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Chapter 23: Are You Fucking Serious?
Previous ChapterNext ChapterDiscord puts a paw to his chin in thought but shakes his head. "Nope. I'm afraid I can't show you that until later." Right after denying me, Discord teleports away.
After seeing that Discord is gone, the mare from before suddenly grabs me from out of nowhere and starts dragging me somewhere into the town despite my protests. I would hit her to knock her off of me but something tells me that wouldn't do anything to deter her.
"I got you a room while you and Discord were talking..." Starlight says with the creepiest smile I've ever seen. Seriously. That just rivaled Pinkamena Diane Pie.
But in all honesty, it would take more than a smile to creep me out. Besides, I don't think her objective is to creep me out. It seems more like she is just stressed. Still, I cannot help but laugh. This only serves to widen her smile even more, making it seem forced.
"It's okay. I'd prefer to be homeless." I lie. Just because she doesn't creep me out doesn't mean I want to be anywhere near her. God, this reminds me of meeting Lyra. Oh, was I supposed to show a flashback? Too lazy.
"Yeah... But that's not going to happen." She says forcefully.
"*Le sigh* I could kill you right now." I say without much conviction.
"But you won't." She says smugly. I hesitantly pull out my M6G Magnum and aim it above her before pulling the trigger. She doesn't even flinch. It's almost as if she knew I wasn't going to kill her. "That is all the proof I need." We arrive at a plain looking house and she bucks the door open before literally throwing me onto a random bed with her magic. This reactivates my hangover instantly. I groan and get under the sheets before putting the pillow over my head. I feel something furry lay ontop of me but I ignore it and try to sleep. I fail miserably as I realize what is laying ontop of me and smell a musky scent. I instantly rocket out of the bed, ignoring the mare's screams as she is sent flying to the other side of the room and bumps her horn onto the ceiling. This makes her send a flare of defensive magic that turns me into my alicorn form. I instinctively try to turn back into my human form but don't you know? It's a fucking Monday.
"Aha!" Starlight says triumphantly as she approaches me victoriously.
"Come any closer and I'll-"
"And you'll what?"
"I'll glass this fucking village!" She stops in her tracks and looks at me in disbelief.
"And what of your herd. What will you do when the world realizes you murdered them single-hoofedly?" She regains her footing and starts getting closer. One inch lost. Two feet lost. Three yards lost. One foot away.
"Touche." I sigh in defeat.
"I need you to do me a favor."
"What the fuck could you possibly want?"
"Close. I need you to buck me so I can think clearly."
"No thanks, I'm fine just the way I am. Sitting here." And that is all it takes for Starlight to snap. She roars primally and grabs me and forces me to the ground with her magic. I shoot a beam of magic at her but she isn't deterred in the slightest. She straddles me but I buck her in her nether regions, making her moan. Not the intended effect. I blush and her gaze becomes lascivious. I try to push her off to no avail. I decide to use a last resort. I headbutt her carefully making sure not to shank her, knocking the crazy mare out cold.
"Nobody rapes me." I say as I feel her spell wear off and access to my human form come back. I hoofcuff her with the cuffs from Halo 2 that were used on the arbiter, Thel Vadam(ee). And if you are wondering about the double e at the end of his name it is because he is a Sangheili who joined the military. I instantly change back into my human form and call upon my Recon Armor before having it fit to me again.
"Do I want to know?" Jeneva says as she motions to the vaginal fluids on the floor. Damn, didn't notice that before.
"She tried to rape me because she was in heat but I knocked her out." I report.
"Oh. I thought she succeeded in raping you." She says sarcastically.
"Can it." I order.
"Engaging shut the fuck up mode." Jeneva says with a mock salute.
"Display heat signatures." I order. Several ponies appear visible via promethean vision. Most of them I don't recognize though, except for a specific 8 ponies. I make an entrance to the outside to come across a building that looks different than the others. I turn around to make sure Starlight is still knocked out but she is nowhere to be seen. I slowly turn around again and disable promethean vision to come to the conclusion that she is right in front of me.
"That wasn't very nice you know. You could have seriously hurt somepony." Starlight says like a teacher scolding a student. I flip her off making her glare at me even harder. She tries to tackle me but just ends up knocking herself right back out as soon as her horn hits my armor. Thank you Bungie.
"Looks like she tried a little bit too hard." Jeneva says mockingly.
Silence is my only answer as I go back to my mission of approaching the apparent jailhouse which houses my herd and the Mane Six. I stand a medium distance from the door and equip a rocket launcher from Halo. I begin to calculate. Coriolis effect: none. Distance: 68 yards. Aw forget the calculations. I load a rocket or two into the launcher and fire. A huge cloud of smoke and fire flares out but other than that nothing else happens considering the material of the jailhouse. Some of the town comes out to look at what is going on but immediately retreat back into their homes at the sight of me. Fucking xenophobic ponies. Then again, I did just blow up their prison. Haha so much for a prison. I wait for the smoke to clear before inspecting my progress.
"First wall is penetrated, second layer is corroded. Just kick it and it will collapse." Jeneva remarks. I nod in affirmation as I proceed to the final, corroded layer of brick. In a display of my power I roundhouse kick the wall and send it crumbling down to the floor. I see a single jail cell ahead and continue onward. I hear muffled whimpers and whispering. I break down the cell door and I realize something. My marefriends and the Mane Six were never here in the first place. In their place are some sort of magical clones as they try to kill me as soon as they see me. The first one, Rainbow Dash, attempts to buck me but I put a bullet in her leg with my M6G, forcing her to the ground painfully. But she tries to buck me with her other leg to distract me. I'm having none of that and I throw her still form against the wall, rendering her unconscious. Twilight's clone charges up her horn while the rest of the clone six look at me wearily, standing their ground. I pull a matrix and slow time down so that I can make my next move. I grab a knockout gas agent out of my rift pocket and throw it in before jumping out and rolling. Time speeds back up as I hear coughing and hacking. I inspect my damage to see all the clones passed out.
"How did you know they were clones?" Starlight says from behind me. I don't turn around as I answer her.
"They showed no hesitation in attacking me and only some of their traits showed. Nice try though." I commend sarcastically. I finally turn around and Starlight immediately turns away. Is she actually trying to throw herself on me? Oh my fucking god. That is actually kinda hot. But... Aw who the fuck am I kidding. Celestia herself said that herds usually have 7 mares and 1 stallion. Not that I'm gonna date this mare or whatever. Nope, just clarifying. Besides, something tells me Starlight would do really really bad things to me.
Starlight Glimmer facehooves and starts crying. I look at her with a 'Are you serious?' face and she glares at me.
"You want the truth?" She asks darkly. I shrug.
"Twilight Sparkle and her friends were captured by me but they escaped and got their cutiemarks back. You are my only hope."
My helmet flies off my face and into my rift suddenly. I blink a few times to make sure I'm not going insane. I feel the space where my helmet used to be. Just air.
...
The rest of my armor goes into the rift as well.
...
This is fucking stupid.
...
"Why were you leaking earlier?" I ask bluntly.
"I'm in heat." Starlight said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"This has to be a lucid dream. One second I have to make sure this is a dream." I pull out my M6G Magnum and unload a round into my kneecap. "NOT A DREAM!" I scream in pain as I collapse to the ground, dropping my magnum and clutching my bleeding knee. i use my last available magic to make the bullet leave my knee but that is all I'm able to do. Starlight looks unsure of what to do until she hesitantly puts her hoof on my bleeding knee. I scream in pain.
"If this is how I die then fuck you too Monday!" I say as I pass out from pain.
I awaken to the feeling of myself in a hospital gown and in a white room with a monitor and beeping. To my right is Starlight Glimmer and to my left is Blissful Dream. They are both arguing with each other when I open my eyes.
"Can you both do me a favor and shut the fuck up?" I say out of the blue, making them both shoot up in surprise, eyes widened.
"I..." They both start simultaneously.
"Nope." I don't give them a chance to talk as I put in my headphones. I see Dream approaching me with a glare as she rips the headphones off my face while Starlight just sits on her rump amused.
"If I'm hearing this right, you shot yourself in the knee."
"Tis not the first time." I say like it's not a big deal. Both their pupils shrink to pinpricks and they both nod at each other before sitting next to each other. Starlight whispers something to Dream before leaving the room.
I have been laying here for a few hours, avoiding Dream's gaze the whole time. I think she might be doing the same but something tells me she's been working herself up over my injuries.
Finally something changes. The door opens and brown stallion with a thermometer as his cutiemark and a black slicked back mane. "My name is Doctor Cold Healing and I'm here to check your injuries." The stallion says as he looks at me kneecap. His jaw drops almost immediately. "Wha-Bu-I-What... Your wound seems to have already healed." He says, dumbfounded. He lights up hi horn and puts it to my leg. Once he is done he look up at me eyes wide. "That's dark magic... But who would use dark magic to heal?! I need to report this!" He says as he runs out of the room.
"Heh, he doesn't know that I can use dark magic without harming myself." I say slyly. Dream looks at me in disbelief before shaking her head and rolling her eyes.
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