This story has been canceled.

I groan as I open my eyes painfully. "What the fuck? This isn't my bed." I say as I look around more closely.

From my examination I come to the conclusion that I am in the middle of absolutely fucking nowhere if that town with those ponies having equal signs is any clue. Or I'm just having one of those fucked up dreams again where some shit goes down. Nah. If that were true, I would already be at the part were a riot happens.

I see a weird unicorn mare approaching me with a confused expression upon her muzzle. Oh... I'm still human and still in my armor. The  mare in question has a pinkish coat with a purple mane that has bluish highlights in it. On her flank is an equals sign. Oh god. Please don't be a nazi. If you are then you I'm going to troll you so fucking hard...

"What in the deuce are you?"

"That depends, are you a nazi?" I ask seriously as I get up and stretch a bit. She looks at me oddly and tilts her head to the side.

"I have no clue what this 'nazi' is you speak of, nor have I ever seen anything like you before."

"Wait, what day is it?" I ask, secretly dreading the answer.

"Monday. Now I think it is time for me to ask the questions." She says, suddenly taking on a sinisterly smug look. "What are you?"

"Well there is a surprise. Here I thought that this world knew of my existance. To answer your question, I am a human." She looks at me like she's seen a ghost.

"You don't possibly mean the humans that wage massive wars of galactic scales...Right?" She says with a glimmer of fake hope that is dashed before it can be seen.

"The very same. Now if you need me, I'm going to be doing something important. you know, like entertainment." I say as I switch off my armor and pull up a chair before summoning a magical HDTV and an Xbox One with Grand Theft Auto 5 so I can go online and play heists. I'm a level 487 currently so yeah...

"Wait, just wait! Hold on a second here. You're not going to try to kill me?" I immediately get serious for a split second and actually go through the dreaded effort of turning off everything I just loaded up and then sending the Xbox and TV back into my rift, chair included.

"Awww, the cute pony thinks I want to kill her... Actually no, that's kinda fucked up." Thinking she is in power, the still unnamed mare looks at me like one would examine a crime scene.

She becomes a bit flustered but quickly removes any trace of such an event. "What are you doing in my town?" She asks suspiciously.

"I have no fucking clue." I say bluntly. "I don't even know your name." I add

"My name is Starlight Glimmer." I immediately pause time and go on google to look up that name. I come across information on a mare who thinks that everypony should be equal as that would be the best way to be happy. I look at her methods and laugh. I think I might enjoy screwing around with her. I unpause time and remove my helmet. She gasps upon seeing that I'm not some giant suit of armor.

"What were you doing? It seems as if time just froze and only alicorns can do that." I immediately look away and regret it once I look back. Her eyes narrow and Starlight looks at me suspiciously.

"I broke the fourth wall." I say honestly, hoping to Satan that she doesn't know what that means. It seems though, that since it is a Monday, my luck has run dry.

"Lies, you are an alicorn ." Her eyes narrow even more so that if they went any further she would look bat-shit insane.

"It was only a half-lie." I say, making a pouting face. She rolls eyes.

"Well." She starts.

"What? Is this a Mexican standoff?" She facehooves.

"Just turn into an alicorn already." She demands. I don't like the sound of that.

"Yeah... No." The mare seems genuinely confused by my answer.

"Why not?! Don't you want to brag that you are an alicorn and I'm not?!"

"What do you take me for? An idiot? I Googled your name and now I know your intentions." Strangely enough this only seems to give the mare hope.

"Do you by chance know a mare by the name of Twilight Sparkle?" She asks sinisterly.

"Yeah? What is your point?"

"You aren't here by a drunken accident. I brought you and your herd here. Including the Elements of Harmony. If one of Equestria's princesses gave up their cutiemark for equality it would give the rest of Equestria incentive to join my cause for equality. And now you must join me for I have won."

"Whatever." I say blankly. "Do you have any alcohol?" I ask dryly.

"I'm not going to help a colt as young as yourself get alcohol. You should be ashamed of yourself. Responsible ponies don't drink alcohol!" Starlight rants.

"Why do you care about my safety?" Starlight blushes and tries to speak but all that comes out is incoherent mumbling under her breath.

"Ah. DISCORD!!!" I scream in the Royal Canterlot Voice, sending Starlight flying back a few feet and looking at me wearily. Strangely enough though, the whole town doesn't seem to give any more of a shit than they already did before. The infamous draconequus appears almost immediately wearing... a navy bowler suit...?

Starlight Glimmer immediately runs away, straight back into town. I look at Discord and he gives me his usual toothy grin but shrugs. "So..." I begin.

"Hmm, so. What would my faithful student like to learn today?"

"Trolling, part 2"