Author's Note
That's right. I'm doing this. You can't stop me :P
It's a LoHAV parody, so keep that in mind. I'm trying something new, dammit! Tagged mature for language, you sperglords :V
Latex Remix
The doorbell rang, rousing me from my dead slumber. The persistent fucker just wouldn't go away, and, realizing that he/she/that sonufa- wouldn't go until I showed them my frazzled face and possibly-hazardous morning breath, I dragged my arse out of bed and shuffled to the door, lamenting the loss of my cocoon of warmth - shut up, I'm stupid at describing shit when I just wake up - and twiddled with the doorknob as I groggily remembered how hands work.
Grasping the knob and twisting, I wrenched the door open to a bright-eyed young man, holding a box big enough to fit a Nike worker's meal - that is to say, about the size of a generously-sized slice of bread, and a small clipboard. The incessant dick woke me for this? I grumbled angrily, reaching out and taking the box. My arm was suddenly weighed down - the box must have weighed at least three pounds! Grunting, I swung about and tossed the box into my house, hearing something distinctively like glass shattering, and turned back to the man with a mild string of swears. He smirked. Bastard. A brighter voice than his outfit's white sheen rang out, his demeanor reflecting his happiness as he asked for my signature. I scribbled a gruff 'Asshole' on the line, smirking as I finished with a slam of the door. As the lock slid into place, I had fulfilled my human contact requirements for a day and could safely retire to my room for the rest of the day.
Picking up the interestingly-small-but-heavy-as-fuck box, I stumbled back to my room, trying to remember what I could have ordered. It wasn't the latest in a long line of guitar picks I was cycling through, and it wasn't strings, since I'd bought those last week. I shrugged, grabbing the decorative-but-still-sharp Master Sword off my wall and heroically slashing through the tape, slaying the beast with but one swipe. In reality, I had carefully slit the package open, having had terrible knife incidents from similar stupidity fits in the past. The edges of a black plastic bag slid out, and I staggered to alertness, realizing it was the final shipment for the bodysuit I had ordered weeks prior.
I won't lie, I've had my share of kinky times, despite my virgin naivety, and certain... interests have gotten into my kinks. Namely, fuzzy, adorable, totally-badass-but-also-totally-emotional ponies. Particularly Dash. Many a night had been lost to thought of the lithe mare, her form and wings, her agility and brash loyalty, her tomboyish-but-still-girly personality. I wanted it all for myself, and I had finally discovered a way to make it happen. Bodysuits had been browsed before on my histories long deleted, but never to the extent that my current piece was. Each painstakingly-accurate detail was meshed straight from numerous artistic renditions and show artist's opinions, down to the last feathertip. Each and every feather was real, with the bluish shade splashing over my furniture when I spread them in the sunlight. The retractable appendages were powered by battery, and coiled by a winch, soundlessly and speedily opening and closing them at the press of a button on the inside of the hoof.
The mane, consisting of real, dyed pony hair, waved in the light breeze blowing through my window as the eyes shone their magenta hues despite the pupils being slightly gray due to the mesh of the eyeholes. The rest of the bodysuit, which was designed to seamlessly attach to the head, found itself in the sunlight for the first time, spreading out in all its cyan glory. I scrubbed the sleep-crust from my eyes, and tossed the box in the trash, before turning about and affixing the head to the body of the suit as per instructions. The sealant they had included was so strong, if one were to stick a pair of boots to the side of a sky scraper, they could stand up straight in them without tearing them off. I reeled from the fumes - the headache felt slightly silly, and yet painful at the same time. Perhaps this is why they tell you not to sniff the glue?
I opened my back door, taking in the light breeze that now joined the window's in a welcome, albeit exhaust-fume-filled, draft about my house. My skin tingled with anticipation, and I stomped back up to my bedroom to collapse once more to the titan of sleep.
~'~,~'~,~'~,~'~
I awoke to the smell of sealant and cat shit as I stumbled out of bed - and right into said pile. Cursing my fat-but-adorable cat to the nine rings of hell cats must have, I wiped my foot on a discarded towel - I needed a new one anyways - and made my way downstairs. Upon reaching the living room, I took in the sight. My bodysuit sat pristine, shimmering in the light of the afternoon sun, its cyan curves accentuated by the rainbow mane and tail, the real hairs reflecting the bands of light as they slowly sank across its form. I watched the breeze waft in, spreading the strands of mane over the now-seamless back of the latex. My body shivered with delight. I felt a warmth spread in my chest as I touched the latex, my hand squeaking across the surface. Perfect.
PoneCon was but a day or two away, and this outfit would win the costume contest for sure. I had researched countless hours' time, digging around to find voice clips and practicing the lines. I had her voice down pat, and now I had the looks. I just needed to fly.
I picked up the suit, it felt light, yet firm, about six pounds in weight. Heavier than most of my outfits, but much more divine and free. Unzipping the back, I stepped a leg in, feeling the latex mold fit snugly around my foot like a second skin, the fit allowing no air in - making me slightly itchy. I scratched absently at my leg as I began to fill the suit with my body, easing the latex around every inch, the form caressing me and making me shake with anticipation. I shimmied around, getting the latex to sit right in places, before lowering the head down with a shudder. I shivered as the eyes sealed over mine, and my vision became filled by tons of tiny holes, the mesh making sight bearable - as long as I kept both eyes open.
I grasped the zipper between my hooves - I have hooves! - and eased it up, sealing my body in the suit. I sat in the middle of the floor, enjoying the sensation of the plastic fibers sealed around my skin, every movement eliciting a tiny squeak from the material. I stood, briefly getting used to standing without express aid of my toes, but found balance on my legs easily. I looked about, before dropping to fours, and striking what I hoped was a triumphant pose, before belting out, "I'm Rainbow Dash! Fastest flier in Equestria!" My voice cracked on the second 'e' in Equestria, but it sounded tomboyish enough to be her. I smiled, before removing the suit and bringing it into my room to prepare for the next day.
Little did I know, that next day would be Hell.
Six A.M.
Birds are chirping outside, the sun is peeking over the clouds, and that goddamn alarm won't shut up! I reach out, grasping the cheap clock with a grunt, heaving the machine across the room, its flight leaving a dent in the wall as the incessant beeping finally dies. Grumbling, I sidled beneath the covers again, before awaking with a start - today's the day!
PoneCon!
I jump out of bed, racing to throw on the nearest pair of pants and shirt lying amidst Mount Launderest, and rushed through my morning routine, a minty breath and the scent of spray-in conditioner following my form as I head downstairs. The typical teenage kickstarter - a plate of Pizza Rolls and a tall glass of Coke - make up my meal, as I plot out my day. First, I'll gather the bodysuit and my belongings I'm bringing for the event. I'll need to fill a suitcase separate from the bodysuit - I can't risk ruining the hairs or the details from compressing the bag - so I gather my bags to prepare. Finishing my plate as I pass through the kitchen again, I chug down the Coke. Feeling the high-energy combo of soda and artificial preservatives rushing through my body, I gear up and say goodbye to my house for a few days - for now, I'm really homeward bound.
If only I knew how right I was.
~'~,~'~,~'~,~'~
Highway signs blasted past me as I careened down the highway, my loyal old girl swerving between asshole drivers and the occasional old-as-fuck one, on my way to the convention. Loud, grating music pumped through my speakers, everything from Pink Floyd to Thesauros, from Jeffree Star to GRiZ. My Ipod held more music than the trip would need - three hundred times over - so a wide variety of songs graced the ears of fellow drivers around me.
I reveled in the numerous fingers and gestures being waved at me, free schadenfreude is best schadenfreude, I always say. As the steady line of cars piloted by insecure neckbeards trickled to a slow crawl, I knew the convention was close. I felt the anticipation welling up inside of me, the shivers of delight when I kick everyone's fat asses in the costume contest filling me with hope and determination. I grasped the wheel tighter, and began to shout fervently along with my music, the pumped attitude powering me the final miles to the convention center.
I followed behind a line of cars that appeared to be driven by an invisible, drunk, and extremely high Master Hand, as the line siphoned into the parking lot. I could see the less-dedicated fans pulling their abominations out of their trunks, the paper and cardboard wing forms sending a strong sense of victory to my heart. I parked, the stench of cigarettes, alcohol, and the occasional joint filling my car as the tailgaters milled about the lot, some arguing over season events, others fighting over characters, while most sat around and took in the fun times before the convention opened. I spotted some video game cosplayers, but brushed them off in favor of the Pone master race. Besides, Peach ain't got shit on Dash's thighs. I laughed to myself, opening my trunk and extricating the suitcase with the bodysuit in it. Opening the latches, I took in the perfection once more, the hairs a bit askew from travel, but otherwise undisturbed. It literally shone.
The shimmering cyan coming from my trunk attracted onlookers, but most shied away at the realistic nature, claiming me to be a 'disgusting horse-fucker'. I smirked, as the true enthusiasts gasped in utter awe. Or in disgust, which looks like awe if you squint enough. So there.
Donning the suit, I felt the latex conform to my figure, rounding out my shape with Dash's supple curves, her sleek legs and feminine-but-not-too-girly face covering mine in a seamless perfection. Easing the zipper up, I basked in the warmth of the sunlight beating down on my suit. I turned, closing the trunk, and ensuring my wallet and keys were safely inside my suit with me, before turning and heading into the hall.
My eyes opened in shock. I had never been to a convention this size before, nor one so... freestyled. People ran about, some in full-on fursuits, others in skimpy lingerie, and a scant few with accurate costumes. I sauntered over to the costume contest counter to sign up, but forgot about my lack of hand usage, loudly.
"Aw fuck! I can't just take this thing off right here, lady, you gotta understand!" I grumbled, upset, before a hand reached out before me and took the pen, a smiling face appearing in my view. The woman - I can only assume as much - stood nearly my height, but had the deepest green in her eyes, with a calm shade of pink hair to accentuate them. She smiled, before asking my name. I numbly replied, in awe that someone would come to the aid of some schmuck in a Rainbow Dash outfit, as she scribbled my info on the sheet. Smiling, she turned to me, before hugging me and thanking me for being brave. I wondered why she had touched on brave, before remembering that I gave my gender away with my name. I blushed - completely hidden by the suit, but my stance became more subdued.
As I stumbled around the con, attempting to get used to walking on four hooves, I bumped into a man selling shitty remakes of the Alicorn Amulet and the Elements of Harmony. His display table shattered, and his wares scattered the floor. He turned to me, raging mad as I stuttered out an apology. His eyes burned with anger, and I shrank back as much as my suit would allow, my hand reflexively pressing my wings outwards. He turned, holding a familiar lightning-bolt necklace in his hands.
"Well, little missy, it seems you've forgotten common courtesy and your manners! Loyalty to your beliefs is the first step to remembering, and you'll never remember without one crucial piece." He held the necklace out, and I found myself transfixed - the bolt seemed to glow a reddish hue, and my mind was lost in the trance. "You will relearn your loyalty, young Rainbow Dash, and I have the component you're missing." He stepped forward, pressing the necklace against my body, a searing pain erupting from my body as the suit burned where it touched me. As my skin bubbled from the heat erupting off the suit, I could make out his words above my tattered screams: "Without the Element, you're nothing but a shell..."
My vision flared white, a growing warmth filling me as the suit burned my skin away. It moved next to my insides, filling me with an impossible heat, my very being erupting in pleasure and pain at the same time. I cried, I swore, I yelled, and I coughed, but nothing would stop the burning pain the Element was sending through me. I felt a rush, like being dragged through midair, before falling with a slight crunch of bone to a solid surface. The ground felt softer than the convention floor, and a bright light filled what was left of my vision as I felt my body beginning to numb. The pain searing across my legs was leaving - and with it, the sensation of having legs altogether! I squirmed as best as I could, feeling nothing below my waist move, yet I could feel the ground beneath the bodysuit where my legs and feet should have been. As I wrenched my head upright, I could see the bodysuit glowing, and the Element of Loyalty necklace burned into my neck, the light radiating outward, and giving the latex a more hairlike look.
I blanched in sudden realization - I wasn't being destroyed by the suit, I was becoming it! As my waist tingled and became numb, I saw the curves of the waist grow slightly pudgier - no doubt my essence was going right to the hips. As my mind filled with a lighter feeling, my thoughts became harder to form, until I could only lay immobile, feeling my body as it slowly was converted to latex and merging with the fibers of the suit. I felt my hands being pulled into the suit, a light tugging, as though being led by hand, pulled me forward, beckoning that I dive headlong into the bodysuit. A shadow of fear passed my mind. What of my life and everything I had before? What of my bodysuit? And what of the convention contest? The doubts were erased as easily as they formed, as my mind eased into a light fuzzy feeling, my lungs gasping with the rasps of a laugh, before they too converted to latex. My head was all that remained, and as I felt my ears fade into the strands of hair on the bodysuit's head - on my head - I knew my fate was sealed. My vision blacked out, my eyes becoming one with the suit as the mesh closed up into lifelike depictions of Rainbow Dash's fiery gaze.
~'~,~'~,~'~,~'~
Muffled sounds roused me from the... slumber? I had been in. I grumbled and made to wipe my eyes, ridding myself of the errant nightmare that would not end. A nightmare, it seemed, that would never end. I heard giddy voices building in the distance, and felt a warm light beating down on my form. I tried to move, instead meeting with a cold numbness where my arm should be. A strike of panic flew through my heart, and I reflexively flailed my limbs, the sudden coldness filling my body making me shiver in real fear. As the events of my last conscious moments come racing back, I realized with a sinking heart that I've become my bodysuit, down to the last latex fiber and strand of rainbow hair. I bumped into the wrong salesman, and now, I'd be spending the rest of my life as a bodysuit of Rainbow Dash in wherever the fuck I ended up!
I tried to sob, only to realize that I couldn't produce tears anymore either. 'Thanks, Obama!' I groused, as a sudden touch on my latex body shocked me out of my reverie. A polished, well-kept accent rained down upon my latex ears, its posh manner bringing a name to the forefront of my mind - Rarity! Perhaps I was still at the con, and someone had decided to help m-
"So I was saying to her, you simply must- Oh my! What could this dreadful thing be?" Rarity's voice rang out through the day, her walking partner, Fluttershy, nodding in agreement toward the pile of bluish material lying haphazardly in the middle of the road.
That pile of material was me, and I was apparently in Equestria! And with that realization, all my hope died out, like rats in a bucket of gasoline.
Fucking great.
"It looks like... Rainbow Dash?!" Rarity swept me off the ground, holding my form limply in her magical aura, turning me about, and examining the zipper on my belly. "Well, it isn't Rainbow, but quite a detailed replica, if I do say so myself. I wager it belongs to one of those dreadful 'humans' that keeps appearing and causing us ridiculous amounts of trouble."
I was speechless! Other people were here too! Maybe I had just died and gone to Brony heaven... which would really be classified as the ninth circle of hell. Oh boy, maybe I'll see my cat here.
"I... I don't know, Rarity, I think we should bring it to Twilight. She would know if humans have used it." Fluttershy pawed my latex, her hoof's sensation sending tingles down my form.
"I think that's a splendid idea! Maybe she could find out if they have more of these... disguises." My mind recognizes the idea of resent in the duo's voices as they discuss me, and my involvement with the other humans, who, apparently, were lucky enough to keep their bodies! Lucky motherfuckers, getting all the good things in life! When I get restored, I'll come back and twist bow ties with their innards. Then, we'll see who's really the destructive one! I bristle in anger, before remembering the silver lining, my one last hope - Twilight.
Realization dawns in my latex mind. They're taking me to see Twilight! I'll be discovered! I'll be saved! I'll...
...be thrown into a bonfire and horrifically melted.
Don't get associated with destructive humans and thrown into a bonfire and horrifically melted.
Get DirecTV.
Author's Note
"And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming: Craptastic stories just like this one!"
xD
In all seriousness, I keep seeing the line 'I turned into my outfit' in the descriptions of every. Fucking. One. Not to mention that none of them are really all that good. So it's perfect to parody, because it certainly can't get any worse, right?
No regrets. :V
