

“See, Blue, this place is abandoned” says Luigi while cackling madly

“You-you need help” stammers Blue

Luigi dismisses Blue’s statement and heads straight for the kitchen. He doesn’t take the time to marvel at the natural beauty of the cabin, all that’s on his mind is the need to feed. And while he digs through the pantries in search of something to eat, Blue cautiously walks in with his wand out. There is something ominous about the place and he can’t quiet put his finger on it until…

Clink.

Blue whirls around and sees a tipped over bottle rolling on the floor. Blue gulps and watches the bottle sway hypnotically back and forth on the floor.

“Why are there only flowers and rabbit food here?” grumbles Luigi faintly

Blue hears little feet patter across the floor and sees a shadow dart across the wall. The toad’s heartbeat speeds up and his throat instantly becomes dry and he aims his wand at the suspected source of the slightest noise.

“Luigi,” whimpers Blue “we’re not alone”

“Looks like its flower salad. Now where’s a knife?” Luigi says while he yanks out a large assortment of food from the cabinets

Blue slowly backs up towards the kitchen with his wand defensively in front of him. His eyes dart in every direction and the simple, yet horrifying sounds, get more frequent and more intense. Like a drape fluttering, the scampering, some magazines sliding off of the table, and scraping. Then Blue sees it, the shadow. The shadow rises out of the floor and takes up the whole wall. The shadow raises a shadowy knife and Blue lets out a high pitched scream and runs into the kitchen and hides behind Luigi, shaking, and wetting himself once again. Luigi scowls and shoves Blue away.

“You peed on me, Blue!” snaps Luigi

“But-but-but there’s something in the house. Something…something evil” whispers Blue

Luigi tries without much success to get rid of the urine on his leg.

“Seriously, Blue, you just emptied yourself in the forest -three times! - and now you did it in here! On my leg! No salad for you!”

Luigi pushes a plate of salad away from Blue, not that Blue could’ve reached it anyway from its original spot, but Luigi did it as a message. Luigi picks up one of the flowers and turns in in between his fingers.

“Blue, I know you and I are considered the group cowards, but for our sakes we have to toughen up” says Luigi sternly “Besides, no one is here so relax”

Luigi opens his mouth to eat the flower, but a kitchen knife flies out of the darkness and impales the flower into the cupboard behind him. Luigi freezes in place and his eyes slide towards where the flower went and sees the knife still shaking from impact. The flower falls to the ground in pieces a second later. Luigi screams and ducks down with his hands over his head.

“What the heck was that!” cries Luigi

“A demon” whispers Blue

“Kill it”

“What?”

“Kill the demon”

“Why am I the one who has to kill the demon?”

“You’re the one with the wand”

“No, you are!”

Blue shoves the wand in Luigi’s hand and Luigi frowns and shoves it back to Blue.

“I don’t know how to use a wand” Luigi says hastily

Blue tosses it back to Luigi.

“It’s easy, just point and shoot” says Blue

Luigi and Blue are too busy bickering amongst themselves about who gets to kill the “demon” to realize that the ominous shadow is approaching them. By the time the shadow is towering over them, they make up their mind.

“Fine!” yells Luigi “I’ll kill the demon!”

“You sure about that?” asks Blue uneasily

Luigi yanks the wand away from Blue and jumps to his feet, only to see a small, white bunny staring at him. Luigi cocks his head quizzically, and then smiles; he is completely oblivious to the murderous glare the bunny is giving him.

“Well aren’t you a little angel” coos Luigi

The bunny jumps up and kicks Luigi in the nose. Luigi swears and stumbles back into the pantry while clutching his nose. The rabbit jumps off of the counter, and after landing on the floor it bounces up and kicks him in the crotch. Luigi groans painfully as he clutches his manhood while curling up in the fetal position. To him, it felt like someone took a sledgehammer and popped the two things no man wishes to see popped.

“Why me” sobs Luigi

“Use the wand!” says Blue loudly

The bunny turns to Blue and cracks his knuckles and neck and then kicks the wand away. Blue stands up and puts his hands out defensively.

“Now hold on a second, little rabbit,” says Blue uneasily “we can negotiate something”

***

Agent Hush-Hush and a group of four unicorns, and four Pegasi carrying cages, approach Fluttershy’s cabin with the sole purpose of apprehending the aliens. A couple of their Pegasus scouts reported where they were heading and after the fiasco at Sweet Apple Acres, Hush-Hush is not willing to take any chances. They will go in, paralyze them with some magic, tie them up, and then bring them back to their ship for questioning. Simple as pie. But then again, Hush-Hush never liked pie because it always seemed so complicated to him. Simple as a sandwich works better for him.

“When we get in there, do not hesitate to use your strongest paralyzation spell” orders Hush-Hush

The unicorns nod and when Hush-Hush sees the shattered door, he’s relieved that Fluttershy wasn’t around. In normal situations it would seem twisted to be thanking Celestia that somepony is in a hospital rather than in the comfort of their own home. But only a savage can mangle a door like that, and he’s seen what those mushroom heads are capable of and there is no way he would let those things get close to another pony.

“You know what to do” Hush-Hush says ominously

The unicorns cautiously approach the cabin with their horns glowing, but they stop in their tracks when a blue headed mushroom alien flies through the front window and bounces a couple of times across the lawn before sliding to a stop in front of Hush-Hush. It groans and tries to stand up using Hush-Hush as support. The stallion jumps back and point at it.

“What are you waiting for? Zap it!” barks Hush-Hush

The unicorns quickly zap the alien and he becomes encased in a cocoon made up of different colors. The alien can’t even scream or move his eyes; he can only stare in horror as Hush-Hush towers over him.

“Take it away” orders Hush-Hush

A couple of the Pegasi Hush-Hush brought swoop down and put the alien in a cage and fly away, all within ten seconds. Hush-Hush nods towards the unicorns and they continue to approach the cabin. They hear more struggling inside. And from the sounds of it, the struggle is incredibly violent.

“[You freaking rabbit! I’m gonna kill you!]” screams the alien inside

A unicorn takes a step back, but Hush-Hush forces her to continue forward. When they get inside they see something more horrifying than a mushroom creature. They see something that looks like a cross between a reptile and an ape. It stands on two legs, but has next to no fur, except for a thick patch on its face, and its wearing green clothing and strangling a bunny. The carnivorous fiend was trying to eat a bunny!

“[Not so strong when getting strangled, are you!]” roars the alien

Hush-Hush’s jaw drops and he points at the creature with a shaky hoof.

“Get it! Get it!” barks Hush-Hush

The new alien looks at them and its eyes widen when the unicorns launch their paralyzation spell at it. All four magical salvos hit the creature in the chest and he falls to the ground and the cocoon freezes him at an awkward angle. Hush-Hush approaches the alien and watches it intently as the Pegasi drag it to their cage. When the alien is locked away, Hush-Hush realizes how much he had been sweating and quickly wipes away the sweat on his face.

“What’s next, sir?” asks one of the unicorns

Hush-Hush puts on the cocky smile he’s known for and looks at the unicorn.

“Simple, we continue our search for more of these aliens” says Hush-Hush casually; but on the inside, he’s screaming and running in circles

“Of course, sir.”

“And get me in contact with Lock N. Key”

“Yes sir”

The unicorn trots away and Hush-Hush looks up at the sky, at nothing in particular, and then he takes a deep breath and slowly exhales. If Equestria is facing an alien invasion, then Celestia help them.

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At Canterlot...

Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun and one of the rulers of Equestria, wakes up after her healthy eight hours of sleep. She slides out from under her covers, stretches herself out and then rubs her ear. Her ear feels numb, like somepony had screamed in it. But she quickly forgets about the numbness, it’s something a quick shower and some healing magic can easily fix. So Celestia takes her warm shower, heals her ears, puts on her freshly polished armor, and then spends an hour reading fan mail. After going through the daily routine, she heads up to relieve her sister of her nightly duties, and to switch out the thrones...again.

Celestia walks into the throne room right as the Royal Guard relieve the Night Guards and she switches out the thrones. The wall spins like a revolving door and Luna’s throne  is switched out with Celestia’s bright and extravagant throne. The switching of the thrones is not a difficult task, but it’s so simple that its annoying.

“Why must Luna do that every night” mumbles Celestia to herself

Celestia then heads up towards the astronomy tower where her sister is. Usually.

When Celestia gets to the top, she doesn’t find Luna anywhere. She isn’t peering through the  telescope, reading, reviewing new bills. She is completely absent.

“Maybe she’s in the garden”

Celestia uses the telescope to search the gardens for her sister. And just like  the tower, she’s nowhere to be found. Celestia frowns and tries to think where else her sister might be. Is she in the kitchen? She knows she’s not allowed in there after the microwave fiasco. Or is she  in her room playing video games? That can’t possibly be right, since Celestia banished her game console to the moon after Luna’s “rage quit” resulted in a fireball burning the hallway and Prince Blueblood’s mane. Where in Equestria is Luna!?

“There you are Tia!” says Luna suddenly

Celestia jumps and turns to Luna. She wants to ask where she’s been, but when she sees the worried smile on her sister’s face she begins to worry that something is wrong.

“Luna, what’s wrong?” asks Celestia

“We have aliens in the palace” replies Luna

Celestia stares at Luna and makes a mental note to hide all the sci-fi horror movies. But Luna looks genuinely worried and goes on a tangent about how they appeared in the garden, their vehicle is locked away in the Palace basement, they look weird, one of them keeps trying to speak their language, and they are anxious about something. Before Luna can go any farther with her tangent, Celestia puts her hoof over Luna’s mouth and forces herself to smile.

“Luna, relax,” says Celestia calmly “you’re going to collapse if you don’t breath anytime soon”

Luna brushes Celestia’s hoof away.

“But Tia, there are aliens in the Palace!” cries Luna

“Okay, fine, take me to these ‘aliens’” says Celestia, her voice dripping with skepticism and sarcasm

***

Celestia is staring at Mario, Wario, and Waluigi. She is completely dumbfounded, a loss for words,  and other things that are used to describe a fried brain.

“The chubby red one is Mario, the ugly yellow one is Wario, and the creepy purple one is Waluigi. He’s also the one that is always trying to talk to us” Luna says as she points to each one

She then whispers “I think Waluigi is the designated translator, but he sucks at his job” in Celestia’s ear.  Celestia takes a deep breath and expands her wings to show her dominance. Wario and Waluigi take a step back, but Mario doesn’t flinch.

“Aliens, I am Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria-”

“Co-Ruler” corrects Luna

“Luna, you already talked about this”

Luna sulks and Celestia goes back to greeting the aliens. She’s really nervous right now, and she’s worried that her nervous sweating can be seen, or worse, smelled, by these aliens, but she still keeps a strong stance and stern look. Centuries of practice have given her the ability to remain calm (or at least look calm) in the most unnerving of situations.

“As the ruler of Equestria, I offer my apologies for your situation, but I am also curious as to why you are here”

Waluigi clears his throat and Mario and Wario instantly turned to their friend with horrified looks plastered on their face.

“[Don’t you dare]” says Mario threateningly

“[But she is communicating with us. We must bridge the gaps to form an ever lasting bond with these beautiful creatures]” says Waluigi poetically

“[You sound like an idiot]” snaps Wario

“[I’m going to do it ]”

“[No you’re not!]” yells Mario and Wario in unison

“Your Numbers, I am Zogarth the Queen,  planters of cats, mutilators of chickadees, and I come in muffins”

Celestia can only blink at the insane statement, and Wario and Mario face palm. Luna, however, holds back her giggles, it's not often she sees her sister caught off guard about something. Especially if that something is a stupid statement.

“Told you Waluigi sucks at his job” says Luna smugly

“My dogs and me have traveled from sets to eat babies and spread forth dirt of cheese and balls” continues Waluigi

“[Waluigi, shut up]” says Mario through gritted teeth

“Will you marry filly” concludes Waluigi

Celestia stares at Waluigi in silence. There is no way any intelligent species would say something as nonsensical as that! Not even Pinkie Pie says things that weird and she’s Pinkie Pie! One of the oddest mares ever born!

Celestia smacks her lips together and looks around the room, trying to think of a response. But she comes up with nothing. Absolutely nothing. She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly through her nose, and then turns and leaves the room. Luna watches Celestia leave the room and she briefly looks at the aliens before galloping after her sister.

“[I think we’re making progress]” says Waluigi confidently

Mario and Wario turn their heads slowly to glare at Waluigi.

***

In the hallway Luna trots after Celestia, her older sister is walking in a trance, like what she had heard was the most horrible thing ever uttered.

“Tia, are you okay?” asks Luna worryingly

“Tia is going to raise the sun” says Celestia monotoned

Luna stops walking and watches her sister walk away in her trance like state in total silence. She knows she’ll have to take drastic actions to ensure that her sister, or any pony for that matter, will never again suffer through the traumatic events caused by language barriers. She takes a deep breath, ruffles up her feathers, and boldly marches back to the room where the aliens are with a clear goal in mind.

She’s going to teach them Equestrian.

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AUTHOR’S NOTE

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Well, I was going to make this chapter longer, but there are quiet a  few things happening right now that makes progress for this oddball of a story slow. So, I figured I’d leave it off on a lighter note, even though I said there is a possibility of this installment being dark. But just so you get an idea of what Equestrian is, have a look at these videos that were developed after many hours, possibly days, of research.

(No, they are not mine)

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