Note: the events in this chapter occur three days before when ever the fuck Hearth's Warming Eve occurs.

I am so sorry.

You'll understand soon enough.

Kobold was in his office, shuffling through his bag.

Needless to say, he was getting bored.

He came across a statuette on a circular base with two red buttons on it, one labeled H and the other labeled J. The statuette resembled the 'Christ the Redeemer' statue in Brazil, but Kobold never made that connection. Held up by two pieces of string on either hand was a white piece of rolled up paper. He pressed the button labeled H. A masculine voice emanated from the statuette.

"Jesus wants a huuuug."

Kobold chuckled at this. "Hmm, wonder what J does." He pressed the other button.

"I don't know what's funnier, the Catholic church stronghonding you into helping us, or the fact that you obviously haven't seen what I've done to the statue of Big J."

The white paper unrolled to reveal it to be a multicolored sign with the words...

'420yoloswag4jesus.'

All whilst a man with a thick Irish accent was screaming.

After about three seconds, the paper rerolled itself.. Kobold was rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off.

He recovered two minutes later and put the statuette on his desk. "Ooohh, dear Slender, that was too good. Hehehehe."

Kobold heard a knock at the door. Still chuckling, he said "S'open." The door opened and Twilight strolled in. "Ah, Twilight, hehe, what can I do ya for?"

"Why are you laughing?"

Kobold pressed the J button again.

When it was over, Twilight was also rolling on the floor, laughing, while Kobold simply gripped his desk for support. "AHAHAHAHA, THAT'S GOOD."

"I know, I know, now what brought ya here?"

Twilight took a moment to recover. "Oh yeah, hehe, you, me, and, hehe, the girls have been, hehe, invited to Canterlot for a Hearth's Warming Eve party."

Kobold's heart began to pound. "Um, Twilight, do I need to remind you-"

"Yes, yes, the princesses already know of your...condition. Accommodations have been made. It just you, me, them, and the girls."

"Phew. Close one."

"But..."

"But?"

"We've kinda, sorta all agreed on a Secret Santa type of thing. You know what that is, right?"

"Uuuummm..." Kobold sorted through his memory to see if 'Secret Santa' was in there. Fortunately it was. Correction. Unfortunately, it was.

He sighed. "Aight, who'd I get?"

"Pinkie."

Oh, for dear fucks sake.

Kobold sighed. "Okay, okay, lemme think of something."

"Well, I gotta go. Very important things to do."

"I.E., sorting books?"

"Damn you"

Twilight left, leaving Kobold to his thoughts. "Okay, Pinkie, I don't like you, but I'm getting you a goddamn good present. And it will double as her apology gift. Two birds with one stone. Now, what to get, what to get...IDEA. Instead of buying something, why don't I make something? It'll give me something to do, too. Although, I'd need to keep her out of here for three days, and eliminate all suspicion. But the question remains, what to make...SECONDARY IDEA. She like parties, so why not something to add to it.

An animitronic bear!

That sings!

Oh, one problem, I'd need parts to make that. And as large as my bag is, there are no robotic parts in here. So, first on the agenda, write down a list of parts I need. Second, find a place were I can purchase these parts. Third, construct. Fourth, get the songs into this things head. Fifth, give the machine sentience so it can move along with the song.

Damn, I'm good."

Kobold pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, and begun to write down what he needed.

Crossbeams, wires, voice box, metal poles, and various other metal odds and ends.

"Now, to find a guy. And a book on sentience. I may be a smart ass, but machine sentience isn't something in my repertoire. Twilight might have something."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Golden Oaks Library
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Knocking at the door, Kobold waited for an answer.

"For Celestia's sake, THIS IS A PUBLIC LIBRARY."

He opened the door. Twilight was in the middle of the room, sorting through a few books. "Sorry, sorry, I just need to ask you for a couple things."

"What is it?"

"One, is there a mechanic or hardware store anywhere in town? And two, do you have a book on giving inanimate objects sentience."

"for the first one, yes, down the street, to the left, take a right, keep going, and take another left. As to the second question, there might be something in here."

Kobold went to the nearest shelf and started searching. He found various books, ranging from informative to catalogs to entertainment. He flipped into the 'E' section and discovered a book that seemed out of place in the library.

Epona Sutra. The fuck? Kobold opened the book...

"AAAHH."

And immediately shut it, dropping it on the floor and closing his eyes, keeping them shut.

Twilight heard this and said "Something wrong, Kobold?"

"Twilight, I have another question." Kobold said, his eyes still shut.

"What?"

"This is a public library, right?"

"Riiiiiiiiight..."

"Are you positive it isn't a pubic library?"

"What?" Twilight was offended.

"Here." Kobold kicked the book in Twilight's general direction. He heard the hum of her magic...

And the near immediate shutting and slamming of the book.

"AAHH"

"Yeah, that was my same reaction."

"Why would that be in here?"

"I have no idea, why should I?"

"I don't know."

"Well, who supplies these books."

"Princess Celest..."

"Ooohhhhh Sleeennnddeeeerr. She never struck me as the horny type, being royalty and all."

"I never thought the rumors were true..."

"Rumors?"

Twilight sighed. Kobold's eyes were still shut. "For awhile. There were rumors. About Celestia. And what she does in her spare time."

"Okay, now I need to home and bleach my eyeballs."

Kobold heard footsteps in the general area of the second floor stairs. "What are you two complaining about?"

It was Spike.

"Nothing!" They both yelled at once.

"Now, I'd best be off."

Nope, that wasn't it. Still sorry for it.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Down the street, to the left, take a right, keep going, and take another left.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

The directions were spot on.

He stood outside of a mechanics shop, aptly named 'Bits and Bobs'. Through the store windows, Kobold could make out a large variety of mechanical parts. If this guy doesn't have what I need, I swear some heads are gunna be ripped off.

Entering the store, a small bell ringed. "Coming, coming." Said a British accented voice from within the shop. Or was it English?

A brown male Earth Pony emerged from behind the piles of metal parts. His hair was a shade of dark brown, and he was wearing a rather tasteful blue suit with a bow tie and white undershirt. His Cutie Mark was an hourglass.

"Hello, welcome to Bits and Bobs." He said, "Name's John Smith. Most call me the Doctor."

"Doctor? Doctor of what?"

"Ju-wait, did you say 'of what'?"

"Yes. What are you a Doctor of?"

"Strange, most ponies say 'Doctor Who' instead."

"That was going to be my secondary question."

"Alrighty, then, what brought you here?"

"I need some parts." Kobold handed the Doctor his list. "Do ya got anything on that list, and if so, how much will it cost?"

"Yes, yes, I do happen to have all the things on this list. Although, it won't be cheap."

"How much?"

"Round about...two hundred seventy nine bits."

Kobold pulled out his money pouch, still heavy from the night the Eye of Cthulhu attacked.

"Will this do?"

"Yes, it will do very nicely. Just give me one moment to gather the parts." The Doctor retreated into the piles of parts. Five minutes later, he came back with a wooden crate overflowing with parts. Kobold handed him the necessary amount of money. "Come again." He said whilst Kobold was struggling with the crate.

"Hhuuuuuuuuuuuh."

The crate weighed a thousand pounds.

Nine hundred fifty three point six, to be exact.

Kobold held the crate above his head, and was clearly straining. The weight of the crate caused him to scrunch down to half his height.

He waddled out of the shop and to his office.

When he got there, he dropped the crate...

And proceeded to plop his ass on the couch to rest.

He sat there for ten minutes before he heard something.

A boom and then something burning.

And then a small tremor in the general direction of Fluttershy's house.

"Well, shit." Kobold pulled out his dual pistols and kicked open his door, looking in the direction of Fluttershy's house. Fortunately, it was still standing.

Unfortunately, there was something smouldering behind it.

Kobold approached the smoldering object to find...a floppy disk.

In working condition too. He picked it up and examined it. Written in black dry erase marker on the front was the word, or rather name, 'Holly'.

Behind him he heard hoofsteps. "What in tarnation was that?"

It was Applejack.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure. I need to analyze this at the office."

"That's the thing that caused all this racket?"

"Yes, now if you will excuse me, office time."

"I'm coming with."

"No, you are not. I need full concentration and one person in the room will divert that. Now go back to your normal everyday duties."

"Faaaiiine."

Kobold hurried back to his office, and pulled out a rectangular box with a slot large enough to fit the disk. Dangling from the back of the box was a cord. Kobold plugged the cord into his television and inserted the disk into the box.

"First time this thing's getting used." He observed, pressing the on button for both the floppy disk drive and the television.

A high pitched 'wooooaaaaan' came from the television, and a balding male head with just a line of hair running around his scalp appeared on screen.

"Oi, what's happenin' dudes?" The head spoke in an English accent. "Wait a second, your not Lister. Or Rimmer. Or the Cat. Wot's going on, then"

"Would you believe me if i said you've fallen out of an inter-reality portal into a reality were ponies are the dominate species, and magic exists?"

"That's about as believable as an online conspiracy theorist."

"Yeah, didn't think you'd believe me. I'll be back in a moment." Kobold strolled out of his office...

To see just about the entire town staring at him.

A floppy disk attracts this much attention, but a strange, unknown creature doesn't. Damn, this filter's good.

"Okay, I need a volunteer, preferably a unicorn. Any takers?"

The only one to volunteer was Twilight.

"Close enough. Come inside." The two entered the office. The head observed Twilight

"Alright, I believe that there are horses in this reality, but not that they're the dominate species or that magic exists."

"There is a mob waiting outside to see what you are. All ponies."

"I'm not a horse, I'm a pony. Big difference."

"Still don't believe in the magic."

"Twilight? Do some magic for us?"

"Okay." Twilight levitated the couch and the floppy disk drive, surrounding it with her purple aura.

"Easily explained. Strings. Mono-filament line."

Kobold sighed as he took out his sword, released it, and slashed the air above the couch and disk drive.

Of course, nothing happened.

"By God, your telling the truth!"

"Okay, now that we got that out of the way, answer me this. What are you, were are you from and what's the last thing you can remember?"

"I am a tenth generation A.I. computer with an I.Q. of six thousand."

"I thought the maximum I.Q. possible was three hundred."

"Not for computers."

"Aight, continue."

"I was programed into the mainframe of the Jupiter Mining Corporation ship Red Dwarf. I remained this way until a radiation leaked killed the entire crew, save one person."

"Who was it?"

"Dave Lister. He was put into stasis for eighteen months because he snuck an quarantined animal on board. A cat, to be specific, that was stored safely in the ships hold, and bred and evolved over time. During stasis, the radiation leak occurred, and I had to keep him in stasis until the radiation hit a safe background level."

"Which was?"

"Three million years."

"I'll be dammed."

"He's the only one alive. Him, and a human-like species that evolved from his cat."

"Wait wait wait, when I first booted you up, you mentioned Lister, the Cat, and another, Rimmer. Who's Rimmer?"

"A hologram of Lister's dead bunk mate."

"I see. That's why you never mentioned him." Kobold looked toward Twilight. "You've been awful quiet over there. You okay?"

"Yes, yes, it's just...so many dead."

"Would you like to step out?"

"Yes, that sounds like a good idea." She left, leaving Kobold alone with the head.

"So, I assume by the label on the floppy that your name's Holly. Am I right in assuming that?"

"Yeah, you are."

"So, Holly, where were we?"

"We were in the middle of discussing were I'm from."

"Ah, yes. You just got done telling me about Rimmer. Let's move on. What's the last thing you remember?"

"Last thing I remember was using the Holly Hop Drive to get back to our normal dimension."

"Elaborate."

"The Holly Hop Drive is a device I invented to try and get to other, parallel dimensions. I perfected it, got it to work, and we ended up in a female orientated dimension were everyone's gender was swapped. It took some time to get it workin' again, but we got back. After that, just blackness, and then I got booted up on your television set."

"Hmm, interesting. It's possible that in attempting to get back to your dimension, you accidentally ripped a hole in the fabric of reality, to which you were ejected from the ship and sent here."

"Sounds about right, then."

"As far as I know, there is currently no way to send you back. In the mean time, how about you stay here as my assistant. You'll generally stay there, but when I need you, I'll call you up. Sound good?"

"No better offer, really. Not much of a choice."

"Well, there, settled. First assignment, Holly, is to help me find a way to give an animatronic enough sentience to understand what it is singing and act accordingly. Got anything in your files?"

"Yes, actually. I'm bringin' it on screen now." A large jumble of equations replaced Holly's face on screen.

"Okay, save that. Now, I gotta get working on putting this thing together."

And thus, Kobold began to build the animitronic.

And build

And build

And build

And build until he was exhausted. Having done the majority of the work by now, coupled with the fact that it was eleven at night, Kobold decided to go to sleep. "You can offline, Holly, I'm going to sleep."

"Night, then."

/\/\/\/\/
Morning
/\/\/\/\/

Kobold awoke, and got ready to create. He strolled into his office to find the animatronic endoskeleton were he left it, siting in the middle of the room.

"Holly, 's morning."

'wooooaaaaan'

"Morning...now that I think about it, you never told me your name. Wot is it, then."

"Hosamen. Kobold Hosamen."

"OK, then. Morning, Kobold."

"Well, I'd better be getting to work."

"About that. I had a thought. If you give this thing sentience, you'll need to implement the Laws of Robotics. To keep it from hurting anyone."

"Smart idea, Holly. Note that and remind me later."

Within the next two hours, the endoskeleton was complete, along with the suit, which Kobold assembled from various parts from inside his bag.

It stood erect in the middle of the office, wearing a top hat and bow tie, and holding a microphone. At the bottom of the head was an outlet, resembling a bear and leading into the animatronic's 'brain'.

Kobold pulled out a computer and plugged it into the outlet with an attached cord. A consuls appeared on screen, and began coding, all whilst humming 'It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas'.

When he was done, Kobold closed the laptop and put it away, along with its cord. "Now all that's left is to package it." He pulled out an enormous box out of his bag, just large enough to fit the bear. He pulled out some pink wrapping paper and began to wrap the box.

When he was done, he placed the box in his bag, and continued on with his normal daily schedule for the next day

Basically, just reading and drinking.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The Next Day

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kobold was going about his normal schedule when he heard a knock on the door. "S'open." Twilight entered the room. "Hey, Twilight. Whatcha need?"

"For you to come with me. The train is about to leave."

"What? I thought the thing wasn't until tomorrow."

"We're leaving today and staying there overnight. Another gift, I presume."

"Aight, I have no quarrels."

"Well, what are you waiting for? The train leaves in ten minutes."

"Well, then, we'd better get going."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Later that Day
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"By the Tie..." The place was amazing. The architecture reminded him of the Renaissance age mixed with various parts of modern technology, such as street lamps.

"Okay, please note that I have never been here before when I say this. Were's the castle?"

The Elements rolled their eyes. "Right over there." They said simultaneously.

They pointed toward one of the most colorful rendition of a medieval castle.

"How did I miss that?"

"Blindness." They said again.

"Well, no use standing around here. Let's get our asses moving."

The group came upon the massive double doors, and a green unicorn with a darker green mane trotted up to the group.

"I'm sorry, sir. I must confiscate the dangerous contents of your bag. Security reasons."

"See, that's not as simple as you may think-"

"Empty your bag, sir."

"Because the size of the bag is-"

"EMPTY YOUR DAMN BAG!"

"Fine, have it your way." Kobold opened up his bag and poured out its contents.

For about five minutes until the green unicorn just said "You know what, forget it. Just go."

This is why I hate airports.

The group entered the castle to find it decked with a large variety of X-mas decorations. Lines of colorful lights wrapped around bushes of wreaths lined the ceiling. In the center of the main foyer was an enormous evergreen tree, also wrapped in lights.

And surprisingly close to that was an inflatable brown earth pony in a red coat and hat, and a large, bushy, white beard. What would one call it? Santa Clops? That just sounds wrong for some reason.

"Welcome, my little ponies," Celestia had walked in while Kobold was admiring the decorations. She looked toward him, narrowing her eyes. "And Kobold." she added with distaste.

"Yes, yes, yes. Welcome." Luna had come out from behind Celestia. "Why don't you show everypony to their rooms, and I'll show Kobold to his room."

"Fine." Said Celestia, eyes still narrowed at Kobold. Luna approached him. "What's her deal?" Kobold asked.

"I'll explain on the way."

The two group departed, Celestia going to the right hall, and Luna and Kobold taking the left. After a minute of walking, Kobold broke the silence.

"So, you were saying?"

"My sister does not like you."

"Yeah, I could've picked that up. But what did I do?"

"Well, for starters, you ordered her around during the attack."

"And?"

"And every time she's near you, her magic is ineffective, and she feels weaker, along with your presence bringing along monsters from other realities."

"Okay, that explains a lot."

"The only reason you got invited to this is because of me. I convinced her to invite you, and make the accommodations. In fact, she wanted to invite the whole of Canterlot in just to torture you."

"That little bitch!"

"I know, she really doesn't like you."

"But, wait, why vouch for me, of all peop-you know what, never mind. It's because we're 'good friends', right."

"Correct."

"But still, how were you able to convince her?"

"A compromise. The castle is split into two 'wings', the Sun Wing and the Moon Wing. I do not believe that you need to be told which is for whom."

"Nope."

"Anyway, our compromise was that the Elements are given rooms in the Sun Wing, whilst you are given a room in the Moon Wing. Also, you need to stay out of the Sun Wing."

"Sound reasonable." Kobold mischievously smiled on the inside.

"We're here." Said Luna five minutes later.

The room was actually quite nice. Despite there being windows, and it being the middle of the day, the room was rather dark, the dark blue curtains blocking out most of the light. In the back of the room was a bed, also colored dark blue.

And there was a television set in front of it for some reason.

And there was also a balcony that overlooked Canterlot.

"Very nice, very nice, but you didn't need need to do all this for me."

"It was either this or let my sister take care of it."

"Thank. You."

"Don't mention it."

Luna left Kobold alone in his room.

And he immediately checked the entirety of said room, looking for anything suspicious. "If that little bitch hated me enough to do THAT, I think she might've planted SOMETHING in here."

After about ten minutes of looking, Kobold found nothing, and settled down on his bed.

He heard a soft 'clin' as light began to emanate from the television. Kobold looked at where he was sitting to find the remote to said television. A movie was playing on screen. It appeared to be a low budget movie, taking place with an obviously fake ocean background and a poorly put together ship foreground. A male and female earth pony emerged from the set. The male said something about not being able to kill a kraken, and the female said she could give him the confidence. She bent over and...and...

"AAAAAAHHHHHH, MY EYYYYES."

Kobold grabbed the television, kicked open the doors to the balcony, and threw the television away as hard as he could.

"Well, now I know what that little bitch was up to." Kobold went to go grab the remote when he noticed something hidden under the bed. He got on all fours and grabbed it. It was the DVD case for the movie, labeled 'Buckaneers' and displaying the male and female 'fighting' a kraken.

"This disturbs me."

Kobold heard a knock on the door. "Sir, we heard screaming coming from this room. Is everything fine?"

"Yes yes, the...problem has been resolved."

"Alright, continue with your day."

"Bullet. Dodged."

Still not it.

Night soon came, and Kobold couldn't fall asleep. Every time he closed his eyes, the scene from the movie just kept replaying. "Celestia, go half-die in a hole, burn the rest of the way, and then have someone desecrate your corpse."

Kobold stared at the ceiling, trying to think of a plan to get Celestia back.

"Light-bulb!"

Turning on his perception filter, Kobold left his room to find two royal guards posted on either side of his door. Hmm, smarter than I gave her credit for. Kobold turned the filter to a higher setting and snuck out, heading in the direction of the main foyer, and towards the Sun Wing.

After half an hour of searching through the twisted, maze-like corridors, Kobold found the golden double doors with a sun emblem on it.

Must be her room.

Even though his perception filter was set on its highest function, Kobold still opened the door slowly and treed lightly. He didn't know if alicorns could see through the filter. Twilight couldn't, but Celestia was older, wiser, and possibly more powerful than her. He didn't want to take chances.

Kobold got on ground and began to slowly crawl under Celestia's bed. When he got there, he saw a cardboard box hidden expertly away behind some innocent looking stuffed animals. Kobold moved these aside. The box had a label.

'Porn Stash.'

Wait for it.

Curiosity got the best of him. Kobold opened the box.

He really wished he hadn't.

Imagine a conglomeration of all the most fucked up shit created by man kind. Then, take pictures of all of them and shove them into a box. That gives you the watered down version of what was in that box.

Wait for it.

Kobold heard yawning from above. Ohshitohshitohshitohshit. He quickly put the 'material' back in the box and shoved it into place. After five seconds, he heard the familiar hum of magic as the box moved out from under the bed and up to Celestia.

Oooooooohhhhhh nnnnooooooooooo.

He.

Heard.

Groaning.

And a squeal of delight.

Okay, THIS is what I'm sorry for.

After twenty minutes of pure hell, she finished and slid the box back under the bed and covered it with the stuffed animals. Kobold waited for her to start snoring before he executed his plan.

He pulled out a plate of cheese, which was set to expire...tomorrow. Kobold put it down, took the porn stash, and shoved it in his bag. Slowly creeping out from hell itself, he scooted along the wall back to his room.

When he got back, he collapsed in his bed. Porno movies AND a porn stash. This is one horny bitch.

However, sleep evaded Kobold even more, now that he had seen what Celestia kept under her bed. "Maybe I need some fresh air." Kobold got out of bed and walked out to the balcony. It gave a very nice view of Canterlot. The air was also crisp and cool. He blinked to the top of the roof to get a better view and a nice seat.

Deep inhale.

Exhale.

"Can't sleep?" Luna had snuck up on Kobold.

"Yeah. Your sister's the biggest bitch I've ever met!"

"Yes, I am fully aware." She sat down next to Kobold.

"She put a porno on the television and left the remote on the bed. It turned on."

"Well, that explains the screaming."

"Damn right, it does!"

Awkward silence.

"I got nothin'. You."

"Ditto."

The two just sat in silence for a few minutes, staring at the sky.

"Night looks pretty tonight."

"I do my best."

"Yes, this is a very lovely night. Almost...waitwaitwait, wohwohwoh." The world came to a stop, Luna in mid exhale and blink.

"NARRATOR!" Kobold called out into the night. A simple wooden door manifested three yards in front of him. It opened, and a teenager, about fifteen, with messy dark brown hair, brown eyes, a black sweatshirt-jacket, black sweatpants, and thick framed glasses poked his head out.

Aside from the obvious differences, he looked exactly like Kobold.

"What's the problem, Kobold?" The Narrator said, obviously annoyed.

"My 'problem' is that your beginning to make a romance scene. I thought you said you weren't doing any shipping! What gives?!"

"I'm not. This is just implemented as a way to break the fourth wall for comedic purposes."

A woman's head popped out of the door. She was a light shade of gray with amber colored glowing eyes and platinum blond hair.

"Dammit, Sophia, your not coming in until much, much latter. Now get back inside." The Narrator pushed Sophia back inside.

"Now, if that is all you wanted, I'm giving you the ability to fall asleep and fast-forwarding to the morning. I need to get this story moving and get back to watching Blackadder, dammit."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
The Next Day
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Kobold awoke with a start. He just had a really weird dream. Something about a narrator and a disturbingly pale woman.

She didn't look that bad, actually.

Don't judge.

He got up, grabbed his bag, and headed to the foyer. Everyone else had already gathered there, and were exchanging there gifts.

Twilight gave Rarity a book on Roaman cloth design

Pinkie gave Rainbow Dash a cake, frosted blue with a rainbow motif. It looked like it was baked ten minutes ago. Still steaming.

Applejack had given Fluttershy a jar of rainbow colored preserves. Something about electric apples.

Rainbow Dash had given Twilight the newest book in a series. Darning Don't, or something like that.

Fluttershy gave Celestia a decorative, homemade sweater for her pet phoenix, Philomena.

And last but not least, Celestia gave Luna a...Santa themed pair of bra and panties of questionable size.

The fuck is wrong with her?

Kobold was approached by Luna. "I assume you got me?"

"Astute observation." She joked, and levitated a small package, wrapped dark blue. Kobold opened it to find a necklace, made of silver and platinum. On the necklace was a crescent moon charm-type thing, made out of a white metal, and studded with small pieces of onyx that gave it the appearance of craters.

Holding the charm, Kobold felt empowered.

"Luna," He whispered. "What did you do to this?"

"A test, so to speak." She said. "The charm is an old piece of mine. I've infused it with night magic and gave it to you to see what happens. How do you feel?"

"Like I could go ten rounds with a Tank."

"A what?"

"In three words? Big. Fucking. Zombie."

Luna looked a bit worried. "How do you-"

"I have no idea."

"Well, I believe you have a gift to give."

"Yes, I do." Kobold turned around...

To find Pinkie staring him straight in the face, barely an inch away from him.

"AH." Kobold jumped. "Pinkie, you GOT to stop doing that."

"I cant, its just too fun. Anyway, whatchagetmewhatchagetmewhatchagetmewhatchagetm-"

"Pinkie?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up and take my gift!"

Kobold handed Pinkie the wrapped box. She opened it and saw the animatronic. "OOOO a giant stuffed teddy bear! I always want one!"

"It's not a stuffed bear, Pinkie. It's an animatronic. A singing one."

"What?"

"Give me a minute." Kobold pulled out the animatronic and placed it on the ground upright. "Just gotta...turn it on." Hr pulled up a flap on the back of the head, revealing an electronic touchboard. A single icon was illuminated. 'On'. Kobold pressed it, and walked to the front of the animatronic and stared it in the eyes. They flickered for a moment, became still, and stared down at Kobold.

Then it threw out his arm, grabbed Kobold by the neck, and lifted him off the ground.

"Reah, ah, ah." Kobold choked out as the sentient machine strangled him.

And it was laughing. A deep, sadistic laugh

"He he he. He he."

Kobold's vision began to fade. He tried to scratch the the machine's arm, but the metal was too tough to break through.

Strangled by a singing bear animatronic. Never saw that one coming.

As his vision was about the fade entirely to black, Kobold felt something slither on his back. No, not on, out, out of his back, like a snake emerging from his backside. The slithering object made it's way around his sides and to his chest.

Almost gone, Kobold faintly heard the sound of something breaking through metal. The animatronic's arm jittered for a moment, and then dropped Kobold onto the floor.

"Couh, couh, couh. HUUUAAH." Kobold coughed as his esophagus returned to its normal, non-crumpled state. He turned toward the other inhabitants of the room, all of them staring at him with shocked expressions. "Yeah, thanks a lot for getting that damn machine off of me. I'm fine, thank you very much."

"K-K-Kobold." Fluttershy squeaked.

"What?"

"L-l-look behind you."

"What, all there is is the animi-oh sweet fucking mother of all that is unholy."

Behind him, stemming from his back, was an array of undulating tentacles, black as the darkest night. Kobold counted ten, but there could have easily been more. He looked at them with an expression of curiosity and excitement.

"Mhmhmhmhm." Kobold chuckled under his breath. He moved the tentacles around in a swaying motion. Unconsciously, he was moving his arms in the same motion as the tentacles. He moved them to the right, his arms moved to the right. He picked up the remains of the animatronic with the tentacles, his arms were outstretched and palms closed, like he was picking something up. Positioning the broken animatronic upwards, he looked at the damage.

The tentacles had punched a hole straight through the chest of the machine. Currently, it was not in working condition. "Pinkie, when we get home, I'll fix this up for ya."

"Aren't you going to tell us about these tentacles, and how you got them." Celestia asked threateningly.

Kobold informed the royal alicorn on the pages. Including his other acquired powers.

Might not have been the smartest idea, but logic kind of goes out the window when an all powerful sun goddess is giving you a death stare.

"So, right now you have 'Blink', 'Tentacles', and 'Perception Filter'?"

"Yep."

"If you will excuse me for a moment." Celestia left the foyer in the direction of her room.

"Now might be a good time to beat it. Thank you, Luna, for inviting us, it's been a pleasure, send my regards to Celestia." Kobold quickly blurted out. He picked up the animatronic and stuffed it in his bag, not moving his arms this time.

Afterwords, he sprinted out of the palace, and towards the general direction of the train station.

On his way there, he happened to spot a broken television on the road that looked like it had fallen a great height. He recognized it as the same television that he had chucked out the balcony.

When Kobold arrived at the station, the train was just a minute away from leaving. The Elements, somehow, had already arrived at the train and had taken there seats.

"Kobold," Twilight spoke. "Why were you so eager to get out of there so fast."

"You'll find out in three, two, one."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

Additional: Alternative ending to this chapter. It wouldn't make much sense to put these two together, so consider only the one above canon.

As Kobold took a seat in the train, Pinkie appeared next to him. "Hi! Guess what I found lying in the streets!" Out of nowhere, she pulled out the smashed television.

"Pinkie, did you look inside it yet?"

"Yea! I found this." Pinkie, again, pulled out of nowhere the VHS tape labeled 'Buckaneers'.

"Pinkie, can I see those?"

"Sure."

"HUUUUAAAAH." Kobold flung the television and the disk out the window.

"AND STAY OUT!"

Author's Note

*Deep inhale* *deep exhale.*

Why do people like this shit?

Finally got this one done. by far, the longest chapter written yet. Had this idea for awhile, and I wanted to torture Kobold and emphasize the fact that HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN PONIES. But now for a more serious topic. Did you enjoy the 'adult humor' in this chapter, and if so, would you like to see more of it in future chapters.

Just a note, if I do choose to continue this kind of humor, than I'll try my damnedest to keep it as T rated as I can. I realize that this is an M rated fic, but I'd like to have some mercy for those of you only reading this for the violence.

Also, the results for the contest in the last chapter. The winner was...

NOBODY! *throws paper into the air.* No one got the references. I'm a tad ashamed, but then again, the references were rather vauge, at best, and corrupted to fit the situation.

Anyway, the first reference was to Red Dwarf, an old BBC sci-fi comedy. The line was;

"Stop. Resisting. I am going to make you a suit and you are going to like it. Rarity Directive 274."

"You're forgetting Kobold Directive 596 which clearly states 'no way in hell, you white, magic bitch'."

The second was to Futurama. The line was;

"Pardon, but if I may ask, is that REAL velour?"

Celestia responded "Why yes, it is real velour. Why do you ask?"

I need to get a life.

And friends.

And maybe one or two other things.

AAAAANYway, favorite, follow and reveiw if you like this shit.

For shits a giggles, and to attempt to increase follows\favorites, I'm holding a little bit of a game, so to say.

If I can get fifteen follows and fifteen favorites, or any combonation of that that equals thirty, I will open a character blog on Tumblr, again, for shits and giggles.

HAVE AT IT.

And Happy Holidays