This story has been canceled.

This chapter will show you:

1. How to piss everyone off.

2. How to get drunk.

3. How to become L33T at Grand Theft Auto V

"What do you mean you can use dark magic without harming yourself?! You realize that means you are evil right? Not even Discord himself would use dark magic. You have explaining to do." Auntie Celestia says as the rest of the gathered princesses and mane six look at me waiting for answer.

"Well, I may have absorbed the souls of evil demons in the darknessverse." I flare my hand and a demonic bloodcurdling scream is heard. Celestia's eyes widen and she tries to blast me with her golden magic. I instinctively dodge while the other mares watch the oncoming shitstorm. "What the fuck are you trying to do!?"

"STATE YOUR INTENTIONS, OR I WILL END YOU!" Celestia roars in the RCV. "What have you done with Brandon?" she adds, eerily calm. She charges her horn and I stand my ground. "This is a lie detector spell."

"I know, I can see your aura." Her eyes widen and she backs away a step.

"You aren't lying..."

"I am Brandon you idiot."

"What... But how?! Alicorns can't absorb souls!"

"I know, isn't it epic?"

"NO!" Twilight screams. "I don't want an evil coltfriend!" She then faints in a similar fashion to rarity.

"I only got these souls in self defense." Since Celestia knows i'm not lying she looks at me bewildered.

"How would self defense require you to do such an act?" She asks seriously.

"It was the only way to defeat them."

"That's dark." Dream says, unaware of her pun.

"That's a bad pun." Everypony facehooves at my antics.

"Only mares wouldn't get jokes." Immediately all the mares in the room fix me with glares. I get a shit-eating grin and put on a song from out of nowhere. "I feel like I've been hit by a typhoon." I start. Pinkie Pie jumps out of the group, bewildering them as me and her start dancing to the beat. We close our eyes and do backflips, enjoying the weightless feeling as time slows down for physics but not the actual time. I snap my fingers and a whole party spawns in the throne room we currently are occupied in. Celestia tries to use her RCV to stop the party but everypony is under my musical influence.

[]

4 minutes later.

The ponies from the party disappear from the respective positions and back to what they were doing previously. I try to start the song again but am tackled by Twilight. I finally get a good look at all the mares and most of them have earplugs or disheveled mane. Rainbow Dash pouts because she looked like she was enjoying herself. Rarity and Fluttershy are different cases. Applejack finished her weird dance and then smiles her honest smile.

"Is that enough proof that I am the real Brandon?"

"Ya'll didn't need to prove that. You and Pinkie are random as it is." A resounding 'mhmm' is heard as all the mares voice their opinions.

"That is great and all but you are going to need to clean this mess up." Princess Celestia says with a stern glare.

"Indeed." Luna agrees.

"Wait, what the fuck? Were you here the whole time Luna?"

"Am I that transparent?"

"Yes?..." I say hesitantly. Instead of getting mad at me like I thought she would, she just giggles. "Damn, today has been a long day. Let's see. Waking up in the communist version of Equestria, almost raped, shot myself, threw a party. Hmm, yeah. Eventful." I ignore the concerned looks I get from the mares and turn and start walking to my room. I'm stopped by a familiar orange hoof.

"Now hold on just a second there sugarcube. Did you say raped?"

"Yeah?" The mares pale.

"Rape is illegal in Equestria."

"Bullshit. You mares don't give a fuck about consent." I say as I start laughing my ass off, metaphorically and figuratively.After my sides have fallen off, I stop laughing and rub my forehead.

"Are you done yet?" Luna asks, irritated.

"Wait, let me check. Hmm, sure whatever." I confirm as I turn back around. This time Celestia stops me. "WHAT?!" I roar without turning around. Celestia doesn't even flinch.

"We would never rape another pony..." Celestia says determinedly.

"Exactly, another pony. I am an exception."

"You forget that you were born a pony."

"But am I one right now?"

"ENOUGH!" Luna yells. I don't even flinch but the others cower. Even Celestia is in shock. What I say next only serves to bewilder them even more.

"Mhmm. Whatever."

"What? Why aren't you scared."

"I have better things to fear. Like these." A xenomorph queen appears and I shoot her as soon as she charges at me. She lets out a bloodcurdling scream as bullet holes appear in her and she falls to the ground dead.

"Touche." Luna admits. Fluttershy looks at me and glares at me.

"How dare you!"

"Fl-"

"HOW COULD YOU?" Everypony except me watches the scene nervously.

"What. Do. You. Have to say for yourself mister?" She glares even more intensely. "Well? What do you have to say?"

"Are you fucking stupid? That xenomorph will eviscerate you. And then eat you. And then use your body to its advantage. And then lay eggs. And then there will more. And this world will die." I say as I send a flare of dark magic at the xenomorph, turning it to ash instantly. I then swirl my hands and the ash disappears into the unknown.

"Did you just..." I teleport out of the room before they can lecture me on 5000 reasons why you don't be mean to Fluttershy.

I end up in my room of all places.

2 and a half hours later.

"What the fuck man! That was my car!" I roar in a drunken rage as someone steals my Turismo in GTA online. The door to my room opens and the princesses and mane six come in. I don't notice them.

"GIVE ME MY FUCKING CAR BACK YOU BITCH!" I scream as I pull out my minigun and unload 1200 bullets into the guy as he gets out to shoot me. I pull out another beer and drink it in one gulp before tossing it to the side.

"You have problems." The guy from before says.

"Which one of you motherfuckers just said that shit? Was it you stringbean?" I yell as I pull out my homing launcher.

"Yes it fucking was you asshole. How the fuck are you even a level 493 with the way you play?!" The guy from before who is called As$12Games says.

"Haha! You are a fucking noob compared to me you little shit." The TV suddenly turns off and Dream tries to kiss me but I push her away.

"You still there you As$12?" I speak into my headset and get no reply until I realize that my Xbox is off.

"FUCK!" I scream as I chuck the beer bottles out the window. How many? Like 20.

"Uh... You do realize we could hear you all the way from the throne room right? We can here so you could say sorry to me, If that's okay with you." Fluttershy says meekly as she hides behind her mane as per usual.

I grab my cyanide tablet and put it in my mouth, waiting in awkward silence until I fall to the ground dead. The wasted animation from Grand Theft Auto V shows up on my 'screen' (More like eyes). I respawn in front of Canterlot general hospital in the Grand Theft Auto V Online Heist heavy command suit with black vest and everything and an earpiece in my ear for communications. "Mien gott." I whisper as I realize that I'm not drunk anymore and the implications of what I just did. I immediately teleport back to my room to see them crying over my death.

"I'm a fucking god!"

"No. You just spent too much time on Grand Theft Auto. See?" Dream pulls a pistol out of her mane and shoots herself and soon teleports back. When she does, I ask her the important question.

"What level were you then?"

"582."

"I call absolute bullshit."

"I know, I'm kidding. I'm a 304."

"Oh. 493." Her jaw drops.