Love in the Time of Postage

by rockah12

First published May 4th, 2012 01:14

When an Earth Pony named Nicholt moves to Ponyville, he settles into the everyday chaos quite nicely. But when he goes to send a letter to his parents, he meets a grey mailmare. She seems to be oblivious to his advances, but can he keep her out of harms way? Not if the fates have anything to say about it, he isn't. Romance, comedy, action, drama, and... muffins?

More of a test to see how well I could write a Derpy Hooves/Ditzy Doo story than anything else, albeit it will be fun. Not excessive, but contains some cursing, sexual themes, and peril.

Chapters

Arriving in Ponyville
Around The Town
Muffins, Eggs Benedict, and New Friends
Breakfast, Running into Old Friends, and Questions Galore
What The Hay Was I Thinking?
A Random Note
Dreamers (OPTIONAL)
This... Rocks?

Arriving in Ponyville
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Love in the Time of Postage

Arriving in Ponyville

July 13. Friday

Zzzz.... don't leave me with the bunny, he has a knife... GAH! I jolt out of bed as a loud ringing goes off in my ear. I run to the clock and bash it with my hoof, stopping the alarm. "Well, Nicky, you decided to wake up!"
"Shut up, brain."
"Come on, Niko," my subconscious says with a slight Eastern European accent, "Today's a big day!"
"And what day is that, figment of my imagination?"
My subconscious forms in front of me with the figure of a pegasus. He speaks in his typical Las Pegasus accent, saying, "Why, it's the day you move to Ponyville, you silly filly!"
I immediately look forward and turn to my calendar. "Well, damn. I guess I'll get my stuff and tell Mom and Dad goodbye."
"That's the spirit!" he says, disappearing after saying it. I go to get my bags, already packed with enough clothes for about a month, my toothbrush, my Journal, about 300 bits, and my books. I put on a T-shirt and jeans and pick up my bags. I then go downstairs to my parents, who are ready with some baked eggs and a muffin. My father walks up to me, before throwing his forelegs around me and giving me the biggest hug any stallion ever gave.
"Nicholt, I wish you luck. Don't forget to write us tomorrow." He finished hugging me, and before I can say anything Mom comes up and kisses me on the cheek. She gives me the eggs, which I eat quickly. She then gives me the muffin, stopping me before I can eat it.
"Don't eat the muffin. Save it for a special occasion." She kisses me again, and allows me to walk to the door. I walk to the door and wave back to my parents, saying goodbye to them. I open the door, and walk out into the yard.

Outside, a cart is sitting in front of the house. It has 4 ponies as passengers, and a large (NUDE!) red workhorse as the driver. He looks at me before saying, in a thick Southern accent, as if he was from Apploosa, "You gettin' on?"
"Umm... Yeah, I guess." I say nervously.
"Where ya headed?"
"Ponyville. I've gotten a job at the Library."
"Ponyville!" he exclaims, his mood lightened, "I live there! It's my last stop, but it's well worth the wait."
I look at him, then ask the all-important question: "Why are you naked?" He looks at me in puzzlement, then understanding.
"Ah. Not the first pony who's asked me that. The best answer I got is that in Ponyville, most folks don't wear clothes. We got a dress shop, but most of us don't wear stuff." I nod in understanding, trotting up to the cart. I sit next to a yellow-green mare wearing a tank top and shorts.
She looks at me with her big, fuschia eyes, and says, "Hi. I'm Charlotte. Charlotte Clopton."
I smile. "My name's Nicholt Davis. Most ponies either call me Nick or Niko. Are you related to Eric Clopton?"
She giggles at my question. "No, but thanks for the compliment. I'm going to Fillydelphia, send me a letter sometime!" She then gives me her address and we chat the entire ride to Fillydelphia. By that time, we are the only ponies on the cart. She gets out when the cart stops.
She then looks at me and smiles. "Thanks for chatting with me."
"No pro-" she kisses me on the lips before I can finish. I am slightly dazed, only being able to kiss back. After about a minute, she stops kissing me.
"Bye, Nicky!"
"B-bye..." I say as she gallops away. I look at the driver, who was smiling back at me.
"Got yourself a marefriend, Nick. Lucky colt."
I start saying, "She's not my-"
"Sure, sure. Don't worry, pal, I won't tell nopony. 'Ceptin mah sister, of course, but she don't spread rumors." He then starts trotting in the direction of Ponyville.

As we arrive at the outskirts of the town, he stops the cart. I get out, and thank him. He nods, saying, "No problem, Nicholt. I gotta go to my family's farm. By the way, name's Macintosh. Big Macintosh, although most folks call me Big Mac. Come see me if anypony gives you a hard time." I nod, and he walks off in the direction of a large barn. My subconscious formed beside me, flying to keep his fancy shoes off of the dirt.
"Well, Nicky, looks like you've had a fun time already and we haven't even gotten into town yet! Great job keeping yourself occupied." He says in a slightly obnoxious tone.
"And where were you?"
"Where else? Your head, dude! Saw that Charlotte mare, and whoo! What a looker."
I swing my right foreleg at him, striking him in the nose. "Shut up." I suddenly hear a loud wooshing noise from above me, and hear somepony yelling for me to get out of the way. I turn around and a rainbow colored missile was flying towards me. I duck down, and the missile flies forward into the town.
"Holy schnikes! AFTER THAT BULLET!" I gallop after the missile, which was now spinning above the town. It finally hits a tree, and goes flying towards the ground. A loud CRASH! is heard, and I run towards the sound. The missile, revealed to be a blue mare with a rainbow colored mane, was sitting dazed in front of a pile of smashed wood and cabbages.
"Oh no! Are you okay?" an energetic, pink horse with a curly mane said as she cantered over to the downed flyer.
I turn to a member of the crowd and ask, "Who are those two?"
He looks at me and says, "The one who just destroyed that cart is Rainbow Dash, and the pink one is Pinkamena Diane Pie. Most of us call her Pinkie Pie." He stopped speaking as soon as a green stallion with a grey mane walked up to the smashed cart and started flipping out. I decided to leave as soon as the pony who clearly was the mayor started scolding the one named Rainbow Dash. I walk to the library, opening the doors and entering the large building.

"Hello?" I yell, waiting for a response from anypony. A small, green and purple dragon walks out of a small door and starts speaking.
"Are you the new hire?"
I shrug, saying "I guess so." He smiles and walks up to me. He extends his arm, obviously to shake my hoof. I oblige. He starts speaking again.
"My name's Spike. I'm the assisstant to the pony who basically runs this library. I'll go get her, and you can be introduced formally." He then jogs off into a hallway. I sit down on a small couch to wait. I then realize that I didn't arrange any living quarters for myself, and may have to sleep here. Crap. After about 10 minutes, a lavender pony with a multi-purple mane walks into the room, smiling but distraught. She walks up to me and extends her left foreleg. I do the same, and we shake hooves. She says, in a shaky voice, "Thank the princesses you're here. My name's Twilight Sparkle.We need a couple extra hooves here. Me and Spike keep this place afloat, but we need some help. I need to get some sleep and write a letter to Celestia. Can you do all of the things on this list?" She handed me a small list with about 5 things on it. I nodded, and got ready to work.

Around The Town
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Love in the Time of Postage

Around The Town

Small list, my ass.

I finish the last thing that was on the list. After about 4 hours, I finished my work. I try to walk, but feel like I'd collapse as soon as I started moving. Twilight walks into the room. She seems refreshed and happy, as if she had slept for 4 days. Spike is carrying a bowl and a pillow, both for me. Twilight says, "Thank you so much for doing what was on that list." I nod. That's all I can do without fainting on the spot. "I need to run some errands, but in the meantime you can sleep. Spike made you some ramen, and we have a bed set up for you. I can take you to bed if you wish." I try to shake my head no, but instead collapse and black out. I wake up later in bed. The bowl of ramen is under a heat lamp, and looks absolutely delicious. I practically gulp down the entire bowl within a minute, before noticing a yellow-orange pony next to the door. I immediately start blushing and set down the bowl.
"Well, hell. I didn't expect you to be that hungry. I thought you would at least notice me before eating that noodle-soup." she says in a slightly country accent. I hang my head down in slight disgrace, since I'm afraid to speak. She seems to be upset about it. She walks up to me and takes off her hat. "Darn it, sugarcube, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset. Come on, look at me."
I do so, and finally speak. "No, I'm sorry. My parents raised me better than to eat like a pig. Who are you, anyway? You're the second pony today who's had an Appleoosan accent." She giggles.
"I guess you met Big Mac, then?" I nod. "He's my brother. Said he brought a newcomer in. I didn't believe him, of course, until Twilight talked to me about you. Name's Applejack, by the way." I nod, saying it's a pleasure. "Said she was telling everypony. Well, 'cept Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. We didn't talk to them after... well, you might not want to know." She shudders at something, and then starts hugging herself.
I ask, "Are you cold? There would be plenty of room in this bed if-" she puts her hoof to my mouth.
"If you want me to screw you, no deal."
My eyes open wide at this. I start saying, "No, no, no! I didn't mean like that! I don't know you well enough for that, and besides... I already have a kinda-sorta-maybe marefriend. Not that you aren't beautiful," I say, as I put my hoof on her face, "But I'm not that kind of pony."
She nods in understanding. "Well, I guess I could sit with you. Got some questions for you, anyway."

I spend the next half hour answering questions. Simple things like "What's your hometown?" A town outside of Las Pegasus. "What does your cutie mark mean?" The water? I like to swim and surf. "Why would you allow a complete stranger into your bed?" I was raised to be hospitable. I never let a cold pony shiver. When she finishes, I feel like my strength has returned. She gets out of the bed, and motions for me to follow. She is going to show me around Ponyville.
We walk out of the library to the first place, the Carousel Boutique. Applejack says, "This is Rarity's dress shop and home. She's nice, but a little vain. Spike's got a pretty big crush on her, but she doesn't know yet... I think."
"Well, let's go inside!" I say, walking to the door. I go to knock on it, but a white unicorn with a purple mane opens it right as I am about to hit it, and I accidently hit her in the nose.
"OW! Watch it, you foal!" She says, before looking at me. "Oh, the newcomer! So sorry, love, I thought you meant to hit me."
"Now why in Equestria would I do that?" I say, reaching out to shake her hoof. She takes my hoof and pulls me into the dress shop. Applejack follows, giggling at the sight before her. Rarity was currently spinning me around as if we were dancing, and I was getting extremely dizzy. She stops, but I don't and careen into a pile of cotton. The fluffy material goes all around the room and on me, making it look like it was snowing. Both Rarity and Applejack were laughing, so much so that several ponies walking by look in at the chaos.
I regain my composure and say, "What the hay was that for?"
"Payback, love! You hit me, I make you spin into a pile of cotton." Rarity says.
I realize she didn't know my name. I get up and go to shake her hoof, albeit somewhat warily. She shakes my hoof, and sits down on a box. I start speaking. "Guess I should introduce myself. Name's Nicholt."
"Lovely name, darling!" she says, picking up a magazine. She hands it to me. "That magazine shows off my best work." I look inside and there are many beautiful dresses. I try to turn the page, but she stops me. "Are you sure you want to see my masterpieces?"
Applejack scoffs. "Come on, Nick, we ain't got all day." I nod, and go to follow her outside. I wave goodbye to Rarity, who blows me a kiss.
"What the hell was that all about?" I say, getting some cotton off my sleeve.
"I think Miss Rarity in there has a crush on you, sugarcube." Applejack says. We walk to the next place, a bakery. Applejack turns to me. "Get ready."
"For what?" I say.
"Pinkie Pie. Brace yourself." She opens the door.

I am immediately tackled by a pink mare, the same one I saw yesterday. She stands on my shoulders, pinning me down, and starts talking. "Ohmygosh, a new pony! I can't believe no one told me, because I know just about everypony in Ponyville, and they would surely tell me about a newcomer, unless they were busy or sleeping or eating or talking to somepony else or-"
"WOAH! Cool your jets, girl!" I say. She stops speaking. "Thank you. Now can I get up?" She gets off of my shoulders. I get up. "Now then, my name is Nicholt. What is your name?"
She bows, saying "Pinkamena Diane Pie, at your service. Pinkie Pie, for short." She stops bowing. She starts speaking again. "Would you like to try some Rainbow Bits, or maybe a Rainbow Muffin?"
I look at her quizzically, and a voice from inside the bakery says, "PINKIE, STOP GIVING PONIES THOSE!"
"Sorry, Dash..."
I look at Applejack, who looks like she is going to vomit. A pegasus steps out of the bakery, looking somewhat exhausted. Her wings are extended, and a thin line of sweat is going down her entire side. It's the missile from the other day. I walk up to her, but she waves for me to step back a little. She cracks her back, and her wings go back to a folded state. She then walks up to me. "Pinkie shouldn't give ponies those things, considering what they're made of. Luna-damn it, I need a cold drink. My name's Rainbow Dash, and you must be Nick. I've gotta jet. Bye." She then flys off.
Applejack motions for me to follow her, and I do so.

"What was that?" I say, as we walk through the forest.
"Trust me," Applejack says, somewhat green around the gills. "You don't wanna know. I think I might throw up. Keep moving down this path, I'll catch up." She walks off of the trail and I walk down the path. I notice a house at the end of the path. I walk up to it. I hear a pony singing from inside the house, and walk to the door. A yellow pegasus with a pink mane is walking around her house, singing "Come and Go With Me" to herself. She sits down on a couch and starts playing Chess with a bunny.
"Checkmate, Angel." She says in a quiet reserved tone after 20 minutes of playing. The rabbit nods, and looks around. He looks at me, and starts chittering to himself. The mare notices and looks towards the door to me. She smiles. "Hello."
"Uh, hi. Can I come in?" I say.
"Yes." I walk into the house, and Applejack follows. She had finally caught up to me.
"I see you've met Fluttershy." She says, walknig over to the pony.
"No, he just walked in." Fluttershy says, getting up. "Would either of you like some lemonade?"
"Yes, please." I say, walking into the house.
I spent an hour there, playing chess with a bunny while Applejack introduced me to Fluttershy. After that, we decided to leave. I bid farewell to the two forest-dwellers, and walked with Applejack to the main square.
I immediately remember something. "Oh, crap, I've got to mail my parents a letter."
"Alright, Sugarcube, the post office is over there." She points to the post office, and I nod.
"Thanks, Applejack! I'll see you later!" I say, running to the post office. She waves to me, and walks to her farm.

I open the door to the post office. A brown stallion with long black hair and an hourglass cutie mark is standing at the counter. He notices me, and smiles. "Fantastic! A customer. I'm The Doctor." He says, walking up to me to shake my hoof. I do so, and he starts speaking again. "I'll go get the postmaster, back in a jiff." He enters a door.
"What the hell is a jiff?" My subconscious says. I shrug. Suddenly, the door opens, and a grey mare walks through. She looks at me, and I notice one of her eyes is looking up and the other is looking down. I giggle at this.
"Hi, I'm Ditzy Doo! But most ponies call me Derpy Hooves. What's your name?"
I realize I was staring at her, and immediately snap out of it. "Umm... N-Nicholt. You are ama-" I stop myself before I can screw myself over by saying something stupid.
She looks at me, slightly puzzle. "I am ama? No, I'm Ditzy Doo. Or Derpy Hooves..." She starts saying things, but I take no notice. I realize something.

I'm in love with her.

To be continued...

Muffins, Eggs Benedict, and New Friends
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Love in the Time of Postage

Muffins, Eggs Benedict, and New Friends

Oh crap, the letter.

I snap out of the trance, and she keeps on saying, "I guess you met The Doctor. He lives, or rather lived, in a small blue house he calls TARDIS. I have no idea what that means, but now he stays with me and-"
I hand her the letter. She stops speaking and takes it. I start saying, "Can you deliver this?"
"Sure! Do you have the ten bits for payment?"
I nod, and check my pockets. Empty? Oh Celestia, I left them in the suitcase. I shake my head no, and instead pull out the muffin my mother gave me before I left. I start speaking again. "This is all I have on me, but I can go get the-"
"A MUFFIN! Thank you, Nicholt! I was really hungry." She says, picking up the muffin and biting into it. "Is this blueberry?" she says with her mouth full. I nod, and just stand amazed at her innocence. She is like a child, but she is extremely beautiful. Charlotte had left my mind completely, and all of my thoughts were about this gray Pegasus. Ditzy was her name, most called her Derpy. She seemed much more friendly than Pinkie, more funny than Charlotte, and more beautiful than Applejack. Perfection.
I speak in a nervous, jittery tone.. "I'm, uh... kinda new in t-town, and don't really ha-have anywhere to sleep... can I stay with you and The Doctor?"
She finishes the muffin and nods, saying "Of course! Besides, The Doctor loves company. He left to go tidy up some things and make lunch. Before you ask, no we're not dating." I sighed in happiness. "He makes this really great dish he calls eggs Benedict, and you would love it! I never let a pony have nowhere to sleep!"
Oh gosh, she's perfect.

We walk, or rather she flies, I walk, to her house. A small, quaint home that seemed as new and bright as... well, me in this town. She opens the door, and a smell I can only describe as a combination of eggs, lemon, and spice rushed out at me, as did a somewhat calm yet loud song that rushes through my very body. I hear The Doctor singing along to it.
"Well I tried to make it Sunday, but I got so damned depressed... so I set my sights on Monday, and I got myself undressed." he sings, unaware that we had entered. He kept singing and cooking at the same time, getting to a part that said "Could you meet me in the middle? Could you meet me in the end?" before noticing us. When he did, he immediately turned off the device the song was coming from and stopped singing. He became very embarrassed, and started blushing. "Well then, you heard my terrible singing, did you?"
"It wasn't terrible, it was awesome!" I say, excited about both the song and the fact I was with HER. He smiles at this interjection, and continues cooking.
"Yeah, it was a great song! Did you bring that... thing that the music came out of back from TARDIS?" Derpy says, also happy.
"Well, not exactly." He says, still cooking. "I went in the TARDIS to another world, and... well... TOOK it. No one noticed, but hell, it was an old relic."
"The Monkeys on Bike Pedals world?" Derpy says. I am perplexed by this, but walk through the house. It had many different things I didn't recognize in it, from a small box with two sticks coming out of the top, to a small rectangular device with a button on it that, when pushed, created a small zapping noise and a lightning bolt to shoot from the end.
"Yeah, and- DON'T TOUCH THE STUN GUN. Ditzy's already basically fried off her wings with that thing."
I look at her and she giggles. "Yeah, it was tingly!" She says in a manner I'd associate with Pinkie Pie.
"Ahem, sorry to interrupt you, but what is that delicious smell?" I say, still hungry after all the work I did earlier.
"Eggs of the Benedict variety, my lad." He says, pouring a sauce of some sort on top of some recently cooked eggs and cutting them into three portions. He then put each portion onto a separate plate. "They're ready!"

"Sweet Celestia, that was amazing!" I say, finishing the food. It tasted better than anything I had ever tasted, and was a combination of sweet, spicy, sour, and a separate taste I couldn't name.
"I think you are enjoying the fifth taste. Some call it 'Umami', or yummy. I just call it awesome." The Doctor says, patting the area around his lips with a napkin.
All Derpy does is giggle at something only she knows about. I look at The Doctor and ask, "So, your 'TARDIS' can take you to other worlds?"
He looks at me with a somewhat sinister expression. He says, "Oh, it does much more." His expression changes, and he continues speaking. "Sorry, lad, but whenever I say that I must look dramatic. You see, I'm not from this world. I'm from a different universe altogether, a universe in which time travel and inter-dimensional travel is possi- I'm sorry, you seem confused."
I laugh. "You lost me at inter-dimensional, sir. I don't know what the buck that means, pardon my language, and frankly I just don't care. Don't be offended. Now if you'll excuse me, friends, I need to sleep. Do you have a couch or spare bed?"
Derpy lights up at my last statement. "No, but you can sleep with me! It will be like a sleepover!"
I blush at the mere thought. The Doctor looks at me and winks. He says "Nighttime's fallin', lad. I don't sleep, so go keep each other warm."
I swallow the lump that had formed in my throat as Derpy drags me toward her bedroom. She got in first, then motioned for me to follow suit. I do so, and she lies facing me. She's smiling the kind of smile many call the filly smile, the smile that melts your heart and sends you to a paradise. She says, "You know, I think you're possibly the most handsome stallion I have ever met."
I blush as I stutter the words, "Y-you really t-think so?"
"Yeah! I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend as handsome as you."
"Uh oh, Niko, she's got you on the ropes now!" my subconscious says in a singsongy voice.
"C-could I be your boyfriend?" I say, preparing for rejection.
"Sure! I've never actually had a boyfriend before. Good night, Nicholt!" She kisses me and rolls over, instantly falling asleep as she does.
"Well now, Nick, you seem to have put yourself into quite a jam. Already, you've got three mares who love you. Good luck juggling that responsibility." The Pegasus says, flying above the bed.
"Shut up..." I say before drifting into unconsciousness.

Breakfast, Running into Old Friends, and Questions Galore
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Love in the Time of Postage

Breakfast, Running into Old Friends, and Questions Galore

Oh, Luna... my head...

I wake up with a crick in my neck from sleeping on Derpy's side. Well, I was until she left in the middle of the night. Or the early morning, I don't know and don't care. All I know is that she's gone. I get out of bed extremely quickly in a panic, and feel blood rush to my head. I get dizzy and spots dance in my vision to the rhythm of my heartbeat. Or to the song that was blasting through the house. "Sweet Celestia, how doesn't he get arrested for noise pollution?" I mumble to myself as I rush into the kitchen. The music stops immediately, and is changed to a song that was nowhere as loud and obnoxious as the other one was. The Doctor is moving his hooves to the tune of the song, as if he were conducting an invisible orchestra. He turns towards me.
"Ah, good morning, Nicholt. I thought you would be awake by now, so I made you some pancakes!" He says with a smile. I perk up at the mention of pancakes. I love pancakes. I walk to the table and sit. I notice half of a grapefruit covered in a shiny caramel-colored top. A spoon was placed next to it, obviously to eat it with.
I say, "Doc, what's with the citrus?" before leaning back in my chair.
"What?" He asks, bringing a plate to me and setting it down in front of me.
"The grapefruit."
"Oh!" He exclaims, going to his seat. "The grapefruit. Well, in my many travels to other worlds, I found many strange customs. One such custom of one such world was to take the fruit of the Citrus x paradisi, or grapefruit, and cover it in sugar. Then, they would take an open flame or a heating element and caramelize the sugar and cook the fruit. This fruit, which was also called the grapefruit, was then served with something to balance the sweetness, usually meats in that world. Since nobody in this darned place eats meat, I usually settle for eggs or pancakes. We had eggs for dinner yesterday, so pancakes it is."

I nodded, and then realized why I had gotten out of bed so quickly. "Where's Ditzy? I woke up and she was gone!"
"Working. Had to deliver a parcel here, a package there, about twenty letters to almost everywhere in Equestria, et cetera. One of which was for a Mr. and Mrs. Davis, I presume?" He says, cutting into his grapefruit with the spoon in a scooping motion. I followed suit.
After eating a piece of the grapefruit (which was tasty), I reply, "Yeah. That's the only reason I'm actually here. If I hadn't have come to the post office, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have met you, and probably would never have met Derpy." I sigh, and look at the clock. It is 6:15, and I was expected at the Library at 7 o' clock. I finish my food relatively quickly, and say goodbye to the doctor.
"Goodbye, lad! Have a fantastic day!" He said back.

I trotted towards the library, but as I walked through an intersection...
SMASH!
I was ran into by an orange mare with a cowboy hat.
"Hey, watch where yer- Oh, Nick. Sorry. I need to go ask Pinkie Pie for some blueberry juice." Applejack says, brushing herself off.
"Blueberries?" I ask, standing up. "I thought you sold apples and cider and stuff."
"Yeah, but..." she replies, blushing. "I wanted to see how apple cider would taste with a dash of blueberry. Kinda fun to experiment, you know?" she adds, looking at me suggestively.
"Uh... sure. Look, I gotta run. We'll talk later! Save me some cider!" I say, galloping off.
"Kay, hotshot! See ya!" She says, galloping towards the bakery.

I came to another intersection. "Oh, please don't let me get tackled again." I think as I walk slowly across the intersection. I look at my pocket watch and see that it's already 6:40. I keep walking until, inevitably...
CRASH!
A pink blob careens into me. I got up, and realized I now smelt like cotton candy. It was Pinkie, and she was shaking some dust out of her mane... and FLOATING UPSIDE-DOWN.
"Um... Pinkie?" I ask, staring. "You're floating."
"Sekai de ichi-ban ohime-sama." she sings to herself, shaking dust and a pair of sunglasses out of her mane. She then notices me. "Oh, hi Niko! I was just going to buy some blueberries! Blubburries, one pony said. Silly, I said in reply." she giggles, still floating upside-down.
"That's... interesting..." I say, trying to fathom how she's walking upside-down on thin air.
"Well, I'm off. See you later, Nicky-Ricky-Hicky!" she says, before returning to the ground and trotting away. I could have sworn I heard her mutter under her breath, "Sweet Celestia, he's adorable." but that couldn't have been.
Could it?

I finally made it to the library at 6:55, and walk inside. Twilight is laying on her bed writing something.
"Hey, Twi!" I shout, walking in.
She at me and smiles. "Hey, Nick. I actually don't have anything for you to do today, but I'd like to talk." I nod, and walk up to the small bed. She looks at me, and motions for me to sit down in the chair next to the bed. I do so. She starts talking. "I have a question for you, Nick. Have you, perchance, fallen in love during your stay here?"
I looked at her with suprise. "Yes, actually. Why?"
"You seem different than yesterday, and that was my first guess as to why. Alright, another question. Has anypony fallen in love with you?"
I think for a second. "Well, as far as I can tell, five have. Charlotte (you don't know her), Rarity, maybe Applejack, maybe Pinkie Pie, and Derpy Hooves."
Her eyes widen in amazement. She whistles at the number. "Wow, that's insane! You ARE charming, but I didn't know you were that charming. Alright, third question. Have you slept with any of these ponies?"
I look at her in slight confusion. "Isn't that a bit personal?"
"Yes, but I won't tell anypony."
"What about Spike? He's not a pony."
"I won't tell him either." she says with a sigh.
"If you mean had sex with, no. I'm not that kind of pony, as I've explained to others. I have, however, slept in the same bed as one of these ponies." I say.
"Okay. Do you know The Doctor?"
"Yes."
"Tell him The Wolfcolt is back in, if he wishes to check it out."

What The Hay Was I Thinking?
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Love in the Time of Postage

What The Hay Was I Thinking?

"Applejack?" I yell, banging on the door to her house. "It's me, Nick."

"The hay do you want?" she replies through the door. She sounds upset.

"What? Did I do something?" I ask, trying to look inside the home.

"Ya stayed at that mailmare's house. Me and mah stupid thoughts. Ah thought ah loved you, but... How could I? You're a royaldamned womanizer. Leave me the hell alone."

"But, she's only my frie-" I try to reply. Before I can finish, the door opens and Applejack stares me straight in the eyes. She's been crying.

"Ah don't give a damn. I know what ya want me to believe, but I won't hear it. I never want to see you again." she says, trying to close the door. I stop her from completely closing it.

"Darn it, Applejack! I really do think you're beautiful, but there are..." I count for a second. "About three other mares trying to fall for me. They all love me for some reason. In fact, I don't know why you love me! But I'm trying to work this out. I'll talk to you later." I then close the door and walk in the direction of the boutique.

A Random Note
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Love in the Time of Postage

A Random Note

I sigh. My life sucks as of late. Suddenly, a short flash... well, flashes, and a small piece of paper is floating in front of me. I look at it. Suddenly, a voice from beside me says, Well, manure. A letter? Let's hope it's not from Celestia...
"Shut the hay up." I mutter to my subconscious. I take the letter in my hooves and open it.
Dear Nick,
Thank you for talking with me on the cart! If you hadn't of spoken, I wouldn't have been able to work up the courage to say this. I love you. I'm moving to Ponyville so we can be together.
Sincerely, Charlotte Clopton

"Oh buck..." I say, sitting down on a bench and starting to hyperventilate. The Pegasus that was my subconscious slaps me in the face.
Get a friggin' hold on yourself!
I look at him. "I'm going to have to choose one of them! I can't do it!"
He slaps me in the face again. Yes you can. If you don't, I'll do it for you.
"The hell you will!" I exclaim. I calm down. "Okay, dude, what should I do?"
First of all, talk to Rarity. Then talk to Derpy, and then talk to Charlotte whenever the hell she gets here. Discuss the situation.
"Okay. Okay. I'll do that." I relax on the bench and realize that I was sitting next to two mares who were looking at me strangely. "Yeah, I talk to myself. So?"

Dreamers (OPTIONAL)
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Love in the Time of Postage

Dreamers (OPTIONAL)

I awoke from my sleep to find his arm around me. I smiled, glad that he hadn't left me. I had never been in a relationship before, so I was glad to have Nicholt be with me. He was sleeping, sleeping deeply. He was dreaming. I could tell because of his eyes. They were moving under the lids almost constantly. I wondered what he was dreaming about...

"Her. This dream is about her." my subconscious says as I wonder what the dream will be about. Suddenly, a loud song rushes through the air, flowing through me like a blast of energy. I see her face on all sides of me, and notice each is of a different emotion. Happy, sad, angry, scared, wounded... The last picture is of her in a wedding dress with an extended stomach. I wonder what it meant, but then I see me. I am talking to The Doctor.

"DAMMIT, NICK! I trusted you to protect her!" He screams at me, talking about an unknown mare.
"What the buck did you expect, the Wonderbolts should have seen her!" I yell back, storming out of the room. The vision cut to me in another room holding a knife. I (dream self) drew it forward, and brought it down upon my own stomach. I turn away before the impact, but hear a loud crunch and a thump. I turn to my subconscious, who was wincing.
"Sheesh, that was disturbing."
"What does this mean?"
"Protect Ditzy. That's what it means, you idiot."
"Wake me up."
I awake from my deep slumber to find Derpy rolled over towards me, sleeping. I was holding her, she was holding me. Protect her. All I can do is protect her.

This was short for a reason. It's supposed to be a dramatic optional chapter.

This... Rocks?
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Love in the Time of Postage

This... Rocks?

I walked out of the library and went to the bakery. Outside was a stallion with a notebook. "Um... hi."
He turns towards me frantically. He sees my face and is calmed down. "Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were Pinkie..."
"I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult... My name's Nicholt!" I say, walking up to him.
"I'm Rockah. Or Rocky, or Rockmire, or simply Rock. I'm trying to think of a story." he says, looking at his notebook.
"In front of a bakery?" I say, confused.
"Um..." Rocky says. He sighs. "If you must know, I'm in love with Pinkie Pie. She's taking up my every thought! I'm just standing here and trying to draw her... What do you think?" He held up the notebook.
I look at the picture. It's... almost spot-on! "Amazing! Are you a drawer?" I say.
"I'm a writer, actually. I tend to do well in anything involving pencils or pens..." he says, "Thanks for the compli-" he starts, but stops. His wings extend within a mere second. I look behind me and the pink mare was directly in my face.
"Hey, Nicholt. Hi, Rocky!" she said, bounding with energy.
"Um... h-h-hi P-P-Pinkie..." the stallion said, nervous.
"Whatcha writin'?" she asks, pulling the notebook towards her
"NOTHING!" he yells.
"Is that... a drawing of me?"
"A, um, friend of mine gave it to me." he looks at me. I shake my head no, and mouth the words "Tell her you drew it."
"I think it looks cute!"
"Really?" he asks, less nervous.
"Tell him I said it was nice!" she says, walking into the bakery.
"Pinkie, wait! I... drew... it..." he says, his chance lost. He looks at me.
"I told you..." I said, walking towards the bakery.
"Wait! Can you tell her..." he starts, but can't continue.
"Sure. I'll tell her you drew it." I say with a smile.

I walk into the bakery and am immediately tackled by the pink mare. She is sitting on my chest when she asks, "Did you draw this?" with a tinge of confusion.
"No. He did." I say, pointing towards Rockah.
"But... he said a friend wrote i-" I put my hoof to her mouth.
"I know you think you love me. I'm not the one you should choose. Pick him. He's nice, he's friendly, and he's ENERGETIC! He's perfect for you!" I say, pushing her off of me. She nods.
"You're right! Thanks, Nick!" she says. She then kisses me and walks outside. She has a conversation with Rockah, and afterwards hugs him. He's ecstatic.
I walk out and go to Sweet Apple Acres.

One love interest down, four to go. Sorry all of you NicholtXPinkie lovers, but that's not meant to be.